This Little Piggy Went 8-8: Your Bills Bye Week Update

The Bills are 4-5 at the bye week.

That’s your update.

Normally, I would give a pseudo-humorous recap of the ups and down of the season so far, filled with hilarious swear words and celebrating the pleasure-pain that is the Buffalo Fan Experience.

There would be some mention of the many injuries sustained (notably the defensive rookies and Sammy Watkins). I’d probably make some mention of Richard Sherman attempting to take off Dan Carpenter’s leg at the knee, which a national television audience saw but none of the officials did (Touchdown Seahawks, I guess).

Hell, I’d probably make some snarky comment about the logic of trying to fix an underperforming defense by firing the offensive coordinator- and the insanity that it actually worked for a couple of games.

I’d praise them for taking down the Cardinals and splitting the series with the Greatriots (even if one was against a man named Brisket). I’d be pissed they made the Jets and Dolphins look good. I’d make another crack about Touchdown Seahawks.

But I can’t.

I can’t for the same reason the entire world (other than Russia) is shitting its collective pants right now.

I can’t because several years ago I and the rest of my misguided tribe got angry and scared that some narcissistic billionaire with creepy “hair” who’d run half of his businesses into the ground was trying to buy my Bills. And I was worried about the damage he was going to do if he was in charge of a motherfucking football team.

Well, here we are. Fearless Leader and Balls of Steel have given excellent commentaries, so I will leave it at that.

But dear God, for a simpler time when I worried about Donald Trump and my fucking football team.

The Bills will finish even at 8-8. And I don’t care.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Feared conqueror; scholar; poet; revered holy man; professional raconteur; soldier of fortune; gentle yet thorough lover; bandit; blazing gypsy speedboat. I have been called most of these things.
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Feared conqueror; scholar; poet; revered holy man; professional raconteur; soldier of fortune; gentle yet thorough lover; bandit; blazing gypsy speedboat. I have been called most of these things.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
jjfozz
Member

Because I consider DFO my home away from home, and because I consider all of you my imaginary friends, let me try and explain my last comment.

I don’t find the fact that Trump got elected funny. I find him to be a reprehensible person.

What I found funny was some of the more over the edge reactions and postings.

Now, I’m about to do something almost as painful as being a citizen of this country for the next four years: I’m attending tonight’s Color Rush Shitfest at Ravens Stadium Bonus: I have to present a proposal tomorrow so I can’t get shitfaced.

Again, I love all of you.

blaxabbath
Member

A “Ravens Stadium Bonus” is what Ray gave Janay Rice.

Jhttp://akns-images.eonline.com/eol_images/Entire_Site/2014815/rs_600x326-140915164953-GoodellMustGo.jpg

Bloody Lethal
Member
Bloody Lethal

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LemonJello
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LemonJello

Fun Fact: Color Rush Shitfest was the worst week of my life after getting food poisoning while deployed to Djibouti.

Bloody Lethal
Member
Bloody Lethal

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Bloody Lethal
Member
Bloody Lethal

Tonight’s picture trivia round more for my light smattering of fans will be name that famous reality tv star/future president.

http://az616578.vo.msecnd.net/files/2014/10/20/6354936987637061421928954535_tumblr_msk6gpyS3B1ql5yr7o1_400.gif

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Thanks for sending me down a rabbit hole looking for video of Butt-head saying “I don’t care for Deena”. Look at what I found, though – I’ve never seen this before!

Bloody Lethal
Member
Bloody Lethal

Tonight’s picture trivia round more my light smattering of fans will be name that famous reality tv star/future president.

http://az616578.vo.msecnd.net/files/2014/10/20/6354936987637061421928954535_tumblr_msk6gpyS3B1ql5yr7o1_400.gif

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello
Doktor Zymm
Member

Probably due to the Bills scare, Buffalo’s county did go blue. Also blue, the county where I was born, cause it’s a university town and therefore has edumacated libruls in it!

http://www.politico.com/2016-election/results/map/president/new-york/

Senor Weaselo
Member

And the county the theater I played at was also blue, so I can go back next year! But we’re sad because Zephyr Teachout lost… yes, that’s her real name.

Bloody Lethal
Member
Bloody Lethal

On first read I thought you meant Buffalo instituted blue laws. To which I thought: “It’s about time they sought help.”

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

“blue laws”

Huh.

That’s not what I read the first time.

Nevermind.

Bloody Lethal
Member
Bloody Lethal

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Don T
Member

Richard Sherman disagrees
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Gotta admit that is badass.

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

Is it me or does it seem a bit odd that if you touch the football, its suddenly OK to drive your shoulder into the planted knee of a kicker?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

But that’s part of what makes football awesome! You’re seeing players gamble with other players’ health (versus penalty yardage) in real time!

Don T
Member

In this case, I think Isaac Newton trumps Dean Blandino.

Beerguyrob
Member

I love this statement.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I’d seen a breakdown of stills that showed what was happening on that sequence; I don’t care for Richard Sherman but he’s done nothing wrong here – it’s on the officials for not blowing the whistle.

jjfozz
Member

I am apolitical, but definitely not a Trump supporter, but the best part of this Trump victory – if there is one – the hilarious reaction of the ultra-liberals I know on FB.

If the moon was made of green cheese, there still wouldn’t be enough to go with all that whine.

Doktor Zymm
Member

When a candidate makes racist/sexist/homophobic comments like Trump has, and you’re a member of one of the groups he’s talking about, it’s kind of a gut punch for a plurality of Americans to endorse him and basically validate all the shit he’s said. Sure, it’s stuff you see and deal with on a daily basis, but something like this really highlights the scale of that crap in America and it’s really fucking depressing.

SonOfSpam
Member

Wait…you’re a MOSLIM? Dammit, go back to Iraqistan. We don’t take kindly to your elk here.

Doktor Zymm
Member

I don’t know why you would, just look at this bastard.
http://cdn0.wideopenspaces.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Bull-Elk-Bugling.jpg

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Member

“Whoa man, I think that elk got into my stash again.”

— Ricky Williams

Don T
Member

-Overtly racist and unapologetic mysoginist talk
-proven liar
-built an empire on default, welching, and bankruptcy
-hid tax returns
-calls “smart” not paying taxes
-Kill ’em all foreign policy

Among other stuff that, you know, I’d be concerned if no one denounced it.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Don’t forget going to court in Dec for raping a child.

Don T
Member

His pervy talk about dating his “babe” daughter.
/shakes imaginary dirt from arms

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

That got dropped.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

It’s regular liberals like me, too, jjfozz. Imagine how you’d feel if the Ravens fired Ozzie Newsome and replaced him with Matt Millen. That’s how we feel right now.

jjfozz
Member

Like I said, I’m not happy either. And I can understand the anger, but the posts border on psychotic. And maybe Matt Millen could fucking draft a goddamn wide receiver that doesn’t have knees made out of Silly Putty.

Stay the course. We’re organizing a DFO Guerilla Army, which should be quite fun.

Cuntler
Member

Maybe it’s the Kristallnacht furor that Trump supporters have for threatening people of color today? If you legitimize bigotry, you embolden the bigots, and that’s exactly what is happening. I am glad you can laugh it off as a middle-aged white guy. Nice work. Meanwhile, in Texas:

http://www.statesman.com/news/local/texas-state-university-police-looking-into-trump-vigilante-fliers/jhWSmmhNxxuTXZaQJiYhNI/

HA HA, so funny the libtards are upset, you guys!

Cuntler
Member

I’m sorry, I meant “embiggen the bigots”. Cromulently yours.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

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JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

FUCK ALL YOU! YOU GODDAMN SONS OF BITCHES!!! I HAVE ALL OF YOU FUCKERS!!! I WANT TO SMASH YOU…..re um…sorry folks.

I am quitting smoking again. Its been about 30 hours. I really want to kill someone for a smoke.

jjfozz
Member

Honest to god, what worked for me were Slurpees. Don’t know why.

I also stopped drinking since the two went hand in hand for me.

And uncontrollable rage and loathing were excellent substitutes.

Best of luck.

Beerguyrob
Member

Agreed. Slurpees are fricking awesome placebos.

nomonkeyfun
Member

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I stopped drinking a week and a half ago, all I’ve wanted to do since Tuesday at 10 pm is get totally blitzed.

Hang in there man.

blaxabbath
Member

I watched the election results all high and, like Fozz, have more been enjoying the social media response of the most annoying liberals. The ones who, if you announced a concern about Hillary’s ties to Wall Street or America’s War Policies, or even my own taxes, I was immediately identified as a racist misogynist #mansplainer. Apparently politics means we all need to bend a little — except bartenders with two useless degrees, six-figures in student loan debt, four-figures worth of ink, and green hair. They’re special and their time is now. Get over it.

jjfozz
Member

My point exactly, except I guess I came across as an asshole. Not the first time. Not the last.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Strangely for me it’s been the opposite. I think my brain knows that drinking won’t make me feel better (it will most likely actually make me feel WORSE) so it doesn’t want any.

SonOfSpam
Member

Yeah, that was the damnedest thing on Tuesday night…no interest in beer or anything else. It’s almost like I only drink when I’m reasonably happy. Maybe the silver lining of the next four years will be my unplanned sobriety.

Don T
Member

I’ve been on the wagon for 17 weeks. Best decision I’ve made. Hang in there, man.

blaxabbath
Member

Why is it called ‘on the wagon’?

blaxabbath
Member

I don’t get the Bills. I get injuries suck but how the hell are they so enable to get it together? Is it just a matter of discipline and, like a fastball pitcher, a coach like Rex can get the best out of his guys but, when they don’t play their best is when they play their worst?

In the spirit of pissed off about the election results season, I am sick of the rest of the fucking AFC East perpetually underperforming. Get your shit together, get rid of retread coaches, stop forcing quarterbacks who are in the bottom third of starters to be your franchise guy, and fucking visit Wisconsin or Michigan at some point after the convention to remind your base that turnout is important.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Can we at least set the over-under on ass-munchings at Bills games to 3 for the rest of the season?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Bovada has it at 2.5 and thanks to global warming I’d go with the OVER.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I’d say something about how maybe we should give the gallows humor a bit of a rest here, but then we’d have to stop making jokes about James Dungy.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Did somebody mention gallows?
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

“You can have my James Dungy jokes when you pry them from my cold, dead hands.”

– Garrett Reid

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Hey, here’s an NFL related joke:

Q: Why didn’t Chris Henry stay in a hotel with his teammates during road trips?

A: He preferred to couchsurf.

blaxabbath
Member

Has anyone hear ever bought eyeglasses online? I don’t have a strong script and my dogs got to my main pair and I sat on my backup pair. I don’t want to pay for a new optometrist visit.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Apparently we were all wrong about Trump. Say what you will, but he seems to be turning more people into nihilists than national socialists.

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

I mean say what you will about the tenants of national socialism, but at least its an ethos.

SonOfSpam
Member

Shut the fuck up Donny.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Did you guys make a lot of jokes about how Trump was going to refuse to “pay the Bills”? I hope you made lots of those jokes, and that it was a joyful and carefree and innocent time.

blaxabbath
Member

THIS SITE DOORFLIESOPEN, I CALL IT THE NEW ERA FIELD PARKING LOT BECAUSE ITS FULL OF PEOPLE WHO DON’T GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT THE BILLS BUT THEY STILL KNOW THEY’RE GOING 8-8 AND THESE PEOPLE ALSO ENJOY SEX IN PUBLIC!

http://media2.wkbw.com/photo/2015/12/07/16×9/Video_apparently_shows_Bills_fans_having_0_28036210_ver1.0_640_480.jpg

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

When you said “ERA” and “Parking Lot” I thought you were talking about Clayton Kershaw pitching against the Cubs in Game 6.

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