Your “I Waited All Season For This?” Super Bowl and Related Entertainment Shenanigans Open Thread

As Barry Manilow would caterwaul, “Looks like we made it” to our second Super Bowl as a bunch of kid-like creatures that exist under the DFO banner. Well done everyone! [waits for ecstatic applause to die down] It just goes to show you what can be done with a wee bit of moxie, three cadavers, an empty garage, a government research grant, one teaspoon of wasabi, a pair of cargo shorts from Eddie Bauer, the letter “R”, (“G” can suck it-look at us now buddy, maybe you’ll actually answer your emails in the future) a few bottles of Zantac (150-the extra strength kind), the love of a bi-polar woman, superior gas mileage and some second-hand pot smoke. We’re unbelievably lucky because if you were to combine all these things together at any other point in time you’d not only not get this particular result, you’d more than likely get arrested. I thank God every day that there was no God to interfere with the extraordinarily delicate process that brought this whole thing to fruition. TO THE GAME!

In your daily wanderings across the internubs you may have gleaned that the Falcons of Atlanta are dueling the Patriots of the New England. Based on my long history of watching football I know that each and every member of both teams are going to try their very best to win the game because there is a financial bonus attached to doing so. For some it might be 10k, for others it may be 5 mil-whatever the amount, all participants (including coaches) regard this as “free money” and will do their utmost to have that money dumped into their bank account. Some will secretly record practices, others will intentionally deflate footballs. It’s more than likely that a certain unnamed squad is violating the spirit of a specific rule as I type. I’ve always felt that you are the sum of your actions and not what your guttural one- and two- and three-word responses in press conferences imply.

Okay. Now you know who I’m cheering for. Big whoop. Now it’s time for you folks to chime in. Tell us goobers what you’re up to. What are you cooking? Where are you watching the game? Hey lurker, say hello and let us know that you like what we’re doing and how we might make things better. We’re all ears-except for me, I’m all coccyx. Yeah, that’s right-I’ve got a big coccyx. If you lurk and have a medical degree…please, this condition is not pleasant AT ALL.

Enjoy the game people.

 

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
1.7K Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Romonobyl

Nothing sez edgy like Bill Nye.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Science, guy.

Doktor Zymm

Man, it’s really hard to write a limerick about the Patriots. “Patriots” and “England” both have hardly any rhymes

Romonobyl

Neither does “fucking sleazebags”, but we could make it work.

...

Keep at it. I have faith in you.

Shogun Marcus

Hold please…processing.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Poll Time!

Snoop Dogg/Martha Stewart porn- Would you watch?

Wakezilla

No. That would be terrible

herodotus450

Just told myselft that tomorrow is Monday. Thought I would cry.

Duchess

Donald Trump is the personification of the Patriots… Not as popular as people think they are, largely disliked, loves to do things their way regardless of the rules, and the few die-hard supports will go to great lengths to deny any wrongdoing.

jjfozz

I love you. But not in a gay way

herodotus450

Even though this comment will get the most voets for banner quote, the INSANE commentoral college system won’t let it win.

entropy

Atlanta cannot get first down, terrible start, great things for Patriots.

Patriots cannot get first down, they’re “usually dangerous in this area.”

No bias from these assholes at all.

Dunstan

After that last Edelman drop, Donald Trump is worried that Gisele will be too angry to tweet wisely.

makeitsnowondem

Ballast Point Indra Kunindra + Chicken Tikka Masala = fucking amazing

laserguru

Where’s your grit now?

Spur

Wait, Chip Kelly got fired?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Help! Andy Reid has somehow seized control of the Dan Quinnbot!

Old School Zero

Reid’s shadow looms large.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

They called offensive pass interference on New England?

http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/woah.gif

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

It’s a shame when lovers fall out…

Senor Weaselo

Who had Chris Hogan being shipped to Cleveland again?

entropy

I did!

herodotus450

#whiteshoesmatter

herodotus450

What’s that impending heart attack, early death and unattended funeral, I COULD just eat mozzarella sticks without even cooking them?

Senor Weaselo

Actually that sounds a bit gross.

Duchess

Is that just string cheese rolled in bread crumbs?

herodotus450

Ha, even worse, they are actually frozen.

Doktor Zymm

But no melty?

Romonobyl

What are you gonna dip them in, a raw tomato?

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Why would you deprive yourself of the deliciousness that is only enhanced by the danger of burning your tongue

entropy

24 Legacy’s cast is just a Murderer’s Row of “Midseason Cancellation.”

Spur
makeitsnowondem

Who had Quinn with the first challenge again?

Recovery Whiskey

Waves Luxor receipt

Wakezilla

Ok. That Mr.Clean commercial was pretty creepy funny.

Redshirt

So if we want sex we have to clean the house?

Tough call.

Wakezilla

Fact: Your wife knows about your porn. She doesn’t say anything cause it gives her one less thing to do around the house.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Anyone else a fan of the Pink Panther movies?

Senor Weaselo

Yes.

Duchess

OG yeah… never say the Steve Martin ones

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Well of course, what do you take me for?

laserguru

Mr Clean used to be so butch.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

“AUDI using alternative facts to sell cars! SAD. #WimmindriveresAmirite!”

-Da Prez

jjfozz

An erotic top job commercial- I can die happy

Spur

Tell her that if you’re a white girl who grows up in a family that can afford Audis, everything will be ok.

entropy

Every Trump supporter is nodding yes during this commercial.

...

Mr. Clean is going to make you a cuck.

Doktor Zymm

Did you see the new Mr. Clean?

jjfozz

Not good start for Atlanta

Redshirt

Oh shut up commercial!

King Hippo

So how is THAT not holding?

entropy

It was the Patriots doing it. DUH.

Senor Weaselo

It would be against the P*ts.

JustStopDude

Puppy Bowl has just gotten too corporate…

Doktor Zymm

It used to be about the PUPPIES

jjfozz

Oh Erin u had me at hello

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I already have random alcohol strewn throughout my apartment, and it just went up a notch. Apparently my roommate has a travel Bacardi bottle in her bathroom, next to the sink, and it’s become all of my guests favorite thing..

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
jjfozz

THESE FALCONS I CALL THEM TITS BECAUSE THEY AREVGIVING ME A HARD ON

ThePirateSloth

AMAZING HALF TIME SHOW

AMAZING

comment image

Doktor Zymm

Is sniffing another player’s butt a penalty?
#puppybowlproblems

JerBear50

Rodgers joke in 3….2….1….

Wakezilla

Wow. My plot twist of nothing happening was right. That sucked.

Strong taek: Liberal chauvinism has been one of the weirdest/ dumbest things to develop sonce the summer of 2016.

Col. Duke LaCross

Mini Marshawn Lynch is the truth.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Me (about Lady Gaga): She looks familiar…
IWDB: You’ve seen her before. Remember American Horror Story?
Me: Umm…
IWDB: With the haunted hotel?
Me: Ummm…
IWDB: She was the naked vampire.
Me: OH! RIGHT!

JustStopDude

Do we need to see an update on social media?

entropy

Yes. Because we need Katie Nolan.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

How else could you know what’s happening on social media without Broadcast TV telling us? They are our primary news source, after all.

JustStopDude

If you filter out all the racist shit…its like what…five tweets?

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Give or take, yeah

Spur
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JustStopDude

Diabo-lick-me….

Duchess

Gotta admit I’m not a the biggest Lady Gaga Fan but she is probably one of the most talented female vocalists today.

Doktor Zymm

So making a #Bostonstrong joke would still be in poor taste, right?

JerBear50

Clearly Brady has no problem with bombing, so I wouldn’t worry about it.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

As someone who was on stage crew for a small high school musical, the sheer logistics of the SB halftime show is probably the most astounding part.

makeitsnowondem

That was the chillest Satanic ritual I’ve ever seen.

entropy

I’m withholding judgement on Satan until we get his side of the story.

JustStopDude

Still too controversial for Middle America Trump voters.

Next year, Lawrence Welk is going to be dug out of the ground to put on the half time show…

comment image

1 9 10 11 12 13 23