EPL Returns and Other Lesser Footy Sadness

Everything still sucks out loud and should be set on fire. It will all be ablaze soon enough, and Lesser Footy exists to hopefully help distract you at least a little bit until it happens.

The early Saturday fixture (7:30, NBCSN)is strong and assy, with 6th position Manure hosting 4th place Arseholes. 6 points separate the two in the table, though, so objects in the mirror may be farther away than they actually appear.

A busy 10:00 window features Soton hosting the Shite (NBCSN), and hopefully beating, well, the absolute shit out of them. Everton host Swans on Extra Time (and will no doubt disappoint me), plus Leicester/Watford (also Extra Time) et al.

Spurs host West Ham (12:30, NBC) and who gives a shit? My local affiliate is bumping it for NC State/Miami. Womp womp.

One sad little game Sunday (Middlesbrough host Chelski, 11:00, NBCSN), and a sadder one for BMNF (West Brom/Burnley, 3:00, NBCSN) and that will be that.

Oklahoma State at TCU (Noon, FS1)

If the Pokes keep winning, that Bedlam game could be mighty meaningful (and not just have a really cool rivalry name). We will see if Bloodeyes have any resistance left in ’em.

Florida at LSU (1:00, SECN)

Re-scheduled hurricane game, SEC really could use the marquee game given all the teams on D-1AA “bye” but they left it in this weird time/channel slot.

Washington State at Colorado (3:30, Fox)

Possible dry run for the Pac 12 title game, much like last week’s Washington/SC tilt. Prelude to the Apple Cup, but one knows Mike Leach wants 9-0 and will be focused on the Buffs. Good game.

Indiana at Michigan (3:30, ESPN)

Time to find out just how shitty Meeeechigan’s backup QB is. Hopefully, hilarity ensues.

Stanford at Cal (5:30, Pac12)

Neeeerrrrrrd hate is still hate.

Clemson at Wake Forest (7:00, ESPN)

Perhaps Team Jeebus Camp will continue sabotaging itself as much as the Fightin’ Petrinos. One can only hope.

Oklahoma at West Virginia (8:00, ABC)

De facto Big 12 title game, and winner has an outside shot at the playoffs (especially if Boomer Sooner). Hopefully, it will be fun, for the alternatives are dire.

USC at UCLA (10:30, ESPN)

Sexy hate is still hate, too.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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WCS

Not exactly an inspiring start…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

CHICKEN VAGINA!!

Brocky

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brocky

no hugging?

2/10 would not bang

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
litre_cola

The pentaverate? They know everything.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKRFlNryaWw

Bloody Lethal

I love this movie and this part. Completely underrated.

Brocky

it’s hit and miss,

though the cop cracking up in the middle of mike’s spiel is fucking hilarious.

Bloody Lethal

My girlfriend has been studying for this financial licensing exam for the past 6 months (she failed on her first attempt). I’ve been trying to play the supportive and hands off boyfriend. I tried not to talk about the test too much when we were together and I give her her space when she wanted to study all week. We ended up seeing each other like once a week the past 2 months as she really cracked down. That’s all fine, I need my space to read dick jokes and play NHL 17.

Anyway the test was today. I took her to get tacos and a beer last night and told her I knew she’d do great. The test was at 8am and I offered to drive her to the city to make sure she was good. She insisted that I not. Anyway I talked to her at 11am and she tells me she didn’t get in because taking into account her fear of leaving her purse unattended in a communal room while they took the test, she totally forgot her ID. I was heartbroken for her! I’m like 7 years older than her so I explain that it’s all part of the deal of learning to fly so to speak. I told her I had forgotten my ID to not one but TWO SAT tests and had even once forgotten my snowboard on a snowboard trip. I’m sure there’s 100 other examples of my own foolishness, but they all melted away after a few months or years or whatever. I just hope she doesn’t feel sorry for herself forever because of it.

Damn IDs!

Bloody Lethal

As I listened to the story, I felt overcome with secondhand anxiety and embarrassment. The next one isn’t until April. But I had to restrain myself from saying stuff like “Why didn’t you tell them you got mugged” or like “What the hell were you thinking?!”

I’m a good/the best boyfriend. And no, I was not crestfallen when she told me I didn’t need to wake up at 6am to drive her into Manhattan.

Unsurprised

Oh God. Something like that happened to me when I was supposed to take the bar exam last July.

Instead I passed among the test class with the lowest passing rate (especially for repeat takers) in decades. Life is fucking crazy, and that feeling of lost/wasted time isn’t going to go away for a while (If I’m an indication), but it will. But just remind her that she doesn’t have to worry about stressing over the results. Just focus and get ready to do it again, and this time you will take her come Hell or high water.

Horatio Cornblower

You know what they call someone who passed the bar exam with the lowest score?

Me.

Also “Attorney”

Fuck that test in the ass with a red hot poker. It’s nothing more than legalized hazing. D- or A, you’re still an attorney.

laserguru

I just started pre-prep for Thursday.

I’m making homemade stock for the dressing and for the gravy.

The downside to my son-in-law smoking the turkey and bringing it over is no turkey drippings which means the gravy sucks and the dressing has to use store bought stock.

Not this time. I’ve got a couple of turkey legs simmering away with some garlic, a mirepoix, some sage, thyme and bay leaf and I’m simmering it for about 2 hours.

Thanksgiving should be the balls this year.

laserguru

It would be a lot easier to sit it out if I wasn’t the designated host.

Stupid cooking abilities.

Bloody Lethal

Can we get a special Sunday Gravy this week?

Kinda like a Thursday Night Football Special on NFL Network except when it’s Sunday morning and the game is on NBC.

laserguru

I’ve got something for Wednesday.

A holiday favorite.

litre_cola

So Zazzle has a promo right now for 50 percent off. Hopefully that doesn’t come out of Beefmoe ate my baby’s cut.

Brocky

I used the same code, mostly because with my limited knowledge of shipping standards, no manufacturer is going to let themselves be hurt by a company’s promos

litre_cola

Yeah it basically covered my shipping up here in the hinterland.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

No idea, actually, but don’t worry about it. My cut on the poster is minimal in any event.

That’s right… “I did it for the fans.”

/ducks thrown fruit

Brocky

so, i’m guessing hug gifs are in right now:

https://media.tenor.co/images/ddff032666ac8fd1a7f25447d81a3e8f/raw

Brocky

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Brocky

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jjfozz

THIS GLASS OF BOURBON, I CALL IT MY PROM DATE, IT’S COLD, DELICIOUS, AND I’M GOING TO REGRET TAKING IT DOWN IN THE MORNING

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Gratliff

NXT Takeover Toronto means it’s time for Asuka and Shinsuke Nakamura gifs.

http://i.giphy.com/ZVMtbVlWWCnvO.gif

http://puroresucentral.com/gif/kanabuscasual.gif

litre_cola

(Is this where you are all hiding tonight?

Brocky

apparently.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m not hiding, you’re hiding.

litre_cola

The colonel, with his wee beady eyes.

Horatio Cornblower

2016 continues to eat a bag of dicks.

RIP Sharon Jones.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQ78uDio_ao

theeWeeBabySeamus

Shit…are you serious?
Fuck.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Hi, my name is Buddy Cole and I am a binge eater.

The past three days have been absolute Hell as most paydays are for me; in the world of being wired to emotionally eat, paydays turn into gorging and consuming to the point of either vomiting or bringing myself to the brink of it. This has been an issue for me dating back to when I was 10 years old and while some years it has been managed better than others, since I graduated high school in 2008 it has been a lot of mismanagement. There has also been a lot of shame-induced eating done out of the view of others in my room.

It extends beyond just an eating component, as joy has been sapped from my life for so long. I have become an impulsive wreck with constant feelings of hypersexuality (which can turn me into a spineless boor) and an inability to savor life and have meaningful relationships. How do you know when your neuroses have taken over all decisions you make? As a microcosm, whenever I post a comment the refresh button becomes my best friend and likes become a validation for what I think is funny.

This is a bit of a reprieve from the “dick jokes” credo we all try to uphold at DFO and you may be wondering why I chose to reveal this to people on this forum of all places, but there is a level of trust and empathy here that I appreciate.

Unsurprised

Hi Buddy. I am too. I hate having food in the house (which is why I didn’t go shopping this last time until I had literally no food left) because then I can snack on it even though I can’t afford to if I want to keep losing weight. It’s been an issue for a couple of months in particular, but it seems to be getting worse.

Unsurprised

I’m sorry. I made it all about me, as usual.

But I understand, and I hope that it is easier to deal with now knowing that we are fully behind you. Stay strong. We’re rooting for you.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You know we all love you, right buddy? You bring joy through dick jokes. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through a tough time, and we’re all here for you, with as little as we all have to offer.

Brocky

hear hear.

group hug gif time?

GROUP HUG GIF TIME!

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litre_cola

Your jokes have always made me chuckle, we have your back, this seems to be a corner of the internet where we are all here for each other with all the bullshit that goes on in life.

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about

/while eating a bowl of leftover chicken taco meat, avocados and tomatoes.
//I fucking hate wasting leftovers

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Who’s going out tonight?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5ZArV2wsak

Horatio Cornblower

Yes I do remember the 80’s but I’m trying really hard to forget them.

laserguru

My lifestyle during the 80’s ensured that I wouldn’t remember them.

Senor Weaselo

I have a recording session. From 10-2. We go hard.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJOL4xoamoQ

theeWeeBabySeamus

I wanted snow.

Unsurprised

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theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s fun, ‘specially for football on teevee.

Brocky

Well, it was fun while it lasted Indiana

Unsurprised

… said no one ever.

Brocky

Well, it was fun while it lasted Indiana It was fun when I actually thought for about a quarter IU football had a chance to beat Michigan.

Is that more acceptable?

Bloody Lethal
Bloody Lethal
Bloody Lethal
Bloody Lethal

I heard Aaron Rodgers doesn’t talk to his family anymore…

I would disown anyone she asked me to… too…

http://www.frenchtoastsunday.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/olivia-munn-04.jpg

...

Much like Kate Upton, I’m far less interested in Olivia Munn than most men. I find her obnoxious.

Bloody Lethal

We’re arguing Wilde v Munn. Tough call.

theeWeeBabySeamus

No, it isn’t.

...

I’m definitely Team Wilde, if there is such a thing.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yup.

Shogun Marcus

How’s about Team Yes?

Bloody Lethal

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

In truth, I have no problem with Munn aside from being a bit annoying. But she can’t hold Wilde’s jock.
Wait, that might not be a terrible idea, actually.

Bloody Lethal

Wait wait, how about her freaky photos with the captions? I’m at work or I’d search them out.

theeWeeBabySeamus

?
/suddenly interested

...

I presume you’re talking about the messages she sent to Chris Pine. I recall them.

Even so, I personally think she tries way too hard.

...
Bloody Lethal

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Unsurprised

The last few frames should have a longer delay on them.

/fights off and bites Photoshop hand like Dr. Strangelove

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Unsurprised

Pandering can be delicious in addition to being, in her case, immensely profitable.

...

And that pretty much sums up why I don’t care for her.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If you’re not bringing her home to meet the parents (and you wrap it up), then what’s the problem?

...

I’m listening to a discussion during the Michigan game in which the announcers are pondering a situation in which Ohio State would lose its division and still end up in the playoff.

Remember how the argument against a playoff was that it would negate what happens during the regular season?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Until they go to 8 teams, the playoff is little more than a money making joke on the sportswatching public.

...

It’ll still be a moneymaking joke and it’ll still lean on subjective opinion putting in established programs because in the end this is all collusion anyway.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

http://68.media.tumblr.com/dc6a811abb47166b81ef0267a36c983d/tumblr_oavsh3fWV41s1v3r1o1_500.gif

OK, maybe they are just coming for control of Barbra’s womb, means of redress for sexual harassment or assault, and vote.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Wait…whut I do’d this time?
I always get nervous when my name gets mentioned and I don’t immediately know why.
This is stress I don’t need, especially without weed.
Oh shit, I’m a poet.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You upvoted my weed cartoon…. which is interesting considering this comment.

http://68.media.tumblr.com/f70173f84a7b976f8899d1af4873f0ee/tumblr_o32chdcSe71s9jja0o1_500.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Ah, OK. Well it’s true, I do need a reefer.
And I ain’t talking first neither…reefer first, talk later.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Come on over; I’ve got plenty, plus IPAs, Irish whisky, single malts, premium tequila and vodka.

http://68.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lktdd4U4Ww1qzr8nao1_500.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Comment awaiting moderation?????

Anyway; there’ll be a lot of drinking, fighting, and sex!

http://68.media.tumblr.com/670238a8ccebbc797d9d6a04e70da007/tumblr_nc084rCMxt1qix8rno1_500.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

And it will be just the two of us.

laserguru

10K complete.

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Now I want a big ass gyro plate and a bunch of beers to undo all of the good.

laserguru

Another real achievement, I’m finally back down to the weight I was at when I trashed my right knee two years and two knee surgeries ago.
Now I really want a beer.

Horatio Cornblower

If my neighbors were the kind of people who gave each other Mercedes for Christmas I would put ‘rocket launcher’ at the top of my list.

But my neighbors are the kind of people who keep far shittier cars on blocks in their side yard.

So, um, yeah.

Rocket launcher it is.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I would take a new Merc for xmas; I’d feel so grateful I’d give them a six-pack of red wine and sell the German car.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Another TSCC soundtrack pick

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-EoWvGIJd_8

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Many of these are very cool and some (Jags and Bucs) should be put into use immediately.

http://imgur.com/a/pE60B

ballsofsteelandfury

The KC Sperms and Tampa helmets are my favorites.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Love the Jags one as well.
da Fuq is up with Colts tho? Yikes. Someone was on peyote for that one.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
scotchnaut

Look at you, Tatura!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well at least one team in Raleigh figured their shit out at the half.
Sadly, it was the wrong one. *sigh*

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
laserguru

Chronically underappreciated band. They did other stuff too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7vLG4SxsVI

...

The next time I bring home a woman, I’m going to drop my pants and in my deepest voice tell her, “I HAVE THE MEATS.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Get “Arby’s” tattooed on your groin, that will make it perfect.

laserguru

I found the perfect spot for my brand new HRTN poster.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

That is beautiful.
Dammit UPS….where are youuuuuuuuuu?????

theeWeeBabySeamus

Also, based upon your choice of locations, I now think above my drumkit is a good spot.
And I don’t wanna know what you do in front of that huge mirror.

laserguru

Practice my stage presence.

Plus it helps me keep my eyes off of the fretboard when I play.

scotchnaut

A “stupid” song from a “silly” entertainer-“Money Changes Everything”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1wj3tqRI6Y

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Westham fans if they see any of the players out in the pubs tonight?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I laughed way too hard at this.

...

I mean, I’d actually like the Ass Band to play a song of farts to celebrate my success, but I’m one odd, fart-loving dude.

scotchnaut

“The Goonies Are Good Enough” by Cyndie Lauper from The Goonies.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sKbvN–oH8

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

From Community
Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros – Home

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHEOF_rcND8

scotchnaut

“Reach Out” by Cheap Trick from Heavy Metal

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6s1Jsz1lj1Y

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

The Purdue stadium is more barren than the Jags stadium when they are actually winning for once.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey, at least Miami/NCSU is probably the ugliest game of the day thus far.
Holy shit, it’s giving me a headache.
3-3 at the half is nothing anyone should be proud of.

...

I remember how eager the ACC was to get Miami into the conference and the Hurricanes haven’t been a single championship game while Wake Forest and Duke have.

theeWeeBabySeamus

ACC doesn’t care. They just wanted teevee boxes in south Florida to get more scrilla.

...

They sure waited long enough to start a network.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Good ol’ boy rednecks from U*NC…whaddya expect?

laserguru

The best way to make the rest of the weekend guilt free?

10K walk on the beach.
Who’s with me?

Let’s go!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Shirley Manson (from Garbage) from TSCC (Spoilers but no one watched it or cared, we should be good)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOlu2AA6mck

theeWeeBabySeamus

I watched it for a while….I liked Shirley in that.
But not as much as Cameron….
http://rewrite.origos.hu/s/img/i/0901/20090118terminato1.jpg

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

You don’t even mention Cercei? (Cameron was of course 100x better)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*SOME* people watched it.

laserguru

This is my vetted perversion…

I mean my preferred version.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYakTM7O1uM

Makes me feel kinda spiritual.