Why must I be a football fan? It’s not a particularly pleasant hobby to have during this run of Pats dominance. I think this is their fifth straight appearance in this game. OOF! That’s tough to swallow. It’s not hard to envision myself in a simpler time. I can see it now. [screen goes all wavy wavy] Me and my buddies are just back from the hunt, having brought down a noble stag. There’s plenty of mead to be quaffed as we warm our balls by the large fire. It’s damn cold but there are smiles all round.
Soon talk centers on the threat from the East. The land- and power-hungry Quinnzealots have won a number of skirmishes with our neighbouring tribes and will be soon threatening our (The Allthatisgoodnauts) borders. Word has reached us that they are led by a charismatic warrior, Large Teeth. Some say that his successes are due to a shadowy black-robed druid that possesses uncanny powers that cloud the minds of those who oppose him. During battle one does not know where the Quinnzealots will attack from-when they come for you it could be from the left, perhaps the right, sometimes from the trees above, all without warning. Their small yet rabid foot soldiers buzz around one’s ankles so quickly that it is difficult to hit them with your sword. T’will be a difficult task to defeat them-that much is certain.
Well that’s just great. THE PATS DOMINATE MY ALTERNATE HISTORIES AS WELL. On to the game, I guess. The venerable Hippo could break this game down much better than I could so I’ll just toss some nougats (not nuggets!) out there. The Gronk has 6 TD’s in as many games against Denver but it’s something of a boom/bust thing. Three TD’s came in one tilt and he’s been held to as little as 35 yards in another. Brady is 2-6 in Denver over his career which bodes well for the Orange Horsies. Denver led the league with 52 sacks but in order to be successful they must get pressure from the middle of the line and not the edge because Brady lets go of the ball in just over two seconds on those quick hitters to the Amendolas and Edelmans of the receiving corps. Hochuli is the ref and we are blessed with Jim “Prominent Masters apologist and serial philanderer” Nance and Phil “safe to say Morehouse State didn’t have an Elocution elective” Seems. THERE IS GLORY IN TYPING…SO TYPE!!!
http://56.media.tumblr.com/673a0943c96e703b2e5bd3ea4e3a6ca5/tumblr_o1bma6oPex1qzr8nao6_1280.jpg
http://57.media.tumblr.com/4ba84b3b176fb6cd5bc630b74a42348c/tumblr_n0h628nQzq1qzo8iho6_r1_500.gif
How many fan letters will be written when that “Thug” with “no class” Cam Newton beats Peyton in the Super Bowl?
“I heard he likes that rap stuff all the kids are into now”.
How the fuck you doin’, boys!
I’ve stayed out of the comments for fear of jinxing the fall of New England. But now that the game is over….
HAPPY PATRIOTS SCHADENFREUDE DAY, WEEK, MONTH, AND OFFSEASON!
WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
You the Real MVP
http://i.imgur.com/8ObaiCB.png
The extra point rule. What a game.
…Line!
Should have printed with a much larger font.
Who invited Courtney Love?
GAH! What the hell is that?!
Damn, she’s had a lot of face lifts.
There’s a lot of empty Merlot bottles in a certain luxury suite right now…
*GIVES MOOSE, HIPPO AND SNOW A BIG MOSTLY HETEROSEXUAL HUG*
Just the tiniest of butt pats…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PiGIQrt1IaE
On that notes, hope you all have a lovely Pats Schadenfreude Day.
Well that was satisfying.
Oh god, this feeling!
http://i1016.photobucket.com/albums/af282/mikkyd/MISCELLANEOUS%20AND%20MACROS/tumblr_m5ze6bvcer1ql7umz.gif
Oh! Hey! This means that I won’t hate any team in the Super Bowl! I’m not sure when the last time this happened was….
It sure wasn’t in the ’90s. coughcoughDallascoughcough….
Actually, I think it was Humps/Saints. I liked the Saints and was fairly indifferent to the Colts back then.
That’s magnificent.
I didn’t need those years that final Pats drive took off my life anyway
let’s be honest…we totes woulda wasted ’em
And honestly… come on. For that kind of Patriots schadenfreude? Worth it.
ded
Did we break WordPress or is it my computer machine?
WP went all Gronk for a few minutes.
Never go full Gronk.
Did you check to make sure it’s plugged in?
No I think we broke it.
Peyton will probably die, but at least it’ll be fun to watch the Denver D. We might have a not completely unwatchable Super Bowl.
If the Broncos somehow manage to win the Superbowl (possibly by doing a Tonya Harding on the other team’s QB), Peyton is going to retire afterwards, right? He has to know that it’s the best way he could go.
Quarterback, half of their defense… but yeah probably.
I’M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW
I guess Gisele will be breaking out the Hitachi tonight.
MOAR PROOF OF SEC DOMINANCE
Are those sack lunches?
I hope pey pey retires and it sticks in tom terrifics craw that he can’t get his comeuppance for the rest of his life
Aside from all those other times he beat him in the Playoffs
MOAR LIKE GOATSKOWSKI AMIRITE
This calls for a song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFtb3EtjEic
Thanks Broncos. Sincerely, thanks.
And at least I don’t have to see Tom Brady get raped to death by Roman Harper and Luke Kuechly. So there’s that, too.
BESTEST
FEETSBALL
GAME
EVAH!!!!!!!
“Mr. Gostkowski, a Mr. Walsh on line one for you, sir.”
17/32 isn’t very good, Pheeeeel…
If Gronk keeps this up for like 2 more years, we start calling him GOAT, eh?
NO THANKS TO YOU PEYPEY BUT CONGRATS ANYHOO
Merry Pats Schadenfraude Day everyone.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year!
HAPPY PATRIOTS SCHADENFREUDE DAY!!!!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
http://reactiongifs.me/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/friday-champagne-celebration-partying-steve-carell-tgif.gif
When you tease all 4 and the Pats miss the 2 pt…
http://reactiongif.org/wp-content/uploads/GIF/2014/08/GIF-Amused-dis-gonna-be-good-knowing-popcorn-smug.-Indiana-Jones-watch-watching-GIF.gif
BradyPalm!
Whatever.
You guys get this, but now Donald Trump is gonna get elected president.
FACK YOU
OH MY GOD
LITRECOLA CALLED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Haha, wish I would have gambled on it. Twice this playoffs, Vikings Seahawks and now this.
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/t_original/19e044yem88ftgif.gif
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vLOAoksNY1Q/URFUvHAoV6I/AAAAAAAAJXE/ebJVVqBVqKE/s1600/not-like-this.gif
As an ARI fan, I do not want to face DEN’s d in the SB.
I’d take NE all day.
Really? The thought of your defense feasting on Manning’s dead arm doesn’t give you a boner?
Honestly…I think it might be Brock again.