Your “Final Day of the Beer Selling Season” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Today is the last day of the regular season at The Nat, so forgive me if the preview is short. I’m excited because people will be throwing their unused gift certificates at us, and the kegs we don’t drain we drink! I’m taking a cab home because I anticipate being this loaded:


NFL News:

  • The NFL has cancelled the Houston-Dallas game on Thursday.
    • Over 40,000 tickets had already been sold in Dallas, with proceeds going to disaster relief.
  • Proving you can marry incompetence to ineptitude, the Browns released Joe Haden.
    • who will no doubt promptly sign with the Steelers or Patriots and win many rings.
    • The word in Florio-town is that Haden refused to take a pay cut – he was scheduled to earn $11 million in 2017.
  • Ezekiel Elliott’s appeal entered a second day today, and it may continue into Thursday.
    • The League testified yesterday it relied on “independent advisers” who gathered evidence that couldn’t be used at trial, but did prove (to them) Elliott had put hands on the accuser.
    • There is also the chance the ruling may not happen before the start of the season, which may delay the start of any missed games.
  • Proving Art Briles wasn’t their first attempt at a bad decision this week, the Tiger-Cats apparently worked out Johnny Manziel.
    • If you can’t make an 0-8 CFL roster, it might finally be time to pass on that dream.
    • According to TSN, they quote a source as saying JFF “had too many red flags”.

Finally, ESPN has the charming story of a soon-to-be defunct business which will rent you jerseys, so you don’t have to keep up with yearly tweaks & player movements.

  • Rep The Squad is selling monthly subscriptions that will allow fans to pick what jerseys they want to wear and have the items sent to them one at a time.
    • When a jersey is returned in a prepaid envelope, the next jersey in their queue (or “locker”) is sent out.

“How many jerseys can you really afford to own?” Watkins said. “Wouldn’t it be nice to not only wear the players on your favorite team, but also be able to wear the jerseys of the players on your fantasy team?”

  • The monthly “subscription” to the service will be $19.95 for adults and $16.95 for children.
  • The company hopes to eventually go into all major pro sports teams, but at launch, which is Wednesday, the company will only have jerseys for fans of the San Francisco 49ers, Seattle Seahawks and Detroit Lions.
    • Richard Sherman is a brand spokesperson. Seattle Seahawks wide receiver Doug Baldwin; Detroit Lions wide receiver Golden Tate; Los Angeles Chargers lineman Russell Okung; and Seattle Mariners legend Edgar Martinez are also investors.

Tonight’s sports:

  • MLB:
    • Rangers vs. Astros – from Tampa! – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN5
      • Deadspin has a good explanation as to why they didn’t just flip home dates.
    • Red Sox at Blue Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • A’s at Angels – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1
  • Tennis:
    • U.S. Open Tennis: Second-round play – 7:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN

So, I’ll see you tomorrow for all the preseason finales. Me and/or Scotchy should have a couple of previews of the national games. Until then,

JUST HOOK IT INTO MY VEINS!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I feel like this gem by SonOfSpam didn’t get its proper due in DFO Radio:

“Ok, we got your kit set up.”
“Set the crash cymbal higher.”
“Ok” (moves it up three inches)
“Higher, dammit.”
“Ok” (moves it up another four inches)
“Fine, get outta here I’ll do it myself.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AG8fugqFn9Q

blaxabbath

Drummers seem like so much fun.

Also, I really like SSP. I wanted to see them when they came to PHX a few years back but it was the night after the Kelly Clarkson concert (and yes she was great!).

BrettFavresColonoscopy

SonofSpam gets plenty of credit around here.

Because he’s fucking funny as hell.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

For some reason, Mulholland Dr. makes me want to watch the Phantasm movies.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVtTAp39NIE

Unsurprised

Inspired by Buddy posting Norm Macdonald jokes about Michael Jackson, not for nothing, but his daughter is cute.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Touching all the buns is what got Andy Reid banned* from the hot dog stand.

*for one hour. You don’t burn bridges with your meal ticket.

Gratliff

So I’m attempting to watch Mulholland Dr while dicking around on Twitter. Is any of this shit supposed to make sense?

WCS

The only time that movie made sense to me was one time when I was so stoned, I literally forgot my name.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Gratliff

Handy dandy printable one-size-fits-all suicide note right there

Duchess

you really only watch it for the lesbian scene.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I enjoy(ed) it as I do most Lynch films. That said I fully expect most people to justifiably say “WTF?”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I, too, enjoyed that film but haven’t seen it since I was dating a crazy young woman who led to a lot of things from that era having a mental block.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’ve watched most of his several times. That is the only one I have rewatched in the last few years. I have Eraserhead on DVD.

LemonJello

One last one before bed-time:
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Later, Taters!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Michael Jackson has asked longtime friend Elizabeth Taylor to be the Godmother of his new child. However, those close to the pair worry this could lead to heated arguments over whether the child will be eaten or molested.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I’m addicted to Lasagna Cat.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVI-xVWZf3k

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Brick Meathook

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herodotus450

First day on the job:
Pittsburgh coach: “So Joe, what can you tell us, wink wink, about the Browns’ playbook?”
Haden: “Playbook? What’s that?”
Pittsburgh coach: “Ok that’s all we need; you’re cut.”

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Fuck it Norm nuggets are fun.

“Friends say the couple are very different. Lisa Marie’s more of a stay-at-home type, and he’s more of a homosexual pedophile.”

News came out this week that Michael Jackson had his hospital room adorned with large Shirley Temple posters. But don’t get the wrong idea, we’d like to remind you that Michael Jackson is, in fact, a HOMOSEXUAL pedophile.

Charles Woodson, congrats on the Heisman Trophy, that’s something no one can take away from you. Unless you kill your wife and a waiter.

Unsurprised

Inevitable

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herodotus450
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Common sense alert. People in this world can use their words and come up with solutions.

http://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/847881/Pensioner-wins-right-continue-nude-sunbathing-next-to-school

Redshirt

Its a sad state of the world that I say the words “nude sunbathing next to school” and my mind went to a dark place.

litre_cola

So did mine but it turns out to be a good story.

King Hippo

I just think “what a shame Michael Jackson didn’t live to read that headline”

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I mean if you’re a hologram pedophile, you can’t really do damage.

Redshirt

Today at least. With the technological advances, you never know.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

You know what, make holographic children for the pedos.

Wakezilla

Wow. I can’t even fathom the shit storm controversy this would have set off in North America. Good for the Brits

Unsurprised

I’m sorry, I got distracted about halfway.

Completely naked waitress ‘accidentally’ exposed on live TV

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

That makes a good DFO motto. Also good to remember going into Week One.

Redshirt

Sometimes when I’m bored at work, I replay movies in my head. Just the other day it was True Lies. I was around the scene when Jamie Lee Curtis starting stripping and dancing and proves to everyone that age is a number and you don’t change once you’ve reached the max level when it dawned on me…

What was Harry’s endgame here? He already got evidence that his wife didn’t cheat on him and that she loves him. Why force her to go to a hotel as a prostitute for an arms dealer? Why have her strip and dance in front of complete stranger and then have her lie on a bed while said stranger does God know what to her? She said she wanted excitement, but why would you put your wife through that?

Let’s assume that the terrorists didn’t break in due to Harry’s negligence in his job due to his wife faltering due to his negligence on her? What was his plan after Helen beat him up? Explain he’s a spy and he spied on her when he thought he was cheating on her? How was that going to be a happy ending for him? Lets assume that Helen didn’t hit him? How long was he going to play along? At what point after grouping a complete scared shitless Helen does he goes “Surprise! Its me assaulting you!”? And how is he going to explain it. “I’m a spy who used my resources to spy on you when I thought you were cheating and then I put you through hell when it turns out you didn’t go through with it.”?

Harry doesn’t deserve Helen. She should’ve nailed Bill Paxton.

Brick Meathook

You’re asking about plot logic in a movie written by James Cameron.

LemonJello

I just replay the stripping/dancing and think, “Damn. She’s smoking hot.” YMMV

Unsurprised

Are women staying hotter longer or is it just that the scale slides upward as we age so that, yeah, I’m nearly 40 so why wouldn’t some 50 or even 60 year old actresses still seem hot as fuck? Or maybe it’s both. Anyway, Elizabeth Hurley is 53 and God Almighty,

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King Hippo

Hippo likes teh midriffs. Can’t be too rich or too thin!

Wakezilla

It’s both, tbh.

nomonkeyfun

The answer is yes.
For hotter longer, more and better plastic surgery, less smoking, less drinking, better diet, especially for wealthy.
For schmoettes, life is physically easier, modern appliances, fewer kids, things listed above, more respect for sun, fewer serious diseases by 40’s, and going to the gym. These off top of my head.

Unsurprised

Well, that makes it better and worse now that I’ve decided “Fuck it. I want to start dating.”

King Hippo

there’s also self-selection, in that the less-hot/gracefully aging folk don’t get shown. and/or just throw themselves over a cliff in them Hollywood Hills

Unsurprised

Good point.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Yeah, yeah, she threw HERSELF off…”

– Jim Brown

Wakezilla

Maybe Harry did that for Harry and was actually going through one of his own fantasies by using his wife’s desire to do something fun?

That’s a good point. You put too mich plot into an action movie though. SMH.

King Hippo

even with his tiny weiner ,, smh

/Christ, that was a dumb movie when I go back and think on it

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Give me that grey Nokia any day.

ALXMAC

NEEDS MOAR RAZR!!

King Hippo

No Blackberry, MOAR anti-NAFTA propoganda

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Final Norm nugget for the day:

You know Patton Oswalt came up to me and he said, “I think the worst part about the Cosby thing was the hypocrisy.” And I disagreed. I thought it was the raping.

It’s my feeling that most rapists are hyopcrites. You don’t meet many who go, “Man, I like raping. I know it’s politically correct, by God…” Then I guess people go, “Well he’s not being a hypocrite, and that’s the worst part.”

blaxabbath

<3 Norm

King Hippo

Deadpan humour is TOTES underrated, y’all

Unsurprised

Tonight’s soundtrack as I try to power through writer’s block to write a proposal that, if I’m lucky, will net me negative dollars and, gross, may be enough for a growler refill.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbxtYqA6ypM

Unsurprised

Top comment:

In times of constant chaos and everyday idiocy, this album is like a glas of water after a long walk through the desert.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

O AN MILES SEXY

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Evening, gang. Use this one hour happy bullet wisely.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JElnt-C4dI

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I don’t usually laugh out loud at things, but I laughed like an idiot to this one:

https://youtu.be/GEiQjc5vkJY?t=16m48s

Brick Meathook

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LemonJello

It’s a good thing I’m alone, I’ve been laughing like an idiot going down that rabbit hole of fake book covers.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Just the tip?

LemonJello

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Unsurprised

I know this only too well.

Wakezilla

It doesn’t count if it’s just the tip!

scotchnaut

The old man in me says that the only movie that deserves a Cat Stevens tune is Harold and Maude.

Unsurprised

Counterpoint:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccvdDTqo95s

Almost Famous is Cameron Crowe’s only good movie; it’s the only one that feels even remotely authentic and human.

King Hippo

I’m sure he’s featured in plenty of terrorist training films ,, smgdh

scotchnaut

Oof!

Redshirt

Dear Factory,

What the hell? You’re so tired of screwing yourselves over, you go ahead and give our common enemy the Squealers a good player motivated to play out of his mind so he’ll shut down our receivers. You suck!

Love,
Bungals and Shitbirds

King Hippo

Maybe this helps them beat the P*ts?

/will not be anywhere near enough to beat the P*ts

//one of the Rotowire guys DID pick your Striped Pylons to make the Superb Owl, though!

Redshirt

Someone picked the Bengals to go to the Super Bowl?! I’m the biggest delusional Bengals fan in God’s green Earth (hell, I thought Akili Smith would’ve been good once they allowed him to play like himself and not Kenny Anderson (on my death bed, I will honestly say that Akili Smith showed a spark of life in 2001 against the Jets and if he didn’t get hurt he may have turned his career around)).

Now I’ve gone Full Beng-tarded in front of you all, let me say that I still don’t think the Bengals will go to the Super Bowl. Too many question marks in the lines. If everything goes right and they go to the playoffs and if God somehow allows me peace in my life and they somehow win the wild card game, they won’t make it past the Pats.

King Hippo

I thought he was a good pick at the time. Wasn’t even on teh opiates back then!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

SEE! THAT’S HOW MUCH YOU KNOW ABOUT DRAFT PICKS!

*Also thought he was a good pick at the time. ….

Redshirt

He might’ve been a good pick. The Bengals had a fascination with drafting any QB and turning him into Ken Anderson, in spite of the skill set that they succeeding in college with.

(see Klingler, David)

King Hippo

I never, ever, EVER hide the fact that I am muy el stupido. Yet I continue to put it on display for the people’s amusements. We all have our role.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You CAN’T hide it….

Sorry; had to.

Wakezilla

Haden got released? He seems like a nice guy, so, he’ll sign with the Pats instead of bitterly signing with the Steelers

blaxabbath

THE PAULS

King Hippo

Will this meme its way into Hippo Thoughts? Does one chuh follow the other??

LemonJello

Bullee Dat

Unsurprised
theeWeeBabySeamus

@Hippo…
Here’s one I think you’d like. Just finally got back to the read-y read-y. This was a good first choice back.
Mark Sullivan “Beneath a Scarlet Sky”
https://www.amazon.com/Beneath-Scarlet-Sky-Mark-Sullivan-ebook/dp/B01L1CEZ6K/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1504139478&sr=8-1&keywords=beneath+a+scarlet+sky

King Hippo

Looks good! Shall give it a read.

Unsurprised

Beergoodrick by the third inning, “You want a beer, you get your own beer!”

LemonJello

Beerduderalph after the game:
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Unsurprised

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Wakezilla

That’s smart. He may not get as many tips, however, he’d get more beer at the end. Therefore, it evens out

Unsurprised

Cut out the middle-man. EFFICIENCY, BRO! YOU NEED MORE OF THAT UP THERE IN CANADIA!

LemonJello

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King Hippo

Wait, tomorrow’s “good” fixtures are tOSU @ Indiana and Tulsa @ Okie State? Fuck off, we don’t even get a Mississippi State/Vandy like usual?

King Hippo

He is bad and should feel bad.

Unsurprised

You are a bad, bad person.

...

BAD BAD BAD

King Hippo

I hope this is not news to anyone. THE. WORST. I should sue that f/x show for fucking inverse libel by implication.

Wakezilla

He’s still alive, eh?

Unsurprised

He either died at sea at the hands of a jealous husband months after or will outlive us all like cockroaches after the apocalypse.

King Hippo

This reminds me that I am still waiting for my Everton #9 Sandro shirt to arrive. For fuck’s sake. It’s an international break this weekend, but I’d like it FOAR the 9 Sept. Lesser Footy thread.

Wakezilla

Did you get this from an Asian site?

King Hippo

No, but who knows if there is some go-between. It’s easy to get burned on these.

Unsurprised

Rep The Squad is selling monthly subscriptions that will allow fans to pick what jerseys they want to wear and have the items sent to them one at a time.

There’s no tech bubble. It’s fine when this company has a valuation of $3 billion funded by Peter Thiel’s VC.

King Hippo

Booky-books – I have a new amazeballs author FOAR teh imaginary peoples – Emily St. John Mandel. I first read “Station Eleven” and just now finished “The Singer’s Gun.” Both amazing pieces of storytelling, lyrical, almost poetic. Dark and simultaneously uplifting. Plus she’s Canadian!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Is that Howie’s sister?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Also about to make the purchase on Amazon.
Thx foar the heads up.

King Hippo

will NAWT be disappoint. Station Eleven the best book I’ve read in at least 5 years

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oooh, she cute too.

King Hippo

chuh chuh. Thank fuck she’s married, so I don’t have to fantasize re stalking her.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Cuck, anyone?
Hehehehehe….sorry, sorry.

King Hippo

MOAR LIEK beta incel, sad trombone.

/kills self for knowing these terms

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Brick Meathook

Any relation to Jill St. John? How about Moe St. Cool?

King Hippo

u wud have 2 think so?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Funny you should ask. I’ve been called worse.

Brick Meathook

When she says that it means she likes you.

Unsurprised

Rrrrrrrrrowr

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LemonJello

Sweet, fancy, chocolate-covered Moses! She’s gorgeous!

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Gallery with huge images.

Taken from a fansite, of which I just settled on this gallery.

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Wakezilla

I’d like to be tutored by her

theeWeeBabySeamus

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herodotus450

I guess that makes Jerry the protagonist of those cartoons, considering when this was made.

LemonJello

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Unsurprised

Browns fandom

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

“ABSOLUTELY PERFECT!”

-Bruce Lee, directing his first porn film

King Hippo

I don’t know what it says about me that I find this oddly arousing.

/maybe explains why around 90-95% of my exes are batshit insane, instead of the average man’s 70-75%

Wakezilla

Ever received a flu shot only to get sick afterwards? Well, my daughter got her 12 month shots yesterday. She got one for the Rotavirus, Chicken pox, measles, mumps and another immune shot that escapes my memory at the moment.

Well, she is sick with a lot of the side effects (which is basically the symptoms of the virus) since last night and oh my god this is fucking horrible. She’s sleeping now. She spent most of last night throwing up. I stayed up until 5 am to keep an ear out for her while Mrs. Wakezilla slept. Babies with these symptoms do not sound good when they breathe. May need to buy cocaine soon to keep awake.

I began watching Iron Fist so I could get into Defenders. Iron Fist is cheesy bad. For those who have seen both, do you need to watch Iron Fist to get Defenders?

On a somewhat related note, as I watch the Ironfist, I cannot think about how cool it would be if we got a Batman show on Netflix, starting with Year 1. Now that Warner Bros might be doing elseworlds and thinking reboot, maybe they’d be willing to do such a thing?

herodotus450

Keep some of her fluids; aerosolize them; spray them on anyone who starts a sentence with “I didn’t finish high school, but the mercury in vaccines-“; give no quarter as that blight on human enlightenment is removed; repeat.

King Hippo

DON’T GO CATLER.

The one year I missed my flu shot, I got so fucking sick that I was hallucinating. Fortunately, my then-wife and I caught it staggered enough that each was functional to parent at complementary times. We had like an 18 month old.

Immunizations are the tits. The thin, prickly line between tenuous civilization and the entire globe shitting out its brains through its eyeballs.

LemonJello

I haven’t gotten a flu shot in a couple years, but Uncle Sam gave me so many inoculations over 20 years that I think I could survive Captain Tripps with nary a sniffle.

Wakezilla

Love the Captain Tripps reference

litre_cola

Wakezillais a Fins fan therefore Cutler is getting into the Zillas bloodstream. Soon, you wont care about anything except smokes and antivaxxing.

Wakezilla

I already have the indifference down towards my shitty team

Unsurprised

Have you seen the Year One animated movie? Good shit.

Wakezilla

I have and love it. As long as my make believe show doesn’t take place in the Millerverse, I’d be happy.

It’s too depressing

Wakezilla

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: Rob is a really friendly guy. We indirectly worked with each other at the Nat and every encounter I had with with him was always a pleasant one. The guy on the right, I forget his name, but, I interacted with him more on a game basis. He too was a cool cat.

Have fun getting wasted, Rob!

LemonJello

Jeebus, the sprots landscape tonight is looking like:

a) a windswept moonscape
2) Wichita
😉 a little column a, a little column b

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Hello, Imaginary Internet Friends!

King Hippo
King Hippo

Rentals are a good way to be forward thinking re body image too – not all of us are anorexics who can fit into that XXL forevs ,, smgdh

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The Rangers being dicks to the Astros merely reinforces that, broadly speaking, Texans suck.

scotchnaut

/watching Guardians 2

I can confirm that the complete video game-ification of action movies has begun.

Senor Weaselo

Does this cancel out the movie-fication of action video games?

blaxabbath

“Renting jerseys is the ultimate way to show our fandom!”

-12’s realizing that the good times won’t last forever.

Unsurprised

It speaks volumes that their biggest player partner is Richard Sherman.