Your “Play-In Games Are Bullcrap!” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Kind of a short write-up today. I’m quite hung over. Yes, it was worth it, until the wife finds out I dropped $100 on the evening. Strangely, none of it on strippers; last time I was at one, one of my former students walked out on stage. I left until she was done.

NFL News:

  • Eddie Lacy is going to the Seahawks. One-year; $5.5 million, with $3 million guaranteed no matter his weight.
    • I’m not getting rid of my Rawls jersey just yet.
  • Cordarrelle Patterson signed a two-year deal with the “Oakland” Raiders.
  • The Vikings signed Datone Jones away from the Packers.
  • Oh God – the Browns might make a play for Kirk Cousins.
  • Ted Ginn is going to drop balls for the Saints, for three years…THREE YEARS?! $11 MILLION?!

I detest the play-in games; calling the the “First Four” doesn’t pretty them up much. They reek of desperation, and they don’t even get shown on a real network. I’m surprised truTV can afford to stop showing “Impractical Jokers”. I’d love to see the complaint letters from the old ladies who are forced to miss an episode of  “Talk Show the Game Show”.

However, I will take the time to remind you about DFOs Bracket Challenge. Somehow, I ended up with Kentucky winning it all, and I’m too lazy or inept to figure out how to change it.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Wild at Capitals – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Blackhawks at Canadiens – 7:30PM | NBCSN
  • NBA:
    • Pistons vs. Cavaliers – 7:00PM | TSN
  • NCAA:
    • Play-in games:
      • Mount St. Mary’s vs. New Orleans – 6:30PM | truTV
      • Kansas State vs. Wake Forest – 9:00PM | truTV
    • NIT: all over the ESPNs; highlights
      • North Carolina (Greensboro) at Syracuse – 7:00PM | ESPN
      • Indiana at Georgia Tech – 9:00PM | ESPN

I suppose the hockey is just for Canadians, although I’m not sure why TSN isn’t showing the basketball. MAKES NO SENSE!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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blaxabbath

I’m hungry but I can’t chew.

The Maestro

Milkshakes!!

LemonJello

I’ve heard that they bring all the boys to the yard…

Shogun Marcus

Mines better than yours. I’d show you, but I’d have to charge.

blaxabbath

Too cold man.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
JerBear50

As any Pats fan can tell you, a gullet full of hot, steaming chowder is pretty satisfying. Or if you can’t find Tom Brady, maybe just some kind of soup would help.

Shogun Marcus

Most tv commentators and pk can tell you first-hand orally what hot fresh patriot chowder tastes like.

King Hippo

could you hire someone off craigslist/backpage to be your mama bird ,, smh??

blaxabbath

Who know who is a business guru? The lady who owns that fucking bead shop that’s been open for like 25 years. Booms, downturns, the Chinese — nothing is running her out of business.

This is who should be fucking running the banks.

JustStopDude

Its a front for MS-13.

JustStopDude

So how soon before Sean Spicer Bud Dwyer’s himself on national TV from all the stress of trying to explain Trump’s tweets on a daily basis?

comment image

That has to be the shittiest gig in Washington right now right?

The Maestro

By a country mile, yes.

JustStopDude

I’ve got to imagine he takes abuse from the media for the utterly insane shit he has to try and pass off on orders of Trump and that Bannon asshole…and then they give him abuse when he can’t convince rational people that it isn’t a fucking trainwreck of a White House.

I mean he has to be on a half a dozen medications just to control the stress.

I think he is a bastard and a complete hack, but I am honestly here when I say I would be shocked he is still working or even alive in 3 years just from the stress of this shit.

...

That job has high turnover under non-fuckwit presidents. You couldn’t pay me enough to even consider that gig.

Unsurprised

It’s only stressful if he gives a fuck about what he’s saying, which he obviously doesn’t.

blaxabbath

New budget director for Planned Parenthood might be required to knock out some overtime pretty soon.

King Hippo

I would pay at least $4-5 to see that!!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

That is obviously fake. The hands are too big

Horatio Cornblower

Not soon enough.

JustStopDude

Trump reported losing $913,765,884 in 1995.

How the fuck was he able to spin that he is a business guru?

Apparently Rachel Maddow is reading off parts of his 2005 tax return.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

It went to whores and boosted Russia’s GDP by 65% for the year.

Spanky Datass

Trickle down economics. (That’s a urinate on hookers joke.)

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Santorum stock flowing freely.

Spanky Datass

Dammit! I should have gone with tinkle-down economics, it was right there! Weak stream, Spanky. Weak. Stream.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’d imagine it’s going to show that he vastly overstates his wealth and is in serious hock to Russian financial interests.

JustStopDude

Pretty much his $10 billion net worth he claimed back there is total bullshit. Apparently at best it was close to half that amount.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I wish I could lie about my wealth and actually have 11 figures.

JustStopDude

Fuck I know right? Its staggering the wealth disparity in this country.

King Hippo

Strong bank account! Strong apparatchik!!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I want to donate sperm for families unable to rear children, so imagine my surprise when I went to the facility and found they didn’t have a cup that was shaped like Larry Craig’s hairline!

Unsurprised

You have to kill a male hooker to get that.

Brick Meathook

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

In my mind I can hear the “doink” as the fire hydrant detaches and goes flying.

Unsurprised

It’s a shame he didn’t die.

King Hippo

I honestly think Clark Kellogg might be the dumbest man alive (not associated with the Trump family or administration).

theeWeeBabySeamus

Don’t forget the Irsays.

King Hippo

nah, that’s just pillhead talk. I gets it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ha!!!!!

herodotus450

Austin ARIANS is majoring in LIBERAL STUDIES? You know who else went to art school…

herodotus450

Me watching 98% of NCAA tournament games:
(Waiting for game to start) “Super excited for this game, don’t care who’s playing.”
(5 seconds after tipoff): “Eh who cares, I’ll come back in two hours if the lower seed is winning.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You think that’s bad, you should see their girl-on-girl porn.

King Hippo

oh fuck me, how I guffawed at that

LemonJello

Bra-fucking-vo!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Yes, I should!

LemonJello

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

There’s a theory that when we die, our perception of time stretches out into an eternity in that final instant of consciousness. If that’s true, I would not at all mind if this image was the last thing I ever saw.

blaxabbath

That’s a dumb idea.

blaxabbath

I met/had dinner with some Canadians last night. They don’t get the deal with gun rights, like Trump, and hate Gary Bettman.

herodotus450

Well 1 out of 3 ain’t bad

JustStopDude

Tell them what you make and how much your grocery bill is.

That will piss them off real good.

blaxabbath

How’s that matter?

herodotus450

The Canadian Peso currently isn’t even worth the precious metals and expensive polymers that it’s made of

blaxabbath

I feel like that would have been very ugly American of me.

And the host of this dinner was explaining why we needed to build the fucking wall.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

To increase boat sales.

JustStopDude

The Canadian dollar is in decline. Generally wages are comparable, but day to day costs are much higher. Grocery bills can be staggering depending on where they are based. Same too for housing.

Its becoming a huge problem in Canada as while wages have not gone down, purchasing power is in severe decline compared to the US. I do a lot of job assignments in Canada and it always makes me laugh when people in the states act like they are going to move up there.

Moving to any country, I think you are in for a culture shock…I just don’t think Americans realize how expensive it is to live up north year round. We are starting to poach a lot of Canadian talent. The joke around the office is they are the North American version of Poland.

blaxabbath

Why’s it in decline?

JustStopDude

My theory is that its a combination of many things. Environmental for one. Canada has to import a lot of food. The Chinese are also dumping staggering amounts of money into Canadian real estate which combined with the tradition NIMBYism of Canada, is leading to a huge problem for young people to afford any type of housing in a city of any significant size.

The global economy slow down hit Canada hard as much of its revenue and economy is based on consumption of raw materials, typically exported to the US and China. When both those markets contracted, the price of raw materials dropped.

But this is all crackpot theory from someone with not a real background at all in economics.

blaxabbath

I hear you guys are bringing in MUSLIMS who, after like 6 years, can bring in MOAR MUSLIMS.

Supply and Demand, IMO.

JustStopDude

The housing market in Toronto, Vancouver, and the like…its unreal. Like houses are going for seven figures and they will never be occupied.

All so rich assholes don’t have to pay taxes and get around export laws.

blaxabbath

I do understand that coast real estate is nuts.

I’ve spent very limited time in Vancouver but I think it’s an awesome city.

Unsurprised

So how would they know if those houses are occupied by squatters?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Oh boy, there seems to be another Fappening going on now.

JustStopDude

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herodotus450

How did you hack into my webcam?

JustStopDude

I think i would prefer these play in games being broadcasted by the Weather Channel over this RealTV shit.

Unsurprised

Don’t ever fuck with a luchador’s mask.

Brick Meathook

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LemonJello

In former Soviet Republics, Pikachu chooses YOU!

King Hippo

I liked when middle America was doin’ stuff liek this rather than electing fascists to high office…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

You fetch a bat with your teeth… for points!
/My high school friends used “for points” way before @midnight

Wakezilla

I just had to put down my 14 year old dog a couple of hours ago. He was blind, had diabetes, liver and kidney problems, and I found out last week he had gallstones and early stages of cancer. However, he was always happy. Until today. I knew this day was coming, but, holy fuck did it still hurt like a bitch to put him down. I’m allowed to show up to work hungover /still drunk tomorrow, right?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sorry.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Condolences. And I say you take the day off.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sorry as shit Wake. Srsly.
Often they do find a way to let you know it’s time. Good on you for seeing it and loving him enough to recognize and put aside your own pain for his benefit.

Gonna raise a glass to you and him momentarily, my friend.

King Hippo

yes it hurts as badly as anything can hurt

Brick Meathook

Wow that’s the worst feeling. I know it. Remember how much fun he was.

blaxabbath

Sorry, Wake. Props on you for giving him a good life.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Hey if you need some entertainment in the interim, hit me up. I can lick my own balls and have no qualms with shitting in a yard.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Sorry man. And unless you are a surgeon or airline pilot or something, sure

Don T

I’m very sorry man.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

God damn, man, I’m sad to hear about that, but it sounds like you gave him an amazing life. That alone counts a lot.

Call in sick if you want to. You can take a day for him.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
herodotus450

Possibly Az State, if that endzone is starting to spell Sun Devils

blaxabbath

I couldn’t tell by the way the fan wasn’t in blackface.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

And peepuhl wonder why my favorite bike route was thru campus in Tempe.
TMYK

Unsurprised

To run over fools?

theeWeeBabySeamus

These March Madness commercials piss me off moar than SB commercials. No Shit.
Why is Grant Hill trying to sell me pizza?????

Also, true story bro…..Grant Hill was a client of mine for a while until the NBA came calling.

HEY GRANT I FIXED YOUR CAT FOR REAL CHEAP WHEN YOU WERE A “POOR” STUDENT ATHLETE THEN YA GOT THE SWEET NBA MONEY AND LEFT ME HANGING. PRICK.

(I’m not bitter)
((Yes, he really was a client with a sick as fuck kitten for his then girlfriend which I basically comped the treatment for…for the kitten, not for his arrogant ass))
(((fuck that guy)))

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BREAKING: tWBS HAD HIS HANDS ALL OVER GRANT HILL’S COLLEGE PUSSY

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Haha…I’m gonna use this in the future.

JustStopDude

FUCK THERE GOES MY BRACKET! I had New Orleans into the Elite 8.

I am not very good at this…

herodotus450

I had them in my other bracket

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fucking Miami, man.

herodotus450

A person of less moral fortitude than I might say that their cheerleaders are also 16 seeds

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JustStopDude

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So many questions…did the operator survive? Did they drive into this or just stop suddenly? How fucking fast to you have to be going to cause this? What fucking kind of car is that?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Gives a whole new meaning to “Getting Roofied”.
/shows self out

theeWeeBabySeamus

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

herodotus450

maybe looks like it came from… behind.

King Hippo

Wasn’t even double bonus, for fuck’s sake! 4.2 seconds difference shot and game clock.

King Hippo

These dumb fucks don’t foul??

herodotus450

Now if they make a half court 3-pointer they’ll win by 2!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I couldn’t find TruTV if you hid pussy and beer in it.

JustStopDude

Apparently for me, its sandwiched between “E” and “FoxNews” channels.

Took me a while to find it.

King Hippo

betwixt Comedy Central and SyFy FOAR me

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

That’s the closet something true will ever be to Fox News!

blaxabbath

A pop up ad once told me that their tagline for their comedies is, “It’s funny because it’s Tru”

King Hippo

Not surprisingly, the team with “The Mount” on its jerseys has a super rapey mascot.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It just dawned on me how fucking funny Blax’s question was before….

You guys ever tried vicotin?

It’s like he’s new here or something. Jeebus.

King Hippo

anthem of Hippo’s dumb life? U noe it!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_rCRgu9qTg

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Maybe it’s some sort of nicotine-infused pain medication. Just flood all the receptors

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brick Meathook

This answers all my questions.

theeWeeBabySeamus

This might be my favorite thing I’ve ever seen.

King Hippo

backpage ,, smgdh

King Hippo

Ole Miss at Monmouth (ESPN2) is a fun cultural pairing. “Ay! youse Dixie boys sounds so fackin’ stooopid when youse taaak.”

blaxabbath

You guys ever tried vicotin? My dentist gave me a prescription after roughing up my jaw for a couple hours earlier today. It was pretty neat how my face went from sore/numb to regular/only-kinda-sore….but I don’t think it’s good enough that I’d want to be addicted to it or anything.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Take another one.
The answer is always….take another one.

King Hippo

Vicuprofen is much better. Acetomenophen (Tylenol) is totes bad for you.

blaxabbath

I don’t know that much about drugs.

Should I rip a bowl?

JustStopDude

You are going to want to do a cold water extract and then bang that shit.

You get something like this…

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Its just a histamine reaction.

JustStopDude

Or you could smoke them…

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King Hippo

Never a bad idea.

Brick Meathook

I had my wisdom teeth taken out under local anesthetic and they gave me Percodan. You can’t even get that anymore. Instructions said take one every twelve hours; I started with three. I could actually float and also had telekinetic powers.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Anyone who says “BUT ‘ZAGA DON’T PLAY ANYONE” should never be allowed to fill out a bracket.

blaxabbath

It’s not that they don’t play anyone. It’s that they don’t play anyone after Christmas. And getting up for the occasional contested game isn’t exactly great preparation for trying to beat 6 consecutive strong* teams.

(* even the 16 seeds are better than most of the teams in America)

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Ehhhhhh, I disagree with you on the 16 seeds. They’re almost always dogshit.

blaxabbath

Valid point.

King Hippo

this here 16-seed play-in tain’t half bad!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Admittedly….not one of my prouder days.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Also, I may or may not own that hat in real life.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s fucking funny. Especially considering all the scratching.

theeWeeBabySeamus

At least I had a big O on my chest that day.
Can’t say that’s happened recently.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ah yes, UNO. The legacy of Monte Towe.
White Men Can’t Jump: The Documentary.

Brick Meathook

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Okay, Dino was a featured player but I don’t remember that saber-toothed cat in anything but the end credits.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

Green Arrow is a billionaire trust fund baby and a communist. IOW, he’s a NESCAC school alumnus.

King Hippo

yeah, they don’t let it sleep in the house at night, but it rides in the goddamned car?? The titty fuck is that shit??

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
blaxabbath

Why is this a gif? I don’t know what is happening.

JustStopDude

Up skirt shot from creepy sideline dude…

blaxabbath

Oh.

McCrory approves.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Pucky-sticky:

I find it amusing how people think Jonathan Quick is going to save the Kings when Peter Budaj (I get this is his ceiling) pretty much was Jonathan Quick numbers wise for most of the seaosn.

herodotus450

It takes two to tango. And 23 to play defense.

SonOfSpam

Yeah, then they traded for Ben Bishop. The fucking problem is scoring, not unscoring (that’s how cool people say goaltending).

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I mean won’t geriatric Jarome Iginla solve that?

SonOfSpam

As long as it’s 2003.

/checks calendar

It’s not 2003.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

God he’s awful now, but that dude will still be able to one-time a puck in his 70s.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
herodotus450

2003 is closer to the time of Cleopatra than today is to 2003. Spooky.

King Hippo

black don’t crack ,, ppl forget that

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
herodotus450

He makes Ron Paulus look like Jimmy Clausen!

Unsurprised

That’s sexy

The Maestro

PokerStars is down. This is fucking bullshit. I demand a refund of my technically worthless play money.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
SonOfSpam

Can’t that asshole just go back to fake wrestling instead of fake presidenting?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I just heard this for the first time the other day. I love it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMMjN_lC8a8

Unsurprised

You’re finally a real boy.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

It’s now in my Top 10 favorite rap songs.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well…boy-ish.
😉
<3

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Jesus, fuck, happy fucking Tuesday.
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SonOfSpam

“Strangely, none of it on strippers; last time I was at one, one of my former students walked out on stage. I left until she was done.”

You finished beating off in the 3 minutes and 19 seconds it took for her to jiggle her tits to “Cherry Pie”?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

WHAT IS THIS MAN?!?! SOME KIND OF MARATHONER?!?

Unsurprised

How has Snyder not named them the Squaws?

SonOfSpam

Especially when so many of them have smallpox.

herodotus450

Is that danny devito? Is that danny devito on Friends?

SonOfSpam

The 3:19 includes walking to/from the sticky area behind the dumpster.

LemonJello

Are you saying she couldn’t twerk for the full four and a half minutes of “Girls, Girls, Girls”?

SonOfSpam

We also would have accepted “Pour Some Sugar On Me”

herodotus450

Pop quiz hotshots: If you took the 64 teams in the tournament and gave them random seeds, would it make a difference on the winner?

SonOfSpam

Definitely. Those six opponents lined up nicely for Villanova last year; a different set would yield different results.

This does not apply to women’s basketball and Connecticut.

herodotus450

Could UCONN beat the Browns?

SonOfSpam

Talking about the Mexican national team? Then yes.

Talking about the Cleveland “professional” football team? Then still yes.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

In their conference tourney, they beat a 24-8 team by 56; there’s no pretending anyone has a chance against them.

I mean, are there that few elite high school girls that Auriemma can just snag them all?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Yes, there’s usually 2-3 teams that are criminally underseeded. IE, Wichita State as a #10 is nuts.

http://kenpom.com/index.php

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“criminally underseeded”

Dry bukkakke porn ……

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Also the reason Andrei Chikatilo did what he did.

Unsurprised

Can I have FGCU win it all?

The Maestro

WOOOOO DUNK CITY

Spanky Datass

Win it all? Sure. But I have The Sisters of the Flaming Christ : School for the Blind in the ELITE eight so I might not be a reliable source …

King Hippo

I am ok with the play-in games…but they should be fucking called what they are. The fuck else I’mma do on a Tue/Wed??

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I filled out a bracket. I know nothing about college basketball this year or most years. I also know I had Wisconsin advance way too far.