Your “This Game’s Gonna Be Great!…Hopefully” Wild Card Tilt Open Thread

GB @ Was: The weather in Washington, UK is 41 degrees but it feels like 34. However I don’t think that it’s going to be an issue for this game. It’s been quite some time since the Slurs hosted a playoff game. This’ll give you an idea:

-Bread was only .25 but you had to slice it yourself.

-Women holding mics on the sidelines were called ‘assistants to someone that matters’ or ‘wanton hussies’.

-The NFL called concussions ‘a figment of everyone’s fevered imaginations’.

-Dan Snyder was in grade school, mixing Lysol and tap water together, labeling it as ‘lemonade’ and selling it for a buck a glass to his classmates.

-speaking of school, Tom Coughlin was walking uphill thru 4 feet of snow to a one-room schoolhouse.

-bananas hadn’t been invented in a Monsanto hothouse yet.

Those were the days, huh? Contrary to what every Packers backer thinks/the expectation of the casual NFL fan/common sense/all that is good and right in the world, Wash has an enormous advantage at the QB spot. Over the last 10 games Rodgers has a 57% completion rate and a 16TD/6INT ratio. Over that same span Cousins’ passes have found their mark 72 percent of the time and his TD/INT ratio is a “am I reading this right?” 23-3! But wait! The Slurs didn’t win a single game against a team that was over .500. Also, of Cousins 11 picks, 7 came against the blitz. There is a team playing today that blitzed the 5th-most this year. I’ll give you a second or two to figure out which one it is. Hint-for this game only the Pack D has named themselves “The Cousins Fuckers”. Now that you’ve got every single relevant bit of data related to this game, well, start with the typing!

 

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I got nothing to do but back to Netflix. You get one more Rachel Bilson

http://33.media.tumblr.com/7ad60c25ceb19953bad5d2d01d8a6e33/tumblr_mqjao8Plcy1r426i4o1_250.gif

makeitsnowondem

The Washington [*Redacted] s Go Fuck Yourself Christmas Special came late this year.

Sharkbait

STOP WITH THE POLITICAL ADS!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He he, just getting started.

laserguru

Dropping down into cruise control with this tasty bastard.
An Argentenian Malbec.

http://www.gourmetretailer.com/vendors/products/318.jpg

JustStopDude

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blaxabbath

Maybe I should drink?

ballsofsteelandfury

You know is really difficult to tell which comment you responded to.

Wakezilla

On the plus side, the “you like that” chant should die out as it’s easy for the opponents to mock

ThePirateSloth

The “craft of playing QB”

So do they post pics of this craft to their Pinterest?

Doktor Zymm

SUCK MY DICK IT’S IN A BOX IN THE NIGHTSTAND AND IT’S MADE OF BLUE RUBBER BUT SUCK IT ANYWAY FUCK YOU

ThePirateSloth

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makeitsnowondem

CotW

...

It’s blue?

Sharkbait

In the heat of Slurs derp, Doktor Zymm wove a tapestry of obscenities that as far as we know is still hanging in space over Chicago.

Doktor Zymm

What a lovely image.

entropy

An expletive tulpa!!

Shogun Marcus

I THOUGHT it felt warmer up here!

ballsofsteelandfury

I believe we have our banner quote for the week

Doktor Zymm

GO PACK YOUR ASS FULL OF DYNAMITE.

ballsofsteelandfury

I like rage-filled Dok.

evilbeaver8

No pants. All-rage.

entropy

Cate Blanchett: still fucking gorgeous.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m trying to imagine what would happen if an opponent beat the Raiders in a playoff game and their fans started chanting like these Packers fans are. I honestly believe, without hyperbole, that each and every one of them would get assaulted.

Kungjitsu

If the tuck rule bullshit happened in Oakland the riot would still be going on.

ballsofsteelandfury

If that happened at O.co, no one would get arrested.

blaxabbath

Good. That is what true fandom is all about.

Just as the NFL still needs Jones/Suh/Burfect to show that the league is still “tough” and “hard hitting”, they still need fans like Raider Nation (#onenation) to sell that fan in the stands really do care about their teams and aren’t just there because they got corporate tickets that week.

Bloody Lethal

In 2012 I went to Green Bay and watched the Giants beat up on the Packers. I was basically as obnoxious as I could be. It was right around the time of the discount double check. I think I shouted Hey Rodgers like 5,000 times. I’m usually a mute in the stands but the damn Packer fans were so polite and understanding that I kept pushing it to see if they could FEEL. I feel like it would be the precise opposite in Oakland.

King Hippo

If I were on the jury, I would totally acquit, too.

...

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ballsofsteelandfury

Way too low. I reject that completely.

Romonobyl

Should have been 90 minutes.

...

Seriously, you gotta clean the pipes daily if you can.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yes, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too low.

Almost more lying to themselves than the …………………pole

Bloody Lethal

All about getting warmed up.

JustStopDude

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Bortleback

Still more fingers than JPP

Kungjitsu

I’ve jerked it during this game to an Alison Brie, a Rachel Bilson, and two Yvonne Strahovskis.

fleshwound_NPG

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The Maestro

I just saw Alex Ovechkin’s dad on my TV screen and holy shit, the Skins should sign him to play nose tackle. He makes his son look small.

Doktor Zymm

I know I’m a realist and I adjust my expectations realistically, and so I was expecting a [*Redacted] s loss and really didn’t want them in the playoffs to begin with, but…SHIT THIS SUCKS. FUCK THE PACK. FUCK YOU PACK. FUCK YOU PACK. I CHANGED YOUR CHANT, ASSHOLES.

blaxabbath

At least you can focus on the Wizards now.

...

The Wizards are the NBA Texans.

Doktor Zymm

FASTER THAN A SPEEDING WIZARD? FASTER THAN A SPEEDING HIGH RANKED GUY IN THE KKK? YEAH WAY LESS OFFENSIVE.

JustStopDude
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nice change of pace.

Wakezilla

Why on earth is Rodgers still in? Have we learned nothing since both times Kurt Warner got hurt when the game was no longer in question?

Romonobyl

Coach is a discount double dumbass.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Testing something really quickly

[poll id="4"]

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

WELP that doesn’t work.

Old School Zero

WP be like “nah”

Moonbatting Average

A pair of pants was all that stood between a group of Packers fans and a grisly death. If only they knew how close they came.

Shogun Marcus

Oh the number of times I’ve yelled that from my lawn…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Gratliff

Still time to score 50.

fleshwound_NPG

Wild Card Weekend for Least

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I posted this one but I fucking love it so it is showing up again

http://img.pandawhale.com/112694-rachel-bilson-hot-dancing-gif-Xer8.gif

Wakezilla

She is a very attractive woman

...

And little. Google says she’s 5’2.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I love short women. No clue why

ThePirateSloth

Because they’re fun.

Bortleback

Are the crowd still chanting “We like that” after that sack? Or are the Packers fans doing it to mock them?

Shogun Marcus

Yes.

makeitsnowondem

I think if you chant “USA” at a Washington game you should get deported, and I am running for President on this platform.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’d vote for you.

Shogun Marcus

But they’re not yelling that.

The Maestro

I’d vote the fuck out of this if I had citizenship.

ballsofsteelandfury

Yum

The Maestro

And a nice sack waaaaaay outside the pocket to top off this humiliation for Skins fans.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
makeitsnowondem

Aaron Rodgers will think twice next time about asking for a challenge with nothing to lose.

Doktor Zymm

No. I’m not leaving my place, cause I would have to put on pants. Note to self, figure out this “killing people with my mind” thing. Would be really useful here.

entropy

I’ve been trying for 40 years. If you figure it out, let me know.

blaxabbath

The only doctor I know who can pull that off is also a partner in TB12.

...

Or with a sniper rifle like that adorable kitty that accompanies all of your posts.

Wakezilla

You need to go to South Harmon Institute of Technology

ThePirateSloth

There’s no rule against killing whilst wearing a sensible skirt with comfortable shoes.

Wakezilla

As long as Holtby, Ovechkin and the other core group of Caps players can stay healthy in the playoffs, they’re going to the finals this year.

They’re going to shed the Sharks of the east rep this season

evilbeaver8

Nah.

Sharkbait

I don’t want to live in that world.

Bloody Lethal

FUCK THAT.

Doktor Zymm

Love em, but believe it when I see it.

litre_cola

You mean Ice Redacteds, and Ice Niners?

Bloody Lethal
Sharkbait

I LOVE this gif.

/Ice Giants fan. AKA Caps playoff kryptonite.

Gratliff

They’re going to suffer a humiliating 5-game elimination to the Ghost Bear-led Flyers. I must see Caps fans cry.

evilbeaver8

Cromulent challenge.

Doktor Zymm

I would be quietly disappointed, but I might just have to go hunt down and kill these “GO PACK GO” assholes. FUCK YOU PRISON HARD.

entropy

GET EM DOK

...

NOW YOU UNDERSTAND WHY WE HATE THEM

Moonbatting Average

Pretty ballsy to yell that in Chicago.

Romonobyl
ThePirateSloth

It is almost time for a wonderful scotch fueled nap, then cook me up some sausage and vodka sauce.

Old School Zero

You do that! Thanks for the hospitality earlier, and for letting me out of the Play Dungeon!

entropy

Look it this guy, all not dead n shit!!

Sharkbait

Still time for some Packer derp…

Gratliff

Can’t wait for All-Pro Eagles QB, Robert Griffin III.

Sharkbait

Coached by Tom Coughlin.

litre_cola

Dont you drag me into Zymm’s depression

Glorious Chairman Dan

Just like everything else in my life the [*Redacted] s make me bitter and,depressed.

Sharkbait

Dallas. Do they go for RG3 or JFF?

ThePirateSloth

Both

Wakezilla

RGIII

Horatio Cornblower

You die. You die and go straight to hell.

...

The Texans will win the bidding for JFF. It is their destiny.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Um hi. I just landed in Denver and couldn’t get the wifi to work all flight. Is Dok ok?

litre_cola

pantsless. corner. crying. threatening to kill local pack fans.

entropy

So, what? Average?

Moonbatting Average

Seems to be contemplating mass murder. Otherwise fine

Romonobyl

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Romonobyl

If RG3 ever went to Dallas…

...

Live from Dok’s apartment.

Gratliff

Welp. May as well let his backup get some play time in, so he can experience playoff game environments.

Doktor Zymm

there are assholes going “woo” and chanting “go pack go” outside of my window. Do any of you lovely people know where I can buy some automatic weapons?

litre_cola

‘Merica?

Sharkbait

Gunshows before they close that loophole.

blaxabbath

Gun shows.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Follow the chant of “Go Pack Go”. Like 50/50 they are at a gun show

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Thats what she said.

Immediately realized I phrased that wrong

Moonbatting Average

I guess the takeaway here is that the 4 lower-tier division winners are dogshit. Who knew?

(Everyone. Everyone knew)

...

Joe Buck says the Skins have a lot to be excited about. I think that’s the meanest fucking thing he’s said all day.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I think he is too dumb to be mean