So we’ve made it to the first major event of the 2016 NFL season, the first round of the draft is tonight! As we are reminded that coaches, general managers, and meddling owners are the real stars of this league, we will also use this event to be introduced to the latest class of well-dressed athletes who, in as soon as four years even, may be budding stars preparing to be training camp hold outs insisting on new contracts, early retirees, or simply journeymen professionals chasing their athletic dreams.
Remember about a month ago when the draft universe was upside-down? The top two picks, Tennessee and Cleveland, presumably pleased with their quarterback situations (because nothing says “nah, we’re good at QB” like having a top draft pick), were expected to kick off the draft with unsexy upgrades to their non-existent lines. Boltman and Ol’ Double-J would then get some screen time before perpetual top-five picker Jacksonville would bring aboard someone with high upside who won’t make it to the preseason without getting an injury that will land him on the season-ending IR. Also, the P*triot’s didn’t have a first round pick because they had tampered with game balls and got caught. But that didn’t matter because, with Tom Brady for 16 weeks, this team didn’t need a first round pick to get off to a hot start.
Well, now our draft universe is upside-down for other reasons. The Los Angeles Rams of Raider Nation announced that their “philosophy has always been to build through the draft” before sending six of their first seven picks over the next two years to Tennessee in exchange for the right to pick first tonight. Who will they take? Well, RAMIT insiders haven’t decided yet. Not to be outdone — by LA or their previous regime — the Philadelphia Eagles gave up eight picks to earn the right to draft whoever gets rejected by the guys who assembled a 2015 QB depth chart of Nick Foles, Case Keenum, and Sean Mannion. Laremy Tunsil, the projected top pick before Tennessee traded down, is set to lose at least $1.5 million on his rookie contract as a result of these trades. Also, the P*triot’s still don’t have a first round pick because they had tampered with game balls and got caught. Also, they lost Tom Brady for the first four weeks of the season, including their Sunday Night Football home opener where Chris and Al will have to talk about Brady being out because he’s a cheater even though they don’t want to talk about Brady’s history of cheating.
Now, for everyone who submitted on Pick Is In, tonight is also judgement day for you. That’s right, click below to open the official [DFO] Draft Challenge Prediction Board, turn on the television, and get ready to weep.
An upside of Ted Ginn? Sign me –
/comment dropped
I’d nominate this for a banner comment but the banner would keep falling down.
I had DeAndre Hopkins on my fantasy team this year. I sense his value has just been diluted.
Doctson is MUCH better. Vikes lucked out. Or Cincy if Minny goes Jack.
So….that sixth round pick next year….gonna be PIVOTAL.
Will Fuller? Really?
Apparently they didn’t want Min. trading up to Fuller
you can finally draft a punter!
/I’m opening some anxiety wine in solidarity
There’s a GM now, which is why the Skins were better last year than this year, but I still think last year’s draft wasn’t great. Dude is better at non-draft personnel moves. Scherff was a reach, especially since they were drafting him to switch to a position he wasn’t suited for.
Ted Ginn 2.0
Jesus
@JoanNiesen
2016-04-29 02:26 UTC
Tunsil just denied an exchange of money between him and his coach. Then, asked again, said it happened. Then interrupted, ushered off stage.
The hell…? That’s…weird.
Oh Tunsil clearly got money to go to Ole Miss. How that’s different from any other school in the SEC you tell me.
Please be Fuller
What did they get for trading down ONE SPOT?!
Why would some generic team trade up ONE SPOT?!
ARGHHHHHHHH WHAT IS HAPPENING!?
Just to drive you mad
So how is it that the 1 & 2 seeds in both conferences are playing each other in the 2nd round already?
“Lynch? Sounds like a great idea.”
– Chip Kelly
http://i.imgur.com/mi7ouJj.jpg
NICK FUCKIN’ BONINO BITCHES
3-3
Caps’ll come back
DAMMIT!!!!!
Texans gonna draft Lynch, corner the market on NFL pick-up basketball games.
Damn you, Pingus!
Organist (giggity) in DC playing Black Sabbath. That’s too awesome for words.
TRAYYYED
Paxton to Arizona
Please God. It’s my last hope.
Iron Man for the Funerarium! Well done hockey organ man!
Hahahaha….I’m starting to worry that you are the female version of meself.
This is not a compliment, just so we’re clear.
Yay!… awww. Fuck.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-uCmkIX5m8eg/Umu-AaqmY5I/AAAAAAAAJ0k/UpjlHdnGx_g/s400/Jack+Torrance's+eyebrows.gif
Wait, what? TRADE?!
Huh. That’s different
OSU fans getting cocky on Twitter smh
Dammit Skins, I only have so much wine, get your pick in before I finish it.
TRADE!!!
Redacteds trade = Dok finishes teh bottle
Fuck, gotta break out the remnants of liquor I have laying around.
Good lord, how did I not know that Rex Ryan had a kid playing wide receiver at clemson?
P.S. please sign with us again Ryan;
P.P.S. Fuck Bob Kraft.
The First Round of the NFL DRAFT brought to you by Ohio State
Wayne Chrebet loves it! We think…
http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.2308555.1438204952!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_635/chrebetweb30s-1-web.jpg
G-E-N-O!
I’m whelmed.
SHIT
Can’t get the DMs to work so I’ll just say it here, if I came off like an asshole to JSD and WeeBaby earlier, I humbly apologize. My comments were directed at the NFL, and making a pun off JSD’s moniker, not you guys.
I also REALLY apologize to Balls, because I just looked at the draft scorecard and I somehow put my picks for the Cowboys first two choices, (which are woefully wrong), under your name. Please make sure I lose the 25 points, not Balls.
Holy shit, THAT’S what Paxton Lynch looks like? Dude needs a stylist to make him look less like a vinegar based vaginal wash receptacle.
I’ve never wanted to punch someone at first sight before.
You’ve never seen Jimmy Clausen?
He is Clausen re-born. TOTES
KISS THE RINNNGGGZZZ
http://larrybrownsports.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/jimmy-clausen-rings.jpg
Wow…never?
I have very often. Then again, I need therapy badly.
/have no plans to go to therapy
RIGHT?
His names’ Paxton; what were you expecting?
“name’s”. As far as I know he doesn’t have two douchy names. I’m not betting against it though.
he needs a hipster stache and a high and tight hipster haircut
This is starting to drag. Time for some Spurs reading
http://nextimpulsesports.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/awesome.gif
Wow. Paxton Lynch looks as douchey as his name sounds
Don’t forget fucking tall, too!
I’m still upset enough about the Alfred Morris thing that I’m probably immune to a pretty high level of DC fuckup. Don’t really want to put this theory to the test though.
Tick tock, assholes.
What did Chris Berman just try to say?
J-E-T-S DON’T-FUCK-THIS-UP!
Does the ref have a dude in a head lock?
It was kinda of a rugby style scrum on ice.
Always fun.
but…..NAWT A GOAL!!!!!!
Very true and a sexy pounce from Holtby to keep it from going in!
Awww, he likes Rex Ryan!
Seeing Todd Bowles SMILE is fucking terrifying.
Just consider yourself lucky it’s not the last thing you’ll ever see.
Back from the bar, able to comment from my laptop. So pissed the Bears traded up to get an OLB they could have gotten at 11 or just taking Tunsil.
Will the J-E-S-T amuse us?
Again where are the drunk Bills fans diving into tables?
RIGHT HERE MOTHAFUCKA
Patriots Dad: How did she like the jersey?
Patriots Husband: She took a knife to it!
Patriots Dad: So she’ll fit right in!
Ravens fans approve, too!
http://www.troll.me/images/victory-baby/why-i-oughta-thumb.jpg
She’s got some work to do; the jersey belonged to a white guy.
The Donks don’t have a MLB. Wonder if they’d take a chance on Jack if he continues to free fall?
Hoping my Vikings reunite him with his former Bruins mates.
would Minny really pass on Doctson, though?
Jets trade up with the Bills for Lynch. Give up a 3rd rounder. Peak Jest
Yay! Caps score! Good assist from Ovi!
I’m sorry miss, but you’ll have to park you Lesser Sports outside
You leave her alone.
She’s finally rooting for the right team.
GOOOOAAAAALLLLLL!!!!!!!
Wow…how the hell did that get under the pads?
Ovie, you magnificent bastard.
And just as happy to let TJ get the goal, too!
I’m think Lawson to the Bills. Rex loves his Clemson boys
Dear Jeebus: please, please, please let the Bills draft Shaq Lawson. Tyrod is fine. Paxton is a tool.
You’re saying this as if Rex would ever pass on someone who went to Clemson