Your Indy 500 / Coke 600 Memorial Day Weekend Open Thread

There is a pretty good ESPN.com article here that gives you a run-down of every entrant in the Indianapolis 500. It mentions that this is the one race, kind of like the Kentucky Derby that everyone watches even if they haven’t seen a race all year. It’s like Easter or Christmas for Catholics. Everyone goes and then forgets where the church is located the rest of the year.

Coincidentally, today is the Holy Trinity of Racing with the Monaco Grand Prix having taken place in Europe this morning, the Indianapolis 500 being contested today, and the Coca Cola 600 NASCAR race held in Charlotte, NC later tonight.

In the past, some drivers tried to do the 500 and the 600 on the same day, but you don’t see that much anymore. The last guy that tried it was Kurt Busch in 2014. He finished 6th in the 500 but couldn’t complete the 600 due to a blown engine.

The only driver to successfully complete all 1,100 miles is Tony Stewart, who finished 6th in the 500 and 3rd in the 600 in 2001. This remains, to this day, the most successful attempt by any driver.

Some say Kyle Busch may try this one day, but I’m not sure. We may never see this feat again.

In the meantime, here are the starting lineups for both races:

Did you notice that there is a lady competing in the 500? Pippa Mann is British and will be the lone woman in both races. I hope she does well so other women get opportunities.

Here is the NASCAR starting grid:

My picks for the race winners are strictly personal: Helio Castroneves and Kyle Busch. They are my favourite drivers in each series. Helio because he’s Brazilian and funny and Kyle because he is hands down the most talented driver I have ever seen in my life.

Without further ado, Commentists, start your fingers!

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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Fronkenshteen

The Braves seem good. Young and raw, but good.

Horatio Cornblower

Sitting Bull, just before The Little Big Horn.

Fronkenshteen

/ fucking dying

Wakezilla

Somewhere, a Catholic Priest’s ears perked up

Fronkenshteen

Tepid Take: Alex Rodriguez and Jessica Mendoza are quite good at color commentary.

blaxabbath

Got the kid bathed and down. Just cleaned up the kitchen (made pasta salad for our gym potluck tomorrow) and now I’m beat. Wife don’t get home for about 45min so I’m treating myself to a cup o noodles and a less than stellar manhattan and a joint while just enjoying the breeze on my back porch and listening to Dave Ramsey.

blaxabbath

With my three dogs.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, the joint and the Manhattan and Ramsey I get.
But you made pasta salad and are now eating Cup o’ Noodles?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Also, tell the dogs we said “hey!!!!!!” They’ll know what it means.

blaxabbath

Roger ran over and nipped my foot. Harvey didn’t even look up. Abbey can’t hear.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You have a dog named Roger and a dog named Harvey?
Holy shit that is awesome.

Fronkenshteen

Unless he’s from Boston. *shudders*

blaxabbath

Roger is from Roswell so my wife wanted a reference — we went the American Dad route.

Harvey just looks like a Harvey.

blaxabbath

Ate a bunch of that throughout the bathtime. Plus it needs to soak overnight.

Brick Meathook

Fender bender. I want to see a car flip over the fence into the stands.

Wakezilla

I have no opinion on the curvy wife guy other than I would like for his wife to sit on my face.

So, how’s it going?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Horatio Cornblower

Way ahead of you.

ALXMAC
theeWeeBabySeamus

Icelandic beauty queen Arna Ýr Jónsdóttir.
(seriously….this spelling thing is getting weird)
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herodotus450

Or in a certain president’s words, “Imabonk Mydottir”

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Helena Reynisdóttir, 21 years old from Reykjavík, Iceland.
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Mr. Ayo

She definitely smells nice

theeWeeBabySeamus

But she’d probably punch you in the dick when you keep mispronouncing that last name.

Holy shit, by a vowel!!!!!!

Mr. Ayo

I don’t need any more encouragement.

herodotus450

Fun* Fact**: In researching my comment below, I found that “dottir” is Icelandic for daughter.
*If that’s not fun I don’t know what is.
**Possibly a fact, or maybe some kind of Matriarchal Oppression Propaganda that I read by mistake.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It does seem to be rather common.

Unsurprised

Supposedly, there’s an app where Icelanders can check to make sure they aren’t hooking up with someone too closely related since the population is so small and insular.

ALXMAC

Thank you for the age warning. She looks like she was made in a Lab. Am I on a wactchlist?? No you’re on a watchilst!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjI2J2SQ528

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL

ALXMAC

So I guess I made this video (checks) 8 years ago, with some of my photography of roads here in Kansas. I don’t remember making it or how I did it, but:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTnfbdiQztY

Mr. Ayo
Brick Meathook

So I actually turned on the Coca-Cola 600™ and I’m bored after watching one minute of it.
C’mon, crash already!

Mr. Ayo

The crashes are worth it only after you’ve invested 4 hours of nothing!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Post Script re: the lost Kitty Cat I spent all day identifying and getting back to her home….

The neighbour who “owns” her has hated me for years. Mostly because he called here a couple of years ago while drunk, wanted to get my mom on the phone, which I refused, and then he started shouting “someone is gonna get killed”. I told him yeah, someone is.

There’s more to that story, but it’s not necessary to convey right now.

Anywhoooo…. When I took the cat to his house today I wasn’t sure how it would go. But he was very nice. Then called just a bit ago to thank me for getting the cat back to him, and to apologize for his behaviour that night a couple of years ago.

Sometimes, people can surprise you.

Mr. Ayo

Sentimental drunk?

theeWeeBabySeamus

He has issues, to be sure. But he was very nice today and I think I might be his new best friend.
(shit I didn’t think this thru I should have just kept the cat)

Redshirt

Wouldn’t be the first time a wayward pussy got someone in trouble.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, you guys can stop making that joke anytime now.

Unsurprised

No no no no no. We’re going to beat this dead horse until it’s been rendered into its component atoms.

Unsurprised

Your anguish sustains us.

ALXMAC

speaking off….

Redshirt

If we have to change sites again, I move for Sentimental Drunk as the new website name.

Redshirt

Alcohol lets your inner _________ take over.

For me, its not bad because I become a, somehow, nicer version of me who shakes everyone’s hand and is polite and cordial to everyone in the room (I’ve been called the Gentleman Politician).

If your inner ____________ is an asshole, then you’re in trouble.

litre_cola

Too much alcohol lets my inner 20 year old come out. The next day is painful and full of regrets because I now give a fuck whereas in my 20’s I did not.

Don T

So now that his guard’s down… Set his garage on fire, no?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ll have to get the cat back first.
But I like how you’re thinking.

yeah right

Go ahead and let me decide what to slow cook on a rainy day.
I didn’t produce a single discernable word during that meal. It was just grunting and guttural noises and bones and wine and dirty napkins and sheer primal fucking bliss.

God. DAMN!

Mr. Ayo

Needs more pork ribs.

yeah right

Your anatomy is spot on but there was a different animal sacrificed for my greater good.

Mr. Ayo

I want my baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, BABY BACK RIBS!

We going to Chili’s?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

The Indy 500 is also the number of times I pleasured myself to Lisa Loeb and Liz Phair.

Col. Duke LaCross

Banner!

ALXMAC
Brick Meathook

I don’t know which car to root for here, either the Select Blinds Ford or the Cross Country Adjusting Ford.

Then there’s the Liberty Patriotic Ford and also the Ally Patriotic Chevrolet. Is that like the ALI Patriotic Chevrolet??? At least the Japanese didn’t fall down the “patriotic” trap on Memorial Day with their M&Ms Red White & Blue Toyota, bless their Pearl Harbor/Bataan Death March hearts.

I also like the Gear Wrench Chevrolet with its implication of constant repairs.

Unsurprised

They just have the UNIT 777 DID NOTHING WRONG Formula One and the MANCHUKUO Rally

ALXMAC
Mr. Ayo

Mmmm, nachos.

Unsurprised

That banner quote is brutal.

Anyway, check this video. https://twitter.com/SirajAHashmi/status/1132119639738257408?s=20

theeWeeBabySeamus

As an aside, I’d just like to comment on how much I appreciate Balls’ choice of banner images.

Mr. Ayo

I mean, there’s no twins, but still a good effort for a Sunday.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’d soak in that.
The tub is nice too.

Mr. Ayo

2 hours and they’re not even half way.

This is like watching the last 2 minutes of a basketball game on loop.

herodotus450

I would walk 500 miles but driving 600 is a bit much.

Mr. Ayo

But would you walk 500 hundred more?

herodotus450

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Whose door are we falling down at?

theeWeeBabySeamus

And can’t we just go in the other direction to Iceland instead?
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herodotus450

Looks like either Elin, Helga, Francesca, Isabelle. or Guðmundur, going clockwise.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m avoiding anyone named Guðmundur. Just so we’re clear.
Not too sure on Helga either, but I’ll keep an open mind.

herodotus450

Is it St. Swivens day already?

yeah right

Slow braising something on a rainy day is equal parts comforting, amazing and goddamn infuriating.

I’ve been smelling this glorious thing for almost 4 hours now. Fuck off and feed me already!

blaxabbath

I made pasta salad.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

I finished watching season 2 of Punisher and it was fantastic. This was what I was hoping in Season 1. My only complaint of the season was when the blonde told Castle not to kill the photographer. That was some bullshit because he’s a child pornographer photographer. That mother fucker deserves to die.

Aside from that, I give it 4.5 AR 15s out of 5!

Horatio Cornblower

Didn’t he shoot his knees out and burn down his building?

herodotus450

Alcohol counts as a vegetable, right? And one of yous can sign an affidavit to that effect, right?

SonOfSpam

Vodka can be made from potatoes, so yes, alcohol is a green leafy veggie.

Mr. Ayo

I’ll sign anything.

SonOfSpam

Cool, need help on a personal loan, will fax paperwork over.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Can I get in on this?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I might need a liver transplant soon.

SonOfSpam

I’d say take mine, but Mickey Mantle’s is probably in better shape.

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL

Mr. Ayo

You probably don’t want mine. But if you can make it work, good on you.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Tequila is made from Agave.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Look how pretty.
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SonOfSpam

Mmmmm…unprocessed margarita…

yeah right

Since I had to ad lib with dinner I will be serving the same vegetable course.

Redshirt

God help me, I’m kind of tempted to watch the Fresh Prince of Agrabah. Can someone talk me down from the ledge?

yeah right

The reviews are universally awful if that helps.

Don T

How about something less childish and hokey. Like “The Little Prince”.

Don T

-That’s a snake that ate an elephant!

-Shut up! Where’s yer parents?!

SonOfSpam

Really disappointed Pagenaud didn’t start his interview with “I have beaten your IndyCar drivers…now I am coming for you Ricky Bubby” while smoking a cigarette and holding hands with his husband.

theeWeeBabySeamus

And for the record, @herotodus450….
Only one of those pussies was collected this week. One was last week. And another was…..fuck, I can’t remember.
I’m just still fighting with that one.

theeWeeBabySeamus

But good kitteh is back home.
Fuck the rest.

blaxabbath

So the house we are going to make an offer on is like very appropriately priced. There is a comp like 4 houses down and across the street that is almost identical (master planned community, so tract housing — ugh) and it’s not as nice and like $0.50/SF less.

Owner has one contingency offer. Where do I make my offer?

Mr. Ayo

C’mon Rossi!

Mr. Ayo

The big one? At Indy? Weird.

Mr. Ayo

LET’S FUCKING GO ALREADY!

Mr. Ayo

Simon had such a strong car. No way to hold that off.

yeah right

Got right at 5 miles in today. Stupid rain.

herodotus450

So to summarize, tWBS collected three pussies this week, and didn’t get to keep any.

theeWeeBabySeamus

The jury is still out on one.
Maybe two.
But this needs to be bannered.
LMFAO

theeWeeBabySeamus

If no one else puts this on the banner, I will when I get back from teh beer store.

theeWeeBabySeamus

And yes it is bannered and I am still giggling.

LemonJello

What kind of bullshit catch and release rules does NC have?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Yeah, well, we already knew Perdomo sucks.

rockingdog

Shit. another HR
Jays up 5-1…
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rockingdog

2 runners on the bases…. chance to get another run aboard….
come on padres…..

theeWeeBabySeamus

From earlier, finally found a friend with pet chip scanner at the ready, found the owner.
Ironically, it was the guy down the road who hates me (no, that doesn’t narrow it down, shut up).
But cat was missing since Wednesday, is now returned home. Has a belly full of tuna.

And dude didn’t try to punch me.

Mr. Ayo

Is that better? Poor kitteh.

theeWeeBabySeamus

The dude is a drunken fucktard. Which is why he and I have had issues before.
I don’t even think he knew who I was when I took the cat to him.

But the cat is home and in familiar settings now. So, good for the kitteh.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

The Bluejays are apparently sponsored by ToysRUs per the ads behind the plate, and I’m looking forward to seeing ads for the Ford Pinto next inning.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Go Yugo!!!!!!

rockingdog

damnit
back 2 back HR’s by the BLUEJays….
3-0 Jays up. SHITTTT

Horatio Cornblower

“I’m hearing Scott Dixon isn’t coming for another 2-3 laps!”

Mrs. Dixon: (counting the cracks on the ceiling) “Let’s make it 1-2; I’ve got shit to do”

Horatio Cornblower

I see they’re still turning to the left.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

please be talking about voters…please be talking about voters…please be talking about voters…

blaxabbath

::Stares daggers::

-Redshirt

Mr. Ayo

In between, though, they’re running over their pit crews!

rockingdog

found a funny:
Tony The Tiger: They’re Grrrrapes

Veterinarian: The brain damage is quite severe

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well it’s probably better that the exchange didn’t happen in his urologist’s office.

rockingdog

Gooo Padres!!!
trying to get the sweep of the Jays!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Laura Bush strikes again.

SonOfSpam

Laura Bush killed a guy?

Unsurprised

Laura Bush killed a guy.

blaxabbath

I got blaxito today. We took him house hunting in Vegas fri-sat and he was pretty much a chore. This is new so hopefully just a phase.

Anyways, since everyone else has one, I’m gonna host a podcast where I interview people on their visits through Vegas. So we can have on one of you all during dfo fests.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I hope your listeners enjoy hearing “ASS HERPES!”

blaxabbath

It’s on the shortlist of titles.

Mr. Ayo

Well, this race is shaping up to be much more exciting than this morning’s procession.

Don T

I did errands yesterday by foot and, godammit… I sweated like a tourist! To quote “Biloxi Blues”, Tarzan couldn’t take this kinda hot.
Today’s the same. I may go shirtless the whole summer. (Crosses out ice cream and cookies from shopping list.) My apt. is like them convection cookware on infomercials.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Artist’s conception:
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I know the NFL season is still months away, but I’m already workshopping jokes about how security at Gilette Stadium has been instructed to ask anyone trying to get inside the injury/concussion privacy screen on the sideline “are you a cop” before letting them in, because they have to tell you, you know?

LemonJello

How about an “Orchids of Asia” promotional tie-in on the sides of the tent?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Why do the Blue Jays start their games at 7 minutes past the hour? Use a round number like every other civilized team (plus the Orioles!)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“When you think about it, they’re actually better off.” – any member of the Dolan family

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blaxabbath

Conversion factor?

Senor Weaselo

Because they take both national anthems into account. Seriously.

And the White Sox had their evening games start at 7:11 for the longest time because of sponsors!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s 60 here in LA but it feels more like 40.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

60 but feels like 40? grumble grumble sign me up

herodotus450

SBFLF is how I sort my Ashley Madison matches.

yeah right

Think I’m still going to try and sneak in 5 or so miles before the rain starts.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How many times do you think Pippa Mann has had to put up with “that’s a Mann, baby” jokes in her career?

Well too bad, Pippa, cause it’s a great joke and it should be made every single time you race.

blaxabbath

Those chicks sure blow my engine!