Rule Britannia starts to play and the camera shifts over to focus on David Jones
David Jones: Hello everyone! Welcome to a special edition of Saturday night football! I’m your host, David Jones. Today, we say goodbye to our beloved father, the Prince of Edinburgh, Prince Philip.
David Jones: Prince Philip always looked dashing in his red military outfit. . . Folks, because we are number one for your football watching needs, we have the proposed formation for Prince Philip’s funeral, which will begin in an hour. Here it is:
David Jones: As you can see, the Royal family is going with a bit of a head scrathcher, a 2-3-2-2 formation. Joining me now to analyze this peculiar formation is former Liverpool defender, Jamie Carragher. Jamie.
Jamie: Thanks David. This 2-2-3-2 formation as absolutely abysmal. A poor choice. I mean, where’s the width? Personally, I would’ve put Harry and William upfront. I’ve seen a few videos of them in the army and they both seem pretty fast. What says you, Nevs?
Nevs: A 2-5-2 formation means they will be lacking in attack and defence. Sir Tim Laurence and The Earl of Snowdon will need to be sharp. Princess Anne up front? Do me a favour.
David Jones: It appears that they’ll be going experience over youth. Lets hope it doesn’t backfire. Roy Keane, what are your thoughts about this formation?
Keano: . . .. Interesting change of formation. Strange decision to move Andrew from striker. We’ve seen he’s an ice-cold predator. However, he’s very familiar with a 6 and 8. He can struggle with the 10s because that’s a number too old for him. Ultimately, I don’t see him having too many issues. Especially since Andrew is on the right side, which reminds me of a certain ex Man City footballer from the past. I. .
/Micah Richards interrupts
Micah: Keano, I’ll tell you why you’re wrong. The 2-3-2-2 formation is a wonderful thing because there will be times where we will see Peter Phillips drop in between the centre halves to give himself as an option for them when in possession. This will allow the Royal family to give Andrew lots of protection, which is something they like to do. Perhaps more importantly, this also makes Charles a false 9.
Keano: That will play to the advantage of Andrew. If there’s one thing we know is that Andrew likes a false 9. It makes him very scrappy in the box.
Graeme Souness: For the Royal family’s sake, you hope Prince Andrew is up against a young wing back because you know he’ll stretch that youngster out. But you have to ask yourself, what exactly was Paul Pogba thinking calling out Jose Mourinho just 24 hours before this event? Parasitic if you ask me.
David Jones: Excellent analysis as always. I’m afraid we’re out of time. Until next tomorrow, goodbye every body.
—————————————————————————————————————————————–
Everton have not done the double over Spurs since Hippo was 12 years old. Fuck me, that is almost Wolven Sort-calibre futility. In order to stay in the race FOAR Europe (a necessary predicate to strengthening the squad this summer), Everton needed to change that yesterday.
They didn’t. Hey, at least I had Harry Fuckface Kane as first scorer in Prediction League. I won’t win that, neither.
Only two fixtures today, only two on Sunday. I suppose I could pay attention to the FA Cup…but why? Crown City’s arse, already.
Wakezilla: Speaking of City possibly winning a quadruple, thereby beating United’s treble: me and my sniper rifle might be paying a visit to Manchester, England over the next week or two. Why, you ask? No reason. No reason at all. . ..
Wake up early for the only teevee match, Hammers and Barcodes (7:30, NBCSN). Seriously, Davey Moyes is taking West Ham on a Shempions League adventure. I am happy for him, and Fronk…but yeah, it chaps my Bitter Blue ass a little. Newcastle have shown just enough pulse to likely survive the drop. This makes very few people (real or imaginary) happy.
Wanna see Team Knifey die their final death? You’ll need Peacock (and a point from Newcastle earlier in the day) with Wolves the opponent (3:15). I’m thinking nap.
MOAR traditional NBCSN double dip on Sunday, with Arsenal putting the near-final shiv into Mighty Whitey (8:30), followed by Ole’s United hosting Boo-urnley (11:00). Try to contain your excite.
Nervously eyeballs Clubhouse, whispers…
KISS was just a marketing-driven gimmick, with little discernable musical talent
It’s so strange that two friends of mine that adored the band (FIREWORKS! MAKEUP! LOUD NOISE!) have become front-running shitheads in their adult lives.
/yes, I realize it’s just a coincidence
//I realized they were garbage way back when
My kind of ESL book
“How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?”
Philip, to a Scottish driving instructor
Depends on the season, Scots ain’t sober in the Winter. Too gloomy.
Could have stopped at sober.
The more Prince Philip quotes I hear the more I like him.
Like they say, “You can take the man out of the castle but you can’t take the castle out of the man”.
Did the new server get rid of the page 1, page 2, page 3 and just leave it one long page? Oh I hope so.
*refreshes*
FUCK AND YES IT DID!
I just asked at HQ, Internet Dad will look. Seems so though.
I didn’t realize how much I hated that. Good riddance!
[prays for the next Super Bowl thread]
Ha happy accident it seems.
Whelp, masking up with the Good Mrs. Reefer to go get jab #1. Wish us luck…
(they’re putting on latex suits and heading for a gangbang)
You people are FILTHY and DISGUSTING. (and that’s why I’m here, keep up the good work)
Good luck! First one just had pain at the injection site.
Phrasing?
& that is all I’m experiencing thus far. (knocks on wood) Well, that and a vague feeling of disconnect from reality.
Best TV character ever:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUETL5E69FI
Btw, finally finished the second half of GWS-Sydney, what a finish!
I am watching WC and Pies right now.
I’m watching a documentary on pies. Not sure what or where the WC is though.
“It’s down the hall and on your right, mate.”
Please wash your hands.
“You look like you’re ready for bed!”
-Philip, to the President of Nigeria (he was wearing traditional robes)
He really was the quintessential Drunk Uncle!
He’s like Trump, except with manners.
In keeping with music HAWT takes, how about… Heresy. OK I’ll start:
AC / DC does nothing for me. And I don’t wanna hear Ozzy ever again.
I was always meh about AC/DC, I think I owned Back in Black at one point. Definitely qualifies for inclusion in the “it all sounds the same to me” column.
Never liked the helium-voiced moron’s solo stuff, though I did like him on the early Sabs albums.
Suddenly I’m not so sure we should let PR join the Union…
I think Joy Division is overrated. I like their music just fine, but it’s not that great.
I never want to hear Steely Dan or Bob Marley ever again.
I can’t stand the voices of Steven Tyler or Axl Rose. The bands are ok I guess, but it’s hard to ignore a vocalist you hate.
Which is why I don’t love Alice In Chains. Guy sounds like Popeye to me.
I fucking love Alice in Chains, Steven Tyler and Axl Rose can get bent.
Appetite For Destruction is an all-time great album start to finish.
We all seem to agree that Steven Tyler is the worst.
Amen.
Joe Perry is actually worse. Guy is practically a fucking Nazi. Total rightwing asshole.
This. 1000 times this.
Steve Miller Band elicits immediate channel change for me. Journey, too.
I saw Steve Miller live in 2002 or so. He could not remember his own lyrics and sounded like a feral cat was literally inside of his larynx.
U2 is a group that gets way too much praise in my books. I’ve always found their music to be incredibly average.
Achtung baby was a great album, the rest was ok-ish
I agree & chalk it up to the “Eno & Lanois” effect…
Joshua Tree was also great (if overplayed).
Unforgettable Fire was almost great.
Indeed, almost a numbing feeling I say.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RNu7VDiJcs
I’ll go with Linkin Park for 1000 Alex. Just horrible, horrible stuff.
I’ll let you have the Brian Johnson version of AC/DC but the Bon Scott version is fucking legendary.
“Do you still throw spears at each other?”
-Philip, talking to an Aboriginal man
He did not!
He did, didn’t he?
That would be a fun puzzle – a T/F quiz of “Did Prince Phillip Really Say This?”
“Do you still
throwchuck spears at each other?”probably what he actually said.
A larrikin after my own heart!
Hey, Cecil! How’s Prince Phillip adapting to Hell?
He’s a trifle singed, but it sort of comes with the territory, you know? A pity that he truly thought that he wouldn’t end up here.
We don’t crown losers around here, Hippo.
u can sea y ah am such a GREAT GAMBLER
Apply to whichever Manchester team you find applicable
Boy, DeBruyne came off awful fast. How the hell did Pep make that decision so quickly? Now, they’re fucked.
Fronk inspired me to go down the bad bands/albums hellhole and “Metal Machine Music” by Lou Reed is there. The review of the album by Lester Bangs (such a great writer) was titled “How To Succeed in Torture Without Really Trying”. Hilarious.
I need to buy collections of Bangs’ reviews off Amazon. I believe one is titled “Let It Splurt”.
ETA: It’s “Blurt”.
Psychotic Reactions and Carburetor Dung still resides on my bookshelf. I think Blurt is a biography.
Speaking of music rabbitholes, some of the radio stations in southern Aussieland bring out some interesting stuff: http://radio.garden/visit/alexandra/lk0vr8rj
Who are the devils in the Ice football analogies again? Either way, its 3-0 Ice Giants.
I think they’re just the Devils; I think the Islanders got Ice Jets.
NFL teams that have no obvious NHL counterpart:
BAL, JAX, IND, HOU, GB, NO, ATL, whichever of CLE/CIN isn’t CBJ
The Devils are the only NHL team I can think of that has no NFL/CFL counterpart (assuming you count the St. Louis Blues as the Ice Chiefs)
I suggest we make the Devils the “honorary” Ice Ravens. They both relocated a couple of decades ago and then fairly quickly won some titles despite being very boring to watch.
Go Chelski go! Do something good for once and beat Oil City!
Least talented band to be worshipped: WHO YA GOT?
Me- New York Dolls
Sex Pistols
/but that was the whole point, wasn’t it?
A good point about “the whole point” Nobody will say that The Ramones were musical virtuosos, but good gravy I love their sound (& their commitment to their sound)
Like the Beach Boys on meth! I love them
Yeah. & part of the reason I love them is their LACK of talent. They achieved their Rawk Gawd status through finger bleeding practice and sheer bloodymindedness, bless ’em… Definition of “punk rock”
There’s no stoppin’ the cretins from hoppin’!
Anyone who mentions the Ramones in this context gets to fight me.
By proxy. No way I’m fighting anyone.
The Doors. Hippie dogshit.
When the boys were younger I would do a spoken word version of the lyrics to Riders on the Storm to illustrate how bad the writing was. I also pointed out that Morrison was able to rhyme “fire” with “fire” in “Light My Fire”.
/that said, “LA Woman” is in my top 5 driving songs
The rest of the band wasn’t bad though, take out the 7th grade vocals and they would be a solid instrumental group
Except for the bass player, he sucks. You can hardly hear him.
I get that joke!
Me too. I agree with BGR however. The LA Woman album has a few good moments is all.
I think this might be my choice. There are some serious contenders, but in the end Jim Morrison’s pretentious bullshit probably wins the day.
Gumby and I used to get hammered and read Jim’s poetry to each other. The Lords and the New Church. Dreadful stuff!
Nickelback and Imagine Dragons
Nickelback is worshiped? By masochists?
Imagine Dragons is made for commercial music and truly awful.
I’m imagining dragons eating the members of the band, and in that context the name works quite well.
Kiss. And I’m upset I even have to remember they exist now.
+1 completely incoherent Ace Frehley guitar solo
Rush
“Also one of my least favorites.” – Todd Haley, denying Jamaal Charles touches yet again
/wakes up from hibernation
You shut your whore mouth
/scratches balls, passes out
I dunno, Fronk. Johnny Thunders could lay down some shit…
Journey, Journey, and Journey. In that order.
The Strokes. Turn that shit off.
Bono: Maná-quita esa fokin mierda puñeta.
This is a great question, and I suspect will become the basis of a future mock draft now that Internet Dad has whipped the hamsters running our servers back into shape.
Bob Marley
I don’t hate Bob Marley and respect his importance, but I hate white people who worship him.
Could probably just distill this down to hating certain groups of white people.
Went down a bit of a brockmire rabbit hole, this obviously seemed relevant to DFO
Chilwell will regret that shank.
Fuck Sportsnet with a rusty screwdriver. FA Cup only on their premier service that only really has the FA Cup and Scottish footy!?!?! Get fucked for 18 bucks a month you fucks.
I’m watching on espn+. $6/mo or $60/year.
I have Dazn up here which is 150 a year. It gets you, Premier League, Champions Lge, C’ship (Mightey Whitey sigh), Serie A, Belgium, Sunday NFL ticket, Red Zone, KHL, 6 Nations rugby, a bunch of other stuff. They outbid Sportsnet and TSN for everything except MLS and German footy.
I feel I get great value and fuck Sportsnet for having their pay service more expensive than DAZN with fuck all on it.
Well that’s a bargain. DAZN only has boxing here.
Sportsnet has so much gotdamn filler crap playing on it, it’s embarrassing.*
*that said, I have a cable package (including Sportsnet) dating back to 2005 (including unlimited internet) that is a steal and isn’t offered anymore
All the poker you want!
Nuts. My hangover is starting to kick in.
Freezer vodka. STAT!
/watching that Laurel Canyon music doc and I think it needs much more Qanon in it
Where is the mention of some artists being sons/daughters of high level intelligence officers?
What about the nefarious Council of 420, the O.S.S.-trained splinter group that thought the CIA wasn’t hardcore enough? It’s a demonstrable FACT! that many of them traveled to California from their home base in the hollowed-out core of Gannet Peak IN Wyoming!
Only sheeple don’t know that the inventor of the electric guitar-Les Paul-was identified by Ronald Reagan himself (in a super secret meeting of the HUAC) as a left-leaning “agitator“.
There was simply TOO MUCH! music being written/played by too many artists in the late ’60’s/early ’70’s in Laurel Canyon. It just doesn’t add up!
I’d rather watch a Christy Canyon documentary, honestly.
/I’m kidding, I’d find either one equally compelling.
We calling those documentaries now? Our very BallsofSteel is an avid documentologist then.
We’re having a “We’re moving, come take our shit for free please” sale at Lady Commander’s parents, and I’m watching the Collingwood-Eagles game while shouting and overseeing it. I’ve settled in nicely into my Embarrassing Dad-hood.
When you said “embarrassing dad hood” I thought you were talking about the time a certain former President’s father was arrested at a klan rally.
“You’re too fat to be an astronaut.”
-Philip, talking to a 13 yr. old boy who was explaining that he wanted to go into space
Was he wrong?
He was wrong in a lot of ways.
But today is an occasion for all to come together (PHRASING) and celebrate his burning in hell.
They allow fat astronauts now?
Not in that way, though.
A lot better than what Prince Andrew would have said to a 13-year-old.
cums in Marc Trestman
In Phil’s defense, that kid was a total chunk…
Prince Philip died as he lived, in incredible opulence.
Hey, they didn’t kill all his servants and bury them with Phil, SO THINGS HAVE COME A LONG WAY…
I think they get killed later, after he’s buried, so that no one can reveal his final resting place. I’m a self-taught history nerd so I’m probably right.
I thought it was so they could have the honor of continuing to serve their master in the afterlife. I think I heard that somewhere, and I’m on the internets SO I KNOW IM TOTALLY RIGHT,
Hey herodotus, did the Red Things do much of anything at the trade deadline?
They shipped off the pride of Montreal, Anthony Mantha, to the Capitals.
Prince Phillip is still dead, but every news channel is going to spend the next three hours proving it.
Put the man in a long boat, shove it into the Thames, shoot a flaming arrow into it, and be done with it.
A Q news channel would spend a week proving it’s a hoax, and storm Buckingham Palace looking for the real Prince Phillip.
+1 Flask of Oil
*cuts off Tony Curtis’s left hand*
I just read that Joe Buck will be doing a stint as guest host of Jeopardy and I have to admit – I don’t have a problem with it. I think he’d be a much better Jeopardy host than sportscaster.
Thing is, Jeopardy only films about 45 days a year so it wouldn’t take him away from any of his other sportscasting duties-we’ll just have that much more Joe Buck in our lives.
Nooo, he will never take Troy’s dick out of his mouth for a whole two weeks. Can’t be done. As much as I hate to admit it, Aaron Rodgers was pretty good.
Listening to these bishops all I can think of is Monty Python.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqG30j0FRW8
Its…. (wait for it)
Do you think Queen Elizabeth wipes her own ass?
I doubt it. She has people for these mundane tasks.
Meh, if I make it to into my nineties the game plan is to have someone else wipe my ass as well.
She is full bidet. Some sort of technology only seen in Japan.
Starts much further forward and slowly works its way back while pulsating.
I thought she still used a corgi or two (still doing it ole schoo)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groom_of_the_Stool
I was just about to post that!
How can you watch soccer when they’re burying Prince Philip?
They’ve got all the best golf announcers calling the funeral in hushed tones.
“If you stay here much longer, you’ll all be slitty-eyed.”
-Philip, talking to Brit students in China
He wasnt racist just a misunderstood old white xenophobe.
He is considered a God on some South Pacific island. Seriously.
Are you talking about Brick or Prince Philip?
ZING! POW! BLAMMO!
Here are some monuments the islanders made in my honor:
Cargo cults! They were a big part of the plot of a Larry Niven Dream Park book. Made me interested enough to go and find out more about them.
Christopher Moore has a book called ‘Island of the Sequined Love Nun’ which covers the same ground. Also very funny and has sex in it. History, jokes, and boobs. It’s the DFO trifecta!
I love Christopher Moore! Haven’t read that one.
I am past the acceptance phase. The only thing I need to happen is Brentford not get promoted. Flipping with them would be the worst result.
The Bees Will Not Replace Us!!
Live look from Fronken-living room:
Yer not wrong. I popped the headphones off at 2-0. Looked at the result and almost fucking choked. Ole is gonna welcome Lingardinho back with open arms now, Declan Rice is headed to España, and we’re right back to mediocrity. Poop.
How was Lanzini not already on the pitch? That’s as odd as giving 75 minutes to Elderly Cunt Mark Noble.
Always confused by that. Loves me some Lanzini, especially when the other choice is Noble.
Lingardinho is playing so well, he may have out priced himself out of West Ham. Fun fact: If you watch a Jesse lingardinho Youtube complilation video, you will wonder how he’s not a multiple time balon d’or winner . .
Well shit.
Blame me for that one. I just turned it on.
https://gfycat.com/angryfakeazurevase-michael-finlayson-it-always-sunny
Newcastle is going to Newcastle! Nawt Raycess Mighty Whiteys have some life back in them!
All week, people were suggesting Moyes would win coach of the year because Rum Ham is in the top4. So It only seems fitting that the first match since the praise, Moyes would bottle an opportunity.
I feel bad for Litre because this is one of the final nails in Fulham’s coffin. Especially since bloody Burnley are going to Brexit FC the shit out of United tomorrow,
No reason for me to watch any futbol in Europe anymore.
we can HAS GAME
How come Declan Rice isn’t playing? Saving himself for his next team?
Wow, the new server still has that new car smell and it works! This is incredible!
The proof is that Auto Erotic Asphyxiation Cat is BACK!
FEELS GOOD MAN!
How about that Very Disappointing Everton, long-absent imaginary pal?
What the hell happened to Disappointing Everton? They were not disappointing, and then they were. They’re too good to be in 8th
Been making flirty eyes with 9th, really.
Speaking of auto-erotic asphyxiation…the tits on Steve Bruce, man! SCENES!!
When was the last time you’ve seen that? An OG and a sending off in the same sequence of play?
waves at empty Clubhouse
does it EVAR!!!???
How do you feel
I’m lonely
What do you think
Can’t take it all
What ya gonna do
Hey hey! Time for a beer.
Meh.