Your MNF Week 14 Open Thread

The parking lot was full of cars,  but everyone was already inside.  We were late.

It was her company Christmas party and I really didn’t want to go, but a good boyfriend does what a good boyfriend does and the reason we were late was because we’d gotten a little frisky during the dressing up process.

As it was,  we had basically half-assed the dressing job as I didn’t have my tie on and she still needed to fix her scarf/top ensemble. As we parked in a spot between the cars,  I looked around.

There wasn’t a creature stirring,  not even a mouse.

Balls: Hey,  I don’t think your top is on right.

Her: What are you talking about?

With one swift move,  I had undone the knot in her tied-up top revealing her Victoria’s Secret bra.

“Woops! My bad”, I said with devilish delight.

She gave me a look that told me I was a naughty boy but that she approved.

“I’m sure that was just an accident.”

“Completely”, I whispered as I pulled one breast out from its constraint.

“Hi! Haven’t seen you in a while!”

“It was literally 30 minutes ago!”

“Was it?”

I proceeded to put her nipple in my mouth.  It was erect.

Out of the blue,  a voice yelled out, “TO THE GAME!!”

***

The Vikings try to stake their claim to the last Wild Card spot in the NFC tonight as they visit the likely top Wild Card team in the Pacific Northwest, the Seattle Seahawks.

A Seahawk victory will all but clinch the final Wild Card spot for them and will leave a big pack of rabid dogs chasing that last Wild Card spot.

Should the Vikings win…., well, we might as well talk about me having a threesome with Betty and Veronica from Riverdale.

Enjoy the game!

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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King Hippo

I think we should have a Non-gendered Cowpersons T-shirt available for purchase. Seems like an MS Paint job for make it snow…

The Maestro

I would buy this as a gift for my Dallas fan buddy and then watch his temple throb after they lose in the Divisional round again.

King Hippo

DFO, #SpreadingJoyLikeGrossmanSemen

rockingdog

oh shit! Dave chappelle is in this movie?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=znESQTt3L80

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The parking lot was full of cars, but everyone was already inside.

Also describes what happens when you show up late to a gangbang

scotchnaut

[pushes glasses up nose]

“Gosh Darn It! Again?”

jjfozz

Not only did the ravens fucking fuck that game up, i lost $10 – thanks you bleeding bunch of shitbags

scotchnaut

I need 31 points from Wilson otherwise my 10-3 team is toast points. Ah, well…

Petronel

DangeRuss running up ahead like a great green beacon for the defense. “OVER HERE GUYS”

Mother Puncher

Chris Carson’s towel looks like ESPN is trying desperately to censor his exposed butthole.

jjfozz

This has got ot be the most boring, inept announcing team in the world

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

Drew Magary described Booger as aggressively useless but I think it’s accurate for all three of them.

Brick Meathook

Booger’s on a Mars rover

JustStopDude

I would love to understand their mindset of acting like the game is over and Seattle is curb stomping the Vikings…considering its only 3-0 and there is still a lot more airtime to fill.

It feels like they are trying to encourage me to turn off the game…

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

News outlets keep saying DeFilippo is a HC candidate next season and all I can say is PLEASE GOD TAKE HIM

scotchnaut

I like Bobby Wagner. The guy doesn’t fuck around.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

He’s not a conductor, right?

jjfozz

I feel bad about people being replaced by machines, but then I go to McD’s and those blockheads fucked up an order for a kid’s meal three times. Three. Fucking. Times.

herodotus450

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JustStopDude

Every time I drive home for the holidays, I have to get on I81. Its going to be even worse this year because i have to drive down to Johnson City, Tenn and then loop back up to Baltimore.

My sister got hit by a drunk driver like a month ago and naturally…she is not too keen on getting on the highway herself.

It takes about 10 minutes of being on I-81 before I start fantasizing every single semi truck driver being automated out of a job. I once got pushed off an overpass in Kingsport, Tenn, getting to a job site.

It will be amazing to watch the US insurance industry trying to compensate with the loss of revenue from Truck drivers causing chaos on the roads. I, for one, look forward to this.

WCS

I-81 in Virginia is the taint of the highway system.

Petronel

The stretch of I-81 up north of me sees about an accident a week, it seems. Just ridiculously unsafe.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Oh the machines are awesome.

hippofant

My local McDonald’s used to suck, but that’s because it was a training location. They’re a real bunch of professionals now, seemingly happy and tight-knit, and that’s a good thing, because there are a lot of senior citizens and immigrants around here, so the machines don’t get much use.

… except on Sundays. Then the regular crew all goes to church, and we get the churlish teenager backup team, which is awful.

hippofant

Anyways, my point is that the quality of employee at McDonald’s depends entirely on who’s running the franchise and what they care about. If the people at your local McDonald’s suck, it’s because the owner/managers don’t give a fuck and are hiring idiots to save money, and the ordering machines facilitate that.

Spur

Charm sack

scotchnaut

The only thing the guy gets right is my erect nipple. smgdh.

JustStopDude

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Spur

Is Trumps Wall free or do I need yo pay for it?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wow, that Michelle/Michael bit is awful subtle for Ben. His fans are going to be disappointed it wasn’t called “Going Bananas” or something.

Beerguyrob

He makes Jack Chick look rational by comparison.

Unsurprised

I’d 100% get an AOC nutcracker.

King Hippo

Be funny if somebody published the NFL “at least one BLEERGH every other play” memo.

Redshirt

If they give Kaepernick an NFL Franchise, we’ll know he has that memo.

Brick Meathook

Do you know why they loooooove those crazy stupid neon colors in the Pacific Northwest?

It’s because they are all dead inside. The weather is awful, the women all dress like lesbians (the lesbians dress like super-lesbians), and they are constantly being hit by dead fish.

That’s why.

JustStopDude

Is there a whiter NFL fan base than the Seahawks?

Every seahawks fan I have ever met in real life opens up with “I liked them before it was cool to like them”

Its a fanbase of hipster douches…

Ian Scott McCormick

That’s at least 95% of the reason that the city has so completely embraced soccer. Mark my words, if that ever becomes mainstream they will walk away from it like blackface.

Brick Meathook

Then indoor professional bocce will take over, or nine-pins or something.

Beerguyrob

It’s Seattle, so “speedwalking” is a real possibility.
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JustStopDude

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Beerguyrob

It’s a reference to an old Seattle comedy show called “Almost Live”. It gave the world Bill Nye and Joel McHale.

Unsurprised

The [REDACTEDS] until the strike.

King Hippo

Captain Dingleberry strikes again!

Col. Duke LaCross

That was an actual facemask that didn’t get called.

King Hippo

makeup non-call? Or they are just guessing out there.

Redshirt

So now BLEERGH is throwing flags on legal plays?

King Hippo

YUP. That was maybe worse than Q4 of Iggles/Non-gendered Cowpersons

hippofant

Eh. Probably one official missed the offensive lineman reporting. Nbd.

Petronel

If our eyes are watering, theirs must be swollen almost shut by now.

Beerguyrob

Dammit.

Senor Weaselo

I’m impressed by the Seahawks’ cosplaying but I think they need rakes.comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Can we refer to the Seahawks uniform color (which I haven’t actually seen yet) as “Hulkkake Green”?

Redshirt

I could post a GIF but I think its too NFSW for this site.

Its this, only its doesn’t end in a Tide Ad

SFW (stupid link is stupid)
https:// i.imgur.com/QOcESwV.gif?noredirect

Beerguyrob

The University of Oregon calls those jerseys “Tuesday”.

Spur

Viks can’t run the ball?

Redshirt

Truth be told, wearing this color is a smart call by the Seahawks. If they figure out how to beat the Vikings, no one will be able to copy their gameplan.

Redshirt

Okay, my eyes are literally watering because of the Seahawks green blurs after one freakin’ play.

Petronel

That Xbox green is searing. At least Wilson can’t claim he couldn’t see his receivers.

Spur

That kicker for Seattle likes his fish fried

Mother Puncher

Come on Kirk do it for Drew! and my fantasy playoffs

Petronel

ALRIGHT LET’S DO THIS FUCK THE HOX

Beerguyrob

My brother is in my seats tonight, and is still hung over from attending the Army-Navy game on Saturday with a bunch of Rangers.

Game Time Decision

I need Wilson to have a good night so I can make playoffs in my money league. So. Go put big money on the Vikes

Game Time Decision

I CALL THIS GUY BALLS, ALARM CLOCK AS HE JARS YOU BACK INTO REALITY IN THE MIDDLE OF A DREAM

Spur

That shade of green can’t be seen in the ultra violet spectrum. Perfect for avoiding security cams

Petronel

“Booger, tell us about these disruptive forces up front that we need to watch tonight.”

/cuts to Booger in front of the stands, blocking the view from the field side seats

Spur

Folks

rockingdog

I think the seahawks might actually do this….

Spur

Provide proof of a second shooter?

Beerguyrob

Prove steel beams actually melt?

Game Time Decision

Prove room temperature fussion is possible

Game Time Decision

Prove that Alantis was real?

King Hippo

This is the 2nd in a series of 3 consecutive, quality prime-time matchups. Plus the Saturday fixtures are at least mildly interesting (especially Chubb v Chubb).

Brick Meathook

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Redshirt

AH! MY EYES! ZE GOGGLES DO NOTHING!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I got the following picture. It was 50x more awesome when he was flying with it, but here you go:
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Col. Duke LaCross

It’s unlikely, but for fantasy purposes, the rotting corpse of the LOB would really help me out if they shut down Thielen and Diggs.

Redshirt

Gee, Balls. You sure did finish your story a bit early there.

Petronel

Are you…bluish?

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Brick Meathook

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Wakezilla

Seahawks win, Vikings check out, Miami beats the Vikes next week and go 8-6, possibly 1 game behind the P*ts for the AFC East.

Redshirt
rockingdog

hahahahaha!

herodotus450

I don’t get it, balls doesn’t even murder a hobo at the end of his story…

King Hippo

Them lazy Mexicans smh

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So today, not more than fifty feet from me, I saw a hawk take flight while carrying a squirrel – A FUCKING SQUIRREL – in its talons. It was so fucking awesome.

I guess that means I’m rooting for the Seahawks tonight.

Game Time Decision

Last summer saw a hawk trying to get a squirrel under some bleachers. Hawk just missed the squirrel at the start and then couldn’t get close enough when on the ground to get it.

Game Time Decision

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Stand off

King Hippo

Predators (of the natural world varietal) are really fucking impressive. Having seen two cats hunt in “V” formation, I know what you mean.

rockingdog

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh man that took me a while but oh man oh man oh man.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Holy shit I am going to wake up in the middle of the night laughing hysterically and my wife is going to be so confused.

/actually she won’t be; she’ll be thinking it’s because of Gruden. But she’ll be wrong.

herodotus450
Redshirt

I’ve changed my mind. Now I want the Steelers to make the playoffs so they’ll have to face the Tribe.

Redshirt

And now, because you guys didn’t file the injunction in the Liberal Ninth Circuit, its time for the latest installment of “Redshirt’s Adventures at Work”:

(three months ago)
Redshirt: “What’s the Doomsday Project?”
Outgoing Employee: “Oh, that hasn’t been done in forever. People ask me to do it, but its impossible. It will take forever!”

(two months ago)
Redshirt: “After I finish this, I’ll get started on the Doomsday Project.”
Coworkers: “Yeah, right. It’ll take forever and it’ll be so much hard work. You won’t finish it.”

(today)
Redshirt: “I finished the Doomsday Project.”
Bosses: “What?! How’d you get it done?!”
Redshirt: “I don’t know. Not bitching about having to do it was a good place to start.”

Beerguyrob

This story doesn’t end with a shooting spree or hobo murder.

2/10 – would not bang.

Senor Weaselo

Was this to prevent Doomsday or cause it? Asking for a friend.

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