Your “Uhh…Go Mets?” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

NFL notes:

  • Due to Unsportsmanlike Conduct calls being up 220% this year over last (HAIL BLEERGH!),  the League is going to provide teams and officials with “clarification” of what the rule means. Hopefully, this leads to Jeff Triplette trying to describe the “Hingle McCringleberry”.
    • According to Dean Blandino, NFL VP of officiating,

[t]he key is if it’s a gesture that either mimics a violent act — that’s something with a firearm or a bow and arrow — or a sexually suggestive act, those are unsportsmanlike conduct. That’s … something that officials will flag.

  • Injury report:
    • Carson Palmer has been ruled out for Thursday’s game. That means it’s the Drew Stanton show!
    • Cam Newton didn’t practice Wednesday morning.
    • Devon Still has been placed on IR by the Texans. He had been a starter all year.
      • BTW, Leah Still is still in remission. Yay!
    • Dez Bryant is still not practicing.
  • Dallas police have determined that Aqib Talib shot himself in the leg. In other news: water is wet.
  • This week’s Crimebeat! will no doubt include Todd Marinovich, who has been charged with trespassing, public nudity, and possessing methamphetamine and drug paraphernalia.

This can’t be good.

Aggravating aggregator Bleacher Report has a story about how Trump is somehow having a pernicious influence inside some NFL locker rooms.

Not helping matters is people like Rex Ryan publicly coming out in support of Trump and players seething about it. The anthem protests appear to be the canary in the coalmine of locker room dissension.

Segments like this below probably don’t help, and is also noteworthy because he was the only white player willing to have his name used in the article:

Ryan declined to comment, but at least one white Buffalo player—Richie Incognito, the offensive lineman notorious for a bullying scandal that included racial slurs and who has now become a force in the Bills clubhouse—insists that Trump’s winning message has resonated with NFL players like him.

That’s how you build team chemistry, folks.

Finally, GRONK! has had it “up to here” with complaints about your fantasy league team. He’s even getting hit up by former players:

Let’s ask his owner

Oh. Never mind.


I have absolute confidence in the depravity of modern Blue Jays Bro-fans. These are your typical bandwagoneers, much like Seahawks fans that can only name players from 2012 forward, but with a Capital City sense of entitlement. Imagine if the Yankees were the lead story on every major sports, news and entertainment channel in every major US city. That’s what it’s like watching Canadian TV when a Toronto team does well. If the minor league team I work for wasn’t affiliated with them, I’d have no interest in the Blue Jays. But at least I can name the ones who started their careers in Vancouver, way-down the minor league roster.

God fucking help us if the Leafs ever become good.

Maybe ask this guy for his whereabouts.
Maybe ask this guy for his whereabouts.

Deadspin reports allegations of racial slurs being used. Me personally, I don’t think it was racist racial slurs, but the acknowledged screams of “Go back to your country!” in Toronto-speak means “Yankee Go Home!” They weren’t yelling it at a Korean kid but a player in an American city’s uniform. Reminder: the Blue Jays are advertised as “Canada’s Team”, yet (at most) three players on the active roster are from The Home and Native Land.

Admittedly, I’m not much of one to talk – my city rioted after losing the 2011 Stanley Cup. That multicultural affair occurred not in the impoverished part of the city where it should have, due to the economic inequality, but the downtown core where all the not-poor people were hanging out. I was at that game, and left in the direction of the Downtown East Side, because I knew there’d be less trouble (and, also, open bars to wile away my time). Much like last night in Toronto, that wasn’t social upheaval but simply assholes thinking they have a free pass.


Tonight’s sports:

  • MLB Playoff: Giants at Mets – 8:00 PM | ESPN/Sportsnet
  • College Football: Georgia Southern at Arkansas State – 8:00 PM | ESPN2/TSN3
  • NBA Preseason: Raptors at Clippers – 10:30 PM | TSN

If I can just get through tomorrow, I’ve got the Thursday night game, all-day MLB playoffs Friday, and then a three-day weekend due to Canadian Thanksgiving. I REGRET NOTHING!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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theeWeeBabySeamus
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am gonna give cliff notes. My mom broke her wrist. I spent most of the day at a hospital, they sucked at a lot of things, think my mom ended up ok. My mom also sucked at planning the day because I was unnecessary for most it. I think I am gonna get asked to drive her foreign exchange student everywhere now which I am not looking forward to. Plus I was actually doing something today and I kept getting people telling me how bad I looked. I know. I can’t fucking sleep and now my life is gonna be an alarm clock for 18 hours a day for my mom, and the 80 other things she over schedules her life for. I got a call tonight, where she had 4 backups to me to be helpful on day one, just to open her pill bottle, none of them helped her. My life is stupid shit for another 12 weeks.

Unsurprised

I suggest a pillow and an alibi. We’ve got you covered on the alibi.

Senor Weaselo

Sorry to hear both about your mom and the extra stupid shit you have to do

Senor Weaselo

All right, now just go Rangers and go Indians and I don’t have to curse out who wins that much. (I’d still curse out the Dodgers and Giants, just less.)

Beerguy Rob

I’m feeling two emotions:

– Fuck, the Giants won.

– FUCK YEAH! “Road House” is on!

http://abload.de/img/road-houseunqqe.gif

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hee hee.

Senor Weaselo

Unfortunately as good of a movie as it is I keep seeing Peter Griffin saying “Road house.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Have a good night, Mets. You can join the Orioles in the airport lounge, all the while knowing your manager at least wasn’t dumb enough to fuck you over. See you in April, dicks.

Giants….fuck you. You didn’t deserve the slot to begin with.

Sharkbait

Mets. Womp womp

Sill Bimmons

oh goddammit

Senor Weaselo

I’m pretty sure the only ones rooting for the Giants here are the SF people, Horatio, and me. And on that note, woo, suck it Familia!

herodotus450

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JustStopDude

Every nice Canadian I know is originally from another country.

Every born in Canada…Canadian I know is a complete asshole. Seriously…it would be like finding out that every single person in Somalia is an investment banker. The average Canadian is a fucking asshole. May be a passive one…but still a fucking asshole.

Beerguy Rob

Some of us resemble that remark.

Mr. Ayo

You gotta believe!

Sill Bimmons

GET THE K

Gratliff

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Good god.
That’s life changing.
And totally asking to get spanked….just saying.

Gratliff

And just think, she’s married to a 300 lbs Bulgarian.

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Sharkbait

I’m working now with a mets fan who is slowly being driven insane by this game.

Sill Bimmons

I just really hate the baseball Giants so much.

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Gratliff

It’s good that Chris Berman has a legacy.

Gratliff

It’s fascinating to see how everyone branches off once all we have is baseball. Personally, I go with the reigning Lucha Underground Champion and Literal Container For Ancient Aztec Gods/Literal Cannibal Mexican Jason Voorhees, Matanza Cueto vs. Last True Descendant of Aztec Warriors/Totally Not Ricochet In a Mask, Prince Puma. Good shit.

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https://twitter.com/LuchaElRey/status/783832290547736576

Sill Bimmons

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Gratliff

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Sill Bimmons

Does anyone know what that .gif represents?

Gratliff

Hallucinogens?

Sill Bimmons

Neurotransmitter dispersion!

Shogun Marcus

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King Hippo

Westworld…is fucking good, you guys.

Brick Meathook

Yul Brenner is awesome in that.

Sharkbait

Also fuck tennis.

litre_cola

“That is something I should do in retirement” – Rick Pitino

litre_cola

Dear God these announcers are such Mets homers. It is like listening to Aikman call the Cowboys.

Sill Bimmons

Cha cha cha cha cha
Don’t you know that I love ya
Cha cha cha cha cha
Always thinkin of ya

Fuck whoever wrote those lyrics with a double bass.

Sill Bimmons

I still can’t believe that Amazon killed that Alec Baldwin/Missy Elliot ad campaign so quickly!

Who could have guessed that no one relevant who is still alive gives a fuck about either of those two people?

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No one even cared enough to turn it into a .gif smgdmfh

Blaxabbath

Roberto Alomar Jr! Toronto also had a white guy who always wore a helmet, didn’t they?

Anyways, I’m still at work so thought I’d check in. Good stuff on the gifs today. Sorry I haven’t time to JUDGE and then post just winning quotes.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hmmm, this airbnb doesn’t have TV. What am I watching on netflix after my breakfast for dinner?

WCS

Narcos, porn, porn, more porn, and then, I dunno, uh, Kimmy Schmidt?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Kimmy Granger
(google her…trust me…but not with wifey around)

Sill Bimmons

Jim Jefferies

Sill Bimmons

Realizing that including a photo of Iliza without including a photo of Jim isn’t exactly equal representation:

http://d1ya1fm0bicxg1.cloudfront.net/2015/03/promoted-media_5509daefc3e97.jpg

Gratliff

It’s important that we leave some eye candy for the ladies as well.

Sill Bimmons

inorite

ballsofsteelandfury

Detectorists Season 2! Or season 1 if you didn’t see the first one.

Unsurprised

I’m a big fan of Tom Segura, but you don’t want a photo of him.

Or: Varsity Blues (I’m watching now), Bring It On, Dazed and Confused, Pulp Fiction, Big Trouble In Little China, Kingpin, Jaws, Saving Private Ryan.

Do you have Amazon Prime (Does anyone not?)?

litre_cola

I am yelling very much at the dirt football game. But hey my new brother in law came through with cannibutter so I made cookies!

Sill Bimmons
litre_cola

The Canni “Sour cherry blasters” are exactly like the candy. Dangerous as you just eat them as you have the munchies but they give you the munchies. WHOOAAA

theeWeeBabySeamus

I didn’t stop at nearly enough dispensaries in July on my way thru the state.
*sigh*

Lothar of the Hill People

Anyone else ready for summer to be over?

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Unsurprised

Fuck you

Lothar of the Hill People
theeWeeBabySeamus

Me too.

Sill Bimmons
Lothar of the Hill People

Can I get this woman? I’ll buy lots of sugar.

http://philly.barstoolsports.com/files/2014/05/e3.gif

Sill Bimmons

u get teh sugar ,, u dont buy the sugar smgdh

Lothar of the Hill People
theeWeeBabySeamus

Dinner time.

WCS

Unsurprised

More productive than my day, because I’m stupid.

WCS

Did you drive to the moon?

Unsurprised

I barely drove from my bed to the living room

Sill Bimmons

SAND SAND SAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sitting down to take the jeopardy online test….with a tall boy of mama’s little yella pils.

Sometimes I think this is the theme of my life:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dJOIf4mdus&app=desktop

Sill Bimmons

FIRST PITCH SWING GAAAAHHHHHHH

Sharkbait

Good evening fellow inebriates.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Good evening to you, fellow sexual deviant.

Unsurprised

So we’re not going to talk about PK being on Pardon My Take? I’m good with that.

herodotus450

He’s a recurring guest now

Unsurprised

Oh, fuck me

Sill Bimmons

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Lothar of the Hill People

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Lothar of the Hill People

Whoops. Wrong one.

http://i.imgur.com/S6ZSJoi.gif

Sill Bimmons
WCS

Karl Rove told me the polls are always skewed and manipulated by the leftist soshlists libtards.

Lothar of the Hill People

Gallup political polls actually suck balls. They’ve been wrong quite a bit–only right 71% of the time. Nate Silver’s analysis says they have a R bias, and he gives them a B- grade.

http://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/pollster-ratings/

...

Even though I’ve been a big fan of 538 for a long time, I’ve finally decided to not bother with them anymore. Aside from Nate Silver’s descent into pundity (and his embarrassing mistake today of writing that Bush won PA in 2004), I’m getting increasingly annoyed with his horse-race-like projections that ignore the massive partisan nature of voters and the fact the polling in this election has been part of a larger 20-year trend of great stability. Most of the polling movement you see is likely noise and it’s fair to say this cake was baked months ago.

Lothar of the Hill People

You’re spot on. We’re seeing a lot of noise in the signal, because there aren’t really many undecideds in the electorate–certainly not the 10-15% that would account for the swing from Clinton leading by 5%, then to 10%, then to Trump pulling even, etc.

Sure, maybe people are being classed as “undecided” because what they’re really undecided about is whether or not they’re going to vote, but even still, there’s too much movement in the polls for them to be reflecting actual reality.

And when push comes to shove, I gotta believe that Trump’s ceiling is indeed 40%. When he was opposed in the primaries, he couldn’t break that ceiling. I don’t think enough Republicans are so blinded by ideological purity (hoping for a conservative Supreme Court) that they’ll be able to hold their nose and vote Trump. Maybe I’m just hoping, but I think more Americans are smart enough to realize what a dumpster fire a Trump presidency would be.

Unsurprised

I have no faith in people, so I can absolutely see those cretins voting for Trump because of the Court or whatever.

Unsurprised

Now’s the time to make the money, and so you do what you have to do

...

I actually think the betting markets are reasonably efficient, so I won’t be putting cash down on this.

Sill Bimmons

Claiming that you can create a statistically accurate poll in the age of the internet is like claiming that you can kill a blue whale with a sewing needle.

...

I think polling is probably fine as a whole, but that the problem comes when polls herd around a result rather than following the method that will yield some outlier results from time to time.

Lothar of the Hill People

No, I disagree. The methodology exists. Polls can be plenty accurate. You just need a big enough sample size.

There is a lot of discussion about how borked SRS gets when doing phone polls, because of the correlation between people who opt-out of phone polls (by not answering the phone, by hanging up, etc.) and political affiliation. My argument is to grow the fucking sample. I’m POed that we get national polls with 750 respondents and a margin of error based on a CI that’s fucked because 10,000 people opted out of the sample. Maybe we get 2,000 respondents out of 40,000 attempts, and capture more diversity in the sample… but that would cost 4x as much, and would require less skill (and payment) to the pollsters in analyzing the results.

Lothar of the Hill People

Plus, for fuck’s sake, national polls are completely irrelevant.

Unless we finally get rid of the fucking electoral college.

Besides, the best predictive polling isn’t based on the question, “Who are you going to vote for?” but instead on the question, “Regardless of how you will vote, who do you think is going to win?”

...

Yes, national polls are largely useless. I’m not a huge fan of how 538 uses them although I understand the underlying reasoning.

Sill Bimmons

That was my point.

Lothar of the Hill People

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Sill Bimmons

FUCK MADBUM RIGHT IN THE EAR

Lothar of the Hill People

So twerking is sexually suggestive, according to the NFL? Color me surprised.

Given in the 1950s Elvis’s hip thrusts were too hot for TV, give it a decade or two and the cheerleaders will be twerking naked on the laps of fans.

LemonJello

Can you narrow it down a little more? I’d like to start saving for the seat license/season tickets now.

King Hippo

I wonder why the zombie shows have never tackled non-human mammal infection. To me, THAT would make great teevee. If like, raccoons all became zombified, then maybe if went up the chain. No people…yet. You could still have some really gruesome violence, some neat virology science discussion, and society would ABSOLUTELY still break down. Just much differently. And the sword of Damacles would always dangle.

WCS

Go read Burnsy’s write-ups on ZOO. Hysterical.

That he and Danger Guerrero are still working for The Site That Shall Not Be Named is both a minor miracle, and a shame, as they’re wasting their talents working for Admiral Dickbag Ben Blank.

Unsurprised

Well, because look at Ape’s stellar writing career since he left.

King Hippo

if’n you want to feel good about something, apparently the private polling – GOP and Dem – show a more dramatic Trumpocalyptic polling dropoff than even what we’ve seen the past week in the public stuff.

So…suck it Rexy and Richie. And HillyBob WOO!!!!!!!

jjfozz

My new reality show pitch: Shitting in a Public Toilet.

I want to take really shy people and feed them an immense meal, and then make them shit in a public toilet.

Listen if Naked and Afraid can work, anything can.

WCS

Shitting In a Public Toilet: The Drew Magary Chronicles

King Hippo

I for one, fucking LOVE it. But I am maybe not the best, broadest target demographic.

...

So, could we tweak this concept to be sort of like those traveling restaurant shows only instead of eating at popular places it’s me shitting in the world’s various public toilets?

I’m a filthy human being so I’m totally willing to do this.

King Hippo

that sounds like something that Ricky Gervais and Steven Merchant would do to poor Karl Pilkington.

Spanky Datass

Chronicles of a Public Poopist

Sill Bimmons

Ummm…

jjfozz

DFO I am back – new job rocking like a fucking malt liquor milkshake.

How you boys fucking doing?

...

This… sounds really good.

Sill Bimmons

hey guys

Beerguy Rob

WASSUP?!

WCS
Spanky Datass

suh duu

Sill Bimmons

yo bruu

stocked up foar a hurricane that isn’t coming

entropy

OK, I’m gonna go watch the game without access to a computer so that all of my insanity can be denied later. Be back once the Mets win.

WCS

There’s also uber-JV footy tonight, with Sun Belt/Fun Belt action between Georgia Southern and Arkansas State.

entropy

This woman is a Mets fan:

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King Hippo

again….did NOT SKIP ab day..holy shit

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nicole makes shitty music, but is a goddess nonetheless. You ppl respect her dammit.

King Hippo

I am doing an experiment this fall. My plan is to watch absolutely NONE of the el beisbol playoffs. I think with the NFL, JV NFL, and lesser footy…that’s enough. And I will end up just rage watching anyway since I hate so many of the participants.

So…not a minute, not an inning. I certainly won’t miss Joe Buck and Harold Fucking Reynolds.

WCS

It’s an even-numbered year, and the Giants are in the Wild Card Game. You won’t miss anything.

King Hippo

in all seriousness, I was kind of happy they edged out the Cardinals because I didn’t want to lose to the Small Bears again and I figured Los Gigantes might do their even year thing and I would have Schadenfreude.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I wish I’d gone that route last night.
FML. I still want Buck Showalter dead.

...

FEAR THE INFANTILE URSINE

Unsurprised

I’ve been doing that for 36 years. It works amazingly well.

SonOfSpam

Richie Incognito : Trump supporter :: Todd Marinovich : Meth supporter

entropy

Is there anything less surprising than Icognito being a Trump supporter? And is calling everyone who disagrees with you a “loser” really a “winning message?”

SonOfSpam

It’s most effective when spelt “your a looser”

entropy

True.

Also: should anyone in Buffalo really be associated with a “winning” message?

Unsurprised

I’ve been calling Trump supporters losers for a couple weeks now and I’m perfectly fine with it.

King Hippo

I have WAY MOAR respect for Todd Marinovich than Richie AND Rex Ryan combined.

/really looking forward to his firing now

...

Marinovich is actually a sympathetic character.

King Hippo

yeah, I watched his 30 FOAR 30, poor fucker really never had a chance

theeWeeBabySeamus

At least no matter what happens in tonight’s wild card game, I won’t be suicidal.*

*not because of the game.

entropy

Oh yeah… I was rooting for the O’s last night, so you have to do your part and root for the Mets, because when they lose tonight, I’m gonna need SOMEONE to either help tie the noose, or make sure the garage door is sealed properly…

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m happy to be Mets fan tonight.
I’m a good athletic supporter.

Beerguy Rob

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SonOfSpam

Just in case, though, aim for the chest, so we can check your brain for CTE*.

*Chocolate Turtle Eggs

theeWeeBabySeamus

You are. But shouldn’t you be feeding/cleaning/dressing/changing/hugging some tiny human somewhere? You didn’t sell her for beer money did ya?

WCS

I very nearly sold her for scrap metal today.

SonOfSpam

Lemme guess – she shit her diaper and fucked up the deal at the last second. Stupid kids.

King Hippo

As Mister Robinson reminded us even before the internet, you could get good money FOAR a white baby in near-mint condition!

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/mr-robinsons-neighborhood/n9117

/sorry can’t embed these fuckers

entropy

Well, he’s sorta off-white.

King Hippo

Here’s today’s riddle, boys and girls. What’s part black, Puerto Rican, and has my eyes?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Your mother?
Oh sorry, sorry….that’s the answer if we were talking about me.