NFL News:
- LeGarrette Blount has signed a one-year deal with the Eagles.
- Because the Patriots tendered him as a UFA before May 9, using an obscure rule Belichick is famous for finding, the Patriots will end up getting a compensatory pick from the Eagles in next year’s draft.
- Lots of Eagles sites, like Bleeding Green Nation, are already using his old Ducks photos to show how good a 30-year-old back will look in Eagles colours.
- as well as noting this signing spells the end for Ryan Mathews in Philly.
- WIP Twitter seems more focused on the Sixers draft options. Luckily.
- Also, never forget:
- Derek Carr, scheduled to make $977,519 in 2017, the final year of his rookie contract, is looking to get a long-term deal signed before training camp starts.
- Rumours are that he’d be looking at Andrew Luck money, which averages $25 million per season.
- Also, he wants it back-loaded in order to save money once the team moves to Nevada, where there is no state income tax.
- Rumours are that he’d be looking at Andrew Luck money, which averages $25 million per season.
Plenty of sites are reporting that Gisele told “CBS This Morning” that Tommy had himself a brain-owwie last season, which is news to the League since Brady hasn’t been listed as having a concussion since 2003. Oopsie.
- He’s had plenty of reports, but nothing head-related.
- The League may investigate, on the level of investigating the Seahawks for underreporting Richard Sherman’s knee problems.
- I bet Rog would love to snap another pick from the Pats.
Tom Brady's reported injuries over the past 4 seasons. Zero concussions listed. pic.twitter.com/jNPvqcWHyr
— David P. Woods (@davidpwoods) May 17, 2017
- The owners are still debating whether to reduce overtime to 10 minutes.
- They are also proposing to allow teams to bring back a second player from the IR.
- Bob Marley’s grandson Nico, a linebacker at Tulane, has signed an undrafted free agent contract with the [Redacteds].
- So, maybe now would be a good time to revisit the League’s stance on the ganja?
- Also, start the clock on pictures of Dan Snyder in a dreads wig/hat combo.
- Finally, it appears Cleveland’s draft hobo has moved to SoCal, as he convinced Tre Boston to sign with the Chargers.
- He took the form of a guy begging for change at a gas station, on whom Boston bestowed $100.
- Over/under it was Ryan Leaf or Todd Marinovich?
In honour of the awful existence that must be Tom Brady’s, ladies & gentlemen – Mr. Warren Zevon:
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Game 3: Penguins at Senators – 8:00PM | NBCSN / CBC
- NBA:
- Game 1: Cavaliers at Celtics – 8:30PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
- MLB:
- Blue Jays at Braves – 7:30PM | Sportsnet
- Red Sox at Cardinals – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN
Watching Warren Zevon videos led me down a Linda Ronstadt rabbit hole. I keep forgetting, given today’s female-led pop dreck, how good a performer she was. Here’s a link to the song listings for her Greatest Hits albums, an arbitrary list of her top-10 songs, and I’ll include her greatest number below.
HEY PLOW KING – SAVE SOME FOR ME!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gu77Vtja30c
David Cone is trying and failing at his test to become a card-carrying member of the Audubon Society.
Evening, sluts.
Oh please, I’m a tease at best.
I prefer morning sluts, but I’ll take whatever you’ve got.
This could be banner material in my opinion.
Hahahaha…not even.
Shut up Canadia and get your newly papa’ed ass to the poker table.
😉
I love how I moved to Portland in part for the food culture and then realized I blew all my money and couldn’t/can’t afford to go out to eat.
I lost 60 pounds in 6 months or so last year. I’ve fluctuated since and was about to get down to that floor in March. Since then, I regained 14 in the last two months. My depression has been kicking me in the ass, the balls, and the face. I use empathy as a weapon against myself, but can’t use it to tell myself “Hey, maybe joy is worth it. Hey, maybe there is value in trying to make out with women. Hey, jobs aren’t entirely soul crushing because at least they allow you to buy shit.”
But fuck it, I’m trying. Because there is no other option except death, and I don’t want to die. Even when it does come, I’m going to fist fight that motherfucker because there’s nothing I want more than to be alive, even if it is being miserable.
One foot in front of the other, man. Glad to hear you’re pushing forward.
I think the reason to live is joy, whether from a cheap thrill (going to KFC, until that itch returns next year; ugh). Read. Hang out. Feeling content from a generous act, or seeing a project through–and a good outcome being gravy. Being depressed overrides that, but being depressed and feeling alone is a pit of despair.
Gotta interact; it helps. If someone says to me he / she cares, I’d make him / her listen. If there’s some waffling or listening while texting, resort to guilt-tripping. My mom’s technique is ham-fisted recrimination.
But social skills… You can never go wrong with being a listener. If the bromides become intolerable, daydream about a tsunami that spares you, and the aftermath. Ask something related to the last thing said, to appear involved. If it’s a name the conversation could go anywhere. Too much interest can give the impression of being overbearing; only took me 30+ years to realize that. Oh I still lapse into that ocassionally. But sometimes you gotta think “Fuck you if you think I’m being a dick. No way I’m gonna feel guilty about that”.
Hey, the Celtics made the final score look respectable.
I’ve skipped all mah cracker-ass life. Why still fat??
Or you could just shoot yourself and save ALL the calories for the year cause honestly what point is living if you can’t have cheeseburgers?
It depends, is it good cheese?
Found the communist!
There’s no such thing as bad cheese.
I was going to say “is it good cheese or is it ‘Kraft singles’ cheese” but then I realized that may not count as cheese.
Hippo just threw up in his mouth a little.
It’s not cheese, but I’d still eat it if you put it in front of me.
Alternate headline: “Hack Seeks Reimbursement for Calculator”
Alright. Ugly as it was, it’s over.
Now get your asses to the poker table FFS.
Fuck you Chris Cillizza. Rosenstein appointing a special counsel could be viewed as a lot of things, but it sure as shit isn’t “a gamble”.
http://www.cnn.com/2017/05/17/politics/robert-mueller-russia/index.html
You had me at, “Fuck you Chris Cillizza.”
So… this game is going to cause the senators more harm than good, isn’t it
Are you talking about the Trump impeachment? Then yes.
Well done!
well, it IS his milkshake that brings all teh boyz to the yard…
As opposed to Ryan Matthews, who drinks nothing but malkshakes.
Xmas Ape had the best joke for this: Bernie would have one.
relax.
what if…he is??
You magnificent bastard.
😀
Dude, fucking Bojack Horseman is so good.
Yes it is. When we gets a new season?? Or are you watching one and I just no hear??
Nah, all it took to get that response from me was a ninety second clip.
Have you gotten to the crippling depression yet?
yeah, he never calls back the day after ,, smh
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzlQWCdAkgo&ab_channel=TheLoudMinority
Someone needs to remind the fans in Boston that the Celtics are still down by 23.
I’m already on it!!!!!
http://www.bankers-anonymous.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/original.jpg
This isn’t bragging, I’d honestly like to be normal. I float around 135-140. I make Adam Richman weep with my habits.
I can’t keep weight on either. I amazed myself when I got up to 160 last year.
Doing NFL-intensity exercise for 11 months got me all the way down to 226.
A Baylor-football-intensity commitment is how Bill Cosby got all the way up to 118.
It’s interesting….I’ve never had this problem before until the past 6-8 mos. It’s kinda fun being able to eat like crazy and not put on weight.
I did my first functional strength training session today because I am committed to improving my health and fitness. If you’re interested, there is a gym in Los Angeles where you can still see my corpse sprawled across the mat.
I have only managed to truly get in shape once in my adult life. It involved stacking 54″-120″ 9/4 lumber for 50-60 hours a week, a divorce, an inability to afford food, and laser focused rage. Dropped 50 lbs in 2 months; 70 in 6. All it cost me was both carpal tunnels, both knees, my neck, and my ability to curl more than 10 lbs at a time without my inner elbow setting fire. Fast forward 4 years, and I’m like 10 lbs away from the starting weight. Fun times.
Also, I’m in IT now, so I’ll just rascal scooter my fat ass on up to the desk in 5-10 years.
That is a nice summation of the futility of life and how much it sucks. I dedicate my next v-profen to you, good man.
The point I’m trying to make here is that food is delicious.
FINE. I just popped an oxy instead. They better for sleep anyways, jerk. 😀
Good for you, man. Stick with it!
https://youtu.be/R2_Mn-qRKjA
Accurate as a motherfucker.
Fuck yeah! The first day is the hardest. Keep it up!
Well, safe to say that I have a massive hardon currently.
When don’t you?
Wait, don’t answer that.
As a guy that likes to cook, safe to say I have a massive lardon currently.
As a guy who collects particle colliders, I have a huge erection in the penus.
As a guy who commits acts of espionage, Michael Flynn is hoping to have a massive pardon in the near future.
Wow. Just.. Wow.
So, how’s the game going?
http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/michael-bolton-office-space.gif
You’re still coherent sooooo….better than we thought…?
Is a .556 SV% good? I bet it’s not good.
With zero shots on goal, it’s fine.
But otherwise…..
You ok? I hear it’s not good.
What, if anything, did Zima taste like? Beer-flavored water? Water-flavored beer? Water-flavored beerwater?
Its still made and sold….
In Japan.
Seltzer-ish kinda beerwater. Parents wouldn’t know so you could pass if you weren’t dumb.
I just had a flashback and I never did acid.
Don “Old Yeller” Cherry is way past his expiry date.
Okay. Survivor: Yes We’re Still On just spent two minutes discussing the fine print of some Secret Advantage in the game.
Can this show please quit jumping the shark already? The poor guy wants to go home!
Wait, you mean that isn’t the immunity challenge?
I can happily say I’ve never seen a minute of it. Sadly not so when it comes to cooking competitions.
Most Glorious el beisbol Cardinals pounding Sawx like a veal, too. Good sporting evening.
Sadly, my orange and black birds are looking to fuck up yet another lead in Detroit.
Jerks.
Aaaannnd just did.
Way to go Ubaldo. Holee fukk I want to murder that guy.
you can’t kill what is already undead…
Holy fuckballz. That never occurred to me. He’s gonna be patient zero when the zombie apocalypse arrives. How could I not have seen this before?
Yes, I’m still a little bit homicidey about that whole thing and Buck Showalter should still be watching his back….
THIS UBALDO JIMENEZ I CALL HIM BANDIT KEITH BECAUSE WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU CHOOSE UBALDO JIMENEZ, HE SUCKS
/Yes, I made a YGOTAS joke
//Yes, maybe three people will get the reference
So did the makers of glorious amber happiness. I think the sawx suck perhaps.
FOUR?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0VNHe5fq30
FOUR ZERO!!!!
WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK???????
What are you fucking fucking?
He’s in my age bracket. If he fucked 4 times in one night, he’d be ded.
LMAO. No comment.
Hopefully it’s who, not what.
But no judgement either way.
Welp. Was looking for an “It happened” gif, but apparently that’s an anti-rape campaign
Flower’s prolly feeling a bit violated right now…
THREE ZERO!!!!!!
[faints]
http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/swih.gif
better save some of this shit FOAR Friday. As an opiate fan, I am well-aware of the dangers of binging and having nothing leftover for an itchy, itchy tomorrow…
Murray?
ABSENT!
Canadia out to prove themselves, apparently.
Someone needs to remove sharp objects from WCS’ home ASAP.
I thought he did that when they baby-proofed.
I hope so.
Wow, this is going south quickly.
I mean north, as in Great White North.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Jm4LoOaAWI
TWO ZERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
/holy fucking bananas!
My fucking back is killing me. I mean it always does. I can’t really take anything for it other than tylenol because my dumb ass can’t be trusted with actual pain medication.
I got a random call from a customer at like 1 or 2 am this morning. The dude called to ask if the online registration for my classes was where he registered for my classes. I asked him where he was calling from and what time it was.
It was 10:00 pm in Vancouver when he called.
Because of my back, I can never get back to sleep once I am woken up. So my day started then. And of course my day consisted of sitting through 8 hours of training on how to do customer support from a motivational speaker with about 20 people from my company…and none of them do customer support. I also don’t think they know what our company actually does because the majority of them were from HR and finance.
So I am sitting here with an utterly screaming headache. I can’t go to sleep yet because I will wake up in like 5 hours because that is as long as I can sleep generally before my back wakes me up. I have another 8 hours of this training.
Whatever it takes to pay the mortgage.
That being said, that sucks. At least you have all of us lovable losers to keep you company.
Try the Copper Fit wrap that Favre is always promoting. I have back issues but that Copper Fit does wonders for it.
They make extended release muscle relaxers now – Amrix. Works really well.
ohhhhhh, Lydia, Lydia, have you seen Lydia??
YES! On DVR right before teh sports started. SO MUCH fan service this week (avoiding spoilers).
I have soooooo much TV to catch up on later after sportsballs.
Have you tried cocaine? One gets SO MUCH done in a day…
You got some?
/sad trombone
So yeah, thanks for nothing, I guess.
LOL
I miss cocaine…
You never know just who is going to show up
http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/the_simpsons_spin_off_showcase.jpg
A REDBLACKS (no ofence)/Titans Ice Superb Owl. Who’da thunk it??
OTTTAWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
/48 seconds in!
SENS WOO!!!!
Today’s News Radio from Ohio:
Congress should just pass laws and quit investigating Trump.
Trump did nothing wrong.
Ex-FBI Leader didn’t say Trump asked him stop investigating, even though he lawfully is supposed to report whenever someone tries to Obstruct Justice.
When investigated New FBI Guy said White House never obstructed justice.
Obama did worse by saying in interview that IRS has done nothing wrong when DOJ was investigating Conservative Charities.
The Liberal Media (TM) didn’t report on Obama because Obama was their guy.
Anyone that critised Obama would be called a racist.
They go after Trump because they want to bring him down.
Its a wonder I didn’t drive my car into a tree.
Does Congress still pass laws? I remember that used to be a thing once in the before time.
Yes, but no one wants them to do that because the laws they consider are inhumane and evil.
That may be the only comment that both Liberals and Conservatives can agree on.
You also left out “How come they can say it, but we can’t?”
oh God, how I cackled at this. SO TRUE a summation of the hillbilly mentality.
“They can have their word but we can’t support our heritage with a Confederate Flag?”
The preferred nomenclature is “you wear your X and I’ll wear MINE” (stars and bars pictured)
Good idea, appropriating the ever-popular /b/ meme of “Hitler did nothing wrong.”
My friend Percy here is equally disappointed in humanity, but like our chin hair.
For as much as I hate people, I cannot bring myself to do antisocial, psychopathic work like criminal prosecution or, God forbid, insurance defense because I am a big, old softboy at heart who likes humanity even when I can’t talk to or deal with people 99% of the time because I’m fucking broken.
What I’m saying is that I suck.
What could possibly be immoral about throwing all the minorities in a cage where they belong to push up stock prices for the prison umbrella companies?
There aren’t enough minorities yet in Oregon. Unless you throw them all in prison.
The prison industrial complex is really a celebration of diversity. Ppl forget that
I can relate. Hating people, yet not being able to help being a compassionate idiot is not a good mix to go thru life with. I speak from experience.
You have my empathy, sir.
NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED. My boss (who has always had my back, somewhat ironically) has this in his top 5 of sayings, and it is 110% absolute true.
I remember having feelings. Crazy days.
/gives another read to Deliberate Acts Exclusion endorsement
Are we at the point that “but her emails” becomes a GOP meme?
For the next century. It hasn’t ever stopped being one.
Josh Marshall’s thoughts. As always, the guy I trust most to cut through the noise and bullshit:
http://talkingpointsmemo.com/edblog/thoughts-on-the-special-counsel-appointment
I’m most looking forward to Schneiderman’s RICO stuff in NY. No pardons for state charges, assholes.
Someone call for RICO????
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8_f3kJOX_8
Robert MOTHERFUCKING Mueller, a man so incompetent he completely fucked up the open and shut case of Ray Rice punching out his goddamn girlfriend, is the special prosecutor.
God help us.
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/17/us/politics/robert-mueller-special-counsel-russia-investigation.html
Janay Rice apologizes for James Comey’s firing.
Props to GOP. That was a good one.
Who thinks Donald Trump actually goes on his planned overseas trip?
Who thinks he comes back from it?
I say he sends Kushner.
Sorry, I thought you said….never mind….
http://cdn.newsday.com/polopoly_fs/1.5876719.1409070851!/httpImage/image.JPG_gen/derivatives/display_600/image.JPG
“Hey sheikh…here’s a picture of Mohammed!”
(shows a picture of a homosexual goat)
“HA1 YOU BEEN PUNK’D BOOOOOYYYYYY!”
(gets beheaded)
Yeah, that works.
Both great questions. As the Shelbyville junkyard guy said, “There’s doin’s a-transpirin’!”
I originally had “August 2017” as the time Trump would quit office with a whiny speech blaming everyone for his failings, but we may have to move that timeline forward a bit.
He’s not quitting shit.
As soon as things get a little hotter, he’s gonna Palin “like you wouldn’t believe”
Holy crap, he’s actually dumber than Palin.
A friend sent this to me last November, after Trump won. Her picks are on top, mine on bottom.
http://i63.tinypic.com/347zio9.jpg
Fuck, I’m afraid he will decide to bomb Iran to prop up his poll numbers
I don’t see the military guys saying “How high?” if Trump were to say “Jump” at this point.
Really? They seem pretty fucking eager to keep doing whatever they want. Like dropping a goddamn MOAB on an empty hill.
*possible POW’s not withstanding
They’re not withstanding no more!
/rim shot
//tequila shot
I’ll take some tequila but you can keep the rim job.
No, wait….reverse that.
A little different from starting a massive ground war with a sovereign nation, or maybe I’m being optimistic.
I don’t trust the military any further than I could throw the nearest general. So it’s safe to say that I’m a little biased.
http://static.snopes.com/app/uploads/2015/06/blake.jpg
Shit, I betcha he get GLORIOUS DACHA in Crimea, and decides to focus on private enterprise again.
A shitty photoshop for a shitty person.
The funny thing about the whole [*Redacted] -Cowboys rivalry is how the owners are pretty much carbon copies of each other except while Jerry Jones is stupid rich and evil, at least he is entertaining. I mean I hate the guy, but he is an unintentional quote machine!
Dan Snyder is just stupid rich and evil…and like fucking boring.
It brings me such joy to see Ryan Leaf and Todd Marinovich used as our go-to druggies.
“If he wants to maintain the lie he made here, that’s fine. No one denies racism exists, but when people like him lie about an incident and others just take him at his word, it perpetuates a mythical level of racism,” Schilling explained. “And for some reason, it appears blacks believe only blacks can talk about racism and only whites can be racists. I promise you if some scumbag yelled the N-word at Adam Jones in Fenway, it would have been on Twitter, Facebook and every other social media site asap, like every other ‘incident.’ Not to mention the liberal Boston media would have broken its neck to identify the racist. But just taking him at his word means there are a bunch of white cowards and racists living here, because no one stood up to the guy. Adam has an agenda and one needs to only look at his past commentary on race and racism to see it. But see, when you question fake hate crimes in this day and age it somehow makes you a racist. If you use this use every word or none at all.”
Curt Schilling literally using the “NO ONE DENIES THIS” defense to call Adam Jones and pretty much every African American baseball player, including Red Sox players liars.
He is like the unfunny, nonredeemable version of Kenny Powers.
Consider the source.
Dude is an asshead.
What is hilarious is that the VERY NEXT GAME…a racist fan got a lifetime ban from the stadium for throwing a bag of peanuts and shouting the N-word at the National Anthem singer.
But like it never ever has happened….according to Curt.
Fucking NFL players with head a decade worth of head trauma show better cognitive skills then Schilling.
Indeed.
Well, he did fall ass-backwards into making one accurate statement.
I think my favorite part of Curt Schilling’s post-sock legacy is that he fucked up every aspect of running a video game company, criminal investigations and all, and the only game they ever made ended up being pretty good and it didn’t matter in the slightest because he’s such a colossal fuckup.
Ketchup sock
Linda Ronstadt was a hell of a singer (and a looker) back in the day. Also, her original backing band was pretty much The Eagles.
I hope there’s latent trauma and Tawwmmmyyy fucking dies.
Then Emo MILF formerly of one of those execrable CBS police procedurals can investigate.
http://102.imagebam.com/download/m75K4hkeWP9MKNQcra1l_A/54893/548920320/Paget.gif
Have no idea what this bad MILFy show is, but I approve your use of “execrable” to describe, well, just about anything.
20+ years of schooling to use a fancy word for “shitty” on a football and dick-joke blog.
Living The Life!
Every once in a while, I wonder if we do ourselves a disservice as lawyers by using more flowery language than is really necessary.
Then I read a pro se (self-represented) guy’s hand-written habeas brief, where he accuses the trial court of being “Ipso Facto in Contempt of naturl justice and prejudice against Me, a living citizen, what has the Rite to face my accuser, the dead woman”
And then I smile.
You twisted fuck, no wonder I like you so much.
pro se
habeas
ipso facto
cunnilingus
That’s why you’re the law-talkin-guy.
Hehehehe…..I’ve met the Rev in person.
He is a VERY cunning linguist.
He got the Mrs. Seamus Seal of Approval, eh?
Mrs. Seamus is dead, but yes….something like that.
(sorry, that was more funny in my head)
That prison has a decent library.
How dare you, Sir????
AJ Cook (aka Jennifer Jareau) is judging you right now.
http://www3.pictures.zimbio.com/bg/Pink+Party+2014+9tMTrGmJOmml.jpg
http://www.phun.org/celebrities/andrea_joy/andrea_joy_03.jpg
I guess she’s not “formerly of” that stupid show.