Look, there’s no sports that matter tonight, except for the start of the Copa America. (Sorry #BFIB) Hockey resumes on Saturday in San Jose – 8:00; party at Covalent’s! breakfast at Sunrisesunrise’s! – and hoops resumes on Sunday. And, honestly, I’m kinda bankrupt on ideas today – intellectually, as well as my usual morally. Fortunately, the late Copa start will bleed into the AFL, which will provide some relief with overnight action. So – by way of interlude – I present for you some topics & pictures that didn’t quite make it into the Monday to Thursday Open Thread write-ups. These will hopefully keep you going until the kicking starts later tonight.
Your Whisky Exchange “Malt of the Month”
Glenfiddich Age of Discovery.
Oh, that’s a sexy looking product. Let’s see what your centerfold bio says:
Glenfiddich’s first 19-year-old whisky and its first Madeira finish, Age of Discovery is a spicy, fruity and nutty dram, combining the distillery’s orchard-fruit character with the depth of flavour of Madeira’s famed fortified wine.
It’s a Highland, so it’ll have a little bite, but not taste like an burnt Islay orchard going down. It’s currently listed at £90 online (delivery extra), which is aboot $200 Canadian, so perhaps I’ll check out the local liquor store, given that you can’t mail-order nor home-deliver hard alcohol in Canada & I don’t feel like ordering it to my brother’s and then waiting for a reason to stay a weekend at his place to avoid the duty. That opinion might change the closer we get to football season, and the attraction to staying over becomes greater.
The more I read about moving the Raiders to Las Vegas, the more it doesn’t make actual sense to me, from the perspective of establishing a fan base. Given the average price of tickets, and the expected raising of those prices upon entering a new market, the number of actual residents able to reasonably afford seats to the games doesn’t seem high enough. Plus, having to rely on transient visitors to fill in the shortfall sounds like too risky a proposition for ol’ Rog to consider. One of PK’s halfwits went and spoke to someone from The Sands and got a whole bunch of “kinda”, “sorta” and “we’ll see”, plus a bunch of vague promises about a stadium being a “multi-purpose event facility”. Crack journalism! But, I guess that’s why Bob & Jerry make the real decisions.
I really enjoyed the late night dance-party gif-a-thon in Monday’s Open Thread.
I also just wanted an excuse to post these gifs again. If I were 20 years younger, what these invoke wouldn’t be at all creepy. Or sad. Bradley Cooper is my hero.
While researching “The Factory of Sadness” for Thursday’s Open Thread, I found some useful DFO tidbits:
- while looking for a ‘Circle of Sadness’, I found the equally depressing “Tottenham Circle of Life”,
and the more elaborate “Tottenham Wheel of Failure”,
I don’t know which fanbase has been more depressed for longer, but if there ever was a “Sister Cities” program for uniting misery, here are your charter members. But this should aid those Commentists who were talking in last night’s Open Thread about possibly switching allegiances for the upcoming season.
2. When looking for an appropriate Jay Cutler image to reflect my general basketball sentiments, I found this handy “Jay Cutler Emotional Chart”:
Seems about right. Pretty much covers everything, except “hairball” and “your kid has measles”.
3. When looking for an image for “Factory of Sadness”, look what popped up as a choice in Google:
Better watermark that before NFLMemes gets their thieving paws on it.
Found these at House of Grafix while looking for political notes:
They say what we’re all thinking, and just in time for the summer conventions! Order them here; at $1.50 per for Meteor & $2.50 per for Nope, each seems pretty reasonable.
Tonight & Tomorrow’s Copa schedule:
Friday, June 3: Colombia vs. USA – 9:30 – from Levi’s Stadium
Saturday, June 4:
- Costa Rica vs Paraguay – 5:00 – from Camping World Stadium (Orlando)
- Haiti vs Peru – 7:30 – from Century Link Field
- Brasil vs Ecuador – 10:00 – from the Rose Bowl
Finally, if you are staying up late & watching some AFL, tonight’s mock draft topic is:
Which NFL player would make a good AFL player?
AFL schedule is below:
8:45 PM Pacific – Hawthorn vs Melbourne (Live on Fox Soccer Plus!)
9:10 PM Pacific – Carlson vs Brisbane
11:35 PM Pacific – Geelong vs GWS
2:25 AM Pacific – Gold Coast vs Sydney
2:40 AM Pacific – Fremantle vs Essendon
Go Freo!! HAVE AT IT!
http://p.fod4.com/p/media/2b22c67056/3FHwmuqTiGZn0cRZ5rnA_Stairs%20Rolling%20Fail.gif
Meanwhile, “little” brother was in the backyard….
http://www.eeeitacoisa.com.br/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/quebra-um-galho-pra-mim.gif
Midway through the first, Brisbane 1 Carlton 1
A real barn-burner!
Brisbane is, I shit you not, using the strategy of passing backwards to keep the ball away from Carlton. They are up 2-1 now.
A soccer game broke out in Australia!
I found FS1 on my cable box. It’s showing NHRA racing. What the fuck is that?
The’ve been showing the same drag race runs for the last 2 weeks.
So where’s the AFL?
It’s on Fox Soccer Plus.
I don’t think I get that channel. 🙁
Yeah I’ve been wandering from the 220’s to the 600’s (Directv numbers) and I’ve tried everything.
So it’s a profit deal!
1995 Jell-O Commercial (with Bill Cosby and Lindsay Lohan)
https://youtu.be/afN4ib6JAy4
That explains a lot.
7 minutes left in the first, Hawthorn 13, Melbourne 12.
http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/73/50/d614b4b7fb86f4e59618eaaf656582e4.gif
Ouch
How is this a sport? Follow up: if it is a sport that one can make money doing, where do I sign up?
Varsity concussioning?
Uuucccch
What is, “The sound I make passing a kidney stone”?
Speaking of people getting hurt, am I the only one who misses Wipeout?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iz6oZlKJ8HM
That was pretty fun. Both the TV show and the video game.
Second round total:
Dj Taj -8. Eighteen hole total of -16
Brother to be named -3. Eighteen hole total of -6
Your humble narrator (0) par. Eighteen hole total of -3.
Really choked the old hamster coming down to the finish.
I think I need another puff.
And a massage.
But the knee came in at par!
Not just par, my recently repaired knee is kicking some righteous ass. In less than 4 weeks it is hands down better than my old bad knee.
I walked on Wednesday, limp free for the first time in about 2 years. Over 4 miles.
I am ecstatic about the results
Really happy to hear that man.
Cats are dicks.
Ready for basketball.
http://115.imagebam.com/download/hFKtlh1Vj0V74I06j0f8gg/48650/486499646/11260440_1772867729610429_859324291_n.jpg
The world is a terrible place that only rewards terrible people.
Peter King, Exhibit A
The entire NFL, beginning with the owners and working our way on down.
I’m annoyed that 3rd didn’t go in.
http://cdn.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFiles/picture/1575393/82263782.gif
http://funnypicturesplus.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/fail-gif-dancing-girl.gif
There’s something about large objects falling on people that makes it extra amusing. Unless they die, of course.
http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/thefw.com/files/2013/05/funny-gifs-diving-fail.gif
That’s why you wear a helmet!
I’m wondering what he was trying to do; land back on the seat and continue, or hit the 10 point dismount onto the pavement.
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m541n2eOqO1r3gb3zo1_400.gif
http://www.gifbin.com/bin/1236264565_another-treadmill-fail.gif
The flip flops going in different directions is my favorite part of this.
I’m bored. Might be time to go do something stupid.
http://gifcorn.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/A-2Bboy-2Bis-2Bhit-2Bhis-2Bhead-2Bwith-2Bgot.gif
http://cdn3.list25.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/logicfail1.gif
Don’t lie, this is the sport of choice in the DFO Clubhouse.
If not, it oughta be.
Like most NFL players, the problem is he doesn’t wear his helmet properly
Metallica – Master Of Puppets
https://youtu.be/xnKhsTXoKCI
THIRD TIME’S THE CHARM
In belated response to Hippo’s “drugs and asses” comment, Ass N Titties!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eu2OYcgr4rM
I meant to do that.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-bMm_MmnVpls/VW83i08NAkI/AAAAAAAAAIQ/Vz0Zsxg-XoU/s1600/dog%2Bcontest%2Bfail.gif
Meanwhile in Jurgen’s head…
It’s damn hot today.
http://thumbnails116.imagebam.com/48756/a83054487550755.jpg
First 9 hole results:
DJ Taj -8
yeah right -4
Oldest brother to be named later -3
Shit.
Down a buck already. The last 4 holes my birdie/eagle attempt landed less than 2 feet away. Par. Par. Par. Par.
I’ll never make the U.S. open cut at this rate.
Wait, one can go -8 on the Wii Golf course?
yeah right’s older brother.
Wow. The mind reels at the thought.
Motherfucker had a -10 on a nine hole round once. House record.
Other brother and I have a best of -9 on a nine hole round.
Shit’s serious up in here
http://static2.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/5772946+_4eb018173ef9f472cc8555052f0bc7ac.jpg
I’m thinking that second guy was the first guy’s getaway driver.
Really hope I’m wrong about that.
I thought the exact same thing.
http://116.imagebam.com/download/9aRreAWGMQwBALM8lrDGvw/48751/487507827/13258943_602658819908004_1139071654_n.jpg
Oh great. A reader.
Hopefully that’s just where she hides the weed.
Her site is NSFW: http://www.marisapapen.com/
Anyway, I dig this woman partly because she’s into artistic nudity but also because she flew from Europe to L.A. to have my brother shoot her (Not this. I can’t recall what that shoot was for.).
She bought the ticket herself? Damn!
The client paid. She had them hire my brother for the shoot.
He’s not that good. 🙂
Why are there all these English language commercials on Univision?
You know we’re all bilingual, right? We just fake not knowing English to get out of shit.
I would say this is not going well.
His hand was in an unnatural position, as they would say on a BPL broadcast.
If I had a nickel….
So I read “Killing Pablo” and watched all of Narcos Season 1 on Netflix; I’m even 1/2 way through “The Cartel” (sequel to Power of the Dog) by Don Winslow and I still don’t understand why I’m rooting for the US of A to lose to Colombia
Oh Yeah; Jurgen Klinsmann is the MJ of soccer, but the MJ of talk show hosts.
Everybody loves drugs and asses!!!
Big Sean – Dance (A$$) Remix ft. Nicki Minaj
https://youtu.be/pn1VGytzXus
That’s a pretty weak call.
There are people who want to stop the people who bring these with them from coming here.
I do not agree with these people,
I WILL BUILD A WALL OF 30′ CHIMICHANGAS!!!!
/wins election going away.
womp womp
PENAL PENAL PENAL PENAL PENAL
http://66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l9vk0sTzfh1qc073co1_400.gif
THEY’LL NEVER EXPECT INTO THE WALL A SECOND TIME!!
Seriously, did these guys just meet in the parking lot before the game? Do they have no other plays?
THIS USMNT ATTACK I CALL IT THE FIRST IRAQ WAR, BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO TROUBLE BREACHING THE INITIAL DEFENSES BUT KEEP FUCKING UP THE END GAME!!!
http://s3-media1.fl.yelpcdn.com/bphoto/dg32v6J7DWUYYnX7LhlBXw/o.jpg
Is Santa Clara infested with moths?
http://115.imagebam.com/download/EM1A7gvWdjU3RHLdRVpvDw/47762/477610818/684550.jpg
Kyndra de St. Aubin
You can tell from the name she is gonna be…unpleasantly fond of herself
“other than that goal how do you think the US has played?”
“Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?”
http://bestanimations.com/Cartoons/Simpsons/Bart/bart-simpson-animated-gif-7.gif
http://ih1.redbubble.net/image.205841390.8670/flat,1000×1000,075,f.u1.jpg
In the past 20 years, #USMNT has conceded first to a CONMEBOL team 19 times, resulting in 1 win (vs Peru), 3 draws & 15 losses.
I like those odds!
/does not understand odds
http://25.media.tumblr.com/796008d8c4ae426d88168a5347a32db2/tumblr_mkgamm7ddy1qcfjrio1_500.gif
What happened to Julian Green?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7T3SXyvY1CU
OK we’re down one 8 minutes in and we’ve got a free kick just outside the penalty area. What’s our strategy here?
DRILL THE BALL RIGHT INTO THE FUCKING WALL!!!
Perfect! Go out there and nail it.
THAT’S GREAT HUSTLE
Nobody expects a Spanish Inquisition!
Also, did someone give Jurgen Klinsman hepatitis or something? He really looks like shit. Almost morphing into Bea Arthur.
Annnnnnnnnndddddd pffffffffffffftttttttt
I think this is some sort of divine retribution for the US not using a Gob and Jeebus sanctioned shade of True Murkan Blue on those terrible jerseys.
The US has had some truly terrible jerseys in their soccer history.
I’m sure the Nike connection is a mere coincidence.
Like Oregon, minus all the winning.
When the announcers are trying to be inspirational by telling MLS war stories…