Your “One More Monday Night Game? But It’s JV NFL? Whatever…I’LL TAKE IT!” Monday Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

  • Your new Bears head coach is Matt Nagy.
    • He is/was the Chiefs OC in 2016. Prior to the Chiefs, he was with the Eagles from 2009-13.
      • He played QB at Delaware, and spent 5 years in the Arena League.
  • SHOCKING: Richie Incognito is being accused of dropping some slurs in the Bills loss versus the Jags.
    • Specifically, Jags DE Yannick Ngakoue accused Incognito of making “some weak racist slurs” during the game.
  • SHOCKING #2: Cam’s concussion protocol treatment during the loss to the Saints will be getting the once-over by the NFL.
    • It will get the same scrutiny that Russell Wilson’s protocol did when he spent the three minutes in the tent back in November, a move which cost the Seahawks $100,000.
  • SHOCKING #3: Jeff Triplette was reportedly so bad on Saturday he decided to retire.
    • Now, this morning, the controversy is that the NFL knew he was retiring, and gave him a playoff game upon which to ride off into the sunset.

Finally, this is pretty savage.


Game preview: JV Falcons versus JV Patriots

I don’t care what the spread is, this game is Bama’s to lose. They could theoretically win their 5th National Championship in nine years, so as much as we like to rip on Nick Satan Saban, you have to allow that Alabama has shown a remarkable pattern of success since his hiring.

From everything I read, it sounds like this game comes down to whether Georgia’s two-headed running monster can overcome Alabama’s stifling #1-ranked run defence. Seniors Nick Chubb and Sony Michel both have surpassed the 1,000-yard mark this fall, boosting their career totals to a combined 8,259 yards, moving them past Eric Dickerson and Craig James – of Southern Methodist fame in the early 1980s – on the all-time list for tandem running backs.

Because, from having watched the two semi-final games, Georgia doesn’t have much of a defence, and Alabama can put up points fairly quickly. A freshman QB, no matter how poised, doesn’t have much to draw upon if he gets flustered. If the game turns to Bama quickly, I think we all have to reflect on how supremely talented DeShaun Watson is, and how what he did for Clemson last year might be considered a miracle. I’m keeping RAW on redial if this game becomes a blowout by halftime.

SI.com has a story on the game’s punters, which isn’t half-bad. Read all the way to the bottom, however, for the latest in America’s culinary demise, Batter – the edible cookie dough gelaterie.

  

Commercial airtime is averaging $1.2 million per 30-second spot. Kendrick Lamar is performing at halftime.

For you lovable gambling degenerates, Alabama is currently favoured by 4.5, and the over/under is 47.

Oh, and the President will be there, so I hope people enjoy the extra extra-security the game already has. In Canada, they’ve mostly stopped showing politicians on the big screen, because they always get booed. I wonder if they’ll show the Orange Face of Incompetence on the YUGGGGGE board, and if so what will the reaction be.

Update: Well, the protests are planned.

No surprise, since the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reminds its readers that Trump tweeted that Atlanta is “horrible” and “crime infested”.

Seriously – he needed this at the Army-Navy game?

Prediction:

What I want: Georgia 24-17

What I expect: Alabama 35-10


Tonight’s sports:

  • College Football Playoff National Championship: Alabama vs. Georgia
    • 8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
  • NBA:
    • Bucks at Pacers – 7:00PM | NBATV
    • Raptors at Nets – 7:30PM | Sportsnet
    • Nuggets at Warriors – 10:30PM | Sportsnet1
  •  WWE:
    • Monday Night RAW – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

Unless you have a regional broadcast that interests you, it’s a pretty thin sports schedule tonight.

AGREED!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Seriously….this is getting too weird even for me.
I’m outta here.

Love you folks, no matter what your beliefisms are. But no matter what you believe, the world sucks. Get used to it.

All we have is each other. And I am thankful to have you jerkweeds. Even when you piss me off.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-lBmpz8Iso

theeWeeBabySeamus

Lotsa typos in that.
I’ve fixed ’em. srsly…reload the page.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Mmmmm, lots of Simpsons on TV. Praying for an old one….

theeWeeBabySeamus

Praying to whom?

(oh shit, I prolly shouldnta axxed that)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Vishnu, figured he could lend a hand

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nice.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brick Meathook

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montythisseemsstrangetome

Night all. It’s been fun blaspheming with you tonight.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Srsly calling it a night.
Thank you for an enjoyable night, good friends.

Mr. Ayo

All glory to Jesus for this wonderful evening

theeWeeBabySeamus

He’s busy being dead.
I’ll forward the msg.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

G’nite folks.
I’ve pissed enough folks off for one night.

But not Jesus. Why? Because he was a human. Great human, admittely, but human.

And he doesn’t give a shit about football. Might have before he was dead for 2 millennia…Though I’d like to think not.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sF2lwwxoQNU

montythisseemsstrangetome

Night twbs. I don’t know who you pissed off but you earned my admiration.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m always pissing off somebody.

My best advice is distance yourself from me when I’m like this.

But thank you nonetheless. You poor bastard.

😛

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This may help:

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Goddammit, now I want to watch Hannibal.
DAMMIT MOOSE!!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xx_hlStCL7g

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I like her top.
Sucker punch to the gut? Meh, still acceptable.

Nice nipples.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJ31oz0DECw

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I think it was a kick; just a tad lower than the gut.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yes, on second closer inspection it was a kick and/or knee.

Good for her.

Senor Weaselo

The live show might actually be pretty good, but as always, fuck Andrew Lloyd Webber, the dirty thief.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lS2nX4fuzqc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYGtypr_A6Y

And that’s seriously not all.
https://theatrenerds.com/15-times-andrew-lloyd-webber-allegedly-copied-music-others/

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s a great musical. My favorite actually.

Much like my favorite fictional novel is The Stand.

Vegas is still there.

theeWeeBabySeamus

And any text after youtube links messes up your embedding Senor.
You know this.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Want me to fix it?

Senor Weaselo

I know, but I didn’t want to triple-post.

theeWeeBabySeamus

No worries.
Fine as is, or if you wanna do the replies to embed.

I think I’ve scared everyone off by now anyway sooooo….yeah.

Senor Weaselo

Yeah, don’t worry about it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You play basketball?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Does tonight’s victory of evil over regular fuckupedness foretell a Patriots victory in Superb Owl LII? Yes, it probably does, other Barry.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Yes, but a Georgia win would also have foretold a Patriots victory, as would have a tie, a forfeit, and a meteor.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Let’s see if Voodoo works, or at least drinking.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Imma go jerk off now.
Hey god, I know you don’t like that….so you know my address. If you really don’t like it, you know where to find me.

Nothing.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Careful, dude.”
-Onan

theeWeeBabySeamus

My recollection is that that was a bit more complex.

theeWeeBabySeamus

And also….totally fictional.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh no; some dude name Onan liked to whack it…… cheers Onan…. he does have a FB page, so it has to be true.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, yes…… he was punish for being a terrible shot…. so to speak.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“I’m not sure I remember it the same way.”

–Trent Green

theeWeeBabySeamus

Good thing it wasn’t a football game tho.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Go ahead, why do you think I created the internet for you?
– God

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Can you get the fuck off that thing and take us for a walk, jerk?”

-Dog

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Your address? “Mr.”?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh, so not so omniscient after all huh, fucker?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I had to feed Dog. Also I know it’s not Sgt.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I wasn’t referring to you personally I hope you know.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, personally I am partial to Mr. Galactic Commander Moose, but few buy into that address.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Also thank you for the victory jesusy rage; that was fun and justified.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Meh. Sobriety affects me oddly.

I need legal weed.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

I mean, your hands go below your waist for a reason. Helps with the abstinence and all that.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sure but when my people make Jesus jokes….

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Mel Gibson can fuck the fuck off.

Brick Meathook

What did Jesus ask the desk clerk at the Holiday Inn?

“Can you put me up for the night?”

BOOSH

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

NAILED IT!!

montythisseemsstrangetome

Did Vishnu or Jehovah have any money on Alabama tonight?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

XENU TOOK THE POINTS!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo
theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey man, I’ve got no problems with anyone believing whatever they need to believe to comfort themselves.

That’s what religion is.

But don’t act like you won a fucking football game because you’re a better “Christian” than the guys on the other side. That’s arrogant.

Fuck that shit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I can’t billion +1 the second part of this enough.

theeWeeBabySeamus

The first half was pretty good too. Just saying.

– Some guy from Nazareth

montythisseemsstrangetome

Dan McCafferty?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I thought he was from Jackass Flats, Nevada.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’ll stick with the last part. Blind comforting is not the way to fix things, or understand them. But to each their own I guess.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I don’t disagree.
But it’s hardwired in us as a species.

Evolution has its costs.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

By far our longest and most enduring belief systems were in the spiritual presence of nature, multiple “gods” that provided food, shelter, etc. The monotheism prevalent now is relatively recent and is not a factor in how our brains are wired other than the need to explain things, to rationalize our surroundings.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog

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Sad bulldog is sad.

In other news….I downloaded that Wolff Fire and Fury book. It is really good!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey watch this….

FUCK YOU JESUS….

Nothing.

Shocking.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Don’t mess with Boltman tho

theeWeeBabySeamus

Bend over Jesus, I’ve got the lube.

Huh…still nothing.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, I’ll stop now before everyone gets too cross with me.

Get it? Cross?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I….. praise your forthrightness.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, well….you might still wanna stand back.
You know, just in case….lightning, etc.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

?ig_cache_key=OTgwMDI4NzM4OTg4Nzk2ODI4.2!!!!

montythisseemsstrangetome

MOOSE HAS THE GIFT OF TONGUES

Brick Meathook

PRAISE JESUS
ALL GLORY IS HIS
REPENT, SINNER
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

Hello! Is everyone disgusted with tonight’s result?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

My apologies, everyone.

I’d just like to thank Jesus, my lord and saviour, for allowing me to be able to watch this game tonight. What? Oh right, that was DirecTV.
Hell I dunno….I got nothing.

Go Pagans?

JerBear50

But Jesus is everywhere– even in your satellite dish. If you give him some foil, he works well as rabbit-ears when your satellite goes out.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

This kid is Jesus-happy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

You have got Tua be kidding me!

montythisseemsstrangetome

BFC, you go sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gatoraids

Dammit
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, the Spurs came back from 14 down to win, so at least I can be happy about that.

Horatio Cornblower

Georgia, how do you fuck that up!?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WA11gnz9eBA

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

OH FFS THIS DUDE IS GONNA THANK JESUS HEY YOU PIECE O’ SHIT THE GUYS ON THE OTHER SIDE LOVE JESUS TOO. I HATE THAT FUCKING SHIT. PLEASE LET THIS FUCKER DIE TONIGHT IN A HORRIBLE ONE VEHICLE COLLISION.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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montythisseemsstrangetome

Jesus hates Saban just like the rest of us do.

theeWeeBabySeamus

And no, I’m not taking it back. No matter what anyone’s religious beliefs are, to think God or Jesus gives a flying fuck about a football game means you are a lesser being and can’t comprehend things.

Go die in pain for an extended period of time you fuck.

montythisseemsstrangetome

What about Buddha? THE BUDDHA CARES ABOUT FOOTBALL

theeWeeBabySeamus

Give him your money, maybe he’ll listen.

theeWeeBabySeamus

But your odds are better in Vegas playing blackjack, just so you know.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Thas just cuze he used to be a nosetackle DUH.

Viva La Tabula Raza

My dogs think I am the Messiah of food dispensation.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well, at least they have a reason to believe in their god.
You go, foodgod.

montythisseemsstrangetome

THANK KRISHNA FOR THIS VICTORY

Senor Weaselo

PRAISE HELIX, GOD OF ANARCHY!

JustStopDude

Alright Nick…shouldn’t you be on your way to start recruiting kids?

Brocky

You’re surprised? This is hardly the first time we’ve seen a team based in Georgia that blew a halftime lead in a championship game against a team made of pure evil

rockingdog

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rockingdog

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Horatio Cornblower

Banner this man.

blaxabbath

Man – the SEC is such a better conference than everyone else. Their college football culture in the south — I don’t even know what compares? The world class marathoners of Ethiopia? US large cities vs world in producing basketball talent? Surfing and Hawaii?

Just no other part of the nation GETS IT! Like? They might have a seeming code breaker for a handful of years (USC, ORE, ACC is the biggest #2 but it’s almost embarrassing that no conference is better?) but even their success show you CAN win against the SEC but never how you can CONSISTENTLY win against them.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No you’re thinking of Tom Savage.

WCS

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JustStopDude

And that folks…is why you need to have two SEC teams to have a proper National Championship game.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think the lesson here is clear: teams that say “Fuck Trump” are winners.

blaxabbath

Is UGA basically Black Berkeley?

Senor Weaselo

…All right, I’ll go brush up on my character witnessing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

Remember, we didn’t see nothing.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Just spell my name wrong at least.

Senor Weaselo

I always figured it would be Hermana Weaselo. Or her. Possibly both for the same charge.

Horatio Cornblower

Georgia’s performance in the 2nd half might be the worst football I’ve ever seen, and I went to UCONN.

King Hippo

“At least nobody’s talking about OUR 2nd half anymore!” – Oklahoma University

Viva La Tabula Raza

“Or ours. At least for a couple of days.”
—Atlanta Falcons

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[laughs and shakes head]

Col. Duke LaCross

Yep, Mel Tucker ladies and gentlemen. Anyone else having Rodgers to Cobb flashbacks?

Horatio Cornblower

I’m not sure who Mel Tucker is but if I met his dog right now I might kick it.

King Hippo

nah, we don’t need nobody deep

theeWeeBabySeamus

Told ya.

Night folks.

Mr. Ayo

Oooff.

Gratliff

Welp

Col. Duke LaCross

That kid is a freshman? Nawwwwwwww

King Hippo

woopsie

King Hippo

4 down territory

Mr. Ayo

Someone get the Bama kicker a pair of glasses.

Gatoraids

sure
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Gatoraids

SOOOO HOT