NFL News:

• Deciding to celebrate his recent breakup with entendres, Aaron Rodgers has decided the Packers are more flexible with extra tight-ends.
  • “I think we’re going to have a lot more flexibility in that package,” he said.

• Pretty-boy skipped the visit to the White House, because either snubbing tyrants is the new Patriot Way, or he didn’t want POTUS grabbing his wife’s hoo-hah.
  • however, Gronk showed, and interrupted a press briefing, probably looking for Melissa McCarthy.

• Speaking of Patriot Way, both Malcolm Butler & James White have re-signed with the Pats.

• With no Super Bowl hostings on the horizon, Texas is about to pass a bathroom bill akin to North Carolina’s.

• Get ready for the Brown-Bengals games to become the “Battle for Ohio”, because former Bounty-gate blamee Gregg Williams is really taking delight in his defensive coordinator duties along Lake Erie.
  • “We need somebody that’s going to keep everybody accountable,” [Joe] Haden said.

• The Buccaneers have been chosen to grab HBO by the pussy for 2017’s edition of “Hard Knocks”.

• Get ready to punch your TV, because Phil Simms will be replacing Tony Gonzalez at “The NFL Today” starting this season.

Finally, not exactly football news, but Jeb Bush & Derek Jeter are combining forces to try and purchase the Miami Marlins. Jeb is apparently worth $20 million, while Jeets is worth $185 million. Given that Jeffrey Loria is asking $1.7 billion for a team Forbes valued at $940 million, they’re going to need some help.

Speaking of accountability, according to PFT and the Boston Globe, the probable reason Aaron Hernandez killed himself is starting to emerge. Massachusetts state law has the concept of “abatement ab initio” built into the criminal code. Under this concept, the principle reverts a case to its start if the convicted party dies before the appeals process has concluded. It may date back to the 1800s.

What that means is, because Hernandez was still appealing his original Odin Lloyd conviction, he dies an “innocent” man, because his death reverts the case to a pre-trial state. I don’t figure him for a staunch Catholic, so methinks this is the closest he gets to pure absolution for his sins. It also means the conviction now cannot be used in a civil case brought by Lloyd’s relatives, since they cannot prove Hernandez committed the crime, despite him having been convicted of the actual crime.

‘You can’t prove I did it, because the law says I didn’t do it, despite proving I actually did it, which you can’t prove.’ That’s The Patriot Way!

The Boston Globe even speculates that he chose today possibly in “desire to grab the headlines from the team that once offered him the path from a challenging upbringing to fame, riches, and acclaim”.

Expect Odin Lloyd’s family to receive a note of condolence from the League, and three compensatory draft picks in next week’s draft.

For long reads, Big Daddy Drew has you covered for a serious take on the subject over at GQ, whereas Peter King has the “NAWT ONE OF US!” hand-wringing down at si.com.

In case you missed Hollywood’s big news from earlier today:

Tonight’s sports:

• NHL: tonight brings us a couple of elimination games on the late shift
  • Capitals at Maple Leafs – 7:00PM | NBCSN / CBC    (Leafs up 2-1)
  • Senators at Bruins – 7:30PM | USA / Sportsnet       (Sens up 2-1)
  • Wild at Blues – 9:30PM | NBCSN /  Sportsnet360    (Blues up 3-0)
  • Ducks at Flames – 10:00PM | USA / CBC                (Ducks up 3-0)

• NBA:
  • Thunder at Rockets – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN
  • Trail Blazers at Warriors – 10:30PM | TNT / TSN

• MLB:
  • Red Sox at Blue Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1
  • Indians at Twins – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN2

Regular-season schedules are released tomorrow. Mr. Scott?