Because Scotchnaut got shamed today while buying beer at the pet store, and thus is now drowning his sorrows with Modelo and single malt, you’re stuck with me tonight.
If you didn’t do the required reading earlier today, you won’t get those references. And thus you should feel as much shame as him. Even more, actually. At least he was trying.
Though he didn’t buy me a puppy so I’m kinda still not happy with him.
–
My Fantasy Football Season Is Over
And good riddance.
At the time of this writing, I’m not technically eliminated from the playoffs. But it would take a minor … errrrrr yuuuuuuge miracle for me to recover today. Thus, unlike a certain Alabamian sex offender we all know and love, I’ve already extended my concession to BeastmodeAteMyBaby. Dude kicked my ass but good to finish off my unremarkable late season slide.
Karma’s a bitch.
I’ll remember that the next time I think about giving someone shit, even as good-natured/humorous as it was intended. Sincere apologies to Covalent Blonde on that one, and congrats to her for then also kicking my ass and starting my late season slide into oblivion/also-ran status.
King Hippo also kicked my ass during that slide, but I expected that one. And he can just suck it anyway.
No, seriously Vlad. Dude’s enjoying my first round bye and winning dough like he gotz a horseshoe up he arse.
(though at the moment, my Yinzer moneyline bet is still looking OK)
((never mind…P*ts FG ties it up…. Jerks))
On the bright side, at least I don’t have to root for Tawmmy to get me the FF win today. And that’s priceless.
Break a leg, Tawmmy….literally.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dX4Jlm75CdM
–
So Who We Got Tonight?
Oh. Crap. Really?
Dallas @ Oakland (+3.0, o/u 46.0)
The Fighten’ JJ’s are still without Zeke for one more week (hey that rhymed). Yet they’ve found a way to limp to a coupla wins lately and keep hope alive. Dak Dak Dak seems to not be ded anymore…20/32, 332 yds, 3 TD, 0 int last week. Then again it was vs the Gigantes. But if they can find a way to get out of the bay area with a win tonight, anything is possible once Zeke hits the field next week.
The Fighten’ Al Davises (Davis’ ?, Davis’s ?) on the other hand, have hit upon hard times and have little reason to expect that to change. Amari Cooper is out for tonight, which is probably being seen as good news for Crabtree and Cook owners. But it probably shouldn’t be. Marshawn Lynch is due to disappear again, and neither Richard nor Washington have shown the ability to carry enough of the load when he does. Trust me, I’ve owned all three of them this year. Much to my chagrin.
If the Raiders protect home field and win tonight….? It probably won’t matter, considering they have to travel to Philly and NawtSD to close things out.
If the ‘Boys get the road win tonight….? It could springboard them into the postseason. Because beginning next week, they’ll be a different team with Zeke in tow when they host Seattle and then close out in Philly.
Sooooo….who wants it less?
Prediction: Cowboys 27, Raiders 17
And no, I’m not betting on this game. No way in hell.
–
Checking In On My Last Bet Of The Day
Oooooh, TD Yinzburgh!!!!
Dammit, Antonio Brown out for the rest of the game….of course, this week.
smgdh
Oh well….
OK then, go talk about it in the comments as usual.
You can even feel free to make fun of me. It seems a popular thing to do around here lately. And it makes me feel very loved.
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Last Minute Addendum Befoar Scheduled Publishing Time
As always, fuck the P*ts and fuck Tawmmy.
–
Monday Night Football will be decided by the ball being stopped short at the goal line, due to the rulebook stating that poltergeists are technically considered part of the field of play.
For fuck’s fucking goddamn sake. Why did I wake up?
welcome to my every morning
Awwww…now it’s weird.
Same
What a goddamn day of mayhem that was.
Zeke coming for that ass next week!
Was one suspension not enough?
I’m not as angry as you might expect.
Nah, you’re pretty level headed.
I suspect a lot of dogs are getting kicked in Oakland proper right now tho.
Thanks for making my under bet come in, Derek!
Touchback and a paper 1st down!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ben Rothlisberger: Truly, I am an idiot. No one could fuck up the end of a game worse than I did this weekend.
Derek Carr: Hold my beer and watch this.
Official Review: After further review, it is confirmed that Derek Carr is a fuck up.
Oh For Fuck’s sake. I wake up to this?!
Holy shit, holy shit…am getting a beer
And here I thought the Stillers had the worst way to lose today.
Unfuckinggodamnnoshitbelievable.
Pylon stretch giveth….
You know the rest.
THAT’S SO RAIDERS
Am gonna cum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That was either gonna be the most Cowboys or most Raiders game ever, and Raiders win out.
Holy Cow!
TOUCHBACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
WOMP WOMP
This billboard brought to you by the Defense Lawyers Association and the insurance industry.
OHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Oh my god thisfucking game
fuck DB panicked. he just had to remain calm.
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
#27? SUCKS
FRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG
Derek Carr sucks. Anthony Brown sucks.
“We’ve switched Derek Carr with his brother David. Lets see if anyone notices.”
1 more down
This one, presumably.
You found that image kinda quickly.
Just saying.
Surprisingly, GISing “mermaid vibrator” not only produced a usable image very fast, but didn’t require brain bleach.
Mazel Tov….I guess.
As one does, of course.
This game would be better if it was played in Vegas and all coked up
This, for every game.
The game could use a buzz.
nice and easy…
I don’t really have a rooting interest here, so I’d just like to see some really bad/controversial calls to piss a lotta ‘Boys/Raiders fans off.
Sorry, I’m a dick. It’s not as if that should surprise anyone.
come on defense.
“Finally, a break!” – Eileen
Oh come on!!
(no one will get that)
weird fetish.
Yikes. Bailey should demand to have new headshots.
Looks like a serial killer.
Oh sorry, that’s just him.
There’s a JFK joke in there somewhere.
check in the back. No, to the left.
I’ll go check that little grassy hill out.
guess he’s not too concussed to know where goalposts are
C’mon Shanklor!
fuck. i say go for it
Same, make it tougher for Oakland.
That didn’t exactly work out for Jerry Richardson.
If I were the Raiders I’d go ahead and let the Cowboys score right away and save some clock. But then, I’m a geologist, not a football strategist
if I didn’t have timeouts, I’d agree. Better to try to force a FG
Everyone is on Mondays.
Neither is anyone on the Raiders.
Go shove a Stalactite up your ass.
why these idjuts not calling timeout??
Dez!
Wooooo foar NFL anarchy Sunday!!!!!!!!
Exhibit #4548597 why the Imperial system is stupid
It’s 2017 and we’re still measuring shit like this.
yeah, one would think GPS?
As long as we measure from the taint it’s ok
Front of the taint or back of the taint? It might matter.
Right where it starts to feel awesome.
I usually start from the balloon knot.
one more drink!
I tried to tell her it was too big to fit.
1st DOWNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN