As Barry Manilow would caterwaul, “Looks like we made it” to our second Super Bowl as a bunch of kid-like creatures that exist under the DFO banner. Well done everyone! [waits for ecstatic applause to die down] It just goes to show you what can be done with a wee bit of moxie, three cadavers, an empty garage, a government research grant, one teaspoon of wasabi, a pair of cargo shorts from Eddie Bauer, the letter “R”, (“G” can suck it-look at us now buddy, maybe you’ll actually answer your emails in the future) a few bottles of Zantac (150-the extra strength kind), the love of a bi-polar woman, superior gas mileage and some second-hand pot smoke. We’re unbelievably lucky because if you were to combine all these things together at any other point in time you’d not only not get this particular result, you’d more than likely get arrested. I thank God every day that there was no God to interfere with the extraordinarily delicate process that brought this whole thing to fruition. TO THE GAME!
In your daily wanderings across the internubs you may have gleaned that the Falcons of Atlanta are dueling the Patriots of the New England. Based on my long history of watching football I know that each and every member of both teams are going to try their very best to win the game because there is a financial bonus attached to doing so. For some it might be 10k, for others it may be 5 mil-whatever the amount, all participants (including coaches) regard this as “free money” and will do their utmost to have that money dumped into their bank account. Some will secretly record practices, others will intentionally deflate footballs. It’s more than likely that a certain unnamed squad is violating the spirit of a specific rule as I type. I’ve always felt that you are the sum of your actions and not what your guttural one- and two- and three-word responses in press conferences imply.
Okay. Now you know who I’m cheering for. Big whoop. Now it’s time for you folks to chime in. Tell us goobers what you’re up to. What are you cooking? Where are you watching the game? Hey lurker, say hello and let us know that you like what we’re doing and how we might make things better. We’re all ears-except for me, I’m all coccyx. Yeah, that’s right-I’ve got a big coccyx. If you lurk and have a medical degree…please, this condition is not pleasant AT ALL.
Enjoy the game people.
Well 2017, you’re off to a good start.
My nuts are here for 11 months more good kicking.
‘Night folks.
Fuck you Buck.
Let the slobbering begin.
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WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Guh
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*sighs*
I hate everything
Fuck night, y’all.
Bring back General Sherman
Bloody hell.
This is my Edel[stein]
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I’m out. Later taters
I honestly don’t care who wins, I’m just glad it’s been entertaining.
This sucks ass.
Falcons couldn’t get one FG in the 2nd half.
Swallowing the whistle on cut blocks i see
and holding… and face masks
Gentlemen. It’s been a privilege commenting with you
You as well
NONONONONONONONO
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Hate to say it….but good call.
Didn’t turn his head; wasn’t making a play for the ball
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Uncalled chop block there….
You throw a flag now?
I’ll never say anything good about Atlanta again.
So many holds
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Fuck you, bleergh.
LET THEM PLAY
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Wait, pussy overtime rules now apply to the playoffs?
Think I’m gonna become one of those sportsball guys from this point on
The one with the pucks and the baskets?
This is fucking happening.
SOMEONE BRING ME DONOVAN MCNABB AS A SACRIFICE
Here comes the pick.
C’mon c’mon.
Can Brady retire after this please?
Can someone cut the Patriots out of the Falcons’ defensive radio freq please?
Dear Atlanta. The TOILET is for shitting, NOT THE BED.
Welp, time to throw up all that queso I shouldn’t have eaten
Perfect balls.
Thank you.
Thank God I don’t have kids else I’d have to explain to them evil actually wins most of the time.
All through the post-season, it was nothing by complaining that the games weren’t close enough, but it seems that was what you really wanted all along was blowouts.
Now I remember why I hate Atlanta.
Patriots got away with a hold
Is water still wet, too?
Hey look, someone knos how to take knee in the endzone…
I should just go back to playing No Man’s Sky. I need to make some copper wire, which isn’t made out of copper for some reason.
Play Factorio for that instead
Isn’t that the worst? And Rigogen is so inconsistent to find in quantity.
My home planet is actually pretty good for Rigogen, but it’s radioactive as all hell, so kinda risky making resource runs.
Yeah, I made sure to put my home base on a decent Rigogen planet. Very hostile sentinels, which are a pain to deal with when I’m underwater, but it works. My room full of pearls is complete.
I’m gonna go play Russian Roulette with a single barrel shotgun…BRB.
This is just a dramatic recreation using amateur actors of election night, isn’t it? You totally got us Lifetime.
This is gonna suck…
Olivia Munn hasnt seen an erect dick in a very long time