Have Your Say: Results From Our Inaugural Commentist Survey!

The Maestro
Follow me:

The Maestro

The Maestro is a mystical Canadian internet user and New England Patriots fan; when the weather is cooperative and the TV signal at his igloo is strong enough, he enjoys watching the NFL, the Ottawa Senators & REDBLACKS, and yelling into the abyss on Twitter. He is somehow allowed to teach music to high school students when he isn’t in a blind rage about sports, and is also a known connoisseur of cheap beers across the Great White North.
The Maestro
Follow me:

Latest posts by The Maestro (see all)

After almost two weeks, we’ve got enough input in from all you all in our first Commentist Survey! Below are some super-magical interactive charts put together based on everyone’s responses. Note: these are interactive pie charts! If you’re reading this on a desktop browser, then you can hover your mouse over each slice for more information. It’s some pretty fancy shit, if I do say so myself.

(Not really that surprised about the gender disparity here, personally.)

Also, re – professions – we seem to be a pretty well-educated bunch! That’s cool, I guess.

Again, I’m not surprised in the least about this site being so US-centric. Because of this, I also took the time to break down location by state from the data as well.


I do have data for Canadian provinces and the rest of the world as well, but, as much as it pains me to say this, let’s be real: America is the centre of the universe on this site. If you want to see it, let me know and I can put it up.

Overall, our team fandoms are actually split reasonably evenly, but I’m surprised to see Packers fans with the biggest slice of the pie at 10%. I didn’t know so many of you liked deep-fried cheese nuggets and bad clock management that much.

From a viewing perspective, though, we seem to be a non-discriminating bunch – three-quarters of you answered that you’d watch games not involving your own team.

Seems like most of us enjoy the comfort of our couch when watching games – again, not surprising in the least. I’d also wager that beds, loveseats, armchairs, beanbags, and hammocks are probably actively in that mix as well.

92% of you all come and participate in our game-day open threads, which is very exciting news! I mean, this has always been our primary purpose above all else, both here and at a former site that shall remain nameless. So this is actually a really nice number to see.

Something that surprised me, which upon reflection maybe shouldn’t surprise me as much, is that almost half of you only follow DFO when watching games. I think this may surprise me just because I personally am such a Twitter/information junkie myself, but then again, holding multiple devices means less hands for lifting your drink up to your face. So I suppose it’s not entirely shocking.

Finally, in terms of other sports followed, we’re a diverse bunch! College football, MLB and the NHL are the three largest followings outside of the NFL, but basketball and soccer also represent large chunks of our followings in their various geographic and amateur/professional varieties. This was without question the most fractured chart to conjure up but I think it shows that we’re maybe slightly better than a hivemind. I dunno.

Thanks for all your responses – I think this data is both interesting for us to look at, and will also be valuable for our writing team in the coming weeks and months!

The Maestro
The Maestro

The Maestro is a mystical Canadian internet user and New England Patriots fan; when the weather is cooperative and the TV signal at his igloo is strong enough, he enjoys watching the NFL, the Ottawa Senators & REDBLACKS, and yelling into the abyss on Twitter. He is somehow allowed to teach music to high school students when he isn’t in a blind rage about sports, and is also a known connoisseur of cheap beers across the Great White North.

https://www.doorfliesopen.com/index.php/author/the-maestro/

Leave a Reply

Notify of
Wakezilla
Member

/Checks stats

Yup, I’m the only one who admitted to watching CFL and Junior A hockey. BUT. . . 3% of DFO likes the Dolphins!?! Awesome-o!

Doktor Zymm
Member

I recognize me some Google Charts when I see em! Nice work.

And due to popular demand, here is a Russian statue of an 800-lb enema being carried by three chubby baby angels.
http://oddstuffmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/monument-001.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
blaxabbath
Member

Irish Republic of Stiffler

SonOfSpam
Member

I like that 27% work in the Other field.

I guess Other is a more tasteful term than “Stay At Home Serial Masturbator”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The things that go through one’s mind when there is a multitude of choices and a German porn aficionado picks “other”………….

Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons

Want to guess when the first wheeled suitcase was patented?

1960? 1970? Couldn’t possibly be 1980, right?

Nineteen Eighty Seven.

The computer had been around for over FORTY YEARS by the time humanity got around to putting wheels on suitcases.

Then, for at least 10 years after that, mainly only flight crew members had wheeled suitcases. There the rest of us were, hauling heavy bags around by the handle going “Gosh! It must be nice to be super special like flight crew members and be able to drag these heavy things on wheels! Oh well!.”

The moral? This retrograde hivemind is why we have the GOP.

Senor Weaselo
Member

Please note that “Buttholes” had .5% as opposed to the lowest score of .3%. So multiple people wrote in buttholes.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

So Rhode Island has defected from New England? I have to say I missed that news, but I’m not in the least upset about it.

Bloody Lethal
Member
Bloody Lethal

Anytime I read the words “college hockey”

entropy
Member

I never realized how much the longhair moustache guy looks like Cameron from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off before.

entropy
Member

God dammit, PA, all you had to do was be decent for ONE FUCKING DAY:

http://lehighvalleywithlove.com/post/139807028568/man-throws-semen-on-woman-in-grocery-store

WCS
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Is there any theories on how long he was saving u….errr…. planning this attack?

WhyEaglesWhy
Member

Wait, is that your dad, or did you just mean someone from Pennsylvania?

Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons

Cousin Lovers v. Corn Lovers tonite.

Either way somebody’s going home with a sore O-ring.

ThePirateSloth
Member
ThePirateSloth

I DEMAND A RECOUNT

Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons

NO PHOTO IDS WERE REQUIRED #JADEHELM #AGENDA21 #CHEMTRAILS #RANDPAUL2016

http://media.cleveland.com/plain_dealer_metro/photo/11688017-large.jpg

Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons

For all you Jersey people, the Leap Night Devil Summoning Ceremony has been moved from The Pits to The Domain.

Password is now “Tits us your show.”

Please remember to bring pork roll, cheese and/or hard rolls or you will be denied admittance to The Summoning.

entropy
Member

Pork roll may indeed be the devil’s own processed meat product.

Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons

comment image

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

5% female?

I like those odds!

WCS
Member

Who the shit lives in Pennsyltucky besides me?

entropy
Member

I call it “the place where I live.” Home is something else altogether.

King Hippo
Member

Just following the RiveBrog and the insane sensory input from Coked Up RedZone Guy…add anything else to that and I would just melt into nothing. I’m close enough to the edge as it is.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Somebody needs a hug.

entropy
Member

Maybe just some benzos.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Shit, I don’t wanna be having to go identify a body. Let’s just leave the opiates and alkyhol to their own devices.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Who’s the old guy?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s even old than me.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Now I want an update on the February Of Duchess!

Enrico Pallazzo
Member

Sup fellow Ohioans…picking up my daughter from day care in a few hours. Really looking forward to the day when I can legally bring a gun in there with me because I’m a “good guy with a gun”.

The Browns and Bengals are terrible.

jjfozz
Member

Fire off a few rounds at the Factory, tell us what happens.

blaxabbath
Member

Firing off a few rounds at the Factory, also known as a Baltimore Resignation.

WCS
Member

That’s really more of the “Bud Dwyer Resignation”

entropy
Member

Hey man, nice shot.

Warthog
Member

Save it for when the Republican convention hits town in July.

blaxabbath
Member

Are they seriously having the convention in CLE?

At least Trump just has to pull up the blinds to announce that America is not great.

Enrico Pallazzo
Member

Yep. Bringing their Idiotpalooza to a city that will never ever vote with them.

Lothar of the Hill People
Member
Lothar of the Hill People

I was wondering who my fellow Ohioans were (no, I’m not a Buckeye). Who’s close enough to Columbus to spit on it (aside from me)?

Enrico Pallazzo
Member

I live in the 614. I also want to piss on the university here.

His Right Honorable Lord Who's it from Who Cares
Member

Let’s have a sausage fest!

entropy
Member

Is anyone else reading this as Drunken Doc Holliday challenging Ike to a spelling contest? No? Just me? Ok then.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I am now.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Member

With the number of Packers fans here, aren’t we already doing that?

monty this seems strange to me
Member

I find the first one [Content blocked by your organization] interesting. The next two [Content blocked by your organization] are less compelling. Nothing else jumped out at me until that ninth [Content blocked by your organization]. Wow, that shocked me.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Member

One percent Bills fans? I’m FINALLY part of the 1%! KNEEL BEFORE MY SINISTER ECONOMIC MACHINATIONS, PEASANTS!

entropy
Member

The “team allegiance” chart is the only place on this planet that the Jets and the Patriots are equally represented.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Member

Come on you guys, can’t you have taken this at least SOMEWHAT seriously? I mean, “Houston Texans?” What the hell is that?!

entropy
Member

I knew the results were skewed when only 0.5% of us responded that we also follow buttholes.

blaxabbath
Member

12.5% California? No wonder this place has so many libtard comments!

Also, since this survey was pre-SB50, you can bump that Broncos up 5.2% to account for the Seahawks fans who have recently always been a fan of #broncoscountrychampionshiporange.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Left coasters fuck it up for everbody.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I’ve been thinking about adapting this article – http://www.slate.com/articles/sports/sports_nut/2016/02/hipsters_are_ruining_surfing.html – to have been written from the perspective of a Seahawks (or maybe Broncos) fan.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Is that a real thing? Wow.

entropy
Member

I made it three paragraphs before I wanted to find and drown the author. This should be a form of torture we inflict on the guys at Guantanamo Bay.

jjfozz
Member

I’m guessing it was a moot point to show a chart that documents the percentage of DFOers who watch sports while pantsless.

Great job!

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

DFO: 110% Pantless

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Does the extra 10% come from wearing the pants on our heads?

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

I think the extra 10% can be attributed to underpants.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

This.

Donald Duck and Fuck

monty this seems strange to me
Member

DFO Commentists: SAME JUNK, LESS PACKAGING!

Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons
wpDiscuz