There’s much talk of drinkling and fooding in the early thread so I know that everyone is doing it right proper today. The forty-five minutes I spent on the elliptical (god, I hate that motherfucker) won’t even begin to justify the calories that I’ll be absorbing through the day but we all like to pretend, right? And this tilt-doing the research for the intro it’s remarkable how well coached these teams are, the disparate weapons each squadoo has, the game-planning that’s been done to get here… Everything about these two teams is so impressive. So, as Guga Foods would say, Let’s Do It!
TO THE GAME!
Niners/Chiefs:
-Everywhere you look it’s strength against strength against strength. The Chiefs started the season looking like last season’s Shoot ’em up squad that had to out-score everyone and yes, they have some of those same attributes but now they can actually stop people-namely, outside receivers.
-San Fran’s stifling D plays zone coverage the second-most of all teams. Wanna guess which football tosser had the highest QBR rating against zone coverage? Yeah, that Mahomes kid.
-San Fran has only trailed by more than 7 points just once all season long. But Andy Reid’s record after getting a bye in regular and postseason is a gaudy 23-5.
-In bottling up receivers the Chiefs D has allowed the 3rd-most catches to the tight end position. Kittles has been vewy, vewy qwiet the past two weeks but he may have to be the gamebreaker today if San Fran has to match scores. He’ll most likely be defended off and on by Honey Badger who has been very effective in a ‘roaming’ role this season.
-It certainly seems as though the Niners own the best d-line in the biz and the numbers back them up. When Armstead, Ford, Bosa and Buckner are on the field at the same time they get a pressure rate (just think of a fast-collapsing pocket) of 44%. On third and fourth down that rate rises to a ridiculous 57%.
-So Mahomes under pressure-I wonder how his numbers look when he has to throw in 2.5 seconds or less. [shuffles through notes] Ah, here it is-he’s 218 for 300 on his completions (72%) with 16 TD’s and no intercepts. Jesus Christ.
-I took a look at prop bets and the one that makes me curious is Mahomes running yardage at 24.5 or 30.5, depending where you look. He’s run for 53 in each game, you know there’ll be at least one designed run for him, you know he’ll get flushed out of the pocket a few times and you know he’s going to take off if there’s a long ball play and Hill is covered and the open middle of the field beckons. Am I missing something here?
-Prediction Time: I don’t think this game will get away from the Niners. I do want Reid to get a ring and not be saddled with the ‘couldn’t get it done in the big game’ albatross. I am all for Mahomes getting a Super Bowl under his belt on his way to eclipsing Brady as the best QB of all time over the next 15-18 years. Let’s do 31-28 Chiefs.
How about you? Where’d you put the moneys? Who was the first to bring up politics out of context? Who’s the sloppy drunk in your gang? You didn’t burn the nachos did you? Fill some space down below.
The getback coach thing needs to end. You’re a goddamn adult, stay on the sidelines by your big boy self.
Thank you!
Andy Reid: “Send in Drumstick for three!”
Saleh is my spirit animal
I feel like he sits in meetings with upbeat Shanny and is like, “LEMME GIVE EM THE CLAMPS!”
he is at least my 3rd or 4th favourite terrorist
Should probably consume something that can’t be served on a tortilla chip today
Nonsense, anything can be served on a tortilla chip
T-bone steak?
Haggis?
Yes.
So, something on a potato chips? Pita chip?
Pussy?
Wait….
You can’t serve beer on a tortilla chip.
You can if you fry it first
Play action to Kelce over the middle. This isn’t difficult.
Or just do that I guess.
We got the Niners scared.
Normally when Andy goes for it on 4th it’s dessert. Stadler and walddoff guf here
Thanks
Andy Reid is already placing his room service order.
Gong to need a bigger cart
There’s a C-17 enroute from KC to fill that order for BBQ.
Remember when Tomsulas stoned the Ratbirds twice on 4th and 1?
UPDATE – fuck, was the Tits
Another successful option? Even though Mahomes got crushed.
he can have his concussion tomorrow
I really want that guy to die.
Slapping snakes is a porn genre.
Chicks dig CTE.
Andy Reid breaking out the triple option.
I need to go to the juicing room too!
Juice for all!
To quote my dad’s old friend:
“You deserved to be intercepted ya dumbass!”
CAN HE START A REGULAR DFO FEATURE?
I like Watkins. Surprised he never lived up to the hype.
Lisfrancly, my dear, I don’t give a damn
BLEERGH is showing up here in the 2nd quarter. Matching before the snap penalties!
He needs to make his presence known before the big sleep.
Scotchy told us Mahomes-y could beat teh zone coverage…
Ortiz didn’t have to stand up for that commercial.
Fuck David Ortiz.
I support this opinion.
Commercial for the Syreens from Star Control
MC Hammer should be doing ads for financial advisors, as a ‘before’ example.
is Papi the only black man allowed to live in Boston?
even so, everyone keeps their wallets in front pocket now
The help can stay too.
HEY! HE’S DOMINICAHN YA FAHCKIN’ QUEEAH!!! MAKES A DIFFANRAHNCE!!!
Really shitty attempts at Massachusetts accent.
MC Hammer clearly needed a paycheck
+2 legit 2 quit
I mean, but probably
This forever.
“Domestic v10lence”
Fuck you, Pats, sneaking into everything
Poor game management
Ruh Roh Janeane. Either get it out of bounds or eat it, take the loss, and keep possession.
That was a very nice catch for a non-receiver!
Tim Brady salivating at a Jimmy g choke job
Bobby Kraft winces.
That mediocre sack of shit never fails to deliver an INT
The people of Santa Clara weep
Jed York
Jimmy GG
Allin?
That throw was shitty.
Yes!!!!!! Sorry, Jimmy. You ain’t no Patrick.
QUACKICEPTION!
PICKERCEPTION
A mountain dew commerical that was actually funny?
I hear Stephen King liked it better than Kubrik’s version.
Best commercial I’ve seen this week was the 45 min YouTube ad that was the first thing pisode of Picard
Wynona enjoying her revival.
I’ve worked in Winona. That is inaccurate
There’s a joke there.
You’re Ms. Rider’s gynecologist??
Let’s not talk that dirty here.
Johny Depp nods
“Tell me about it.”
-Harvey W.
This thread is exactly what I thought it would be.
Tim Burton sold out with that square spac commerical
Wings ordered, beer about to be repoured
Hulu has live tv, which is way different than the dead souls of the slaves from who Robert Kraft demands handjobs.
Their live TV is 50 fucking dollars. May as well just get cable
I know —‘the mrs signed up.
So the blonde from black widow is gonna be in another avenger movies, they need a new “eye candy”.
That’s my theory anyways
Dont tell me who she plays, I dont want to know details about the film
I’m pretty sure Porsche stole that commercial from NFS Porsche Unleashed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gw2MkF_bBxY
I LOVE you Tom!!!
That sounds like my brother in prison.
Not a joke.
Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo
1st beer of the evening:
That looks excellent!
WHO IS SHE
Treehouse Curiosity 88.
Holy Merde! A SNOW SIGHTING!
You just have to put some beer out on the back porch and pretty soon he comes clambering over the back fence.
You appear to be drinking a creamsicle
A grapefruit one.
Andy Reid growing a set of balls.
O/U on him deep-frying and eating them is set at 3 minutes, 12 seconds.
Damn! I knew there was a rocky mtn oyster joke there.
In a room full of white people making a KC war whoop.
This is why they should sell noise cannons for civilian use, to get back at these dumbfucks.
Yeah, “noise” cannons.
I, too, am watching at an Elizabeth Warren field office.
Is Elizabeth Warren there?
She has to be all like “oh, and I am somehow the asshole?”
And I just found the two KC fans waiting for the SFO flight, lol
Proposing a wind powered Tesla
are they also on the precipice of fucking?
I really, really hope not. Newark is filthy enough already!
Great play call.
Indeed it was.