So we’ve made it to the first major event of the 2016 NFL season, the first round of the draft is tonight! As we are reminded that coaches, general managers, and meddling owners are the real stars of this league, we will also use this event to be introduced to the latest class of well-dressed athletes who, in as soon as four years even, may be budding stars preparing to be training camp hold outs insisting on new contracts, early retirees, or simply journeymen professionals chasing their athletic dreams.
Remember about a month ago when the draft universe was upside-down? The top two picks, Tennessee and Cleveland, presumably pleased with their quarterback situations (because nothing says “nah, we’re good at QB” like having a top draft pick), were expected to kick off the draft with unsexy upgrades to their non-existent lines. Boltman and Ol’ Double-J would then get some screen time before perpetual top-five picker Jacksonville would bring aboard someone with high upside who won’t make it to the preseason without getting an injury that will land him on the season-ending IR. Also, the P*triot’s didn’t have a first round pick because they had tampered with game balls and got caught. But that didn’t matter because, with Tom Brady for 16 weeks, this team didn’t need a first round pick to get off to a hot start.
Well, now our draft universe is upside-down for other reasons. The Los Angeles Rams of Raider Nation announced that their “philosophy has always been to build through the draft” before sending six of their first seven picks over the next two years to Tennessee in exchange for the right to pick first tonight. Who will they take? Well, RAMIT insiders haven’t decided yet. Not to be outdone — by LA or their previous regime — the Philadelphia Eagles gave up eight picks to earn the right to draft whoever gets rejected by the guys who assembled a 2015 QB depth chart of Nick Foles, Case Keenum, and Sean Mannion. Laremy Tunsil, the projected top pick before Tennessee traded down, is set to lose at least $1.5 million on his rookie contract as a result of these trades. Also, the P*triot’s still don’t have a first round pick because they had tampered with game balls and got caught. Also, they lost Tom Brady for the first four weeks of the season, including their Sunday Night Football home opener where Chris and Al will have to talk about Brady being out because he’s a cheater even though they don’t want to talk about Brady’s history of cheating.
Now, for everyone who submitted on Pick Is In, tonight is also judgement day for you. That’s right, click below to open the official [DFO] Draft Challenge Prediction Board, turn on the television, and get ready to weep.
And I thought the whole point of TN trading down was that they didn’t really need any one thing (including a tackle) that badly. But they DID need volume and depth. Fucking morons.
So…this Tunsil thing, do teams really think he’s dumb enough to post a smoking photo on his Twitterz right before the draft, or did they all just suddenly realize that you can’t spell “Turnstile” without “Tunsil” ?
I used the joke in my draft preview. You now owe me your stock options. Or $12, whichever is easier.
/pretty sure I stole that from someone else.
I assume this joke has been made by literally everyone.
EVERY ONE OF THESE PLAYERS HAS SMOKED WEED YOU IDIOTS. EVERY. ONE.
JJ Watt thinks that’s fighting words.
Here’s teh thing, snow. Elway has already proven HE understands this. I’m getting excited.
Oh me too man. I want this so bad.
PROBABLY TODAY
The ancients of the NFL don’t understand that the millennials, as a generation, don’t give a damn about: 1) marijuana usage, and 2) sexual preference.
I hope the NFL goes uncapped, so I can see Dan Synder spend $400 million on his lineup and still go 5-11.
5-11? You optimist!
Do you think Berman has to pay for extra luggage with the satchels under his eyes?
It’s where he keeps his Canadian “aspirin.”
Ladies and Gents. Can we all at least take pleasure in the fact that the dumb Steve Austin “What?” chant has died.
Jets are gonna get Tunsil
But…but…Paxton
Kids, I just finished work for the evening and am now adding beer to the dick-jokery.
Prepare to be amazed.
Titans trade up to get a tackle that would almost surely be there at 15. And paid a FUCKING FORTUNE to do so.
The disturbing part of this is, the Browns appear to be making smart trade moves. THE BROWNS.
Cleveland is gonna get Tunsil, which will be fucking HILARIOUS.
Pretty sure that’s how the Titans stay the Titans
Dear Laremy Tunsil,
FUCK YOU.
Sincerely,
The NFL
Titans draft someone who will keep Mariota alive for at least another season or two.
Well, Don T still gets a terrific o-lineman.
“Laremy smoked some grass todaaaaaaay”
http://fansided.com/files/2016/01/pearljamjeremyvideo.jpg
I would be really entertained if the Browns just trade away all of their draft picks this year
LMFAO….Tunsil went Cheech and Chong on his twitter acct.
Rich Eisen you bastard…..That’s awesome.
The last DeForest to end up in San Francisco saved whales or whatever the stupid plot was.
Do not speak ill of star trek IV
Sorry. Spock looked glorious.
CHAOS
Oh heavens, a football player smokes marijuana! Ah do declare, ah have the vapors!
I’m too depressed to enjoy the schadenfreude of this shitshow or even jerk off to porn.
wow.
DONT GO INTO THE LIGHT
Soooo… Tebow?
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–hjHrBWHz–/c_fit,f_auto,fl_progressive,q_80,w_636/ybfejggmqrrdo9kc94kl.gif
That has to be Ecstasy, right?
Who know “Ravens” sounded so much like “Rapists”?
Great my satellite is out. It’s actually raining in Vegas for once.
nfl.com
TV on the Internets? Isn’t that illegal?
Dark omen
TRAAAIIIIIDDD
Holy piss, Don T, you might get Tunsil after all.
“Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack! “
Can’t imagine how this happened.
And just like that, Kelly already starts to fuck me…
…
Chip takes an Oregon guy. Finish your drink.
played foar Oregon ,, one of the good ones
Oregon? Well colored me shocked.
Look at Chip Kelley reinventing himself!
I repeat:
played foar Oregon ,, one of the good ones
@CecilHurt 3m3 minutes ago
I can understand why the Ravens were nervous about a video.
What is the most fucked up Aryan pick the former Tomsulas could make here? Paxton??
Fuck. My. Life
This Tunsil story is the dumbest fucking thing.
I nearly killed fifteen people flying through traffic to get home for this shit!
your pick is IN!!
If they were Niner fans, I see no problem.
Hahaha…..awwww.
Jon Gruden urges today’s youth to get rid of their Twitter accounts.
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It was a hacked twitter account…featuring an old video….from high school…
I give my parole officer more coherent excuses…
http://36.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0j4z6xM3u1r43q0no1_500.jpg
Archer does, too.
http://media.fyre.co/k6O0Jwz4Rei6bRMNyiAQ_archer-hooker.gif
that reminds me the new ep is on tonight
Aww, look at them talking about the Twitters
Ape:
https://twitter.com/xmasape/status/725850852221718529
Bosa sounds like such a goddamned meathead
Oh Christ the Cowboys are gonna get Tunsil in the second round aren’t they?
I was hoping they’d get Zika Virus in the 2nd.
/fingers crossed
I really hope the [*Redacted] s don’t end up taking Myles Jack and RG3ing him.
If Laremy drops to 31, I surely hope the Donks still take him.
Tunsil is sliding because he’s a bonehead
But my Twitter account was totes haxx0red!
5Channed again!
Hey, remember the last tackle the Ravens took in the first round? Didn’t he have a movie or something
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_fdejJGbaRV8/TK8fMAfb4oI/AAAAAAAABlc/tlIk6N1LSls/s1600/Picture+16.png
Hahaha good one.
How bad is Deon Sanders? Answer: I’m watching ESPN to stay sane
Really? It was nice knowing you…
So many comments! New draft prediction: we’re gonna break the site
Other things the Ravens look for in a tackle: Does not own a marijuana mask.
2. If there’s an ‘h’ in his name, it better be silent.
Ronnie Stanley is a dancing bear?
I would watch that
Sigh, with Stanley to not-Bears my entry is officially dead. Fucking Laremy.
Christ, Brian Kelly. How much crack do you do in the offseason?
http://athlonsports.com/sites/athlonsports.com/files/styles/article_top_img/public/homepage-featured-images/Brian-Kelly-screaming-hero.jpg
All of it, off-season or not.
Self righteous notre dame fans defending a player on the Ravens?
This’ll be fun