NFL Natterings:
- The Ravens have released Eugene Monroe. The Ravens say it’s for football reasons; Monroe says it’s due to his advocacy for medical cannabis. He’ll probably be a Seahawk by Monday, where he can enjoy all the Mary Jane he wants.
- CJ Anderson wants to remind people Mark Sanchez has been to two AFC Championship games. And, he’s right.
- Counterpoint:
- Muhammad Wilkerson won’t sign with the Jets until they offer him what he feels he’s worth. He wants two years; rumour is the Jets only want one. Ryan Fitzpatrick sits at home staring at his Harvard degree.
- Von Miller says there’s “no chance” he plays under the franchise tag. John Elway, meanwhile, chokes on his oats.
- ESPN reports the coroner’s report on Lawrence Phillips’ death has been published. He hanged himself with a bedsheet, but taped a “Do Not Resuscitate” note to his chest prior to going for a swing. Florio reports that his attorney and other journalists had a competing theory about Phillips’ death possibly being a murder, but the coroner doesn’t mention that.
- Steve Smith’s major reason for coming back is his quest to get to 1000 receptions. Here’s the sole reason I want to see it happen:
-
“I may catch that [1,000th pass] in my uniform, get in my car and go home,” Smith said with a smile.
-
- Darren Sharper’s sentencing has been pushed back until August. Hopefully, the proximity to the Hall of Fame induction ceremony won’t prevent Peter King from providing supporting testimony on Sharper’s behalf. Hall of Fame votes count there too, right?
Finally, in what seems like rookie hazing but is an actual thing that happened, Carson Wentz got trapped in a bathroom in New Jersey.
Your Euro 2016 arrest report:
- As of this morning, 323 people had been arrested for Euro-related violence in France
- Russia: 43 fans arrested in Marseille; 20 fans deported
- The French ambassador was officially queried in Moscow; relations were threatened.
- England & Wales: 36 arrested; 16 hospitalized.
Ahem…
Today is the last day of work in my alternative program. Out of 50 kids, I got 13 to graduate, and another 20 will return next year. Still, that’s pretty good numbers based on kids who’ve been kicked down two levels just to arrive at my door. So, I’m going to celebrate with a small SFW gif party:
But…
Summer school starts in two weeks.
DAMMIT!
Tonight’s sports:
- NBA: Game 6 – Warriors @ Cavs – 9:00
- Copa: USA vs Ecuador – 9:30 – Century Link Field, Seattle
Alternative programming:
- ABC: Battlebots: The Gears Awaken – 8:00
- Season 2 preview; 12 bots battle for the last 4 spots
- FXX: Simpsons – A four-hour block, but here’s my highlights:
- “Bart the General” – 8:00
- “Homer’s Enemy” – 9:00
It was announced today that Ashton Kutcher & Mila Kunis are expecting their second baby. Rather than be angry,
I CHOOSE TO REMEMBER THE GOOD TIMES!
Speed freak header goal! USA USA USA!!!!
Are the Cavs this good or are the Warriors this bad?
Yes.
I am not sure I would have described that as “Curry is still holding his right hand.” I am pretty sure that is recovery from a sack tap.
Zardoz?
Varejao is Joakim Noah with a traumatic brain injury
Minnie Driver looks 10X’s better at 46 than she did in Good Will Hunting
This was peak Minnie for me:
http://www.jaredmobarak.com/wp-content/filmstills/grossepointeblank02.jpg
I can’t tell you why, but her face just makes me angry. Driver and Renee Zellweger, too. Even after freaky surgery.
AGREED. Just blech.
Renee Zellwegger is an American treasure, and I will not sit idly by while you besmirch her good name and scrunchy face.
Good day to you!!!!
So think Sprint was just waiting for Verizon’s “not Jared” guy’s Non-Compete clause to run out?
All I think of is Jared when I see him. Exclusively. Jared.
And there goes the power….
WELP. Stay safe!
And it’s back! That’s pretty lucky. Usually it’s down for a while in the mountains….
Happy looting!
What…cause I am black…that means I gotta loot as soon as the power goes out?
That’s RACIST!
/awkwardly looks at the ground digging her toes in the sand
//fuuuuuck
Uh oh. I may have stepped on a landmine.
Nah…JSD stole ’em all.
Don’t HAVE to…we just…assumed you might wanna??
#18 with the Horsecollar Tackle
I want a personal back scratcher.
Try a mop.
It exfoliates too!!!!
I don’t think Anderson Varejao will be very pleased with you trying to steal his hair, though.
would one have to grow their nails out or would you be providing the fake nails to do the said scratching?
An OXO nylon pasta scoop is the next best thing:
Also, I propose Landon Donovan’s new nickname is “The Human Ambien”
That wasn’t a bad call. That was reality trying to set back in.
Holy shit…it is crazy pouring in the Noke…Like tornado skies.
Five minutes ago, I was looking for my car keys to fetch my camera and notes from the car trunk…well that shit ain’t happening until the morning.
Methinks its time to just crash out on the couch and watch soccer until the power goes out.
So Gladiator came on the other day and I forgot how cheesy yet car wreck good it actually is. No one can play a non-threatening black kid from the street like Cuba Gooding Jr…not even his brother Omar could pull that off in Wild and Crazy Kids.
How can you not like a movie with Brian Dennehy and Robbert Loggia?
Because Russell Crowe?
http://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2w3nzWYfs1r4gei2o5_400.gif
Giving up on the Bucs.
¡Que Se Pare El Ecuador!
http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/slides/photos/000/165/233/slide13_display_image.png
“Be a doctor,” they said.
“Be a lawyer,” they said.
“Be an engineer,” they said.
NO ONE EVER SAID “BE A BODY PAINTER”
If only that Austrian body painting school had let Hitler in…
…we’d have super-hawt watercolor renditions of Geli Raubal in painted-on lederhosen.
There were air horns, drunk parents, at least one drunk grandmother and at least one fight at my son’s graduation tonight.
Stay classy folks.
parents or kids in the fight?
Parents. Apparently there was a disagreement over the air horns.
Was it over who was going to cram the airhorns into which orifices of the parents that brought the airhorns?
That’s really the only argument I could see here.
Fun political fact: I went to high school with Chris Murphy. Richard Blumenthal spoke at my high school graduation.
While I agree with Blumenthal politically he is one seriously creepy dude.
He was a fucking terrible graduation speaker.
That just sounds like preparation for watching the Ecuador game.
to think, I got pissed off just due to rednecks shouting “WOO!!!!” at my kid’s
Blowing a 20-point lead at home to force a Game 7 would be very Clevelandish.
They’re down 3-2. Blowing a 20-point lead would lose the series. That would be Peak Cleveland.
I haven’t seen Cleveland get this hot since our 22nd and 24th president tried to go jogging.
Banner worthy.
We’re gonna need a bigger banner if we’re gonna put Grover on it.
William Howard Taft laughs at that lightweight!
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzp6knbRVO1qzy8r9.jpg
Taft is so fat they turned his mausoleum into a university
Isn’t everything in Ohio a mausoleum?
On non-consecutive days?
Jesus, there are literally dozens of fans at the US-Ecuador game.
hey, it’s a long-assed bus ride from Ecuador…
Who knew Bogut was the lynch pin for GSW performance?
Anyone else getting flashbacks to the 1919 World Series?
How fucking old ARE you???
http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/30rock/images/5/55/Kenneth.png/revision/latest?cb=20120416215337
Hmm it wasn’t that small when I looked at it earlier….
Yeah….ummmm….too easy.
Found Tim Donaghy
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Sox_Scandal
Say it aint so Joe, Say it aint so
“And now the Ecuadorean national anthem…”
/Incoherent horns blare
Seems about right
It’s not Soccer if it doesn’t have Vuvuzelas
The US national team fans and FS1 announcers are annoying fuckwits. GO ECUADOR!!!!!
In the middle of a “Power Rangers in Space” binge on Netflix. Its amazing how the actress whose playing the main villain can go from Shatner-esque levels of ham to subtle, moving acting.
Also, HOLY CRAP! WHAT’S HAPPENING IN CLEVELAND?!
Worker’s Comp seems to be a much bigger issue with KFC than I would have expected.
I feel like the Cavs should be winning by more.
So are we “End the Sadness / anti-NBA Patriots” tonight or Pro Steve Kerr being the most accomplished player/coach/announcer in history
At this point I am waiting to see Kerr swooped off the court by an ambulance due to the aneurysm.
I’d like to see Cleveland win. But then again, I was also rooting for the Light Brigade.
/was watching Pee-wee’s Big Adventure
I had to turn it off when Pee-wee said “I meant to do that.” when he clearly did not mean to do that.
Once a movie destroys your trust, the very least you can do is turn it off-so that in the future you can try to learn to trust again.
Wow, this game is even more painful to watch than expected.
NBA Fouls: Game 6
Did someone forget to tell GS that it’s not only OK to score, but that that is kinda the object of the game?
https://youtu.be/AdHkvEf4Vgg
I prefer this version of Mrs. Doubtfire
Being that it’s Cleveland, I’m happy that they didn’t manage to somehow blow the national anthem on a last second turnover or something.
So they cut in the middle of the standby line around 7:10 because the thing had to be finished by 8. I was the first person on the wrong side of the line, no Aggro Crag for me. The fact I got a conciliatory selfie stick makes it worse. Fuck selfie sticks.
To save the rest of you the trouble of looking it up, this is the Aggro Crag:
What you do with it I have no idea.
If tonight’s games aren’t your cup of tea, I suggest you watch the new OJ 30for30.
Sir Craig of Sager?
I like that guy.
As far as I can tell the Pirates have yet to come to bat in this game, yet somehow it’s in the 6th inning.
Evening.
Interview went well.
Also, in Football: Seahawks’ Jon Ryan told a homophobic fan to stop rooting for the Seahawks and then deleted his own account. I guess that’s why he’s a backup.
Yay! Hooray!
GODDAMNIT STOP TIPPING PICKS!
/not serious but you guys are getting too good at guessing Request Line topics in advance.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/0d369e1999155431811ede54a124549d/tumblr_ml5ita0xBU1s99m4bo1_250.gif
Bartolo Colon: the only player in the majors you don’t want on third base.
http://media0.giphy.com/media/4pMX5rJ4PYAEM/giphy.gif
Compared to Johnny Bench, the only player in the majors the ladies want to get to third base with.
Also, nice job teaching those miscreants about bootstraps and encouraging them to graduate and stop being takers and whatnot. Ayn Rand really is the best.
(Seriously, great job with difficult kids. My kid has nothing wrong with her and she and my crippling alcoholism are driving me to drink.)
That’s unconscionable! You should really let an Uber driver drive you to drink.
Is it weird that I’m more excited about USA-Ecuador than Warriors-Cavs?
I’m in that boat…
But you pronounce it “boot”
Welcome to the Dark Side! Punch and Pie on the left.
“Punch and Pie” perfectly encapsulates Johnny Manziel’s philosophy on dating.
Hoping for extra innings in the Dirt Stillers–Dirt Jets baseball affair.
And we’re off!
I’m afraid teh pitchingball isn’t going to cut it foar teh Dirt Stillers this season.
Still have this, though.
Huh. Why didn’t you ever say you liked the Penguins?
http://25.media.tumblr.com/556dd017b157c9b1d941ee34afa4fb94/tumblr_n294sbTK8X1r8nxtno3_400.gif
He dances amazingly well for a racist.
http://www.hogwild.net/images/Balloons/2006.11.26/michael.richards-kramer-seinfeld-christmas-santa.jpg
That’s much, MUCH better.
http://theheritagecook.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Choc-Milk-Shake-June-2012-36b.jpg
Good on the hard work. I literally just walked in the door from North Carolina.
Oh thank Jeebus I convinced my supervisor to have me come down here to inspect their work prior to final fitting. The base plate is too long. The water connections to the drives are only about 350 mm wrong in one direction. In the height direction, only 120 mm. At one point, the fabricators asked me where I was getting the numbers from…I show them my drawing…
“Shit…well what drawing did we use?!?”
“I don’t know…I don’t care. You have 15 days to fix this skid and build the second skid correctly. We get two days of testing and then this shit ships to Canada as is. God help us if this does not happen”
The sad thing…their fabrication drawing agrees with me as its the one I approved. I get asked if I can just ask the customer if they will accept as is. I had to explain that its not up to the customer as the current lineup for hardware makes the system NOT FUCKING WORK. At lunch, the sales guy for their company asked when our next order is due.
“Um…Bill…can we PLEASE FOCUS on the current problems…”
God damn that Perfect Tender Rule
From the outside looking in, the most American ad I’ve ever seen is Jeff Foxworthy pimping unlimited eating at Golden Corral.
Well it’s the most Deep South ad ever…
It’s right up there.
This one was a while ago, but it somehow seems particularly relevant nowadays…
“Now listen, you should really stop being purple and hyooge. Low energy. Sad.”
https://youtu.be/sCQfTNOC5aE?t=12s
(Berleezy voice): I know ya’ll see Garnet’s sexy, thick, ass…
/Fuck, how much longer till Preseason?
Did You Know-
John Williams did the score for Jaws 2 but refuses to acknowledge this in public?
I didn’t but I’d assume.
Oh God we’re only on the D’s.
So’s your mom
“Today is the last day of work in my alternative program. Out of 50 kids, I got 13 to graduate, and another 20 will return next year. Still, that’s pretty good numbers based on kids who’ve been kicked down two levels just to arrive at my door.”
Kudos to you, Sir.
To Rob that is, in case that wasn’t clear.
Thanks either way.
Thanks.
I’ve done my share of teaching and none of it was very hard. When everyone wants to be there and is paying for the privilege it makes the job somewhat easier.
You do what my sister does. I wouldn’t last a day.
http://rlv.zcache.com/keep_calm_and_teach_on_red_postcard-r6a14c0a5eaff4f03995caefaba1b42d7_vgbaq_8byvr_324.jpg
Who’dathunk that Kelso and Jackie would stay together so long and start popping out miniature idiots?
D’awwwwwwwwwwwwww
He’s still punching above weight.
She didn’t have a chance.
She met him when she was 14 and he was 20.
Now think about all the hot seniors you lusted after when you were a freshman, and how you’d still very much like to explore their views on pressed vs. drip coffee.
Now imagine that your high school is Hollywood, one of those seniors is Kate Upton, it’s twenty years later, and she leaves Justin Verlander for you.
Same basic principle.