Possibly the most unproductive work week in North America kicks off tonight. HUZZAH! But first, what brings us here:
Free Agency: the thrill is gone after the first week. Not much left to cover until the draft in 43 days. Still,
- CJ Anderson – staying in Denver! Now he’ll just have to figure out Nacho’s “GONORRHEA!” signals.
- the Patriots traded Chandler Jones to Arizona for Jonathan Cooper and a second-round pick, which they will turn into a receiver the size of which will make Edelman look like Gronk.
- Mike Wallace to the Ravens. This will turn out both underwhelming and over-analyzed.
- Filling J.R. Sweezy’s hole on the right side for the Seahawks will be J’Marcus Webb. Somebody check on commentist Beastmode Ate My Baby.
Bleacher Report had an “article” about whether the Browns would be all-time bad in 2016. If anyone knows about bad, it’s Bleacher Report.
Politics:
Today’s the day when we find out if Kasich and/or Rubio are done. Since they are “winner take all” primaries, if either one can win their home state, then it makes Cleveland in July so much more fun than simply spending 3 hours at the Thirsty Parrot before an Indians game. If Trump takes one or both, then it’s going to be interesting watching the mainstream of the party try to put the genie back in the bottle before the convention.
What are the “open carry” laws in Ohio? Because I’m sure that will come up a time or two before the delegates arrive.
Why do the Democrats have twice as many delegates available as the Republicans? It makes them seem desperate to make the convention look full. History note: it’s been 28 years since the 1988 Rob Lowe convention scandal. He and Robert Downey Jr. are bulletproof.
Question from a Canadian: How much do people actually believe all the stories on Fox News and MSNBC? I went through their sites today while reading up on tonight’s primaries, and I can’t believe anyone would trust these echo chambers. They both read like mutual circle jerks for the left & right. If you told me they were the American equivalent of Pravda and Der Sturmer I wouldn’t think twice.
CNN, meanwhile, has a story about how Jerry Springer thinks Trump was “inevitable”.
Enough talk; get to games! (All times eastern)
NCAA: play-in games (I refuse to call it the “first round”) from Dayton, OH
- #16 Florida Gulf Coast vs #16 Fairleigh Dickinson – 6:40
- #11 Vandy vs #11 Wichita State – 9:10 (or 30 minutes after the first game if late)
Let’s meet the cannon fodder:
That’s enough. If both they and I cared enough, I’d be learning about them on Thursday in the actual first round.
I do like how FGCU has its Chik Fil-A noted on the googlemap, but not a library. According to Tripadvisor, “Fleamaster’s Fleamarket” is the #14 attraction in Fort Myers, below two Spring Training facilities. Fairleigh Dickinson has a campus up here in Vancouver, which kept interfering with my lazy search. It offers programs in Hospitality Management and Business Administration, and is totally not the University of Phoenix.
NHL: (8 games total)
- Islanders @ Penguins – 7:00
- Red Wings @ Flyers – 7:00
- Kings @ Stars – 8:30
- Bruins @ Sharks – 10:00
NBA: (6 games total)
- Celtics @ Pacers – 7:00
- Raptors @ Bucks – 8:00
- Clippers @ Spurs – 8:30
Say goodbye to your loved ones, IT’S TOURNAMENT TIME!
If Peter King wrote ad copy.
http://56.media.tumblr.com/517654af109d5ce39a79a73640808f3a/tumblr_n4v2s9cZdd1qz8911o1_1280.jpg
It’s WEIRD that a blind man would love video games, but Stevie Wonder not only knows his coffee, but, only he and Patriots owner Robert Kraft understand the nuances to continuously create excellent product, either in the recording studio, or on the field; it’s a reflection of their tireless desire to be the best; interestingly enough, they also both enjoy a good IPA (looking at you, Sam Adams Brewing), but also enjoy a good latte on a hot July afternoon.
I would have thought a Shocktop with an orange wedge.
http://56.media.tumblr.com/594dc715bbf7c7627cf154ef7a0d600c/tumblr_n79zsyLSEF1rm816xo1_500.jpg
HillyBob gets IL. Not sure a MO call will be made until like 4, that might have to do for tonight.
http://56.media.tumblr.com/2c749ec0e33da3af3f9ca8193d66b251/tumblr_n08g5eAmjR1t3cxt2o1_500.jpg
http://38.media.tumblr.com/ed9881de1419d048f09a191a34d4dd8c/tumblr_inline_o10wuvVMGM1rr5si2_500.gif
http://56.media.tumblr.com/3b701255f87ef8cba690ab7ac0f30e66/tumblr_nd9bogk6VK1s2wio8o1_1280.jpg
http://56.media.tumblr.com/3df2d3af65b5365caa943dc39410b1c5/tumblr_n0d44rcnjO1rl02guo1_500.jpg
Sigh. I’m at the part of the evening where I really want another drink, but I know I’ll regret having it.
Agreed. Time to drag my ass to bed I guess….
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-QFO8iEPZQSg/UqiRxgN2dAI/AAAAAAABNAY/Vrc_vHxkg_Q/s1600/drag.gif
Blacula in repose.
http://56.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7kujv0CGI1qhkcz7o1_500.jpg
http://56.media.tumblr.com/729afa13059bc8ad271c6177f1010698/tumblr_inline_noxzuw06t81r9e4ph_500.jpg
I have the poster hanging in my classroom!
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/81yh3KgB88L._SY355_.jpg
http://56.media.tumblr.com/bb39d04a86b246b1de9fa614fa565a95/tumblr_n74h1j5w691sxj7qdo1_500.jpg
http://i1080.photobucket.com/albums/j335/Kreedlore/Kreedo.gif
I was half expecting that or some such, but it still cracked me the fuck up. Well done.
http://56.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyvy06BAfc1qhegyso1_400.jpg
http://56.media.tumblr.com/52b940fc8baef8c711058851dd77221f/tumblr_n795wv90JX1r7dve3o1_500.jpg
That’s a nice cult.
Wear wings, can’t fly….would not bang.
http://56.media.tumblr.com/d2b94df16ec39de994c7f981ad1ddd7e/tumblr_n78rivq5h61ry4ur9o1_500.jpg
That’s really bad.
LMAO.
http://favoritememes.com/_nw/18/54632039.jpg
http://images4.fanpop.com/image/photos/23900000/Xena-paused-in-action-xena-warrior-princess-23971318-666-503.png
http://56.media.tumblr.com/70629ee8b4829bc86c83d5a3970f792f/tumblr_n2vrjwpjgX1s79j00o1_1280.jpg
Too angular.
Sill would not bang.
Sucker Punch? God, who would have thought a movie with half-naked Vanessa Hudgens and Jamie Chung et. al plus giant mecha gunfights and martial arts and stuff could be so fucking terrible?
I liked the stills from it…………
That film is a classic….
…example of a bad movie that I am still willing to watch anytime it airs.
http://56.media.tumblr.com/ca3d763066f65af97dfe4441c5855644/tumblr_n6bzkpPmel1r2w8eqo1_1280.jpg
Zack Snyder is incredibly good at the visual aspect of filmmaking, the problem is that he’s terrible at the story part.
http://56.media.tumblr.com/ff638f5cb4601423242cb1ca5c20b038/tumblr_n6o8sdizrN1qcye95o1_1280.jpg
You shut your whore mouth! Sucker Punch was OK.
I don’t know if there’s anyone in show business I hate more than Puffy Combs.
Julia Roberts
http://z00n00dle.files.wordpress.com/2014/04/bane-gif.gif
I mean, there’s Chris Kattan, but he’s not relevant anymore.
Kermit; that guy is an asshole.
THESE VANDERBILT COMMODORES, I CALL THEM A SHITTY MOVIE WITH KEVIN DURANT IN IT, BECAUSE THEY’VE BEEN THUNDERSTRUCK.
/Shocker, thunder, close enough
http://i298.photobucket.com/albums/mm254/ZombieSerenade/Gifs/Upset/community-booooo.gif
I was hoping for well done or absolutely awful.
A Castro joke told in Cuba:
Fidel died. He goes to Heaven, meets St. Peter, and says “I want to talk to talk to God”. St. Peter says it’s not possible, but Fidel lays on him for an hour until he gets his wish. Castro goes and enters a room. An hour passes, then two hours more, and after ten hours, God comes out.
–God, what happened?–said St. Peter. God replied:
–First of all, it’s “Comrade”. Second, God doesn’t exist.
Miamians love that joke. Actually, only the first sentence.
That’s fucking great!!
Yeah it is.
I was gonna say “The punchline’s the first sentence, right?” I’ve got a death pool with Castro and… well, so far it’s been two or three people and they’ve all died first. The most recent death was Elliott Carter.
Every two months “Castro dead” tweets surface. Joke’s on them: Castro has been dead since 2014, when Fidel switched coma bodies with Ariel Sharon Freaky Friday style.
Time to catch some #NITFever, I guess.
What up my NITter??
you knows how we roll
#NITFever (artist’s conception)
http://i.onionstatic.com/avclub/3964/85/16×9/960.jpg
http://56.media.tumblr.com/d765e1519fe06756b05c4d83237c89a6/tumblr_mqd18jDNJM1sbtct0o1_1280.jpg
I love the free capons line. Now THAT is how you develop brand identity for your tesiticle movie.
http://56.media.tumblr.com/0d8aa1dbf1a406050837680ac5f52063/tumblr_n7oossPTbU1s9vczdo1_500.jpg
haha fuck you vandy
http://sports.cbsimg.net/images/blogs/sad-cutler-face.jpg
Bullshit. Catler doesn’t feel empathy or sadness.
Vandy in full Charlie Brown mode.
http://i.perezhilton.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/tumblr_lgg2jxzvbt1qh5iszo1_400.gif
#TruTVisathing is now trending. #murrica
Oh, it’s a promoted trend. Paid for by TruTV. #imanidiot
Part of me actually likes how TruTV has a sense of humor over the fact nobody watches them until tournament times.
Hid did YOUR half sister die?
http://56.media.tumblr.com/2e0cc7a22cc8791672dd00094d43808e/tumblr_n8kzykFzjy1rq6112o1_1280.jpg
da fuq?
http://56.media.tumblr.com/0bb9380465d8008581c007df06bc72cb/tumblr_n7gcnq4bPV1r0hgato1_1280.jpg
Oh shit….would totally bang.
You would have no choice, like a male black widow or mantis.
Jesus, I better start watching out for antimatter!
Dimensional rift is how my first dog died.
Better than due to Peyton Manning
http://56.media.tumblr.com/f64d65780999cb890255bdcbd39501a9/tumblr_n82tjcdZ9z1qigaa4o1_1280.jpg
Dammit Moose…do NOT get me started on Kathy Ireland!!!!!
/need to go change shorts
http://56.media.tumblr.com/bbd51d65c604d2a3e34f76ad1e089e25/tumblr_n84d44StI51sp4aauo1_500.png
Goddamn you Sill Bimmons…..LOVE ME!!!!!!!
http://www.horror-asylum.com/news/pics/keri-russell-enters-dark-skies.jpg
She is an attractive woman…… WOULD NOT BANG.
*because I will never have the choice anyway.
Inorite?
I just prefer moar curves on a woman.
Keri Russell is all sharp angles.
http://www.palgts.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Kelly-Brook-medidas-perfectas-1.jpg
http://56.media.tumblr.com/7e9433e412e3ee6c81e14660ba7400c2/tumblr_mr65nrAu6J1qzft56o1_500.png
See, this image is what first came to mind when I saw the word “Castronaut”
Tonight’s beverage: blood orange sidecar made with the second-to-last blood orange of the season.
So my wife is watching The Voice right now and they talked about how one of the contestants “left his job in the oil industry”. That could legitimately mean that he worked in a gas station, right?
Likely…yes.
Or at best drove a truck delivering propane and propane accessories.
Was it in the city?
Was it a good job?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzQnPz6TpGc
OK, that joke was far………………. fetched.
http://img.izismile.com/img/img4/20110711/1000/funny_gif_selection_with_animals_10.gif
Totally out of context but still way funny!!!!!!
http://kathyscookbook.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/rhubarb-pie1.jpg
Ted Cruz might stand a better chance if he talked about “jorbs”.
I’ve been devouring politics since I was 12. I’ve spent years trying to educate people on both sides and explain why it matters that they be involved in their community and choosing its leaders. I am seriously considering not voting for the leader of our country. This is all incredibly discouraging.
Yep…I used to give a rat’s ass too.
The thing…. people are too fucking stupid to vote in mid-term elections! Fuck those people.
You could have stopped after the 7th word.
Just saying.
If you vote for no other reason than the Supreme Court fucking vote!
Unless you’re going to vote for trump. Then just stay home and please refrain from breeding.
http://56.media.tumblr.com/89c6011472b2ab20688cb03f8cadc8ca/tumblr_msatkqoXhK1qh631lo1_500.jpg
It’s like Lloyd Bridges and Sean Penn had a baby.
Whuh? How awesome would THAT be?
You are a terrible person for not having watched this movie.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069946/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_49
I see that The Shaqocalypse continues unabated…
https://harvardsportsanalysis.wordpress.com/2012/05/02/shaq-attackthe-rise-of-the-baby-name-shaquille/
Cruz and his wife have the magnetism of a couple just going through the motions for the children.
It’s like watching a brother and sister cast in Romeo and Juliet.
But somehow worse.
Even the kids want mom to have full custody.
Hehehehee….OK, I feel bad for laughing at this.
/sorry not sorry
Jesus that’s awful.
He’s a Pod.
There’s just no other explanation.
This came up in my “Jamie Erdahl” image search.
This is NOT Jamie Erdahl (dumb google)
Tell ’em Hippo….
http://cdn.nextimpulsesports.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/AllieLaForce-710×434.jpg
I would say young Allie?
http://45.media.tumblr.com/61db6d9d41d8402d80a221e17c983e70/tumblr_nzo42uRM2M1v1u6tao1_500.gif
I am going to stay up for the Dem calls in IL/MO. Tis a miracle I’m somehow still single, eh?
So Amerikan commentists does tonight mean Donald v Hillary now fo sho?
99.9%
Most likely, but, we’re all hoping for a brokered and absolute shitstorm of a Republican convention, when the party elders try to outflank Drumpf.
Party elders? So it takes place in Salt Lake?
Yep.
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_md65m7wJZz1r96sjyo1_500.gif
Does Cuban McCarthy think you can “bankrupt” terrorism? Does he know how finances and capitalism work?
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/6f/6fea2600ee48b7315640ed8fd708779953d34e434c04cc23e9313c0f5205bcf0.jpg
The irony of the U. Of Phoenix using a song from “The Wizard Of Oz” to promote their fake school…
http://b2bimg.sulekha.com/images/ironingot-slider2.jpg
It’s AMAZING. I get the giggles every time I see it.
Ted Cruz’s #1 priority as President will be jobs.
Unemployment went from about 10% to 4.9% under Obama.
Good luck with that Ted.
He means “jobs that people dumb enough to vote for me can do”. He’s promising lucrative positions in the lucrative hovaround riding, immigrant deporting, Planned Parenthood protesting and Bible-Thumpin’ industries.
Or as George Carlin put it “just smart enough to run the machines, but too stupid to question the system.”
Drinking game:
One shot for every time Cuban McCarthy says the phrase, “In the last seven years…”
Finish your drink each time he says, “Our campaign is the only campaign that can beat Donald Drumpf,” or some variation.
Chug each time he utters, “Constitutional conservative.”
Shoot your television if he makes eye contact, because you’ll incinerate.
I’ve long suspected, and now I am certain…
WCS IS trying to kill us all.
I’m actually a sleeper agent for these guys:
WARM MILK FOR ALL
Cruz: “And my last promise is that I will bathe in the blood of unborn minority babies in order to ensure my immorta…”
Aide, (frantically interrupting and whispering in Ted’s ear)
Cruz: “FREEDOM!”
Crowd: “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
Rubio’s parents did not flee cuba seeking freedom they left a full 2 years before Castro’s revolution began.
Cuban McCarthy also fails to mention his dad’s short layover of 15 years in Canadia before moving to the US.
Fucking canucks.
Easy now, the line starts on the left when Drumpf is elected.
http://cdn2.gossipcenter.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/story_header/photos/keri-russell-esq-sexy.jpg
Tony Parker on CP3 = field day
Kawhi Leonard on CP3 = not so much
I’m no fan of Trump but in what world is Ted Goddamn Cruz considered the more desirable candidate than Trump?
This election is setting up to be a landslide for Clinton, although Xenu knows that if there were ever a candidate prepared to do so much self-inflicted damage to her campaign that she could miss a lay-up its Hillary.
Jesus I need a(nother) drink.
I read last week there’s been discussion and rumblings in the RNC they’d rather back Drumpf than Cuban McCarthy in the general. The latter is that loathed.
Cruz is what you would get if Trump actually truly believed what he was saying.
exactly THIS
I remember my conservative friends telling me that Mittens was a sacrificial lamb, because Marco Robotio was going to come in and be the conservative answer to Obama. None of them have responded to my mocking texts tonight.
Sill, I love ya…but you gotta be fucked in the head….
http://bill.brioux.tv/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/keri.jpg
There’s nothing there, man.
It’s not ugly it’s just…void.
Legs. For. Days.
It’s not the length for me.
LMAO
Buddy, it is for me.
I had forgotten about the primaries tonight; I see Marco Rubio is doing great!
Yep…that’s tonight’s sideline report folks.
2/10, likes Bon Jovi would not bang.
And not even the good Bon Jovi!
HAWT TAKE INCOMING:
I don’t get The Americans or Keri Russell.
I REALLY don’t get Keri Russell.
Dude…that’s liek Hippo saying he doesn’t like cheese.
I don’t get Keri Russell either, but that’s mostly due to my wife’s tenacious blocking skills and Keri Russell’s attorney’s restraining orders.
From what little I’ve seen of the Amerikans, it seemed pretty good, but they really jump right into the rape.
Best comment/image combination in ever.
uh……wha?????????????
From watching that first half, it’s clear that Wichita and Vandy are both complete and total ass, and have no business being in the tournament.
/now guaranteed to win Thursday
Kevin Stallings’ eyes move independent of one another.
And neither one looked down Jamie Erhdahl’s top.
Dumbass.