There is a pretty good ESPN.com article here that gives you a run-down of every entrant in the Indianapolis 500. It mentions that this is the one race, kind of like the Kentucky Derby that everyone watches even if they haven’t seen a race all year. It’s like Easter or Christmas for Catholics. Everyone goes and then forgets where the church is located the rest of the year.
Coincidentally, today is the Holy Trinity of Racing with the Monaco Grand Prix having taken place in Europe this morning, the Indianapolis 500 being contested today, and the Coca Cola 600 NASCAR race held in Charlotte, NC later tonight.
In the past, some drivers tried to do the 500 and the 600 on the same day, but you don’t see that much anymore. The last guy that tried it was Kurt Busch in 2014. He finished 6th in the 500 but couldn’t complete the 600 due to a blown engine.
The only driver to successfully complete all 1,100 miles is Tony Stewart, who finished 6th in the 500 and 3rd in the 600 in 2001. This remains, to this day, the most successful attempt by any driver.
Some say Kyle Busch may try this one day, but I’m not sure. We may never see this feat again.
In the meantime, here are the starting lineups for both races:
Did you notice that there is a lady competing in the 500? Pippa Mann is British and will be the lone woman in both races. I hope she does well so other women get opportunities.
Here is the NASCAR starting grid:
My picks for the race winners are strictly personal: Helio Castroneves and Kyle Busch. They are my favourite drivers in each series. Helio because he’s Brazilian and funny and Kyle because he is hands down the most talented driver I have ever seen in my life.
Without further ado, Commentists, start your fingers!
(64/69)
The Braves seem good. Young and raw, but good.
Sitting Bull, just before The Little Big Horn.
/ fucking dying
Somewhere, a Catholic Priest’s ears perked up
Tepid Take: Alex Rodriguez and Jessica Mendoza are quite good at color commentary.
Got the kid bathed and down. Just cleaned up the kitchen (made pasta salad for our gym potluck tomorrow) and now I’m beat. Wife don’t get home for about 45min so I’m treating myself to a cup o noodles and a less than stellar manhattan and a joint while just enjoying the breeze on my back porch and listening to Dave Ramsey.
With my three dogs.
OK, the joint and the Manhattan and Ramsey I get.
But you made pasta salad and are now eating Cup o’ Noodles?
Also, tell the dogs we said “hey!!!!!!” They’ll know what it means.
Roger ran over and nipped my foot. Harvey didn’t even look up. Abbey can’t hear.
You have a dog named Roger and a dog named Harvey?
Holy shit that is awesome.
Unless he’s from Boston. *shudders*
Roger is from Roswell so my wife wanted a reference — we went the American Dad route.
Harvey just looks like a Harvey.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8__qPHzJcs
Ate a bunch of that throughout the bathtime. Plus it needs to soak overnight.
Hey Brick! There’s your crash!
Fender bender. I want to see a car flip over the fence into the stands.
I have no opinion on the curvy wife guy other than I would like for his wife to sit on my face.
So, how’s it going?
Way ahead of you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gsbd9j20JOs
Icelandic beauty queen Arna Ýr Jónsdóttir.
(seriously….this spelling thing is getting weird)
Or in a certain president’s words, “Imabonk Mydottir”
Helena Reynisdóttir, 21 years old from Reykjavík, Iceland.
She definitely smells nice
But she’d probably punch you in the dick when you keep mispronouncing that last name.
Holy shit, by a vowel!!!!!!
I don’t need any more encouragement.
Fun* Fact**: In researching my comment below, I found that “dottir” is Icelandic for daughter.
*If that’s not fun I don’t know what is.
**Possibly a fact, or maybe some kind of Matriarchal Oppression Propaganda that I read by mistake.
It does seem to be rather common.
Supposedly, there’s an app where Icelanders can check to make sure they aren’t hooking up with someone too closely related since the population is so small and insular.
Thank you for the age warning. She looks like she was made in a Lab. Am I on a wactchlist?? No you’re on a watchilst!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjI2J2SQ528
LOL
So I guess I made this video (checks) 8 years ago, with some of my photography of roads here in Kansas. I don’t remember making it or how I did it, but:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTnfbdiQztY
Need to do it as a video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_yBUfMGvzc
So I actually turned on the Coca-Cola 600™ and I’m bored after watching one minute of it.
C’mon, crash already!
The crashes are worth it only after you’ve invested 4 hours of nothing!
Post Script re: the lost Kitty Cat I spent all day identifying and getting back to her home….
The neighbour who “owns” her has hated me for years. Mostly because he called here a couple of years ago while drunk, wanted to get my mom on the phone, which I refused, and then he started shouting “someone is gonna get killed”. I told him yeah, someone is.
There’s more to that story, but it’s not necessary to convey right now.
Anywhoooo…. When I took the cat to his house today I wasn’t sure how it would go. But he was very nice. Then called just a bit ago to thank me for getting the cat back to him, and to apologize for his behaviour that night a couple of years ago.
Sometimes, people can surprise you.
Sentimental drunk?
He has issues, to be sure. But he was very nice today and I think I might be his new best friend.
(shit I didn’t think this thru I should have just kept the cat)
Wouldn’t be the first time a wayward pussy got someone in trouble.
OK, you guys can stop making that joke anytime now.
No no no no no. We’re going to beat this dead horse until it’s been rendered into its component atoms.
Your anguish sustains us.
speaking off….
If we have to change sites again, I move for Sentimental Drunk as the new website name.
Alcohol lets your inner _________ take over.
For me, its not bad because I become a, somehow, nicer version of me who shakes everyone’s hand and is polite and cordial to everyone in the room (I’ve been called the Gentleman Politician).
If your inner ____________ is an asshole, then you’re in trouble.
Too much alcohol lets my inner 20 year old come out. The next day is painful and full of regrets because I now give a fuck whereas in my 20’s I did not.
So now that his guard’s down… Set his garage on fire, no?
I’ll have to get the cat back first.
But I like how you’re thinking.
Go ahead and let me decide what to slow cook on a rainy day.
I didn’t produce a single discernable word during that meal. It was just grunting and guttural noises and bones and wine and dirty napkins and sheer primal fucking bliss.
God. DAMN!
Needs more pork ribs.
Your anatomy is spot on but there was a different animal sacrificed for my greater good.
I want my baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, BABY BACK RIBS!
We going to Chili’s?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2c6qENWh2jQ
The Indy 500 is also the number of times I pleasured myself to Lisa Loeb and Liz Phair.
Banner!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-m30aaI5Yf8
I don’t know which car to root for here, either the Select Blinds Ford or the Cross Country Adjusting Ford.
Then there’s the Liberty Patriotic Ford and also the Ally Patriotic Chevrolet. Is that like the ALI Patriotic Chevrolet??? At least the Japanese didn’t fall down the “patriotic” trap on Memorial Day with their M&Ms Red White & Blue Toyota, bless their Pearl Harbor/Bataan Death March hearts.
I also like the Gear Wrench Chevrolet with its implication of constant repairs.
They just have the UNIT 777 DID NOTHING WRONG Formula One and the MANCHUKUO Rally
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBQ2305fLeA
Mmmm, nachos.
That banner quote is brutal.
Anyway, check this video. https://twitter.com/SirajAHashmi/status/1132119639738257408?s=20
As an aside, I’d just like to comment on how much I appreciate Balls’ choice of banner images.
I mean, there’s no twins, but still a good effort for a Sunday.
I’d soak in that.
The tub is nice too.
600 is a LOT of miles…
2 hours and they’re not even half way.
This is like watching the last 2 minutes of a basketball game on loop.
Seriously. I like NASCAR and all but this is taking forever…
I would walk 500 miles but driving 600 is a bit much.
But would you walk 500 hundred more?
Whose door are we falling down at?
And can’t we just go in the other direction to Iceland instead?
Looks like either Elin, Helga, Francesca, Isabelle. or Guðmundur, going clockwise.
I’m avoiding anyone named Guðmundur. Just so we’re clear.
Not too sure on Helga either, but I’ll keep an open mind.
Is it St. Swivens day already?
Slow braising something on a rainy day is equal parts comforting, amazing and goddamn infuriating.
I’ve been smelling this glorious thing for almost 4 hours now. Fuck off and feed me already!
I made pasta salad.
I finished watching season 2 of Punisher and it was fantastic. This was what I was hoping in Season 1. My only complaint of the season was when the blonde told Castle not to kill the photographer. That was some bullshit because he’s a child pornographer photographer. That mother fucker deserves to die.
Aside from that, I give it 4.5 AR 15s out of 5!
Didn’t he shoot his knees out and burn down his building?
Alcohol counts as a vegetable, right? And one of yous can sign an affidavit to that effect, right?
Vodka can be made from potatoes, so yes, alcohol is a green leafy veggie.
I’ll sign anything.
Cool, need help on a personal loan, will fax paperwork over.
Can I get in on this?
I might need a liver transplant soon.
I’d say take mine, but Mickey Mantle’s is probably in better shape.
LOL
You probably don’t want mine. But if you can make it work, good on you.
Tequila is made from Agave.
Look how pretty.
Mmmmm…unprocessed margarita…
Since I had to ad lib with dinner I will be serving the same vegetable course.
God help me, I’m kind of tempted to watch the Fresh Prince of Agrabah. Can someone talk me down from the ledge?
The reviews are universally awful if that helps.
How about something less childish and hokey. Like “The Little Prince”.
-That’s a snake that ate an elephant!
-Shut up! Where’s yer parents?!
Really disappointed Pagenaud didn’t start his interview with “I have beaten your IndyCar drivers…now I am coming for you Ricky Bubby” while smoking a cigarette and holding hands with his husband.
And for the record, @herotodus450….
Only one of those pussies was collected this week. One was last week. And another was…..fuck, I can’t remember.
I’m just still fighting with that one.
But good kitteh is back home.
Fuck the rest.
So the house we are going to make an offer on is like very appropriately priced. There is a comp like 4 houses down and across the street that is almost identical (master planned community, so tract housing — ugh) and it’s not as nice and like $0.50/SF less.
Owner has one contingency offer. Where do I make my offer?
C’mon Rossi!
The big one? At Indy? Weird.
LET’S FUCKING GO ALREADY!
So close…
Simon had such a strong car. No way to hold that off.
Got right at 5 miles in today. Stupid rain.
So to summarize, tWBS collected three pussies this week, and didn’t get to keep any.
The jury is still out on one.
Maybe two.
But this needs to be bannered.
LMFAO
If no one else puts this on the banner, I will when I get back from teh beer store.
And yes it is bannered and I am still giggling.
What kind of bullshit catch and release rules does NC have?
Yeah, well, we already knew Perdomo sucks.
Shit. another HR
Jays up 5-1…
2 runners on the bases…. chance to get another run aboard….
come on padres…..
From earlier, finally found a friend with pet chip scanner at the ready, found the owner.
Ironically, it was the guy down the road who hates me (no, that doesn’t narrow it down, shut up).
But cat was missing since Wednesday, is now returned home. Has a belly full of tuna.
And dude didn’t try to punch me.
Is that better? Poor kitteh.
The dude is a drunken fucktard. Which is why he and I have had issues before.
I don’t even think he knew who I was when I took the cat to him.
But the cat is home and in familiar settings now. So, good for the kitteh.
The Bluejays are apparently sponsored by ToysRUs per the ads behind the plate, and I’m looking forward to seeing ads for the Ford Pinto next inning.
Go Yugo!!!!!!
damnit
back 2 back HR’s by the BLUEJays….
3-0 Jays up. SHITTTT
“I’m hearing Scott Dixon isn’t coming for another 2-3 laps!”
Mrs. Dixon: (counting the cracks on the ceiling) “Let’s make it 1-2; I’ve got shit to do”
I see they’re still turning to the left.
please be talking about voters…please be talking about voters…please be talking about voters…
::Stares daggers::
-Redshirt
In between, though, they’re running over their pit crews!
found a funny:
Tony The Tiger: They’re Grrrrapes
Veterinarian: The brain damage is quite severe
Well it’s probably better that the exchange didn’t happen in his urologist’s office.
Gooo Padres!!!
trying to get the sweep of the Jays!!!
https://www-m.cnn.com/2019/05/26/us/rod-bramblett-auburn-football-announcer-death/index.html?r=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.cnn.com%2F
No one crosses nick saban.
Laura Bush strikes again.
Laura Bush killed a guy?
Laura Bush killed a guy.
I got blaxito today. We took him house hunting in Vegas fri-sat and he was pretty much a chore. This is new so hopefully just a phase.
Anyways, since everyone else has one, I’m gonna host a podcast where I interview people on their visits through Vegas. So we can have on one of you all during dfo fests.
I hope your listeners enjoy hearing “ASS HERPES!”
It’s on the shortlist of titles.
Well, this race is shaping up to be much more exciting than this morning’s procession.
I did errands yesterday by foot and, godammit… I sweated like a tourist! To quote “Biloxi Blues”, Tarzan couldn’t take this kinda hot.
Today’s the same. I may go shirtless the whole summer. (Crosses out ice cream and cookies from shopping list.) My apt. is like them convection cookware on infomercials.
Artist’s conception:
I know the NFL season is still months away, but I’m already workshopping jokes about how security at Gilette Stadium has been instructed to ask anyone trying to get inside the injury/concussion privacy screen on the sideline “are you a cop” before letting them in, because they have to tell you, you know?
How about an “Orchids of Asia” promotional tie-in on the sides of the tent?
Why do the Blue Jays start their games at 7 minutes past the hour? Use a round number like every other civilized team (plus the Orioles!)
“When you think about it, they’re actually better off.” – any member of the Dolan family
Conversion factor?
Because they take both national anthems into account. Seriously.
And the White Sox had their evening games start at 7:11 for the longest time because of sponsors!
It’s 60 here in LA but it feels more like 40.
60 but feels like 40? grumble grumble sign me up
SBFLF is how I sort my Ashley Madison matches.
Think I’m still going to try and sneak in 5 or so miles before the rain starts.
How many times do you think Pippa Mann has had to put up with “that’s a Mann, baby” jokes in her career?
Well too bad, Pippa, cause it’s a great joke and it should be made every single time you race.
Those chicks sure blow my engine!