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Your Sexy Soccer Saturday Open Thread!

ballsofsteelandfury

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It’s my turn again and this time we have a FULL slate of games and there are some really good ones on today!

Without further ado,

Crikey! That’s some great games!

Before I forget,  you need to watch this:

In case you didn’t watch the Grand Final last night…

On to the Burning Questions of the Day!

Question The First

How did DFO’s adopted team,  Young Boys,  do this week?

Answer: On Wednesday, Young Boys beat St. Gallen 2-0. Today,  they take on Thun on the road and hope to remain unbeaten and untied in the Swiss league.

Taeks from the crew:

King Hippo – “they got stamina, they can come good twice during midweek!”

Litre_cola – “They are young. Short recoup time…”

Question The Second

How is Balls’ Multi Of The Week doing?

Answer: Not good.  We are 0 for 2 but I blame my lack of a calendar for last time’s loss. See, I originally was supposed to have Tijuana beating Necaxa, but that game was scheduled for Friday night, so I couldn’t include it in the post. I changed it to Vasco when I realized that. Of course, TJ won and Vasco got its ass kicked at home. All the other teams covered.

Question The Third

Is this the week when Mourinho gets fired?

Answer: If Man U manages to lose to West Ham on the road (and it could actually happen as West Ham just beat a team in the League Cup by 8-0), it could be.  Mourinho stripped Paul Pogba of the captaincy and word is that he’s now REALLY lost the locker room.  If that’s the case,  I expect a limp effort from the Red Devils and a testy press conference afterwards.

Question The Fourth

What games should we watch today?

Answer: This is probably the toughest question of all as we truly have a smorgasbord of delightful footy matches to entertain us.  Here’s the omakase menu:

4:30 AM West Ham v Man U

7:00 Everton v Fulham (aka Hippo v Litre)

9:30 AM Chelsea v Liverpool

11:45 AM Real Madrid v Atlético Madrid

3:00 PM Querétaro v Tigres

5:00 PM Pachuca v Cruz Azul

7:00 PM Monterrey v Tijuana

Question The Fifth

Do you have a Balls Multi Of The Week?

Answer: Indeed I do! We’re getting Ballsy now…

Leg 1 – West Ham to Win over Man U – 3.5

Leg 2 – Real Madrid and Atlético Madrid to DRAW – 4.2

Leg 3 – Everton and Fulham to DRAW – 4.5

Add them up and what do you have?

66.15

JUMP ON IT!

 

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rockingdog

found a funny:

Switch up your swear words to keep them potent.
Call someone a piece of fuck.
Tell them to go shit themselves.

Keep the magic alive.

2
Don T

Allison looks great in pink.

1
rockingdog

Hazard getting it done!

1
Don T

That was a tight angle. Total crack.

1
rockingdog

go chelsea!

1
bk109

Meanwhile, “Is Tiger Back” segments are going back to the vault…
And Europe is 10-6

1
litre_cola

All 6 prem matches are 2-0. How much would you have won had you bet on that?

0
King Hippo

ahem…

1
litre_cola

FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKK

0
King Hippo

Siggy needed unjinxing like that

0
litre_cola

Fulham fans want Slav sacked. Jesus it is only 6 games in, settle the fuck down.

0
bk109

Great way to jinx that one, mate… Please don’t jump,tho

0
King Hippo

Keane with his headgear looks like a very, very pale Aunt Jemima.

1
herodotus450

comment image

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litre_cola

I am so pissed off about lesser footy that I just looked at Mrs. Cola and said we are going to the bar in an hour, I need a few drinks. Called 4 other friends and said come to the bar at 11, we need more eyes on the kid and I want to drink. Afternoon sorted.

5
Wakezilla

Deciliter behaves that well?

All ToddlerZilla wants to do is test our limits on what she can get away with at a restaurant

2
litre_cola

We get about an hour at each venue, so we move around. We have always brought him to the pub since he was wee so he usually behaves well. The pub is always jammed so he is used to it. Especially today with a Madrid derby and Chelski v teh Reds. It will be busy.

2
bk109

THE FUCK?! Arsenal are 2-0 up?! How did that happen… and whom do I pay for it to happen next time as well?

1
blaxabbath

I delayed my OAK flight from yesterday to this evening to have time to get some work done today, Blaxito got me up early so I made coffee, took out the trash…and all my work shit is in the guest room where my wife’s friends are sleeping. I wish one of them would ya least go take a whiz so I could ask him to grab my bag for me.

2
Wakezilla

If certain internet documentaries are real, you should go* in there to grab your bag because you’ll leave with a smile on your face

*For the love of God, don’t do it!

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If when you asked him to “grab your bag” he reached down and gave your testicles a squeeze that would be the best thing ever.

1
bk109

Quick poll, how sloshed is one allowed to be, when he’s one of the groomsmen at a wedding in Boston? I’m asking for … ungh…. research and chugging purposes

2
blaxabbath

As with all things but driving, so long as you can handle all your duties at a B+ or above level, enjoy all the Bud Light Limerita’s at the place!

1
Wakezilla

Once it’s the wedding reception and speaches are done, as long as you aren’t driving home, you can do whatever you want, friend

1
bk109

Actually, after the wedding itself, we’re ditching the most of the reception and going to Fenway (bride and groom are also coming, in fact the bride wanted the wedding early, so we could make it in time. Also for the love of Jebus, the Bud Limeritas aren’t a thing, right?

1
litre_cola

Razz-a-ritas are great for a hangover. I lived off those thing in the mornings of music festivals.

Once you hit Fenway then you can get torn up. Not before, just some consideration for the couple. You do not want to be “that” guy.

2
Wakezilla

1) That’s a cool bride.

2) Just in case, hold off on entering Drunksville until Fenway, just incase Bride changes her mind via guilt from family. This can happen

1
bk109

1) Yes, she is.
2) Doubtful, ’cause the Yankees are in town… And honestly, with or without them, we’re going. And everyone but one of the munchkins are wearing different Sox jersey.
edit: For the record, the last kiddo instantly fell in love with the Indians thanks to Major League

1
scotchnaut

Was gonna go for a hike again today but it just started raining. Sweet! I’ll still go out but it’ll be for chips and beer.

2
King Hippo

#MeToo

2
Wakezilla

Hey, at least you don’t have snow like me (and possibly) Litre

1
scotchnaut

I was just told we’re getting some tomorrow.

0
King Hippo

That’s one angry Slav on the touchline.

0
litre_cola

One angry Canadian in the living room.

2
King Hippo

PICKFORD WOO!!!!!

0
Wakezilla

Still has the hottest ass in the league!

2
scotchnaut

Man City with a beaut attack. No hosers on that side.

0
King Hippo

When Jesus is on your side, I mean smh….

0
scotchnaut

When Brighton closes a door, Jesus opens a window. ppl ferget that

1
Wakezilla

I’m disappointed that EPL side signed by boy, Alphonso Davies to a contract.

0
litre_cola

I hate everything.

0
Wakezilla

Networks really go out of their way to Kavanaugh their viewers.

I have similar issues with TSN on NFL Sundays

2
blaxabbath

You mean have two children who are the product of rape within a marriage their viewers?

1
Wakezilla

Pretty much

1
King Hippo

Siggy misses penno, about exactly same place on the bar Sessignon hit

0
Wakezilla

EPL lacks vision. There should be more late morning games so more North Americans can watch. I think the last game of the day begins at 830 Best coast time

1
bk109

Or, alternatively, the US can scoot over the Atlantic and be in a more opportune time zone to watch the good stuff.. That’ll also solve any European NFL fan’s dismay at having to watch games at “Way too fucking late O’Clock” AM

1
Wakezilla

Nah, there’s more of us here. Besides, nobody will watch football in 25 years

1
bk109

Not quite true,lol – the EU even without the Brits is bigger and more importantly, our women AND beer are better.

1
Wakezilla

Egh, it’s close enough. If we side with the EU, then that’s giving more power to countries like Malta, Cyprus, Bulgaria, Estonia and uh, I dunno, Liechtenstein? No one wants to pretend they exist, let alone having to acknowledge these are actual countries

1
bk109

You made a silly, if compelling argument. On one hand, if you really believe that the EU isn’t just a purely Franko-German led show, I’ve got some prime real estate for ya on Pluto. On the other, I’m from Bulgaria,mate (luckily managed to fix that), so ANYTHING that gives even a a shred of power into a completely played out joke online is NOT something to be risked!

3
bk109

Btw, lads, I think I solved global warming! We drill a big-ass hole to the freshly frozen (thanks to me voluntarily watching golf) Hell and we let the cold air do its thing to the atmosphere… Soooo, where do I sign for my Nobel and Time ManOfTheYear

1
Wakezilla

Even better idea: Any woman disgusted with Kavanagh becoming judge sustains from sex until he’s gone. That’ll cool things down

0
bk109

Waaaaaaaaaait, does this count women not eligible to vote in the US? ’cause I’m all for it if it doesn’t, and utterly outraged and AGAINST (’cause that shitshow won’t end well, ’cause MAGA) if it does

0
Wakezilla

It includes any woman, voter or non voter.

Guarantee America would become a utopian paradise in 5 years

0
bk109

Eh, I meant ineligible, as in “not an US resident”, but if you really do mean all, then BY JEBUS’S RED TAINT I will fight to my hypothetical last breat to oppose ya… or y’know, start a kickfarter for the Japs to perfect the sexbots (with a mute button)

0
King Hippo

Barca losing again, at home to…Bilbao??

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I thought this was interesting:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpIOMuqXWrE

0
bk109

#TooSoon mate. Show some respect to Jimmy Garrofal… Garropolio.. Jimmy The Pizza Boy, who died(ish) for yer sins!

0
litre_cola

FUCK YOU SPORTSNET FOR PUTTING FULHAM V EVERTON ON YOUR PAY CHANNEL!!! BURN IN HELL.

1
bk109

Whoa, whoa, whoa… If you really are a true fan, you’ll be more than happy to get fleeced by rich people/corporations for fleeting moments of happiness as the Grand Toupee Himself, The Kroenke, has proclaimed!

0
King Hippo

Sessignon got robbed by the bar.

0
litre_cola

Fuuuccckkkk

0
Wakezilla

Got a good 5 finger discount site?

1
King Hippo

Spurs doing their Miami LOLfins cosplay today

0
Wakezilla

Winning when they should be losing?

0
scotchnaut

Man City fan’s favourite alloy is Sterling Silva.

2
scotchnaut

My work week is over as soon as that damn Mennonite answers his phone.

/I’m not fibbing

0
herodotus450

comment image

0
Wakezilla

Good news, Trump administration basically admits global warming exists. The bad news, they’re saying the planet is so fucked, there’s no point to do anything.

Lizard people theory is making more sense by the second

1
litre_cola

DFO derby time kids!

1
King Hippo

I have 1-2 Mitrovic in Prediction League

0
litre_cola

I bet on teh mighty whitey so you will win.

0
Wakezilla

“Tell me more about the mighty whites”

–The GOP–

0
King Hippo

Have we heard the You’re getting sacked in the morning! song yet?

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I have.” – David Carr

4
blaxabbath

FF question: Start three-

G Tate v DAL
R Cobb v BUF
J Nelson v CLE
T Lockett v ARI (Baldwin out so will be covered by Pat Peterson)
Fitz v SEA
J Ross v ATL
K Benjamin v GB

0
herodotus450

Golden Tate is still playing!?
Randall CObb is still playing!?
Jordy Nelson still has knee ligaments!?
Tyler Lockett is still alive?
Larry Fitz is still playing!?
Who does John Ross play for?
Kelvin Benjamin is still playing!?

0
litre_cola

Tate, Fitz and Ross

0
King Hippo

1) Gross
2) Probably what Litre said except I’d still play Lockett over Ross, I guess.

0
Fronkenshteen

Tate, Lockett (Baldwin is actually playing), and Fitz.

/ FULL DISCLOSURE: I’m 1-2

1
herodotus450

How did DFO’s adopted team, Young Boys, do this week?

Penn St. doesn’t play till tonight though.

2
blaxabbath

Gym Jordan’s Buckeyes?

1
litre_cola

Man the streaming game on bet 365 is Filipino basketball. They make it so tempting!

2
blaxabbath

Definitely not rigged! Definitely aren’t changing the outcome of the game as new bets pour in…

1
litre_cola

I just woke up and turned on the teevee… ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahah suck it Mourinho

I assume Fronk has exploded by now.

1
Fronkenshteen

Woke the house on the first goal. Woke the neighborhood on the third!

2
Fronkenshteen

WEST FOOKIN’ HAM WOOOOOO!!!

1
Brick Meathook

Balls has to remind me of some event.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Next Saturday!

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