So we’ve made it to the first major event of the 2016 NFL season, the first round of the draft is tonight! As we are reminded that coaches, general managers, and meddling owners are the real stars of this league, we will also use this event to be introduced to the latest class of well-dressed athletes who, in as soon as four years even, may be budding stars preparing to be training camp hold outs insisting on new contracts, early retirees, or simply journeymen professionals chasing their athletic dreams.
Remember about a month ago when the draft universe was upside-down? The top two picks, Tennessee and Cleveland, presumably pleased with their quarterback situations (because nothing says “nah, we’re good at QB” like having a top draft pick), were expected to kick off the draft with unsexy upgrades to their non-existent lines. Boltman and Ol’ Double-J would then get some screen time before perpetual top-five picker Jacksonville would bring aboard someone with high upside who won’t make it to the preseason without getting an injury that will land him on the season-ending IR. Also, the P*triot’s didn’t have a first round pick because they had tampered with game balls and got caught. But that didn’t matter because, with Tom Brady for 16 weeks, this team didn’t need a first round pick to get off to a hot start.
Well, now our draft universe is upside-down for other reasons. The Los Angeles Rams of Raider Nation announced that their “philosophy has always been to build through the draft” before sending six of their first seven picks over the next two years to Tennessee in exchange for the right to pick first tonight. Who will they take? Well, RAMIT insiders haven’t decided yet. Not to be outdone — by LA or their previous regime — the Philadelphia Eagles gave up eight picks to earn the right to draft whoever gets rejected by the guys who assembled a 2015 QB depth chart of Nick Foles, Case Keenum, and Sean Mannion. Laremy Tunsil, the projected top pick before Tennessee traded down, is set to lose at least $1.5 million on his rookie contract as a result of these trades. Also, the P*triot’s still don’t have a first round pick because they had tampered with game balls and got caught. Also, they lost Tom Brady for the first four weeks of the season, including their Sunday Night Football home opener where Chris and Al will have to talk about Brady being out because he’s a cheater even though they don’t want to talk about Brady’s history of cheating.
Now, for everyone who submitted on Pick Is In, tonight is also judgement day for you. That’s right, click below to open the official [DFO] Draft Challenge Prediction Board, turn on the television, and get ready to weep.
The last real chance I have to get points is Lynch to the J-E-S-T. Well, I did also pretty much pick all of the RBs to the Factory, since they have a need and soooooo many picks.
I have absolutely no idea how I am doing in that contest but I know it isn’t good.
My wife brought me vodka!
My wife is awesome.
The Bills War Room is severely lacking in fans jumping onto tables.
He looks kinda like I imagine later book Dudley Dursley
This might be the only pick of the draft challenge I got right.
Bills and Jets playing a game of chicken
Jets want to see the chicken’s breasts, Bills want to fry it’s wings
The puppy and the younger cat have started going at it like Tunsil and Nkemid…nKmid…Nkmedi…Notgonnabedraftedanytimesoon going after the last roach.
C’mon overrated white player that colts fans will say is dramatically better than he is…
“With a name like Paxton we can’t lose!”
“You already have a QB.”
“But, but, but, his name is PAXTON!”
Ask and ye shall receive.
Nailed it!
ROLL DAMN TIDE!!!!
I think it was the Vikings that once didn’t get their pick in time. I would love to see that again. Some team just completely epic fuck up.
Shaq Lawson is a steal right now.
Ahahahahahah
http://giantswire.usatoday.com/2016/04/28/video-eli-apple-got-carried-18-yards-one-time-trying-to-make-a-tackle/
Dez is give him free piggyback rides at least three times a game.
I’m surprised that Jerry Reese wasn’t “let go” the same time Tom Coughlin was.
I really think that was the worst pick in the first round. For what was still available and where Apple was rated that was just, well, Jerry gonna Jerry.
Time will tell.
Fuck whoever is doing this to Tunsil. Piece of shit.
Presuming the truth of the hacked account, which seems logical, I fully agree.
You know, I’m really amazed there isn’t a “Real Housewives of the NFL”
We should arrange this, it’s a fucking million dollar idea.
So how many times did those two try to assassinate each other tonight?
I’d like to see Tunsil in a cameo in Ballers. It think it would really get the new season off with a little pizazz.
http://imgur.com/75h1Ea2
http://imgur.com/kb933JD
If one of these OTs just came in for a bear hug, and just happened, HAPPENED, to cave Goodell’s head in on a miss…
…
…
What? Sorry, what was I saying?
I can see a Lennie/rabbit situation happening…
I don’t know, Decker doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who can get a dumb rule named after him.
I want them to cut to a shot of a draft room to find Frank Langella just screaming at a confused GM.
Nice pickup for the Lions.
Going north to protect Matthew Stafford and give him time to throw downfield to….shit.
Detriot Lions draft a hamburger, Stafford was that you?
“Taylor Decker, not Triple Decker!”
“He can’t run routes.”
“That’s ok, RG3 can’t read through progressions.”
🙁
My prediction: this season the Browns won’t fuck up. They won’t be interesting and they won’t win much this season but they won’t fuck up.
Boldest prediction I’ve seen this year.
I can see that. There are a few teams that are well set for massive fucking up, so even if the Browns did their normal Brownsiness, it’s a higher bar for fucking up this year. They’ll probably just take the year off to let the 49rs have their day.
“The Browns don’t fuck up” would be a huge step forward for the organization.
“We need a WR, who should we get?”
“Fuller is the best in the draft.”
“Nah, I have them going to Houston in the draft pool get me Coleman.”
Corey Coleman looks ecstatic, beyond excited. Jesus, he just can’t contain it. WOW!
The Factory of Sadness has polluted the water.
Who here would watch a televised debate on “Bubble Screen vs. Bubble Butt” ?
Browns take a WR, yet have no one to throw to him… seems appropriate.
Looks like the Browns are giving up on Josh Gordon….
Corey Coleman was the guy I thought the Cowboys would take in the second round.
By which I mean to say Cleveland probably reached here.
betting Doctson
You’ll get the other BayBay receiver, and you’ll like it!
The Browns pick : Yeah Right
Despite concerns about his knee, they feel his contributions as team chef make the medical risk worth it
I don’t want to move to Cleveland!
Browns take Aguayo to lock down their kicker position for the next 13 years
Apparently the Jets are trying to trade up. Oh please don’t let it be for the guy with 1.25 knees.
That would be so Jetsy.
if they trading up, I’m betting Paxton Lynch b/c worried re Buffalo
Good evening gents.
Browns to somehow fuck it up
they could take Paxton. Just so long as someone removes the temptation from Elway
That carrot is still there for Elway.
And you KNOW he loves carrots.
If his knee is healthy, the DFO Raider contingent will love him.
yeah right clicks with agreement.
Rachel Nichols has gotten hotter with age.
Holy shit
Now you know my Robert Gallery feels
Lispy McGee mocked him to the Donks at 31. A bit early, but a very good footballist.
The Raiders select Karl Joseph, Emperor of Austria.
THE FIRST OR SECOND?!
Some Serbian anarchist is gonna fuck that pick up right quick.
Holy shit was that a dickish interview. He handled it better than I would have. I was pissed off for him and it has no bearing on my life at all, especially since he was drafted in the AFC
I miss the days where Oakland would take a sub 4.3 40 guy with absolutely no goddamned football skills here.
They do eventually need another kicker!
Raiders going Treadwell
Seriously….how many of us would be in trouble if twatter, facebook, and all the other shit existed when we were young,dumb, and full of cum?
Shit…I’d still be serving time. Good luck Tonsil.
Eh, I avoided photographs whenever I was doing anything even slightly questionable. I was very focused on the “getting away with” part of getting away with stuff.
This. Most of my friends were smart enough to leave no photographic evidence of our stupidty, and those that weren’t were sent home before the true problem issues started.
theres a reason my side tumblr doesn’t have any pics of me
A few weeks ago ESPN did a 30 for 30 documentary on the 1985 Bears. In one section they were talking about how famous they had gotten, and their various extracurricular activities during that year, and one of the players said something like, “If people had cell phones that took video at that time, there would not have been a 1985 Bears Super Bowl championship, because half of us would have been suspended.”
Many, I’m sure.
But that’s not the point. Tunsil has had other “frictions”. Documented, and not on social media.
There’s no such thing as a good person or a bad person. That’s black and white. Life doesn’t work that way sadly.
Tunsil might be have a wonderful heart, but he’s shown a pattern. I’m happy that B’more passed on him, but not bcuz of the weed. Hell, I’d blaze up with him and tell Ozzie to fuck off if that was his only red flag.
Having said that, I wish him no ill will and I do hope he thrives in South Beach.
“You passed every drug test during your college career…”
And that’s the only SEC player who passed all of his tests during his college career.
Tunsil’s new uniform is already a best seller
http://images2.miaminewtimes.com/imager/marlins-new-uniforms-predicted-by-box-off/u/original/6534700/baseketball.jpg
I wanna know who at the netowrk got Mayock to eat that crow.
The Playmaker held a pair of scissors to his throat.
Christ, if he could physically backpedal like that he’d be a top ten pick as a DB. That was sort of embarrassing to listen to.
“Laremy, this is the biggest night and should reasonably be the most exciting moment of your life. Explain your drug history.”
Tunsil just broke a record for fastest player to get fined by Goodell
Hey guys. How y’all been?
A’ight. Weighing the pros and cons of trying to get drunk before the Landoverians pick.
I’m debating whether or not an entire bottle of whiskey would be enough to prepare for the Jets’ inevitable fuckery.
I need you’ns to draft that Paxton Lynch asshole, so the Donks won’t.
I saw some Jets fans when I visited DRAFT TOWN this afternoon. I felt vicarious disappointment, even at a distance of 50 yards.
We have a way of projecting such things through the aether.
Tunsil in South Beach.
Hehehehehehehehehe