Your “I Waited All Season For This?” Super Bowl and Related Entertainment Shenanigans Open Thread

As Barry Manilow would caterwaul, “Looks like we made it” to our second Super Bowl as a bunch of kid-like creatures that exist under the DFO banner. Well done everyone! [waits for ecstatic applause to die down] It just goes to show you what can be done with a wee bit of moxie, three cadavers, an empty garage, a government research grant, one teaspoon of wasabi, a pair of cargo shorts from Eddie Bauer, the letter “R”, (“G” can suck it-look at us now buddy, maybe you’ll actually answer your emails in the future) a few bottles of Zantac (150-the extra strength kind), the love of a bi-polar woman, superior gas mileage and some second-hand pot smoke. We’re unbelievably lucky because if you were to combine all these things together at any other point in time you’d not only not get this particular result, you’d more than likely get arrested. I thank God every day that there was no God to interfere with the extraordinarily delicate process that brought this whole thing to fruition. TO THE GAME!

In your daily wanderings across the internubs you may have gleaned that the Falcons of Atlanta are dueling the Patriots of the New England. Based on my long history of watching football I know that each and every member of both teams are going to try their very best to win the game because there is a financial bonus attached to doing so. For some it might be 10k, for others it may be 5 mil-whatever the amount, all participants (including coaches) regard this as “free money” and will do their utmost to have that money dumped into their bank account. Some will secretly record practices, others will intentionally deflate footballs. It’s more than likely that a certain unnamed squad is violating the spirit of a specific rule as I type. I’ve always felt that you are the sum of your actions and not what your guttural one- and two- and three-word responses in press conferences imply.

Okay. Now you know who I’m cheering for. Big whoop. Now it’s time for you folks to chime in. Tell us goobers what you’re up to. What are you cooking? Where are you watching the game? Hey lurker, say hello and let us know that you like what we’re doing and how we might make things better. We’re all ears-except for me, I’m all coccyx. Yeah, that’s right-I’ve got a big coccyx. If you lurk and have a medical degree…please, this condition is not pleasant AT ALL.

Enjoy the game people.

 

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
1.7K Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
ThursdaySkyGoddess

Dreamboat sack! Should have stepped on his face.

Doktor Zymm

Your Brady hate warms my heart

...

Hey! I was pouring on some liquid metal hot hate pregame.

laserguru

That was satisfying.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Does Edelman have his name tattooed on his arm because of Wes Welker’s career?

WCS

BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

...

I don’t like this.

Wakezilla

Hnnnngh!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Amendola looks like he should be singing for Queen….not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Romonobyl

Was there a single bad call/play/event that could have turned the tide for the P*ts? Not to my knowledge. That is going to be one salty-ass wound along the Eastern Seaboard.

Duchess

The coin Toss… It was Bush’s last FU to Trump for calling his son a war criminal.

Beerguyrob

Welker would have caught that.” @gisele

Spur

NFL needs to hurry up and move the Chargers to Vegas and have a Vegas Superb Owl on regular rotation.

jjfozz

My lord and my god.

herodotus450

comment image

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Admittedly, I was really hoping for a Raiders/Cowboys SB this year. I am not, however, disappointed in this game.

Trevor Semen

Joe Buck’s acting like this is still a game

Dunstan

Careful. Don’t tempt fate. The Pats are like a horror movie villain — you have to kill them like a bunch of times, and even then they just come back a year or two later in a sequel.

Senor Weaselo

Unfortunately, this.

Trevor Semen

Tom Brady’s probably going to end up going the way of Peyton Manning eother next season or the year after. Either way I’m not worried.

Trevor Semen

See?

Wakezilla

It is.

jjfozz

POTUS? more like POS. Amirite?

herodotus450

POS Stands for Person Of Swellness, right? HaHa!
/Tugs collar
//looks askance at nsa agents across the table

Redshirt

After this game, does this end the Brady is greatest debate?

Wakezilla

Dont be premature. You’ll jinx it

makeitsnowondem

One man’s opinion: Definitely.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Of course not. His receivers let him down. Gisele said so

Duchess

Cleveland Wins
Cubs Win
Bamafreude
Cowboyfreude
Patriotfreude

Id still trade all of those for a Trumpfreude

...

Agreed.

Shogun Marcus

Or as the rest of the world calls it americafreude.

Redshirt

Just wait

Spur

Wow, I didn’t know the Cowboys have been a championship dominating team. News to me.

Duchess

Grew up in Texas during the 90’s so yeah I have a dislike for the Cowboys

ThePirateSloth

Buck is having a serious problem figuring out which gritty white receiver he’s currently seeing.

Duchess

sure they all look the same dont they… now who’s the racist?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Gotta feel a little bad for the falcons though. They have to go visit Trump in the White House.

Beerguyrob

Boycott?

Wakezilla

They are from the south. They wont mind

Senor Weaselo

Considering the tweet that said he turned the game off, they may not get a phone call or invite.

Doktor Zymm

I know Martellus Bennett said he would skip the trip if the Pats won.

Duchess

Trump wont let them in.

Spur

Uh, did anyone hear the Joker laugh?

Trevor Semen

Stadium sound shit. I have the same sound for my player in nba 2k17. It plays over the intercom every time i get a steal

herodotus450

Even more unlikely than the penalties goieng against NE, I think I actually somehow did manage to eat too many mozzarella sticks.

Beerguyrob

Hmm, if I can only call “bullshit ” on one of those, I call penalties on NE.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Unrelated to the game, but you guys are aware of the Trump regrets site, yes?

http://www.areyousorryyet.com/

...

Hahahaha, I hope God turns them all to salt.

herodotus450

Without even loking at the site, I can tell you that all the things he’s done so far have only strengthened the support of his base. THIS IS WHAT THEY WANTED! HE JUST EXPLOITED THEIR STUPIDITY.

...

A few folks who have gotten the shit-end of his travel ban have seen the light. My favorite was the pro-Trump Syrian couple who couldn’t get a family member into the country.

Once a recession hits, people will turn on Trump.

Doktor Zymm

I was sort of hoping that would just redirect to Facebook

Recovery Whiskey

Unless theres a big 9-11 sized terror attack, then they might rally around him.

Unless its at one of his hotels then they might cheer

Spur

It’s not 4th quarter yet?

Mother Puncher

I like Joe Buck’s tie. Now you say something nice about him.

entropy

“He is slightly less offensive to me than Trump.”

Doktor Zymm

Do you think Trump’s hairpiece is made out of Joe Buck’s hair?

jjfozz

I would close his eyes after I eviscerated him

Trevor Semen

“An evisceration is the removal of the eye’s contents, leaving the scleral shell and extraocular muscles intact”
-Wikipedia

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Somebody call Sill

Senor Weaselo

He does a good job of converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

theeWeeBabySeamus

He’s not actually in my house, so the volume button on the remote is my friend.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The president of the united States felt it necessary to tweet out that this was a boring game and politics was more exciting. Why can’t that fat fuck do us a favor and have a massive coronary?

Doktor Zymm

Didn’t you hear? He’s the HEALTHIEST PRESIDENT EVAR

Beastmode Ate My Baby

“If I wanted to see black men beating a white man, I would turn on the Chicago news! #WhiteLiesMatter”

-DT

Shogun Marcus

That does it. Joe, you’ve earned another trip through my brain. Safeties off.

entropy

Joe, Troy’s pubes are all over your mouth, man. Have some respect.

laserguru

Buck looks like Tom Hanks in Philadelphia.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Near the end of the movie.

blackroseMD1

The audio system in Matt Ryan’s helmet stopped working? What are the odds of that happening?

/Remembers the opposing team

Oh.

Senor Weaselo

Wait, did Matty Ice just say “I got nothing”? Second-half radio cutting out? Definitely never happened before.

Wakezilla

Looks like Bob Craft made a call to Putinpop

jjfozz

I want to bury joe buck in a bed of hot coals

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sharkbait

I hate everything.

Still love you all

*might be drunk*

herodotus450

12/14 doesn’t sound perfect. what a fraudulent stat, game, and league
-potus twatter

laserguru

But did he play basketball?

Spur

my goodness Alexandra Daddario is so hot.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You are not wrong.

herodotus450

If me and Katie Nolan don’t work out, it’s TOTALLY gonna work with me and Alexandra.

Trevor Semen
Trevor Semen
Trevor Semen

Alright, fuck this.
Its Charlie Shee, beating his 2 foot erection with a glass bottle attemptibg to make it subside

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well I can’t speak for everyone else, but I’m only pulling about ?w=1200

...

Alright, someone find The Fridge to finish this off.

Mother Puncher

Kinky Louise > Bieber

Redshirt

I’m not into post-orgasmic torture, but this game is making me rethink that fetish.

jjfozz

wolverine would break his claws on my boner right now

makeitsnowondem

Falcons should throw deep nonstop for the rest of the game.

Gratliff

Baywatch is gonna be so fucking bad

JustStopDude

Baywatch movie…why not?

Its amazing to see just how fucking bad US films are compared to US TV shows.

Wakezilla

Holy shit. That Baywatch cast is sexy AF

Senor Weaselo

Scratch that entropy. Gostkowski’s the one getting sent to Cleveland.

entropy

Both of them so far.

WCS

comment image

Recovery Whiskey

NAWT FAAAIR

Spur

The Patriots in desperation mode/ at another team’s mercy. Fucking beautiful.

1 12 13 14 15 16 23