It’s about time we saw the greatness that is Cody Kessler! He actually didn’t play that badly, did he? I’m not gona actually check out what the Jags braintrust said after the game but I do hope we see a Kessler run next week. Overseas, no less. I’d go over some other high/lowlights but that would mean stepping on King Hippo’s junk and I’m not the type. Nope, not me. Definitely not a junk-stepper. One last tilt to go folks… TO THE GAME!
Bengals/Chiefs:
Kansas City is scoring at a rate of 35 per game. Cincy is scoring at a lower rate. The Chiefs have a colander-centric defensive scheme that is quite generous to their opponents. The Bengalis have a wee bit of talent on their team. Here is my prediction-
Joe Mixon? He scores.
Kareem Hunt? He scores.
Tyler Boyd? He scores.
A.J. Green? He scores.
Tyler Eifert? He scores.
Tyreek Hill? He scores.
Travis Kelce? He scores.
John Ross? He doesn’t score.
Sammy Watkins? He scores.
C.J. Uzomah? He scores.
And there you have it. The scorenami ends in the Chiefs winning because that Mahomes kid just can’t be rattled. But don’t you fret-I’ve got faith in Andy Reid and his Gawd-given ability to undermine the talent at his disposal, no matter what level. It won’t happen tonight but somewhere down the road there will be diagrams scribbled on sweaty, marinara-stained napkins. Those napkins will ensure that the Chiefs don’t even sniff the success due them. It’s The Andy Reid Way.
Smoke ’em if ya got ’em. Otherwise, treat yourself to an ice cream sandwich.
You know what goes well with a Ghirardelli dark chocolate bourbon caramel square?
Bourbon! WHO KNEW!!!!1!
/ raises hand
THIS SHOW THIS IS US, I CALL IT THE BROWNS FANDOM, BECAUSE EVERYTIME I LOOK ALL I SEE IS FAT MEN CRYING
1) BANNER
2) /also valid for last night’s tOSU visitor’s section
that t-shirt in question in KC
https://twitter.com/xmasape/status/1054172901757382658
Welp. That’s it for the over.
2 for 2 in commentators jinxing perfect kickers today
Ah Hope Spot. I’ll take it.
sometimes God tickles the balls a bit
Zombie time.
Fuck football.
ah quit the zombie show. And this SNF game is MANDATORY
It’ll still be streaming on the laptop.
AND YOU’RE NOT MY SUPERVISOR!!!!!!!!
streaming counts, you a’ight!
The zombie show started sucking ass four years ago, it took me three years to figure it out.
I don’t disagree.
But it’s like heroin. You know it’s bad for you, but you just can’t quit it.
The pillhead if off it now. Like fozz, I’ve actively not enjoyed it for 2-3 years
Off to watch ‘The Deuce’, then maybe drop one.
Fucking Watkins. Goddamn useless. Cut him and get cooper.
I’m getting lovie smith flash backs here
KC got stopped for a loss? Is that possible?
At the cost of the rest of Burfict’s season
then Marvin correctly threw a challenge flag!
YOU DID IT SON, YOU DID IT!
HE PLAYED BASEBALL FOLKS
PRO FOOTBALL PLAYER WAS OUTSTANDING ATHLETE IN HIGH SCHOOL!!! WATER WET!!! SUN TO RISE IN EAST TOMORROW!!!
Could Any body read that guy’s sweatshirt behind the end zone? It said something like “I shaved my balls in dallas”
He was dancin’ with a train?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CO8vBVUaKvk
Nice!
… for this
:large
I would not enjoy sharing an elevator with a fella like that.
/not because of the ball shaving, that’s quite liberating, it’s just contrary to the social contract to put it on one’s sweatshirt
You need to visit T-shirt Hell more often.
twice – Romo
Ooh, I could go for an ice cream sandwich. But instead I’m just sneezing after being cold Friday and yesterday.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cr6u-KHM3Qs
I need about 60 points from Red Rocket to have a chance in FF, and I think the KC defense may be just what I need.
Beatie Mixon has good patience and vision as a runner.
Mike Brown has a hat to match his suit
He looks like a golf pro on a community course that got dressed up for the annual Caddy’s Dinner and Dance
All rich guys that wear baseball caps should be **NSA knocks on door**
I’m surprised he didn’t scalp those tickets and pocket the cash.
Boy, American Horror Story has some fucking fucked in the head people writing for it.
Will never forget how good that second season would have been had they not just decided “Plus aliens cause fuck it why not”
I know; I like it too.
You would think with his money, Andy Reid would have pants with special rubber pockets that held his BBQ, stuffing plastic bags in there is just plain bush league.
[looks down pyjama pants]
“Self, you’re gonna have to wait a bit longer.”
but you’re married, there is no call for self-harm!!
I gotta show me who’s boss.
As I’ve said before, this year’s Andy Reid playoff meltdown is gonna be the best one yet.
nae, RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! may beat them in the Superb Owl, but that hardly counts. They are a legit 19-0 candidate.
HEY BUNGLES, THIS SHIT AIN’T TWO-HAND FOOTBALL YET! TACKLE THAT K. HUNT!!!
Grown ass man run right there
oh damn
Mahomes’ rookie card is kind weird:
A TD pass to Kelce and I can go make love to myself.
I want to roast Jimmy Fallon over a tire fire. I fucking hate that lush.
Because justin tucker never misses – dear universe, eat my fucking crusty stinking asshole.
It was God telling everyone to eat shit for criticizing the Tits’ CORRECT decision (as underdogs) to go for 2
Bengals might want to not miss that first tackle.
…or the second….third…shit…f*ck…me…damn…hell….poop…
Will Amari Cooper keep failing the concussion protocol because they’ll ask who he plays for, he’ll say oakland, they’ll say, “no, Dallas,” and then his brain waves will just go all wacky.
The boy just turned to me and asked out of nowhere “Do you just meet somebody and fall in love? Like, when I grow up, do I just get a woman? How does that work?” Man, there’s gonna be some hilarious heartbreak in that child’s future, and I’m not gonna be allowed to laugh at it at all.
Give us all the details so we can apply them to Eli and then all laugh together.
That describes my life. All stories end with the protagonist finding true love. They don’t say what happens that.
Sure, you’ll find her. Then she’ll eat your soul, bbq your heart, and empty your bank account. A year later she’ll call you and ask for a loan, and you’ll give it to her. Because love sucks and you’re a fucking man.
Did we marry the same woman?
You can probably laugh at it, as long as it’s not in front of the boy. Or Mrs. Gratliff.
I hope he’s, like, 5 years old, and not 17 at this time.
11. If he was 17 and asking that, I’d be laughing in his face.
“Oh shit, this looks like two guys are gonna crush me. Better pitch it.”
-PM2
Welp here we go.
Al: “And now let’s meet the Bengals offense.”
“AJ Green, Georgia.” “Joe Mixon, Oklahoma.” “Andy Dalton, Reading is stupid. Especially defensive alignments.”
Female vampire weakness; cross on the tits.
Red on red? Why Chiefs? Why?
I think it’s color rush week. The Rams were ugly as fuck too.
Some accent colors don’t work as primary colors.
Green on Green for the Jests, all purple for Ratbirds, Yellow for RAMMIT
Color Rush week…?
It always makes me think of that scene from The Departed. You know, the one where he tells DiCaprio “there are guys you can hit, and there are guys you can’t hit.”
The guys you can hit have an X on them!
The worst kind of red crime.
Hey, fuck you, Kansas City
Isn’t it more of a scorekakke?
On the …..face of it…..yeah.
Is Kansas City a nice place? It seems like a nice place on SNF.
I almost died there a coupla years ago.
To be fair, you’ve almost died in a lot of places.
This is true.
I make bad life choices.
Like driving thru Kansas City at rush hour. They don’t drive goodly.
I would say they have nice BBQ but I am almost certain Andy Reid has nearly consumed all the good stuff by now
It’s alright. Nice folks. Decent barbecue. I spent a couple of days there with the family in the mid 90’s. Very efficient Holiday Inn. Smart engineering for the sports complex. Ample parking.
That’s about it.
It is a nice place. A lot of Art Deco architecture and a shitload of fountains. They say only Rome has more fountains than Kansas City. A lot of steakhouses and BBQ places. An easy place to get fat.
That’s right. They had a shitload of fountains!
I remember seeing a WC Fields film once when I was little (on TV, not in the theater—I’m not that old), and the plane he was riding in crashed in a rice paddy, after which he was surrounded by a bunch of jabbering 1930s-racist-stereotypical Asians, to whom he addressed the question, “Is this Kansas City, Kansas, or Kansas City, Missouri?” Don’t know why that has stuck with me for 50 years.
I get she’s a burn victim and all but I’m not sure that justifies Carrie Underwood’s extensions.
Come on, Bengals. No one thinks you can beat Kansas City. You done this before! With a far worse team!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dh87IxpYoD4
Football is a stupid sport, am watching baseball.
Big if true
Strong agree but would never do that to myself
My FF team has done so badly this weekend, that I’m tempted to plug Antonio Brown back in at WR for my last huzzah.
(he’s on bye this week, btw)
If Tyler Boyd goes for 200 yds and five TDs, I can still win and end my losing streak.
(hello five week losing streak, I missed you)
Boyd’s become Dalton security blanket. It may happen.
Yeah, it’ll happen next week when I don’t start him.
Cincy/KC gonna be good since this isn’t the postseason, so neither can royally fuck up like they always do then
lol
2015 Bengals was on the greatest run in Franchise History, until Week 14 and Andy Dalton decided to clean up his mess and try tackling a Defensive End.
If Dalton didn’t get hurt, they’d finish at least 13-3, have Homefield Advantage and go into the Divisional Round, and not limp into the Wildcard Round with a backup, inexperienced QB
I am gonna die (alone, as in real life) on this imaginary hill, but I am now an Andy Reid believer. Mahomes makes the difference for him, and he is pushing the right buttons. Right man at the right time.
no, don’t do this
I also now want ribs. REALLY BADLY
Guys! INTERVENTION TIME!
We are your Imaginary Friends and we care about you.
I’ve been trying…
Eagles 2002 NFL Yearbook had a scene from when the Eagles lost the NFC Championship to the Bucs in the last game at Veteran’s stadium and after it, a grown ass man was walking backwards towards the exit screaming “I HATE YOU! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THIS TO US!?” while ugly crying. That’s what you’re signing up for.
I like this kid. I’ll cover your back Mr. Hippo.
Season’s almost halfway over. LA, NO, NE the only teams legit good. KC still has Andy Reid to fuck up their status as a threat.
But everyone else basically from the same .500 pot of gruel for us to consume for the remaining Sundays.
Then there’s the Bills, and Gruden’s 100-mil contract.
God how I wish my Raiders were good enough to qualify as “gruel” at this point.
You know I don’t get all this praise unto Rihanna and P!nk for not doing the Super Bowl Halftime show. I haven’t watched it for 20 years and I’m not getting any praise.
There was a pretty good run from XL through XLIV (Stones, Prince, Petty, Springsteen, Who) but for the most part I skip them.
Under direct orders!
/ smokes one
Okay. Time for the Bengals to test the water before playing an Elite NFL Team for the first time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCmk_5VtMjI&t=3m23s
At least Roger don’t got the AIDS…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGW-xK22TNk