As Barry Manilow would caterwaul, “Looks like we made it” to our second Super Bowl as a bunch of kid-like creatures that exist under the DFO banner. Well done everyone! [waits for ecstatic applause to die down] It just goes to show you what can be done with a wee bit of moxie, three cadavers, an empty garage, a government research grant, one teaspoon of wasabi, a pair of cargo shorts from Eddie Bauer, the letter “R”, (“G” can suck it-look at us now buddy, maybe you’ll actually answer your emails in the future) a few bottles of Zantac (150-the extra strength kind), the love of a bi-polar woman, superior gas mileage and some second-hand pot smoke. We’re unbelievably lucky because if you were to combine all these things together at any other point in time you’d not only not get this particular result, you’d more than likely get arrested. I thank God every day that there was no God to interfere with the extraordinarily delicate process that brought this whole thing to fruition. TO THE GAME!
In your daily wanderings across the internubs you may have gleaned that the Falcons of Atlanta are dueling the Patriots of the New England. Based on my long history of watching football I know that each and every member of both teams are going to try their very best to win the game because there is a financial bonus attached to doing so. For some it might be 10k, for others it may be 5 mil-whatever the amount, all participants (including coaches) regard this as “free money” and will do their utmost to have that money dumped into their bank account. Some will secretly record practices, others will intentionally deflate footballs. It’s more than likely that a certain unnamed squad is violating the spirit of a specific rule as I type. I’ve always felt that you are the sum of your actions and not what your guttural one- and two- and three-word responses in press conferences imply.
Okay. Now you know who I’m cheering for. Big whoop. Now it’s time for you folks to chime in. Tell us goobers what you’re up to. What are you cooking? Where are you watching the game? Hey lurker, say hello and let us know that you like what we’re doing and how we might make things better. We’re all ears-except for me, I’m all coccyx. Yeah, that’s right-I’ve got a big coccyx. If you lurk and have a medical degree…please, this condition is not pleasant AT ALL.
Enjoy the game people.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/acc2385212e543ce7c074d2e5d099c7f/tumblr_okpehsKdNA1qzhjh2o1_1280.jpg
That’s a lot to unpack
What’s up with all this overpronouncing of Gostkowski? Buck get a generous donation from the Polish American Association or something?
Huh. Awfully quiet on Bill Simmons’ Twitter feed. No running commentary on the number of TVs at Jimmy Kimmell’s house?
Was that an “alternative extra point?”
SOL
/Stands for snorted out loud
Good…good….
Let the grasping at straws begin….
Ooh, might it get chippy?
Once there was a team of new england patriots,
Who believed all should bask in their feces radiance.
When along came Atlanta,
Raining pain from above like manna,
Making believers of the hardest atheists.
Oooh, well done!
A little forced on the meter, but I’ll allow it
Who was Pence sitting with?
Dont worry he left room for Jesus
After that TD I bet you can feel the air leaving the
stadiumTom Brady’s footballshttps://twitter.com/ZekeJMiller/status/828423340222251008
Hehehe
Related:
As I’ve said before “I’m not saying all Trump voters are racist pieces of shit, but all the racist pieces of shit I know voted Trump.”
Give many thanks to the appearance from Shan’khor!
Shan’khor is gettin’ a double portion of bourbon at the libation-pouring tonight@
But will it come back to haunt them?
That was a satisfying sound.
Oh this just keep getting better. It’s like a wave of NOT TONITE ASSHOLES.
DOINK!!!
Praise SHANK’HOR
Helmets stuck together in the third quarter just made some divorced father of 2 VERY happy.
Praise mini Shank’hor.
All praise to Shank’hor!
That extra point attempt kind of sums up the Patriots’ day.
Too far right?
One could say that kick was Alt-Right
PRAISE BE TO SHANK’HOR
HAIL DOINK!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
NOW I CAN PRETEND IT’S 3 FIELD GOALS!
More like Doinkowski, amirite?
DOINK
Shank’or!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fasten your seatbelts, buckeroos. The P*ts are in their pushback mode.
Tell me more
-Aaron Rogers
Brady prefers when Gisele pushes it in
DOINK
SHANK’HOR!
HAIL DONK’LOR
BONGGGGG
PRAISE BE!
BOO! BOO THIS MAN!
Aw. I was kinda hoping they would be shutout of TDs, but just losing is okay too.
Well I don’t like that at all.
I still want this game with Brady and Goodell battling to the pain
Somewhere, a masshole is complaining that atlanta was not penalized for taking of the stuck helmet on the field
Facemasks catch, make out make out make out make out make out
GUYS THE HELMETS CAN WORK 2GETHER WHY CANT WE?????!?
Helmet sex.
only if you still have foreskin
Brady running like his goat depends on it
To bad Leslie Neilson isn’t around. He’d make a great pence satirist.
It’s Enrico Pallazzo!!!!
Bush Jr takes 4 months a year vacation: he works hard and deserves it
Obama spends 20 minutes filling out a march madness bracket: fire the mooslim! do yer jerb! stop slacking! i pay yer salry wit my taxes! you can’t tax me that’s a stats rithg!
Pence at the large bowl: no comment.
Biden’s there too, but he’s just in the beer garden area
Also, Drumpf went golfing this weekend
Probably at his own course, and he makes all the secret service agents buuy a membership. THATS HIS PLAN ALL ALONG!!!
Trump also left work at about 2 p.m. on Friday which is early even for my lazy, unproductive ass.
Tax payers will spend more than 3 Million dollars to renovate MaroLago for Trump? Nothing. Obama takes a vacation to Hawaii? MY TAX MONEY SHOULDNT BE SPENT ON THIS BULLSHIT!!!
That’s Edelman’s first incomplete pass since he asked Sabrina for a second date.
A little trickeration…..?
No. HA HA!!!!!
That…was a bit of desperation…
Attempted trickeration.
So, basically, Buck and Aikman just found a way to make sure New England still got credit for half of the points scored.
Mike Pence looks like a CGI character from 1998. He just seems like he would have the texture of silly putty.