Yes, that’s beloved Everton sitting pretty in 5th position. Of the realistically plausible 2020-21 season outcomes – 5th (with the Shite 8th or lower) would be just about perfect. I am a bit leery regarding Everton’s ability to meaningfully compete in Full-on Shempions (FOAR now), but Europa? Shit, even Mourinho’s dreadful Spurs are tolerating that. Still quite a bit more money, more prestige, and for the supporters – MOAR FIXTURES.
In short, going there with a top manager like Don Carlo? So fun, y’all.
Most Glorious Toffees don’t play until Monday (1:00, NBCSN), when they battle 4th position Chelski. Giddy-the-fook-up!
But really, there is sommet for everyone. With United and Foxy Footy both…stubbing their toes a bit, a huge swath of sides could finish anywhere between 2nd and 7th. That’s definitely good for the Premiership, especially with the title race done and dusted early (again).
I’m afraid one must insist on waking early for Gooners/White Lives Matter (7:30, NBCSN). It seems Handsome Mikel might just have turned the corner with his Arsenal side. Whereas we need WLM down in the relegation zone. Extra juju assistance is needed, with Fulham getting fucked (no lube, forget about the courtesy of a reach-around) mid-week by an inexplicable VAR decision.
Speaking of Mighty Whitey, they go to Anfield NOT next (9:00 Sunday, NBCSN) – where the Redshite have lost 5 league matches on the spin. I didn’t watch their mid-week pitch shitting against Chelski (which a certain dog no doubt found rockin’), but ah hear tell (yes, we really say that in the South) that Liverpool were well-beaten, and lucky not to have been throttled 2 or 3-nil. This all just makes FOAR a Very Happy Hippo. Surely, Fulham will rally around the flag, and come out loaded for bear? We shall all be rooting for it.
NOTE – yes, I misread the schedule. Fuck my brain. You get one advance Sunday preview, for y’all unchurched heathens.
Saints at Knifey (10:00, NBCSN) is ACTUALLY next on the docket, and who doesn’t enjoy seeing a Saint get stabbed? Last time I checked this still wuz Ameica smh.
Villa and Wolves isn’t a bad Spotight Dance, but still no broadcast NBC (12:30, NBCSN). Villa’s precipitous drop from European contention has been kind of cool. Whereas Wolves are doing that Comfortable Mid-Table Shuffle – but with decent entertainment value. Should be a decent watch.
You have to stream the Sabado finale (3:00, Peacock), but if one sits out Foxes at Trashbirds, nobody will judge. But if you can get favoUrable odds on Brighton? I’d consider hailing Gamblor.
I don’t wish to speak of Sunday’s remnants, but a Manchester Derby is part of it. We NEED Wakey Reacting Reasonably.
Pictured above is Hippo’s grandson, Noodles Edmond D***s. Once he settled on living with Grandpa Hippo full-time, I bestowed upon him that middle name. My highest and best use is lining up appropriate middle names for cats. Anyway, he is awesome. Uncle Kruger accepts his nephew completely. As long as his alpha status isn’t questioned.
Hi, Litre here. (Ed note: real drunk and high)
I know no one cares about my small fuckwit team in West London but you do like to see my descent into madness. (lookin at you on twitter Horatio). Well this week just took the fucking cake. Are you fucking kidding me?????? As you are probably not aware there was a rule change in football yesterday, mid season, which never happens, why? BECAUSE FUCK EVERYTHING!
I didn’t know how to approach this. I did not want to side on the FUCK VAR shit, because honestly I would sound like BC Dick. Seriously though, fuck VAR. Why the Jesus can’t we go with human sight? Humans play the game, humans should ref the game. Fuck.
I have been BIG MAD for 2 days now.
Fuck.
Ok, so my club is going down and you can all laugh, but in all seriousness there is a reason that EVERY FUCKING PUNDIT says we will stay up. The football governing body, changed, the, rule, the, day, after. THEY FUCKING CHANGED IT A DAY AFTER BECAUSE IT WAS SO WRONG!!!!! (never done in history)
I believe in the good. I believe good things will come to good people. I believe in karma. I have had an angry 1st world problem few days. I know it is fuck all but in these times we all hold on to things that make us happy. Fulham FC reminds me of when I lived abroad, would fly down to London to see some close friends and we would go to Craven Cottage because I supported them. VAR is getting in the way of passion. I struggle to think what would have happened at a more violent fanbase had this happened to them live.
I did not include any clips because no one cares about Fulham, including the owners the Khans. Instead I leave you with…..nothing.
Fuck everything, but still COYW, Come On You Whites (nawt raycesst)
***
Hi there! This is Balls, your friendly neighborhood shit-stirrer. I read some of Litre’s comments on the Sexy Friday thread last night and figured I’d mosey over here to see what the fuss was all about. As you know, I don’t like the EPL, hence I didn’t see the controversial play. Let’s see…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AyH-LxjHS7U
Wow.
Ok, so I’m just going to be an ass and say that this shit doesn’t happen in Liga MX. This IFAB or IBAF or whatever you want to call it can say all it wants, but we in Mexico know that if it’s not on purpose, it AIN’T A HANDBALL. We never enforced that shitty rule and now we don’t have to change anything because we were doing things the right way all along.
By ignoring the rules and doing what’s right. The Mexican Way.
Litre, focus on Puebla. They tied Tigres (who came in 2nd in the World Club Cup, btw) last night and are in the thick of the race for the Liguilla.
Trust me on this.
![[DOOR FLIES OPEN]](https://doorfliesopen.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/DFO-MC-Patch.png)







Roberto Martinez enjoyed a successful first season with Everton in 2013-14 (Photo: Chris Brunskill/Getty Images)



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