Dal @ Was: Thursday and Sunday featured wondrous Hail Mary’s, brain-shattering upsets, fingernail-biting excitement, win-streak-extending blow-outs, a clearly inferior team beating the Giants in overtime and some other things. If you want more of that this evening, boy/girl, did you ever come to the wrong place! Quite frankly, I question your judgement. The Slurs are 5-1 at home because they get a lot of support from their obviously racist fan base. It’s called math-look it up. That being said, if the Slurs can contain the running game that would mean that a certain washed-up, turnover-prone, in-over-his-head, doesn’t-know-what-he’s-doing, never-will-be-a-starter-again, stares-at-his-first-option, win-less-at-this-point, will-fumble-at-some-point, dump-pass-loving Matt Cassell will have to be a difference-maker. [snorts]
WHEN IS IT GOING TO TURN OVER TO THE NEXT PAGE I HAVE A LOT MOAR GEORGE LUCAS SHIT I NEED TO GET OFF MY CHEST AND I DONT WANT IT BURIED
http://www.slate.com/content/dam/slate/blogs/browbeat/2012/06/08/ChestBurster.gif
This is still the goddamned first half. Seems like a 4-hour game already
Only if you’re watching.
Funny all these people congratulating the Dallas Cowboys for not having a variable WR since Michael Irving.
I’m just gonna watch the highlights :
http://www.theunforgettablebuzz.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/4-Haiti-[*Redacted] s-Cowboys-copy.jpg
I feel like being eaten by a grue would be more entertaining than this game.
At least it would be very dark.
— Austin Collie
Pshaw.
Grues aren’t real.
APPLEBEES. NOW WITH STELLA ARTOIS CHALICES. DRINK WORSE, BETTER.
Is that the play that cost Cosell his job?
I don’t think so, the jersey number is wrong. Might be the same game though.
THIS GAME I CALL IT BEING A FAN OF THE BROWNS BECAUSE IT’S BEEN NOTHING BUT KICKS IN THE BALLS
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view1/3167739/ow-my-balls-o.gif
“Well son, Daddy has way too much money for his own good, and he’s getting tired of Mommy giving the pool-boy her “Special Hugs”, and that’s why there’s a new Lexus in our driveway this year.”
This makes me miss the “a man and his truck” ads.
Not gonna lie, they were an inspiration here.
Ciabatta, turkey breast, salami, spring mix, mustard, cheddar…KNEEL BEFORE MY SAMMICH!
Once again, my 0-0 dreams go unfullfilled. Like my other dreams. WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LIFE! WHERE DID I GO WRONG?!
“The left turn at Albuquerque?”
-Bugs Bunny
And here’s my favorite OJ joke
Who’s the last Jew to win the Heisman Trophy?
Ron Goldman’s father
That’s bad and you should feel bad.
I can’t stop cackling. Oh fuck, I hope hell has good cable.
That’s great and you should feel bad.
Field goals are like three-point punts. I’m counting it.
Legit, Half-Life 3 has been added to Steam’s database. Let the floodgates open.
CONFIRMED
I think Dez was about to say “What the fruit”
http://ragecomics.com/-img/530eec181605fb5334000061.jpg?w=640&h=360
Insurmountable lead… I’m not being sarcastic.
From your lips to God’s ears. I need another week to delude myself that the Cowboys are still in this thing.
“Watching this game is like trying to decide between treating a woman with dignity and respect and properly registering and storing your firearms.”
– Greg Hardy
A real Sophie’s Choice that one
“Excuse me, sir, but does this elevator go to any floor, or just to the level of your denial?”
– Ray Rice
Not a punt penalty
Jon Gruden seems awfully quick to credit McFadden for doing what he’s paid to do.
I know shopping for Jerry Jones at Christmas is hard, but I think the overcoat I got him that is made out of the skins of unicorns is unique enough for him.
You know he’ll blow his nose on the sleeve three minutes into wearing it.
“Watching this game is like trying to decide between broccoli and cauliflower.”
– Eli Manning
Wonder how Romonobyl is taking this masterpiece.
He was chuckling on the sidelines a minute ago
Healthy enough to chuckle, healthy enough to chuck it deep, YEEEHAAAWWW
This drive will still end in a punt.
Holy piss- how are they going to manage to avoid points?
Or pants?
They’re awfully restrictive.
dropped snap
Casselception in 3…2…1…
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m92ouwOew81qc160qo1_400.gif
Oh my god, these fucking offenses.
Was one player more offsides than the other?
Watching this game is like trying to choose between genital warts and herpes.
I thought about it, and on a neutral field, I take the clap.
“Or between soda and juice”
– Johnny Manziel
Going with syphilis.
It’s bacterial so it can be treated.
In honor of Charles Woodson’s long career, my favorite moment is this:
“Wow the Heisman Trophy, Charles! That’s something no one can take from you… unless you kill your wife and a waiter.”
-Norm MacDonald, 1998 ESPYs
Now would be a good time for Jason Witten to retire. They’ll never forget the guy with 999 catches.
“I can’t remember when a score of 0-0 was more exciting!”
-Trent Green
What’s a Stephen McGee?
A 19th century Irish immigrant?
A JT O’Sullivan boxing opponent?
And Cassels made of sand…
http://www.avecesno.com.ar/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/castillopateado.jpg
Fall to the D…
Eventually
That was always Darren Sharper’s philosophy.
They’re just trying to get some sand to make some glass.
My son, just now: “Oh Tony Romo…what a fucking asshole.”
He gets an extra present.
So what’s a good name for the god of punts? Puntseidon?
Ray Guy?
Poor Jan.
She’s not as quirky as Flo or as hot as Lily.
This a rather Monday Night Football Monday Night Football game, isn’t it.
Chocolate City Brewing closed about a year ago, but they used to make this beer, brewed with Marionberries 🙂
http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/youngandhungry/files/2014/12/Chocolate-City-Mister-Mayor-Bottle.jpg
Dangerously Delicious still makes a marionberry pie from time to time…topped with a piece of hard rock candy.
I see I’ve missed exactly nothing so far.
3rd and 17? Four-yard out!
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_w_66r_bl0M/Uy3LaNA8mwI/AAAAAAAAJys/JMqBihcVhws/s1600/Freaking-genius.gif
Positively Tebow-esque.
I watched my neighbor’s bulldog over the weekend.
He brought me a cold six pack of Miller Lite tallboys.
I love tallboys, when I was in college I used to buy them all the time from 7-11 and drink them as I walked to class.
That’s one helluva dog.
Actually Jon yes that’s a penalty
just not executed very well (to nobody’s surprise)
We’d see much better execution if the game were in Texas.
When I heard “illegal crack” and “Washington” I thought they were going to start talking about Marion Berry.
BITCH SET ME UP!!!!!!
We had a crack smoking mayor before it was cool!
If they said illiterate crack and Washington, I think of Dexter Manley.
THE HOLY TRINITY IS PLEASED!!!
This shall henceforth be the Duckman Open Thread
http://rs1058.pbsrc.com/albums/t413/shamad2/DuckmanTryingtograbaCoupleofWomenintheButt_zps30791e4c.gif~c200
http://rs1058.pbsrc.com/albums/t413/shamad2/DuckmanTryingtograbaCoupleofWomenintheButt_zps30791e4c.gif
And thus ends the Duckman open thread!
If it ends in anything other than .jpg or .gif it won’t post.
http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/villains/images/8/8a/Duckman.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20121222163131
If there’s a football game on I’m not aware of it because all I can think about is HOW GEORGE LUCAS DESTROYED EVERYTHING GOOD ABOUT STAR WARS I MEAN HAVE YOU SEEN BATTLEFRONT WE COULD HAVE HAD A CRAZY AWESOME JEDI/AT-AT BATTLE ON TATTOOINE LEAVING OBI-WAN AS THE ONLY JEDI SURVIVOR FORCED TO HIDE FROM THE EMPIRE IN THE DEPTHS OF THE JUNDLAND WASTES AND INSTEAD WE GOT FUCKING ORDER 66 BSDJHFBOJWHEBDFUHEBDUHBDOJHBSJDHV
Yup, we’ve lost him.
Han shot first
Greedo never fired his weapon, so this is technically incorrect.
On the other hand:
Hey Sill.
…
I loved the Special Editions and Han shot second!
http://i2.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/003/140/trollexploitable2.png
http://cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/64940685.jpg
Someone’s in opposition territory?
http://memeshappen.com/media/created/-how-in-hell-did-they-pull-that-off-meme-10959.jpg
Garrett to ref: “Good sir, my communications seem to be down.”
Ref: “We’ll get it fixed.”
Garrett: “Don’t worry, we have a messenger boy who can run up and down to the booth.”
He went to Dartmouth
Cornell. Dartmouth is a real Ivy.
/please read the massive sarcasm i intended
To a Princeton man, they all barely deserve to hold his balls.
Wait, they’ve been using playbooks?
To be fair, they’re all in Sanskrit.
“THis isn’t a play! It says ‘Dodge all the homeless in Bombay’!”
Side note: have you trademarked your nickname? Cuz I can think of a yuuuuuge market for that product