Your “Is Doug Flutie Still On Dancing With The Stars?” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

NFL Notes:

This is for Dok.
This is for Dok.
  • A saviour has been found for The Factory! Clipboard Jesus himself, Charlie Whitehurst, has come home from vacation and has been signed to become the Browns designated injury for Week 4. Cody Kessler will likely start Week 3 against the 0-2 Dolphins, but once he gets hurt it’s either the punter or Chuck taking it home.
    • Josh McCown is expected to be out 2-3 weeks.
  • Florio seems quite insistent this morning that the NFL adopt the CFL rule of being allowed to challenge Pass Interference calls. Really, it just gives John Fox & Andy Reid more chances to worship BLEERGH!
  • Lane Johnson’s appeal of his 10-game PED suspension will take place during the Eagles Week-4 bye.
  • Crimebeat! update: LeSean McCoy is being sued by two cops who were involved in the bar fight Shady was part of back in February. claim to have suffered personal injuries as a result of trying to break up the altercation.
    • Forgotten in all of this is the fact that the cops were off-duty, the fight allegedly started after the cops tried to liberate a $350 bottle of champagne from Shady’s table, and the “cop card” only got pulled out after the incident. Both the DA and Attorney General refused to lay charges.
    • Here’s the gold:  “Our investigation has confirmed that [officers] Darnell Jessie and Roland Butler were viciously attacked and beaten by LeSean McCoy and the additional defendants,”said Fortunato N. Perri Jr., the attorney for the officers involved in the incident. “As a result of the violent assault, both men have suffered serious and permanent injuries.” No word on if they are still on the job.

      Dick joke!
      Dick joke!
  • Andy Reid is accusing the Texans of “flopping” to get calls. Someone should ask Lindsey Vonn if there’s a difference between a limp Texan and a flopping Texan.
  • People sure seem to be pumping the tires on Carson Wentz. After all, he’s beaten perennial playoff-watching teams like the Bears & Browns.
    • Talk to me after he’s faced the Steelers this weekend and Deebo’s stopped by to say “hello” to his head 2-3 times.
  • The Packers are apparently going to kick the tires on CJ Spiller.

Let’s see who’s hurt:

  • Running Backs: Adrian Peterson, Jonathan Stewart, Doug Martin, Thomas Rawls, Danny Woodhead, Ameer Abdullah and Arian Foster.
  • Quarterbacks: Jimmy Garoppolo, Josh McCown and Jay Cutler.
  • O & D Linemen: DeMarcus Ware, Carl Nassib, Cameron Erving, Leroy Guion, Donald Stephenson and Eddie Goldman.

A couple more weeks, and people like Johnny Football and Tim Tebow are going to think they’ve got another shot. Y’know, except for the whole “4-game suspension” and “a terrible player” things holding them back. Last night, I hoped that Belichick would troll the league and bring in guys like Flutie & Favre just to cover up something else he was planning. But you just know some knucklehead GM is going to throw real bags of money at Beastmode or Megatron just to be sure.

FYI: Marshawn Lynch is scheduled for “Conan” tonight. Not sure if it’s a repeat, but links to past appearances can be found here.


Finally, perhaps not recognizing the irony in their word choices, cbssports.com has a story about how kindly ol’ Rog wants the Raiders to stay in Oakland. “‘Well, you never want to see a community lose their franchise once, much less twice,’ Goodell said.” Now, that’s all fine and dandy, but the real kicker/curb stomp comes a few lines later, after he makes mention of how teams and cities need to partner on solutions.

“‘The Minnesota community did that in a great way. I think we can do it in Oakland. I think there’s a solution there, but it takes the community to help identify it,’ Goodell said.”

The story then notes the level of community “contribution” required to keep the team where it is:

  • “In Minnesota, taxpayers contributed $498 million out of the $1.1 billion total cost.”
  • “In Las Vegas, taxpayers would contribute $750 million of the total $1.9 billion cost.”

And in case you forgot about other cities and their contributions to NFL franchise viability:

  • “The Edward Jones Dome, Reuters reports […], is still saddled with about $144 million in debt and maintenance costs.”
  • “San Diego voters [will vote in November on whether] to raise taxes for nearly $1.2 billion in public debt to help the team build a downtown stadium and convention center.”
I think the Convention Center goes in the taint between the stadiums.
They were afraid Beyonce wouldn’t play this?

 

As follow-up, si.com has a story about the facilities left behind after the Rams buggered off for LA. Much like other abandoned-but-still-functional spaces, the story regales about the benefits of being able to book events without concern for a most pernicious tenant. “Now that we have X number of available weeks,” the stories usually go, “we can schedule events that might normally have passed us by.”

Also, a section of the story is given to the rise of a “St. Louis Titans fan club” – not for relocation, but for road-tripping to Tennessee. That seemed to be borne more out of hatred for Kansas City or Chicago than love for Nashville. Why, I can’t imagine any Cardinals fan having a tough time at Soldier Field.

Google says it’s 313 miles via Interstate, so it can make for a good weekend. In case you were wondering about other options:

  • St. Louis – Kansas City: 250 miles
  • St. Louis – Cincinnati: 350 miles
  • St. Louis – Indianapolis: 245 miles

Hmm…Andy Reid, Skyline Chili and Gravy Boat races. I do kinda see the Tennessee attraction. Plus, having recently been to Nashville myself, I can attest that it’s a great place to visit. And the stadium is just a bridge across the river from the Broadway strip of bars & clubs.

Titans stadium

So, I get that. I drive half as far to go to Seahawks games, and I’ve never not been disappointed in the experience. You want to pick a place you’ll enjoy yourself, not one where you place your life in danger.


Tonight’s sports:

  • MILB: Minor-League Baseball: Triple-A National Championship – 8:00 PM | NBCSN
    • your Scranton/Wilkes-Barre RailRiders and your El Paso Chihuahuas
  • World Cup of Hockey 2016: Canada vs. U.S. – 8:00 PM | ESPN/Sportsnet
  • MLB Baseball:
    • Giants at Dodgers – 10:00 PM | ESPN2/TSN
    • Blue Jays at Mariners – 10:00 PM | Sportsnet1

God bless minor league baseball. 

 

Who needs focus-group tested mascots? IT’S A PURSE DOG VERSUS A PORCUPINE!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Senor Weaselo

That big fight, this requiem nearly buried her. The requiem we’re playing on Saturday has to finish the job.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohwWBT8rW2M

Senor Weaselo

And my lip was quivering at the end, where I locked eyes with cellist friend and she could see the emotions taking hold. That was one of the best performances I’d played in a while though.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Vm_uIKVHQo

Sill Bimmons

I GUESS S&M STANDS FOAR SWISS & MUSHROOM AMIRITE UP TOP

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Gentlemen (and lady/ladies): I had not had a drink since Saturday night. That has been remedied.

Sill Bimmons

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litre_cola

Phil Housley would have been a great coach for this team. Up tempo, defense pressing, not leaving gifted offensive players at home.

Horatio Cornblower

USA Hockey is getting killed but at least Tortorella has got his guys standing for the anthem.

Piece of shit guy and apparently a worse coach.

Senor Weaselo

Oh shit, Elvis is at a AAA game! Wait… oh shit, I’m watching a AAA game!

litre_cola

How does Tortorella keep getting work? He crashed for the Ice Giants, was horrific for the Ice Lions, and underachieved last year for the Ice Buckeyes. Then they give him the nod for the US team???

Sill Bimmons

He hates the media even more than the traditional hockey establishment does and will say the things they’re only allowed to think.

Horatio Cornblower

Pardon me sir, it appears we share an opinion. Might you have a newsletter to which I could subscribe?

Also fuck Tortorella.

Sill Bimmons

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Unsurprised

I’m proud to be Mexican, but holy shit do we suck in lots of ways as a culture. This machismo shit is the first of the bad traits that should be put against the metaphorical wall and eliminated

blaxabbath

Try being white.

Seriously, try it. It’s fucking great. Do whatever you want, whenever you want, with no, sense, of, rhythm.

Horatio Cornblower

As a straight white male I can attest that this is, in fact true. This rules.

Which makes me wonder what the fuck is wrong with those alt-right, MRA assholes. If you can’t make it in this world as a straight white male then brother you do not belong in the gene pool.

blaxabbath

No shit! I mean, if you fall behind then, yeah, there’s no one looking to give you a hand up (sorry Appalachia) but, you gotta really fuck up being a white male.

Like, the drawback to being a white male is that people might accuse you of ‘mansplaining’ or ‘showing your privilege’. Like, LITERALLY, I cannot think of a smaller downside for all perks.

Sill Bimmons

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Unsurprised

Gee. I wonder what the chances are of whether the Mexican who caused the accident that clipped my brother’s car in L.A. has insurance

litre_cola

Trump says no.

Unsurprised

Yeah, but So does everyone in California

litre_cola

Really wish I had the ESPN feed of this game instead of these chuckleheads on Sportsnet.

litre_cola

Would like to hear Roenicks analysis. We get Kelly Hrudey who is a class A asshat, Nick Kypreos who couldn’t skate his way out of an Ice Capades show among others.

Sill Bimmons

We got Hull and Chelios.

I’d call it a draw.

litre_cola

Oh lord, I thought that your worst was Barry the Mullet Melrose

Sill Bimmons

We get to hear him ruin the play-by-play!

Sill Bimmons

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Horatio Cornblower

That demon looks pretty jacked and last I heard Jesus has got a couple of pretty serious hand injuries.

Sill Bimmons

Christ, Jesus–Questionable (stigmata)

blaxabbath

From a page about the Browns signing Whitehurst. One commenter suggested they go pick up an additional QB before this guy chimed in.

Do we got anymore room on the staff???

Unsurprised

Is it 1996?

Unsurprised

I hope Shady is suing the fuck out of those cops in civil court. I’d happily intern for his legal team.

Sill Bimmons

Tweet him.

ppl. love free lawyer’s,, lawyers forget taht smh

Senor Weaselo
Unsurprised

No Twitter. Besides, I would want to go to the source and fondness out who his lawyers are.

Sill Bimmons

Is “fondness out” a fancy law-talkin’ guy term?

Unsurprised

Autocorrect fucked me.

JustStopDude

Considering that the all the cops need to do in Oklahoma is tell someone to raise their hands, and when they do, shoot the brother for doing so on camera…

Methinks he is going to get his ass handed to him.

Sill Bimmons
theeWeeBabySeamus
theeWeeBabySeamus
Gratliff

“Toyota Roster Tune-up

Don’t worry, Broken Grat Hardy, the Toyota Hall of Fame says losing isn’t contagious. But it is embarrassing. And you should be embarrassed.”

I don’t think I like fantasy football anymore, guys.

Sill Bimmons

y u no gif?

Gratliff

Fuck it, time to ride the Wentz train to 0-3. At least I’ll get to root for fantasy players I actually want to win.

Sill Bimmons

The virtual ads on the boards are very distracting.

Unsurprised

Impressive ball handling

blaxabbath

Sup?

I’m listening to the 538 podcast. This election is fucking out of whack.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sill and Hippo so sayeth….who am I to say differently?
For Senor…..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmBJje4g0ck

JustStopDude

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Shogun Marcus

If you ate only recipes people shared on Facebook for a week, you’d have died a month ago. Smgdh.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons

HEY GATORADE YOUR “LETS RUN THE WHOLE THING BACK” ADS DONT FUCKING RHYME INCREDIBLE AND INEVITABLE DONT EVEN HAVE THE SAME NUMBER OF SYLLABLES GET A RHYMING DICTIONARY AND A METRONOME YOU FUCKTARDED IDIOTS

Senor Weaselo

Go RailRiders, because the big club ain’t making the playoffs.

So we finally talked. The good news is she’s no longer seeing the guy who kinda started this whole mess at that party I got pissed at her about and is kind of meh. But she’s realized how important religion is to her, and something she’s sorely missed, and is part of why it hasn’t worked out in her past relationships as much as she tried to deny it. So she will never be mine. To put a funny spin on it, she’ll never choose me because I’m not Chosen.

It’s a Lonely Hearts kinda night for me. You’ve been warned.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cyds_hqw-gY&index=9&list=PLl0kPx2XyetcO5kRbk88embZktjfjIBf8

Sill Bimmons

Do not walk, RUN FOR YOUR GODDAMN LIFE

King Hippo

WHAT SILL SAID. This gal likes attention, and getting it without having to give anything back. And she finds anyway and every way to spin you around so that cycle continues.

I know because I’ve been on the receiving end of this cycle of terror. And I saw all the signs and refused to read them, and refused to listen to any warnings of friends, real or imaginary.

It will hurt like hell, but you need to cut this leech out thoroughly, cleanly, and completely.

Period. Full stop.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Youse guys is harsh. But not wrong.

Senor Weaselo

We’re always going to be close. We’re bonded by that solo performance, and thanks to her, I finally realize I’m more than my past mistakes. I finally realize I’m good enough for someone. I wish she could have at least gotten to finish the job opening me up *wink wink* but she’s one of my best friends in the world. I wouldn’t have fallen in love with her, the first girl I’ve fallen in love with, if we didn’t have that bond. But the writing is on the wall. The dream of her was wonderful, but it’s time to wake up, I’ve hit the snooze button too many times. She will never be mine.

Whoever she is, Senorita, then Senora Weaselo, she’s gonna be someone special. This girl got a piece that was meant to be my apology if we never reconciled after that fight (which’ll be on Lonely Hearts Redux whenever that is), and she’ll always have a motif and a place in my heart. But I’m saving the Romance. That’s my wedding present for whoever that unknown woman is. And it will have to be nothing short of the best thing I ever write, and the best performance I ever give.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Shogun Marcus

At least now you know. It’s done. You’re alive and made it out the other end. There will be residue for a bit, but that’ll fade. From what it sounds like presumably you keep her as a friend too if you wish so good.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Used to go to a lot of Scr/WB games, but back then they were the Phil’s triple A club.
I like the name Railriders better than Red Barons.

And warned? I love it when you go all lonely hearts and shit. Makes me know I’m not so fucking alone in the whole feeling sorry for meself game. You go girl.

theeWeeBabySeamus

But yeah, the religion thing might be something to think about fo sho if that’s not your bag. If it is, no judgement.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons

I thought Nashville was the sucky part of “Tennesseein’ Is Tennebelievin’!”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ummmmm….you’ve obviously never been to Tennessee. To say there’s a sucky part would be to say there is a non-sucky part.

They have fairly nice rest area facilities is about the nicest thing I can say. Fuck that state.

Sill Bimmons

Never been, never going.

litre_cola

Me thinks Torts should put Bishop in soon.

scotchnaut

Beerguy-you’re thorough.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JustStopDude
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I had to approve my own comment awaiting moderation. Come on, Balls. /phrasing

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
The Maestro

Lol never mind, 2-1 Canada, we’re cool now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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The Maestro

Goddamnit America, you broke Carey Price’s shutout streak. Dicks.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Holy shit am I hungry right now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

How did they find a dancy lady short enough to galabant around with Flutie?

Also, tonight I was trying to get a stubborn brown rice grain that was stuck behind my back tooth…and the goddamned tooth came out instead. Not a lick of blood, either. Just a clean, apparently dead-ass tooth.

Another joyous day in the life of being an old muthafucka.

JustStopDude

The same talent scout company that used to do the scouting for extras for Walker: Texas Ranger.

Seriously…Chuck Norris is only 4’11”

Kungjitsu
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck dude. Want contact info for hottie oral (hee hee) surgeon? She’s engaged to some dillweed as I understand it, but we can easily get rid of him, and the body too.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

ha!!!!! it’s in the back, I’m not seeing the need for oral surgery except that she is pill-friendly CHUH CHUH

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hee hee…..She is semi-pill friendly. She doles it out, but not in quantities which would likely make a shit to you, LMAO. I thought you might want to bang her, but you went in a completely different direction. No judgement tho.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

re one’s stash, ALWAYS be a grower, not a shower…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Goddamnit- the week I’m in trial and there’s another Teflon LeSean story. Fuckery

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[looks at header picture]

[jaw drops]

– Jim Kelly

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JustStopDude

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Obligatory. “Flakes”…noun or verb?
Yes.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sonofabitch….I really need sleep. Yes, forgot to link the image.
Fuck.
http://images.mentalfloss.com/sites/default/files/flutie-flakes1_5.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Does Nashville have good strip clubs?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

No. Their “sexually oriented businesses board” (no joke) mandated distance between nude dancer and customer, so lap dances feature bikinis. And byob but you buy ice. Or so I’ve heard.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So the famous Fister Sisters don’t do shows there?

http://media.giphy.com/media/5WaVmEu7A5CxaNoFo2c/giphy.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

A double Hankey, is what I believe those are called.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It’s just Ameer knee injury.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

WOOOOOO! GO FIGHTIN’ PURSE DOGS!

It’s the closest the Padres will be to winning anything other than the race to the cellar for many years to come!

Don T

St. Louis Titans Fan Club? That is either Grade A spite or bottom shelf self-loathing.

Don T

Hmm… Checks out.
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Via @StLouisTitans