I for one have loved this ridiculous tournament so far. I always go through a bit of withdrawal after the second round of games as we only get 2 start times next week with four games. Seriously, quit trying to have sportsmanship FIFA you are as crooked as a dog’s hind leg. I have chosen tomorrow and Sunday to do the 6 am start time game at the pub and see where my day goes. Morning beers are the best beers, they are the forbidden beers. If you add a full English breakfast to it then you truly are ready for your day. Black pudding is delicious, this is a fact.

Denmark v Australia – Samara Arena, Samara

Litre_Cola :  Can we all agree Eriksen is world class? He seems to always perform when he is in his country’s strip. I know Balls hates the English League but Eriksen is underrated even though he plays at Tottenham.

Australia is just making up the numbers in this tourney as was the thought going in. France didn’t play well against them but the Socceroos couldn’t capitalize. Will this be the game they run out old man Cahill? He could become one of few to score in 4 World Cups.

Forudsigelse: Denmark 2-0, not today Cahill. Save it for Peru.

Balls: Australia played a pretty good game against France and were unlucky to lose.  That last French goal was off a deflection and also off the bar.

Similarly,  Peru could have and perhaps should have scored a couple of goals which would have changed the dynamics of their match against Denmark.

So,  you’ve got a team with luck vs a team without. Does this mean we get another TWBS score to match yesterday’s TWBS threesome?

Prediction: I say the Socceroos match up pretty well with the physical Danes. I call it a 1-1 tie.

Wakezilla:  Thanks to the curse of the three mummies– which began the moment the Peruvian government disturbed the dead to prove Paolo Guerrero’s innocence of consuming cocaine– Denmark defeated Peru in mostly underwhelming fashion. With that said, Denmark is unbeaten in their last 15 matches and has yet to concede a goal in five games. They’re underwhelming, but competent. This is a good game for Denmark to get their main goal scorer, Christian Eriksen and Jorgensen some confidence before facing France because Australia isn’t very good.

The Socceroos surprised many by losing to France by only one goal. Despite the loss, they had plenty of moral victories, such as shutting France’s big three out in the first half. Not only that, they can adapt the “Us against the World mentality” because they could claim they were victimized by a controversial video replay, which cost them the game. They should feel confident in being able to defeat Denmark. If they pull off the upset, they will make Group C pretty damn interesting going into their third match.

Prediction: Ericksen will score early, only for Cahill to sub in the second half and equalize. The game will end in a 1-1 draw. This will put Denmark in great position to advance, which is a shame because Peru is a more enjoyable team to watch.

France v Peru – Ekaterinburg Arena, Ekaterinburg

Litre_Cola:  I am biased as I think that the French team is going deep in this tourney. Peru is scrappy and fun to watch but I foresee the French attackers running roughshod over the Peruvian back 4. They are notoriously slow starters and eking out that win against the Aussies was a great result to start the tournament. Mbappe is so talented, and so young that his future will be something to watch. I have to say Griezmann snubbing Barca to stay at Athletico is super. It is rare in this day and age that there is club loyalty anywhere. The guy is playing for trophies, loves where he lives so more power to him. It also gives a wee bit of balance to the top of La Liga as a third club can compete for the title. (Hey Balls, moar clubs can win the title in England)

Prediction: France 3 Peru 1, it will be a fast game with shady defense.

Balls: I can pretty much repeat the same thing about luck as above. Instead,  I’ll tell you about the underground cuy black market in Los Angeles.

That dish above is cuy, a Peruvian Guinea pig. It can be prepared like chicken: fried, roasted, or baked. It is a Peruvian delicacy common to the villages high in the mountains.  It is less common in the cities as the “sophisticated” city folk don’t want foreign visitors to think they’re “savages”.

I have a friend from work that’s Peruvian.  He has told me that cuy used to be widely offered in Peruvian restaurants in LA until the PETArds found out and started protesting the restaurants.

Cuy is legal to eat, btw, and is considered an exotic meat akin to rabbit,  venison,  or snake.

The activists also pushed through rules that made it so, if you wanted to adopt a Guinea pig as a pet, you had to prove the animal was still alive or produce a corpse a year after purchase. This was so no “pets” became “lunch”.

So,  the market went underground. If you know the right people and go to the right place, you can still get an order of cuy with your choice of sides, most likely to go or in a back table where no one can see. But you have to know.

If you want into any random restaurant and ask for it,  you’ll probably get a simple “we don’t serve that” with a look of either derision or indifference. Have I been to such a “right” place and eaten cuy? I don’t know what you’re talking about,  man.

Predicción: Another 1-1 tie so karmic balance can be restored.

*I will eat any food put in front of me, once. Get me a tall beer and some fried rodent I am in. – Litre.

Wakezilla: Similarly to Uruguay, the match against Australia has to be a wake-up call that the French must play better if they want to win the World Cup. If France does not improve their game, they will lose to Peru. It’ll be interesting to see how Mbappe responds to having more of an open field, since Peru plays a more attacking style than the Aussies.

To the shock of many, Paolo Guerrero started last week on the bench. Once he subbed in, he looked impressive. He should be in the starting XI, which will increase Peru’s chances of winning. Peru knows they have to win this game. Luckily for them, they play in CONMEBOL, so they know what it’s like to have to beat a tough team to advance. They will not be intimidated by Les Frogs. Watch for a lot of back-and-forth play.

Predicción: Assuming the 30,000 Incan supporters in Russia cannot lift the curse of the three mummies–seriously, how can a spiritual culture like the Incans disturb the dead?– I see Peru and France tying 2-2 in an incredibly entertaining second half (where all four goals are scored). For bonus curse features, I fully expect Guerrero to score a goal, only for FIFA to incorrectly waive it off in VAR. There will be Incans rioting on the streets of Russia.

Argentina v Croatia – Nizhny Novgorod Stadium, Nizhny Novgorod

Litre_Cola: I was totally going to make fun of the primadonna from Croatia who got sent home. Seems like a big suck job on his part. My thought is that even if he was subbing you on late, if you bang one in then you will get a better look. You decided you don’t want to play? Well what the fuck are you doing here int he first place. Bye.

I do not know what to make of this game. What is the deal with the Argies anyway? A collection of talent that in my life has not done anything spectacular on the world stage.

Predicción: Me being day drunk, still having no idea who is going to win this match. 2-2 draw?

Also our soon to be overlord Vladdy P really needs to lock down some stadium deals for some extra scratch. Popov Vodka Novgorod Stadium, or Lada Arena maybe Brazzers Moscow Sports Field or something along those lines.

Balls: So here’s the thing.  I totally get why the Croatian dude told the coach to go fuck himself.  My brother did the exact same thing once.

For one year in high school,  my senior and his junior,  we were both on the football team.  He never really played and, to be perfectly honest,  didn’t like the coach (read: thought the coach was an asshole prick that played favorites instead of going with talent. He was). One game, we were up big and the coach told him to go in for the last two minutes.

My brother said no. As I came off the field,  I asked him why he wasn’t on (since everyone else had gotten in) and he told me he said no to the coach. He said,  “What the fuck for? Just to say I played? For two shitty minutes at the end when it didn’t mean anything? Fuck that.”

I was a little taken aback,  but I understood the logic.  No person aspiring to something great wants pity or mercy. He wasn’t happy getting “scrub” time.

Thus,  I understand the Croatian guy. He probably feels he should be a starter and not put in 5 minutes before the end of the game to waste time. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like the coach,  like my brother.

So,  this was probably a personal Fuck You to the coach. It’s not unheard of for International players to tell coaches to fuck off and still get selected for their teams. Carlos Vela, from México,  is a great example as he refused callups from previous coaches he disagreed with.  Here he is playing a starring role in this World Cup.

In soccer,  more than any sport, it’s about the players,  not the coach. They can afford to tell someone to fuck off.

And I think that should be celebrated.

Prediction: Argentina will beat Croatia 2-1 and the dude that got sent home will laugh his ass off from his comfortable couch in his beautiful house after fucking his beautiful wife/girlfriend.

Wakezilla: Despite Croatia’s manager, Dalic, declaring Argentina is Croatia’s easiest game, this will be a hard match for the 101 Dalmatians. Croatia is coming off a convincing 2-0 win and should be expecting to get at least 1 point against Argentina. It seems evident that Croatia enjoys being the most over-looked team in the tournament. They’re healthy and have the players to shutdown Messi. The only real notable change for Croatia is that Kalinic quit the team.

Honestly, fuck that guy. As heavy metal as it is to tell a coach to go screw, it’s not so awesome when it comes from a guy on the wrong side of 30, who only scored 6 goals in 31 games this year and his club can’t get rid of him fast enough. The reality is, Kalinic was a good player who provided decent depth and experience off the bench. But even him being the first offensvie sub is debatable because I think at this stage, Dalic is better off playing young kids like Juventus’ Pjaca, who plays with Mandzukic, or Eintracht Frankfurt’s Rebic, who many think might become the next great Croatian scorer.

On the other side, an uninspired Argentina tied Iceland last week. Since Messi missed a penalty kick, he’s getting shredded by Argentinian media, which is hilarious because he carried them to a World Cup spot to begin with. This ties into to my talking point that I mentioned in the Argentina preview: Argentina isn’t that good. Aguero is going to have to play well and Argentina is going to have to find a way to create space for Messi.

Predicción: 

In an ideal world, Messi takes off his shirt and declares he’s taking his talents to Ibiza and joins the Spanish national team because Argentinian fans do not deserve him. In reality, Croatia is going to make a statement by beating the Argentinians 2-1.