As Barry Manilow would caterwaul, “Looks like we made it” to our second Super Bowl as a bunch of kid-like creatures that exist under the DFO banner. Well done everyone! [waits for ecstatic applause to die down] It just goes to show you what can be done with a wee bit of moxie, three cadavers, an empty garage, a government research grant, one teaspoon of wasabi, a pair of cargo shorts from Eddie Bauer, the letter “R”, (“G” can suck it-look at us now buddy, maybe you’ll actually answer your emails in the future) a few bottles of Zantac (150-the extra strength kind), the love of a bi-polar woman, superior gas mileage and some second-hand pot smoke. We’re unbelievably lucky because if you were to combine all these things together at any other point in time you’d not only not get this particular result, you’d more than likely get arrested. I thank God every day that there was no God to interfere with the extraordinarily delicate process that brought this whole thing to fruition. TO THE GAME!
In your daily wanderings across the internubs you may have gleaned that the Falcons of Atlanta are dueling the Patriots of the New England. Based on my long history of watching football I know that each and every member of both teams are going to try their very best to win the game because there is a financial bonus attached to doing so. For some it might be 10k, for others it may be 5 mil-whatever the amount, all participants (including coaches) regard this as “free money” and will do their utmost to have that money dumped into their bank account. Some will secretly record practices, others will intentionally deflate footballs. It’s more than likely that a certain unnamed squad is violating the spirit of a specific rule as I type. I’ve always felt that you are the sum of your actions and not what your guttural one- and two- and three-word responses in press conferences imply.
Okay. Now you know who I’m cheering for. Big whoop. Now it’s time for you folks to chime in. Tell us goobers what you’re up to. What are you cooking? Where are you watching the game? Hey lurker, say hello and let us know that you like what we’re doing and how we might make things better. We’re all ears-except for me, I’m all coccyx. Yeah, that’s right-I’ve got a big coccyx. If you lurk and have a medical degree…please, this condition is not pleasant AT ALL.
Enjoy the game people.
Nothing sez edgy like Bill Nye.
Science, guy.
Man, it’s really hard to write a limerick about the Patriots. “Patriots” and “England” both have hardly any rhymes
Neither does “fucking sleazebags”, but we could make it work.
Keep at it. I have faith in you.
Hold please…processing.
Poll Time!
Snoop Dogg/Martha Stewart porn- Would you watch?
https://media.tenor.co/images/b455e970012d279175e74a6bd714ef7c/raw
No. That would be terrible
Just told myselft that tomorrow is Monday. Thought I would cry.
Donald Trump is the personification of the Patriots… Not as popular as people think they are, largely disliked, loves to do things their way regardless of the rules, and the few die-hard supports will go to great lengths to deny any wrongdoing.
I love you. But not in a gay way
Even though this comment will get the most voets for banner quote, the INSANE commentoral college system won’t let it win.
Atlanta cannot get first down, terrible start, great things for Patriots.
Patriots cannot get first down, they’re “usually dangerous in this area.”
No bias from these assholes at all.
After that last Edelman drop, Donald Trump is worried that Gisele will be too angry to tweet wisely.
Ballast Point Indra Kunindra + Chicken Tikka Masala = fucking amazing
Where’s your grit now?
Wait, Chip Kelly got fired?
Help! Andy Reid has somehow seized control of the Dan Quinnbot!
Reid’s shadow looms large.
They called offensive pass interference on New England?
http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/woah.gif
It’s a shame when lovers fall out…
Who had Chris Hogan being shipped to Cleveland again?
I did!
#whiteshoesmatter
What’s that impending heart attack, early death and unattended funeral, I COULD just eat mozzarella sticks without even cooking them?
Actually that sounds a bit gross.
Is that just string cheese rolled in bread crumbs?
Ha, even worse, they are actually frozen.
But no melty?
What are you gonna dip them in, a raw tomato?
Why would you deprive yourself of the deliciousness that is only enhanced by the danger of burning your tongue
24 Legacy’s cast is just a Murderer’s Row of “Midseason Cancellation.”
http://i.imgur.com/LggBEQW.gif
Who had Quinn with the first challenge again?
Waves Luxor receipt
Ok. That Mr.Clean commercial was pretty creepy funny.
So if we want sex we have to clean the house?
Tough call.
Fact: Your wife knows about your porn. She doesn’t say anything cause it gives her one less thing to do around the house.
Anyone else a fan of the Pink Panther movies?
Yes.
OG yeah… never say the Steve Martin ones
Well of course, what do you take me for?
Mr Clean used to be so butch.
“AUDI using alternative facts to sell cars! SAD. #WimmindriveresAmirite!”
-Da Prez
http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/yandere-simulator-fanon/images/1/12/Spiderman-what-the-fuck-is-this-shit-meme.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20161013120229
An erotic top job commercial- I can die happy
Tell her that if you’re a white girl who grows up in a family that can afford Audis, everything will be ok.
Every Trump supporter is nodding yes during this commercial.
Mr. Clean is going to make you a cuck.
Did you see the new Mr. Clean?
Not good start for Atlanta
Oh shut up commercial!
So how is THAT not holding?
It was the Patriots doing it. DUH.
It would be against the P*ts.
Puppy Bowl has just gotten too corporate…
It used to be about the PUPPIES
http://68.media.tumblr.com/c8bcec47c4128515c6694558dac794fa/tumblr_ncrd8p4WiU1qfmptao1_500.gif
Oh Erin u had me at hello
http://68.media.tumblr.com/b101f34473983eeadf8fd1cdfa6b38b3/tumblr_mrk956qh8M1qgwqw9o1_500.jpg
I already have random alcohol strewn throughout my apartment, and it just went up a notch. Apparently my roommate has a travel Bacardi bottle in her bathroom, next to the sink, and it’s become all of my guests favorite thing..
Hey ladies.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/b1b0f88dc5885b573bad8be99d498069/tumblr_ncohhjWDXz1qz4teno1_500.jpg
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view6/1949304/lady-gaga-has-a-penis-o.gif
THESE FALCONS I CALL THEM TITS BECAUSE THEY AREVGIVING ME A HARD ON
http://33.media.tumblr.com/74851e7ef7753266d2e9615131c15a63/tumblr_mtw9w9mZtO1sb8nnvo1_r1_500.gif
AMAZING HALF TIME SHOW
AMAZING
Is sniffing another player’s butt a penalty?
#puppybowlproblems
Rodgers joke in 3….2….1….
I wouldn’t think so.
http://www.footballperspective.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Aaron-Rodgers.jpg
Wow. My plot twist of nothing happening was right. That sucked.
Strong taek: Liberal chauvinism has been one of the weirdest/ dumbest things to develop sonce the summer of 2016.
Mini Marshawn Lynch is the truth.
Me (about Lady Gaga): She looks familiar…
IWDB: You’ve seen her before. Remember American Horror Story?
Me: Umm…
IWDB: With the haunted hotel?
Me: Ummm…
IWDB: She was the naked vampire.
Me: OH! RIGHT!
Do we need to see an update on social media?
Yes. Because we need Katie Nolan.
How else could you know what’s happening on social media without Broadcast TV telling us? They are our primary news source, after all.
If you filter out all the racist shit…its like what…five tweets?
Give or take, yeah
http://i.imgur.com/eI9LoEo.gif
http://68.media.tumblr.com/db97d5f29fc0955a9b70b91c3b163b0f/tumblr_mxw5hsXn6t1roxioso1_500.gif
Diabo-lick-me….
Gotta admit I’m not a the biggest Lady Gaga Fan but she is probably one of the most talented female vocalists today.
So making a #Bostonstrong joke would still be in poor taste, right?
Clearly Brady has no problem with bombing, so I wouldn’t worry about it.
As someone who was on stage crew for a small high school musical, the sheer logistics of the SB halftime show is probably the most astounding part.
That was the chillest Satanic ritual I’ve ever seen.
I’m withholding judgement on Satan until we get his side of the story.
Still too controversial for Middle America Trump voters.
Next year, Lawrence Welk is going to be dug out of the ground to put on the half time show…