So Long Skip

So Skip Bayless is leaving TV forever and ever and ever, huh?  Oh, he’s just going to Fox Sports?  Well, 6 of one, I guess.

Anyhoo, Skip Bayless, for those not of the work at home or unemployed set, is one half of the “screaming morons” partnership that has entertained morons on First Take every morning for what seems like a zillion years.  You could always be assured that, as soon as Mike&Mike finished their genial banter and soft rock opinions, Skip and Steven A Smith would be there to really ruin your morning.

Have you ever liked something in sports?  Like, really saw something that made you smile?  Maybe a Steph Curry crossover, or a great catch by Megatron, or Bryce Harper hitting a 400 foot bomb and celebrating?  Well, you’re wrong, apparently.  First Take, and indeed, the entire culture of ESPN, is conditioned to let you know that sports has unwritten rules, you don’t know them, and you’re watching sports wrong.

That’s what I never understood about ESPN’s “Embrace Debate” philosophy.  Debate is healthy, and leads to breakthroughs and compromise.   ESPN has led to morons yelling over each other about how a bat flip or touchdown celebration will ruin our children.  Really, the hell with children.  Children need to learn that there are people who are better than them, and those people get to rub your nose in it.

Where was I?  Oh yeah.  Fuck Skip Bayless.  Just, fuck him.  Along with Steven A., nobody has ever said as many rage-inducing things television about sports.  This asshat has tried to out Troy Aikman, tried to discredit the most awesome basketball player of our time, LeBron James, he said Kobe was a better pitchman after the rape charges because he had some “sizzle”, he made me like Richard Sherman and Jalen Rose, who destroyed him.

He is a man to be admired in a certain light, though.  He has taken an ability to say stupid things louder and faster than almost anyone else and turned it into a seven-figure job on TV.  In terms of being a job creator, he has really helped create a whole industry of screaming gibbons, throwing their feces at each other on television.  For that, I’ll never forgive him.  I hope he burns in hell (or ends up unwatched on Fox Sports forever).  I hope he has to carpool with Colin Cowherd.

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Darkest Timeline Zack Morris
DTZM escaped his dark timeline through a wormhole created by Lord Screech, after he destroyed Bayside for never allowing him to mate with Lisa Turtle. Zach now lives a quiet life in St. Louis with his wife, Darkest Timeline Kelly Kapowski. They have no children, but do have the world's cutest dogs.
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WhyEaglesWhy

I suppose it’s too much to ask that this means the end of “First Take”. They’ll probably just pair SAS with a screamapillar.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jYpQX0XNhU

Duchess

I have to get this off my chest…

I’m not saying I like Cowherd as much as I don’t hate him. He’s like the lesser of a billion evils.Out of all the hot air pundits out there he’s not the worst.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

God damn I fucking loathe that fucking asshole.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
litre_cola

Most likely for a comeback. Tim Tebowww, Jamarcus Russel, Tiger Woods, or Zubaz?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Beastmode Ate My Baby

Skip Bayless + Fox Sports is truly a match made in hell. I assume this is the dawn of the end-times, and I should be packing light for my trip south?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Not to threadjack, but this is a joke and/or scam, right? It *has* to be.

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/bioo-charge-your-phone-with-the-power-of-a-plant#/

Beerguyrob

You better check with Sill.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I mean honestly, their explanation for how it works makes about as much technical sense as that video I posted the other day of Björk taking apart her television set.

WCS

And entire hate piece on Skip, listing his transgressions and idiocy, with no mention of this:

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litre_cola

Saw this today and wondered how long it would take for this to get mentioned.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

JESUS FUCKING HORSESHIT CHRIST I HATE THOSE FUCKING CLUELESS GODSQUADING FUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Thanks, I feel better now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Kungjitsu

I have a dream where there’s some Fox Sports/NFL event where Troy Aikman gets into a fight with Skip, and he’s pounding him like Jon Jones did Chael Sonnnen, and Jason Whitlock tries to pull Aikman off of Skip, and Michael Irvin punches Whitlock in the back of his head, and Whitlock dies, then Aikman and Irvin stomp Skip like he was Billy Batts. And Fox being Fox, they show the whole thing on UFC Fight Night.

theeWeeBabySeamus

MLK approves of your dream.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A wet dream.

Don T

I can see it now: “He changed the way people talk about sports [pause] Forever!” voiceover during a waaaaaay overproduced montage, before the credits of the 30 for 30 “Skip Bayless: The Dysenter”.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m assuming you spelled “Dissenter” correctly, and that your computer saw you were talking about Skip Bayless and autocorrected it to be closer to “Dysentery”.

King Hippo

if he get dysentery in the end…I will totes watch

Don T

I just remembered an old joke about a former governor’s autopsy. The inside of his body was covered in shit, and the coroner wrote down “Cause of Death – brain hemorrhage”.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This is the best dysentery made this year.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Dysentery JOKE made this year.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That’s some good quality hate right there. Will it be enough to bring back Sill?

/waits

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Wait, Sill is gone? What happened?

blaxabbath

Where have you been that you’ve noticed we haven’t had a recent write up about how Trump is going to release all men from the military on day 1 and then make the offical Army uniform this

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I surrender.

theeWeeBabySeamus

And Sill had a difficult night ’round here about a week or so ago. Nothing any of us haven’t had before, and it doesn’t need to be talked about further IMHO.

Hopefully, he’ll be back soon.

litre_cola

I missed that night, was wondering about that. Shame bout that. Hope he comes back.

blaxabbath

He didn’t RSVP the Passover bash I threw last Saturday morning.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

When I saw him trending, I was hoping he’d been fired for very embarrassing reasons. One can’t have everything I suppose.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

This is the greatest news ever. I might be able to turn on ESPN in the morning now… They are just gonna replace him with someone worse aren’t they?

blaxabbath

“Best of First Take”

litre_cola

Chris Berman All Star Home run calls.

Horatio Cornblower

I have never watched more than 2 minutes of Skip Bayless, or Screamin’ Stephen, so for once I am blameless for a great evil falling across the land.

The Old Gypsy Woman was wrong!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hippo and meself know someone who allegedly punched ol’ Skippy in the schnoz and brokeded it back in the 80s in a very brief bar fight (I believe the story, but cannot offer incontrovertible proof).

The altercation arose due to Skippy hitting on the aforementioned “Someone’s” then-fiance and not backing off when asked nicely. FWIW…..”Someone’s” then-fiance, now wife, also corroborates the story, btw….though admittedly, she was wayyyyy pissed off about “Someone” having shared said story.

nomonkeyfun

“Someone’s” now wife doesn’t sound like a keeper. This is what she should have been yelling, for the good of society.

http://www.blogcdn.com/www.joystiq.com/media/2008/12/cage_fat_top_3.jpg

/I’m sure she is wonderful, but that is a serious misjudgement on her part.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Actually she is a great lady.
She was just embarrassed about the whole thing apparently.
“Someone” is very proud of the story and used to tell it way more often than she was comfortable with as I understand it.

Spanky Datass

Did this punching take place in the DFW area? If not can you divulge the city? I seem to remember the Hot Sports Opinion Makers in Dallas talking of Skip’s adventures in very disdainful terms.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/4e0bd06b07b9d4f8930c341121dc6839/tumblr_o6cdosnJqt1smy9ueo1_400.gif

theeWeeBabySeamus

SoCal…not 100% sure of the city.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

theeWeeBabySeamus and Hippo sittin’ in a tree….. WHY DIDN’T THEY FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISH HIM?!?!?!

theeWeeBabySeamus

To be clear…we weren’t the punchers, nor were we present. Hell, I’d have been in my VERY early teens at teh most.
We only got the story a few years ago

Don T

He was reason #1 I turned off ESPN for good (except for NFL games, with the sound off). He’s the main reason “provocative” and “controversial” now only mean “asshat” and “huge attentionwhore”. Perfected the alchemy of turning inane trolling into “Hey, I’m only being sincere”. Makes me wanna punch any institutional blowhard described as an enfant terrible.
And fuck kids. My cool grandpa was right: children devalue everything.

Don T

Not you, little miss T; you are a star in a bleak cosmos. But help me God if you don’t clean up your room NOW. Shit!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Beerguyrob

I just take this as more proof that Fox Sports is paying way too much for their crappy network.

JAY & DAN DESERVE BETTER!

jjfozz

STRONG TAEK!

Terrell Suggs called him a douchebag on air and I wanted to have his children after that.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If by “have his children” you mean “establish possession of his children by removing them from his custody” I felt the same exact way about Adrian Peterson, but for different reasons.