Slight hangover…no scratches or cuff marks…note from wife about snoring…VICTORY!
NFL News:
- Ezekiel Elliott’s appeal hearing has finally ended.
- Under the rules, the arbitrator has five working days to release his ruling. Pressure from both sides is coming to have it decided by Monday.
- Most of the comments under Schefter’s tweet related to Fantasy Drafts this Sunday.
Harold Henderson, the appeals officer in the Ezekiel Elliott hearing, is under pressure to have a decision by Monday, per source.
— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) August 31, 2017
- The Steelers have extended GM Kevin Colbert through 2020.
- Signing Joe Haden five minutes after his release pretty much cinched the deal.
- Animal rights groups have started a change.org petition to try & force FOX to drop Michael Vick from its broadcast team.
- It already has 75000 signatures.
- In comparison the petition from mental-health professionals to demand Trump resign due to his “obvious” mental health condition only has 61000 signatures.
- The “fuck off, losers” from FOX Sports head Eric Shanks is phrased thusly:
- It already has 75000 signatures.
“Over the last 10 or 11 years, not only has he paid his debt to society, but he’s done everything a person who has made a terrible mistake like that can do. We felt it was the right person at the right time for us,” Shanks told USA Today.
- Reports out of Seattle have the Seahawks looking for trade offers for players like Jeremy Lane and Jermaine Kearse.
- The Browns appear interested in Kearse, who has a base salary of $2.2 million, and need someone for DeShone Kizer to throw at.
Game Preview: Rams at Packers
In a case of two teams on vastly different trajectories, the SBNation blogs for these teams tell the true story.
Beyond the usual game previews, Turf Show Times leads with a story on their 2018 Rams mock draft. They also highly tout the return of Eric Dickerson to the fold, and are still wondering if & when Aaron Donald will PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!! end his holdout. In short, I think these folks will be happy with 5-11. Tonight’s moral victory of staying close will guide them into Week-1.
Over at the Acme Packing Company, they are looking at bubble players in the few spots actually open for starting competition. They rave in “Cheese Curds” about the signing Wednesday of former 49er Ahmad Brooks, and marvel at how Aaron Rodgers said lots of words but actually very little in his ESPN interview. They are looking at the Seahawks already, and I don’t think starters will see much more than one series, and only because they are playing at home. If this game were in LA, Aaron would be dressed in streets & texting his Baywatch ladyfriend.
Game preview: Seahawks at Raiders.
Over at the Field Gulls, they are too wrapped up in trade rumours to be looking ahead to the Packers in Week-1. The big story prior to cutdown day is “Could Seahawks add Sheldon Richardson if they parted with Jermaine Kearse?” There is a fuck-ton of math involved, and I’m not Frankly, I don’t care, because the other main story is “Seahawks in for another 3rd string showdown against Raiders on Thursday“, which means the game will suck from the Seahawks side, as Pete Carroll & the coaching kids will be student-driving the players they are monitoring, to see how they handle mismatches thrown their way. Boykin is probably going to get killed.
The only interesting thing on the site is a discussion of something called the “Regenokine process”, which Dok Zymm will elaborate on in the comments. (PLEASE!) In sum, it’s where “anti-inflammatory factors are removed from the patient’s blood, manipulated, and then reinjected into the painful areas,” according to the Stem Cell Institute. To me, it sounds like something that would get Lance Armstrong back into & then immediately kicked out of the Tour de France again.
Over at Silver and Black Pride, the sadly named future Vegas Raiders site, surprising little on Marshawn Lynch at this late date. A couple of stories about Derek Carr, Matt Stafford & salary, and the usual falderal about roster moves prior to Opening Day. Also, there’s signs of the impending move’s acceptance and monetization, with the promotion for sale of this shirt:
And the advertising is just as sad:
No matter where life takes you, you never forget where you came from. Rep the one and only original ‘Nation’ from where it all began with the ‘Oakland: Birthplace of a Nation’ T-shirt.
Whether you’re from Oakland or elsewhere, if you rep the Silver & Black, you’re all on the same side. You’re all part of the same Nation.
But there is a touching short article about Sebastian Janikowski, who is entering his 18th year and still sports an 80% field goal average.
Game Preview: Word Association division
For the games not broadcast on NFL Network, I thought I’d try and draw comparisons to everyday objects & emotions, to help us better understand the trajectory these teams are looking to take this upcoming season, based on how their second- and third-stringers will look tonight.
- EAGLES AT JETS – green shit
- JAGUARS AT FALCONS – southern fried shit
- BENGALS AT COLTS – runny, lumpy shit
- LIONS AT BILLS – polluted shit
- STEELERS AT PANTHERS – interesting shit
- GIANTS AT PATRIOTS – the Jimmy Garoppoo-poo show
- [*Redacted] S AT BUCCANEERS – diseased shit
- DOLPHINS AT VIKINGS – fishy shit
- RAVENS AT SAINTS – elite shit
- BROWNS AT BEARS – tricking the new foreign-exchange kid at school into eating chocolate ex-lax
- TITANS AT CHIEFS – a shart
- CARDINALS AT BRONCOS – horse shit
- CHARGERS AT 49ERS – FUCK BOTH JED YORK & DEAN SPANOS WITH HOT METAL DILDOS!
In short, you may sum up most of these games thusly:
Tonight’s sports:
- Football:
- NFL:
- Rams at Packers – 7:00PM | NFL Network
- Seahawks at Raiders – 10:00PM | NFL Network
- NCAA:
- Tulsa at Oklahoma State – 7:30PM | FS1
- Ohio State at Indiana – 8:00PM | ESPN
- CFL:
- Redblacks at Alouettes – 7:30PM | TSN
- NFL:
- MLB:
- Jays at Orioles – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
- Cardinals at Giants – 10:00PM | Sportsnet360
Loogit that sports schedule – THAT’S MORE LIKE IT!
[Redshirt’s butthole clenches]
pretty sure he could be making diamonds tonight, if’n he has any charcoal in the garage…
Quit staring at my ass, WCS!
Losing to a QB that wears #21. Let that sink in a minute, Urban.
I’m gonna go walk in traffic now..
— Mike Nugent
/also Ted Nugent
Fuck a teenager he adopted?
Urban will take away all they nut stickers! That’ll learn ’em, but good!!
Fuck Toronto. That is all.
Meh, 7 in a row ain’t bad.
Minny up 14-7 on non-NFL Buffalo, mid-Q3. Assuming the Gophers must be a bit shit this year (as most years).
Kill, Kill, Kill….?
Don’t they have the “Row The Boat” guy as Head Coach now?
Announcer: We’ve replaced the Ohio State Buckeyes with regular students walking around campus. Let’s see if anyone notices.
why call that on 3rd if ya kick on 4th?
Mike Gundy gives zero fucks:
are we sure that ain’t Corey Hart??
He do wear ’em at night fo’ sho’.
Are we sure it’s not Corey Haim? Based on that score, it certainly seems like his team has a License to Drive.
Also, he kind of looks dead.
Ohio State Nut Fan had the same “Waiting for eminent dread” face I have.
Hoosiers gonna Hoosier.
Jeebus Orioles mgmt…can you please fire Gary Thorne already?
He just felt the need to tell me that Estrada (Jays’ pitcher) didn’t mean to give up that home run.
FFS dude.
Does this mean Rutgers has a chance tomorrow?
/Washington locker room doubles over laughing
Sure that’s not lingering traces of some of that Schiano/MRSA hybrid that’s reawakened?
Last season:
@ Ohio State 58-0 L
Michigan 78-0 L
@ Michigan State 49-0 L
Penn State 39-0 L
just tryin to get dem Huskies overconfident!
They also lost to YOUDUB, 49-14.
That’s some quality football play for the school on the banks of the Raritan.
/only half sarcastic
/Before the Schiano bowl last bowl appearance was 1978
/but they beat the Dining Clubs in the first college game
LOL….Indiana.
I mean come on, man.
tOSU’s QB seems kinda shitty
Wonky internet preventing me from enjoying 0-0 Sadness Bowl.
Me: “Wow, UC struggling against an FCS team. That’s embarrassing.”
Ohio State: “Hold my beer and watch this…”
Can we do weekly word association/Rorschach tests this season?
DataOhShit.gif
I really hope ND eats shit this season and Brian Kelly’s face turns into the color of Apu’s diarrhea again.
My family is Catholic as all hell, and my father used to follow ND because that’s what you do through some odd Vatican II osmosis. For the last 16 years though, he follows Army football religiously and couldn’t be happier.
He was a pretty good villain in the Jessica Jones comics.
Hmmmm, maybe we can has game after all? Or at least an Urban Meyer heart episode. Either way, entertain my cracker ass.
Ohio State was apeshit to agree to a Big Ten game on the road on a weeknight as their first game.
Couldn’t turn down the allure of MEGACAST.
still gonna win by 50
Did they move the normal preseason game to the middle of the season, effectively getting a bye week?
If you’re 0-1 out of the gate it don’t matter, son.
Always better to lose early. And OSU will seemingly always get the tiebreaker for bowls/playoffs on account of the whole deal being about money first, football second.
But man, if they fuck up tonight they can easily go 0-2. Got top 10 OU next week.
Oh yeah, forgot about that. I guess they just have to count on IU being terrible. (If Indiana’s defense was good, I would call them the IUD because they prevent little mistakes from becoming life altering ones.)
Wow. This is amazing and totally banner-worthy.
Exactly.
Uh oh.
Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor is in the right field bleachers at Yankee Stadium. In the Judge section. Wearing her robes.
It is awesome.
I mean I wear a lettuce thong in the Romine section and everyone flips a shit!
You can’t ask repeatedly for people to squeeze your lemons, though.
Oh Baby it was like Studio 54 in the bleachers when Bob Lemon managed!
Goddamn, that’s good.
I was looking for something else, and found this:
Thought I’d share it with my Imaginary Internet Friends!
Sometimes, serendipity is a good thing.
Also, she makes me wanna change from Geelong to Collingwood.
But not that much.
BOOOO!!!!
Landry Jones Pedostache update: it’s developed into a windowless van full face stubble.
So I just ate like 1/2 pint of strawberry ice cream. It’s 5:20 here. It’s too early for me to say I had ice cream for dinner, right?
Depends on if you eat the other half or not.
How old are you?
Who the shit is Tom Allen?
Paul and Tim’s lesser known brother?
UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HEY GUYS, I GOT BUFFALO/DETROIT AND I’M GOING TO WATCH IT!
/and I’m sober for the first time in ever
//what went wrong?
LUCKY
Nickname that I would sell part of my soul to make happen: Paris “Accord” Campbell
/Jokes on you, have no soul; only funk
You should shower more. That’ll take care of the funk.
OSU running back starts his career being compared to Maurice Clarrett. I stop following players once they
graduateleave college, so I assume that’s a good thing.Christ, get a load of how fucking tiny AND WHITE the IU bench is. My 50-point prediction was too optimistic.
So they made it back from Charlottesville in time?
I got back from there in time! Oh my God, are those alt-right type such closet queens! Usually when that many white men gather with Tiki torches, it will be like Caligula in 2 hours!
OH wait there was one black guy there, the token cab driver from French Guyana Milo paid to hang with him so he could say he was getting pounded by another black dude! Snoooooze!
they just need a couple tins of Crisco and a techno beat!
I think they wanted to protect the Lee statue because they wanted to fuck him! Too bad he’s on a horse and can’t sit on their faces! With all that copper oxidation, their faces would look like Idi Amin after getting Legionnaire’s Disease!
Hey, see how much you like it when you have your own (very polite) race war!
Sadly we do. Our natives have been treated so poorly fo so long that there is apathy to it all. The Canadian government is just starting to make reparations for residential schools which were abhorrent and that was so long ago. Towns like Thunder Bay are very segregated and very racist. This country is too big and underpopulated for an uprising to happen. It does not compare to what is happening currently in the US, but it reverberates up here.
I like how TWWL is making it seem like Indiana isn’t going to be completely cornfucked by Ohio State.
This game features MEGACAST, which is even MORE than ULTRACAST and SUPERVIEW.
Hey, this could still be a 3 or 4 score game halfway through the quarter!
Evening internetters, how are we all doing?
Drunk, laughing, and don’t give a shit.
You?
Well, Mrs Cola is exhausted and looks spent. I worked all day at the mail farm, had to go to weed dr, then return something at IKEA, came home, grabbed Decilitre, told her to go rest, got deci to nap, smoked a bowl and am watching something that resembles football.
Got to put in work as I should be away this weekend at the LaboUr day game in Regina.
Banjo Bowl? Don’t forget your watermelon! (no offense)
That is next week in Winnipeg. I am from there but we always meet up in Sasky for the LaboUr day game.
pilled up, enjoying some Burt’s Bees lozenges chuh chuh
Having beer and pizza with John Belushi’s ghost.
Had a burger and beers and some ice cream and now I’m taking a nap.
That eyebrow raise…hnnnnnggghhh
Flipping between fitbawl games.
Bengals QB #3 is hurt. We are one bad hit away from Cincy going Kaep Alert.
BRING BACK PRYOR
Ded Honkey?
Mrs. and/or Mama McCarron would have a taek or too about that I bet ,, smh
Now I am looking forward to Indiana hopefully forgetting it’s not basketball season. Go Fightin’ Archies!! I own a sweatshirt and everything!!!
Landry Jones: still awful
Did he at least shave the paedo-stache?
I’m going to be kind of heartbroken if nobody uses Landry Jonestown Massacre as a name for either themselves or their fantasy time. I would but I’m already Mahomes II Men.
If I can fit all those characters in Yahoo, I vow to you I will use it in our league.
PAULS VS BEARS!
http://www.nflstreams.me/483659/2/chicago-bears-vs-cleveland-browns-live-stream-online.html
Palsy vs. Bears – Chicago players reunions.
Pawwwwlllll!!!!!!
That’s the common refrain.
That actually was a donkey when first purchased.
I giggled, yes.
Back to back! BACK TO BACK!!
Pray for a meteor strike.
So I finally saw Bad Lieutenant today. I’m still processing it four hours later.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycKGXmtM6hk
Starring Harvey Keitel’s ass, which really should have its own imdb page…
Keitel makes so many dead serious scenes unintentionally funny. During the traffic stop, I pissed myself laughing when he asked for the girl’s gum so sternly.
These NFL Network “send what you can” bumpers are pretty effective, although there might be uproar if the Falcons snatch those “Atlanta Falcons: Super Bowl LI Champs!” shirts away from those needy Hondurans.
Yeah, let me dig deep when a bunch of billionaires whose stadiums I’m paying for ask me to throw in a few bucks to help out the Enron guys…..
(tongue in cheek — the wife sent underwear so, by law, I helped)
I ain’t doing shit
Was it used? And if so, I hope it was hers.
I can imagine an El Salvadorian emigrating to the United States becoming a Bills fan based upon the early 90s dynasty.
Also because tailgates there make San Salvador look like Mar-A-Lago.
“The dude is a human highlight machine. And since we’ve blackballed any written #content, it only makes sense to bring on a guy like Vick to anchor our homepage, which is basically just a minefield of Chevrolet ‘Real* People**, Not*** Actors****’ ads.”
-FOX Sports head Eric Shanks on Michael Vick
Bigger clubbing of baby seals: AARon’s v. RAMIT or Tosu v. Fat Humps JV?
How is Ohio State playing a road game in their first game? A conference road game? Against Indiana of all people?
$$$$$
/like tOSU won’t win by 50, they offense ain’t really one that needs much tuning up, especially against a front line like IU’s,
If you had “under” 2:00 FOAR first Pokes TD, too fucking bad. 2:01
Somebody’s losing their new (Booster-provided) car for that.
Redshirt: “Its the Bengals, Buckeyes and Bearcats playing at the same time. We got a pizza in the oven, half a case of beer, its getting dark, and our pants are unbuttoned.”
Ghost of John Belushi: “Hit it.”
oh, LemonJello, I really likes her. Watched “Weeds” long after it quit being even mediocre.
/not until the very end though, even I have SOME standards
Where did you get those?
Clearance at K-Mart, next to a masturbating hobo
Tomsula or Reed?
Could well have been Tomsula, I didn’t know him so well back then.
There is something about her that I find alluring and attractive.
Those online petitions are the dumbest things in the world.
“Oh wow…75000 totally real people signed a digital petition. That almost 0.03% of Americans having an opinion on something!”
“75000 signatures” mean 74,999 bots and one dipshit.
Based on the number of Russians who apply to be on this site, I totally believe a protest site’s numbers…
I am looking forward to BDSM State/Tulsa kickoff. I’m a sick bastard.
Hey kids!
/Sees Buddy posted at 4am in the evening thread.
Well, fuck …
Hi!