“All Dreams Start or End Tonight” Tuesday Open Thread

Possibly the most unproductive work week in North America kicks off tonight. HUZZAH! But first, what brings us here:

Free Agency: the thrill is gone after the first week. Not much left to cover until the draft in 43 days. Still,

  • CJ Anderson – staying in Denver! Now he’ll just have to figure out Nacho’s “GONORRHEA!” signals.
  • the Patriots traded Chandler Jones to Arizona for Jonathan Cooper and a second-round pick, which they will turn into a receiver the size of which will make Edelman look like Gronk.
  • Mike Wallace to the Ravens. This will turn out both underwhelming and over-analyzed.
  • Filling J.R. Sweezy’s hole on the right side for the Seahawks will be J’Marcus Webb. Somebody check on commentist Beastmode Ate My Baby.

Bleacher Report had an “article” about whether the Browns would be all-time bad in 2016. If anyone knows about bad, it’s Bleacher Report.

Politics:

Today’s the day when we find out if Kasich and/or Rubio are done. Since they are “winner take all” primaries, if either one can win their home state, then it makes Cleveland in July so much more fun than simply spending 3 hours at the Thirsty Parrot before an Indians game. If Trump takes one or both, then it’s going to be interesting watching the mainstream of the party try to put the genie back in the bottle before the convention.

What are the “open carry” laws in Ohio? Because I’m sure that will come up a time or two before the delegates arrive.

Why do the Democrats have twice as many delegates available as the Republicans? It makes them seem desperate to make the convention look full. History note: it’s been 28 years since the 1988 Rob Lowe convention scandal. He and Robert Downey Jr. are bulletproof.

Question from a Canadian: How much do people actually believe all the stories on Fox News and MSNBC? I went through their sites today while reading up on tonight’s primaries, and I can’t believe anyone would trust these echo chambers. They both read like mutual circle jerks for the left & right. If you told me they were the American equivalent of Pravda and Der Sturmer I wouldn’t think twice.

CNN, meanwhile, has a story about how Jerry Springer thinks Trump was “inevitable”.

Enough talk; get to games! (All times eastern)

NCAA: play-in games (I refuse to call it the “first round”) from Dayton, OH

  • #16 Florida Gulf Coast vs #16 Fairleigh Dickinson – 6:40
  • #11 Vandy vs #11 Wichita State – 9:10 (or 30 minutes after the first game if late)

Let’s meet the cannon fodder:

florida gulf coast university

 

Fairleigh Dickinson University

That’s enough. If both they and I cared enough, I’d be learning about them on Thursday in the actual first round.

I do like how FGCU has its Chik Fil-A noted on the googlemap, but not a library. According to Tripadvisor, “Fleamaster’s Fleamarket” is the #14 attraction in Fort Myers, below two Spring Training facilities. Fairleigh Dickinson has a campus up here in Vancouver, which kept interfering with my lazy search. It offers programs in Hospitality Management and Business Administration, and is totally not the University of Phoenix.

NHL: (8 games total)

  • Islanders @ Penguins – 7:00
  • Red Wings @ Flyers – 7:00
  • Kings @ Stars – 8:30
  • Bruins @ Sharks – 10:00

NBA: (6 games total)

  • Celtics @ Pacers – 7:00
  • Raptors @ Bucks – 8:00
  • Clippers @ Spurs – 8:30

Say goodbye to your loved ones, IT’S TOURNAMENT TIME!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

It’s WEIRD that a blind man would love video games, but Stevie Wonder not only knows his coffee, but, only he and Patriots owner Robert Kraft understand the nuances to continuously create excellent product, either in the recording studio, or on the field; it’s a reflection of their tireless desire to be the best; interestingly enough, they also both enjoy a good IPA (looking at you, Sam Adams Brewing), but also enjoy a good latte on a hot July afternoon.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

HillyBob gets IL. Not sure a MO call will be made until like 4, that might have to do for tonight.

WCS

WCS

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sigh. I’m at the part of the evening where I really want another drink, but I know I’ll regret having it.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I was half expecting that or some such, but it still cracked me the fuck up. Well done.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

That’s a nice cult.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wear wings, can’t fly….would not bang.

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s really bad.
LMAO.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Too angular.
Sill would not bang.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sucker Punch? God, who would have thought a movie with half-naked Vanessa Hudgens and Jamie Chung et. al plus giant mecha gunfights and martial arts and stuff could be so fucking terrible?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I liked the stills from it…………

theeWeeBabySeamus

That film is a classic….
…example of a bad movie that I am still willing to watch anytime it airs.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Zack Snyder is incredibly good at the visual aspect of filmmaking, the problem is that he’s terrible at the story part.

Wakezilla

You shut your whore mouth! Sucker Punch was OK.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t know if there’s anyone in show business I hate more than Puffy Combs.

WCS

Julia Roberts

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I mean, there’s Chris Kattan, but he’s not relevant anymore.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Kermit; that guy is an asshole.

Senor Weaselo

THESE VANDERBILT COMMODORES, I CALL THEM A SHITTY MOVIE WITH KEVIN DURANT IN IT, BECAUSE THEY’VE BEEN THUNDERSTRUCK.

/Shocker, thunder, close enough

Senor Weaselo

I was hoping for well done or absolutely awful.
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Don T

A Castro joke told in Cuba:

Fidel died. He goes to Heaven, meets St. Peter, and says “I want to talk to talk to God”. St. Peter says it’s not possible, but Fidel lays on him for an hour until he gets his wish. Castro goes and enters a room. An hour passes, then two hours more, and after ten hours, God comes out.
–God, what happened?–said St. Peter. God replied:
–First of all, it’s “Comrade”. Second, God doesn’t exist.

Miamians love that joke. Actually, only the first sentence.

King Hippo

That’s fucking great!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah it is.

Senor Weaselo

I was gonna say “The punchline’s the first sentence, right?” I’ve got a death pool with Castro and… well, so far it’s been two or three people and they’ve all died first. The most recent death was Elliott Carter.

Don T

Every two months “Castro dead” tweets surface. Joke’s on them: Castro has been dead since 2014, when Fidel switched coma bodies with Ariel Sharon Freaky Friday style.

King Hippo

Time to catch some #NITFever, I guess.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What up my NITter??

King Hippo

you knows how we roll

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

#NITFever (artist’s conception)
http://i.onionstatic.com/avclub/3964/85/16×9/960.jpg

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I love the free capons line. Now THAT is how you develop brand identity for your tesiticle movie.

Sill Bimmons

haha fuck you vandy

WCS

Bullshit. Catler doesn’t feel empathy or sadness.

King Hippo

Vandy in full Charlie Brown mode.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

#TruTVisathing is now trending. #murrica

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Oh, it’s a promoted trend. Paid for by TruTV. #imanidiot

Croooow

Part of me actually likes how TruTV has a sense of humor over the fact nobody watches them until tournament times.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

da fuq?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh shit….would totally bang.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You would have no choice, like a male black widow or mantis.

Horatio Cornblower

Jesus, I better start watching out for antimatter!

WCS

Dimensional rift is how my first dog died.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Better than due to Peyton Manning

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dammit Moose…do NOT get me started on Kathy Ireland!!!!!
/need to go change shorts

theeWeeBabySeamus
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

She is an attractive woman…… WOULD NOT BANG.

*because I will never have the choice anyway.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Inorite?

Sill Bimmons

I just prefer moar curves on a woman.

Keri Russell is all sharp angles.

http://www.palgts.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Kelly-Brook-medidas-perfectas-1.jpg

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

See, this image is what first came to mind when I saw the word “Castronaut”

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Tonight’s beverage: blood orange sidecar made with the second-to-last blood orange of the season.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So my wife is watching The Voice right now and they talked about how one of the contestants “left his job in the oil industry”. That could legitimately mean that he worked in a gas station, right?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Likely…yes.
Or at best drove a truck delivering propane and propane accessories.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Was it in the city?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Totally out of context but still way funny!!!!!!
http://kathyscookbook.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/rhubarb-pie1.jpg

WCS

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Gratliff

I’ve been devouring politics since I was 12. I’ve spent years trying to educate people on both sides and explain why it matters that they be involved in their community and choosing its leaders. I am seriously considering not voting for the leader of our country. This is all incredibly discouraging.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yep…I used to give a rat’s ass too.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The thing…. people are too fucking stupid to vote in mid-term elections! Fuck those people.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You could have stopped after the 7th word.
Just saying.

Horatio Cornblower

If you vote for no other reason than the Supreme Court fucking vote!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Unless you’re going to vote for trump. Then just stay home and please refrain from breeding.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Whuh? How awesome would THAT be?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You are a terrible person for not having watched this movie.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069946/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_49

Sill Bimmons
Horatio Cornblower

Cruz and his wife have the magnetism of a couple just going through the motions for the children.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

It’s like watching a brother and sister cast in Romeo and Juliet.

Sill Bimmons

But somehow worse.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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WCS

Even the kids want mom to have full custody.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehee….OK, I feel bad for laughing at this.
/sorry not sorry

Horatio Cornblower

Jesus that’s awful.

Sill Bimmons

He’s a Pod.

There’s just no other explanation.

theeWeeBabySeamus

This came up in my “Jamie Erdahl” image search.
This is NOT Jamie Erdahl (dumb google)
Tell ’em Hippo….
http://cdn.nextimpulsesports.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/AllieLaForce-710×434.jpg

King Hippo

I would say young Allie?

King Hippo

I am going to stay up for the Dem calls in IL/MO. Tis a miracle I’m somehow still single, eh?

litre_cola

So Amerikan commentists does tonight mean Donald v Hillary now fo sho?

King Hippo

99.9%

WCS

Most likely, but, we’re all hoping for a brokered and absolute shitstorm of a Republican convention, when the party elders try to outflank Drumpf.

litre_cola

Party elders? So it takes place in Salt Lake?

Horatio Cornblower

Yep.

WCS

Does Cuban McCarthy think you can “bankrupt” terrorism? Does he know how finances and capitalism work?

Sill Bimmons

The irony of the U. Of Phoenix using a song from “The Wizard Of Oz” to promote their fake school…

http://b2bimg.sulekha.com/images/ironingot-slider2.jpg

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

It’s AMAZING. I get the giggles every time I see it.

Horatio Cornblower

Ted Cruz’s #1 priority as President will be jobs.

Unemployment went from about 10% to 4.9% under Obama.

Good luck with that Ted.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

He means “jobs that people dumb enough to vote for me can do”. He’s promising lucrative positions in the lucrative hovaround riding, immigrant deporting, Planned Parenthood protesting and Bible-Thumpin’ industries.

King Hippo

Or as George Carlin put it “just smart enough to run the machines, but too stupid to question the system.”

WCS

Drinking game:

One shot for every time Cuban McCarthy says the phrase, “In the last seven years…”

Finish your drink each time he says, “Our campaign is the only campaign that can beat Donald Drumpf,” or some variation.

Chug each time he utters, “Constitutional conservative.”

Shoot your television if he makes eye contact, because you’ll incinerate.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ve long suspected, and now I am certain…
WCS IS trying to kill us all.

WCS

I’m actually a sleeper agent for these guys:

King Hippo

WARM MILK FOR ALL

Horatio Cornblower

Cruz: “And my last promise is that I will bathe in the blood of unborn minority babies in order to ensure my immorta…”

Aide, (frantically interrupting and whispering in Ted’s ear)

Cruz: “FREEDOM!”

Crowd: “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Duchess

Rubio’s parents did not flee cuba seeking freedom they left a full 2 years before Castro’s revolution began.

WCS

Cuban McCarthy also fails to mention his dad’s short layover of 15 years in Canadia before moving to the US.

Horatio Cornblower

Fucking canucks.

litre_cola

Easy now, the line starts on the left when Drumpf is elected.

Spur

Tony Parker on CP3 = field day
Kawhi Leonard on CP3 = not so much

Horatio Cornblower

I’m no fan of Trump but in what world is Ted Goddamn Cruz considered the more desirable candidate than Trump?

This election is setting up to be a landslide for Clinton, although Xenu knows that if there were ever a candidate prepared to do so much self-inflicted damage to her campaign that she could miss a lay-up its Hillary.

Jesus I need a(nother) drink.

WCS

I read last week there’s been discussion and rumblings in the RNC they’d rather back Drumpf than Cuban McCarthy in the general. The latter is that loathed.

Duchess

Cruz is what you would get if Trump actually truly believed what he was saying.

King Hippo

exactly THIS

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

I remember my conservative friends telling me that Mittens was a sacrificial lamb, because Marco Robotio was going to come in and be the conservative answer to Obama. None of them have responded to my mocking texts tonight.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sill, I love ya…but you gotta be fucked in the head….
http://bill.brioux.tv/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/keri.jpg

Sill Bimmons

There’s nothing there, man.

It’s not ugly it’s just…void.

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Horatio Cornblower

Legs. For. Days.

Sill Bimmons

It’s not the length for me.

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMAO

Horatio Cornblower

Buddy, it is for me.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Horatio Cornblower

I had forgotten about the primaries tonight; I see Marco Rubio is doing great!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yep…that’s tonight’s sideline report folks.
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Horatio Cornblower

2/10, likes Bon Jovi would not bang.

Gratliff

And not even the good Bon Jovi!

Sill Bimmons

HAWT TAKE INCOMING:

I don’t get The Americans or Keri Russell.

I REALLY don’t get Keri Russell.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dude…that’s liek Hippo saying he doesn’t like cheese.

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t get Keri Russell either, but that’s mostly due to my wife’s tenacious blocking skills and Keri Russell’s attorney’s restraining orders.

Gratliff

From what little I’ve seen of the Amerikans, it seemed pretty good, but they really jump right into the rape.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Best comment/image combination in ever.

King Hippo

uh……wha?????????????

King Hippo

From watching that first half, it’s clear that Wichita and Vandy are both complete and total ass, and have no business being in the tournament.

/now guaranteed to win Thursday

theeWeeBabySeamus

Kevin Stallings’ eyes move independent of one another.
And neither one looked down Jamie Erhdahl’s top.
Dumbass.