As Barry Manilow would caterwaul, “Looks like we made it” to our second Super Bowl as a bunch of kid-like creatures that exist under the DFO banner. Well done everyone! [waits for ecstatic applause to die down] It just goes to show you what can be done with a wee bit of moxie, three cadavers, an empty garage, a government research grant, one teaspoon of wasabi, a pair of cargo shorts from Eddie Bauer, the letter “R”, (“G” can suck it-look at us now buddy, maybe you’ll actually answer your emails in the future) a few bottles of Zantac (150-the extra strength kind), the love of a bi-polar woman, superior gas mileage and some second-hand pot smoke. We’re unbelievably lucky because if you were to combine all these things together at any other point in time you’d not only not get this particular result, you’d more than likely get arrested. I thank God every day that there was no God to interfere with the extraordinarily delicate process that brought this whole thing to fruition. TO THE GAME!
In your daily wanderings across the internubs you may have gleaned that the Falcons of Atlanta are dueling the Patriots of the New England. Based on my long history of watching football I know that each and every member of both teams are going to try their very best to win the game because there is a financial bonus attached to doing so. For some it might be 10k, for others it may be 5 mil-whatever the amount, all participants (including coaches) regard this as “free money” and will do their utmost to have that money dumped into their bank account. Some will secretly record practices, others will intentionally deflate footballs. It’s more than likely that a certain unnamed squad is violating the spirit of a specific rule as I type. I’ve always felt that you are the sum of your actions and not what your guttural one- and two- and three-word responses in press conferences imply.
Okay. Now you know who I’m cheering for. Big whoop. Now it’s time for you folks to chime in. Tell us goobers what you’re up to. What are you cooking? Where are you watching the game? Hey lurker, say hello and let us know that you like what we’re doing and how we might make things better. We’re all ears-except for me, I’m all coccyx. Yeah, that’s right-I’ve got a big coccyx. If you lurk and have a medical degree…please, this condition is not pleasant AT ALL.
Enjoy the game people.
I blame myself for believing in the Falcons.
I blame you too, now that you mention it.
You suck.
Personally, I blame the rap music
I’m about to make you all feel much worse…
Imagine if that was Dallas instead of Atlanta?
Your welcome.
my house would be on fire right now, and I’m not speaking metaphorically.
There would be few survivors.
My feelings would be much less mixed and I’d be happier
I’ve heard at least two “motherfuckers” during Willie’s walk to the podium.
fox promo: “atlanta: season’s best comedy” ouch
I would have called it a tragedy, or at least a tragicomedy
Arthur Blank went from being ready to celebrate to possibly shit-canning Dan Quinn.
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Moose…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzpndHtdl9A
Hello Glenfiddich. Let’s get reacquainted.
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I’m just going to think about all those nice people in Massachusetts that voted for Hillary Clinton and sent Elizabeth Warren to the Senate, and be happy for them.
OK, Hugh Jackman with beard is looking eerily like Mel Gibson with beard.
Q: Do all Australian actors with beards look like Mel?
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This is why i’m an atheist.
Congratulations to every sincere patriots fan out there.
All 3 of them.
Every other bandwagoner out there? We haven’t respected you in years, what the fuck makes you think we’re going to start now?
Fuck everyone who has ever said that Brady would beat the 85 bears
I know this isn’t the outcome many of you were hoping for, but I’m watching it with you all definitely made it more enjoyable. Cheers!
I genuinely glad this result made you happy. It’s just that there are SOOOOOO many other people that I’m not glad about it making happy.
I get ya, and honestly I would have been just as happy with a Falcons win, just for different reasons.
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Get Goodell out there. Frankenstein’s Monster wants it’s trophy.
You created this monster you own it.
Worst part of this is Trump is going to somehow use this as evidence of a divine mandate.
He left mid-game. NAWT A TRUE FAN.
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Moose, thank you for making this experience less shitty. I put a very big hole in my wall, and thanks to you that hole doesn’t have 3 brothers
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I’ve been watching the game and staying off here because when it started and I couldn’t get on Atlanta was kicking ass. Didn’t want to jinx it.
But now that’s it’s over let me just say that Atlanta’s performance in the 4th quarter was some of the drop-dead dumbest football have ever seen outside of a JV high school game. Quit rusihing more than 4 guys and give Brady all the time he needs? Check. Completely fail to block an obvious end rush? Check. Take a sack when all you need is two runs up the middle for a probably winning FG? Check. Unnecessary holding penalty to make damn sure there’s no FG? Check and motherfucking check!
They worked damn hard to lose that game and by God they earned it. Fuck you Atlanta.
Now to sit back, find the silver lining and watch Goodell eat shit.
Ook! Ook-ook!!!
The librarian from Unseen University?
Actually, Atlanta won, because alternative facts…
The only thing getting me through this is the fact that Bob Kraft has to give yet another Super Bowl ring to Vladimir Putin.
DFO Radio incoming? I have some very angry music to share
Now, I’ve got to drive home, and proceed to drink this game out of my memory. See ya in a bit.
At least Trump was wrong about this game being boring.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Because I needed another excuse to stop watching the NFL.
Obligatory fireworks for The Maestro, who proves that not all Pats fans are horrific people.
I’ll drink to that.
Shit, I lost my glass….gimme a minute.
Cheaters win again. Figures.
“Some men see things as they are and say, why; I dream things that never were and say, why not.”
When it looked like a blowout to be, I almost used this gif.
Glad now I didn’t. Time to go get really really inebriated.
Plinketto! Everyone gets Pinketto!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVijUWZwZo4
I quit football. I’ll never watch it again.
See ya in April for the Draft.
Looking forward to watching Goodell hand over the Lombardi trophy
FUCK THIS FUCK YOU FUCK ME AMD FUCK JULIAN EDELMAN
I’m gonna watch some MMA to relax.
I know I shouldn’t go into thinking that the last couple of super bowls seemed to have been fixed because the easier explanation is that the better teams won… but I can’t shake the feeling that this is as fixed as the UFC or WWE sometimes.
Actually, I’m not sure the ball was over the line when his knee went down.
I said that immediately after the play. I also still think Ryan’s arm was moving forward on the fumble.
I have no words. This America is fucking disgusting.
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All it takes for evil to succeed is for the Atlanta Falcons to do nothing.
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Never care about football
There are zero nice things that we can have.
HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
Never Count Out Touchdown Tom!
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If I still had any sort of feelings, I’d probably be really angry right now.
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Burn down Atlanta again for being a disappointment
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Fuck. Fuck! FUCK!
I AM DRINKING EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD TONIGHT
DRINK ALL OF THE THINGS!!!
Not everything.
/hides freezer vodka
//it’s not in the freezer….no don’t look in there!!!!!!!
This was our fault