Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t.

Happy New Year. I’m never sure how long it’s okay to say it before it gets weird. I try to say it the first time I see someone in the new year, but after a week or so, it’s kinda weird, right? I’m sure there’s a zillion manoUrs things on it, but cannot be bothered enough to look them up.

Since we’ve all kinda done resolutions, mine is to drink more fluids. I keep eating instead of drinking water, so going to try to be more hydrated this year. I’m also way behind on my drinking drinking. I got a beer advent calendar but have just started in on it as I was finishing off the last beers I had. FIFO. So eventually will get through them.

And I managed to win my moneys FF league, thanks to J Chase. I think I would have managed to win without his 50+ points, but nice to not need to worry going into Monday night. I was up by 66 points going into Monday night with only their kicker remaining. And sadly, the regular season leader won too, so not adding to misfortune of that title.

One other random thing is that I love me some jigsaw puzzles. When I have time, usually over the holidays, i try to do a few. This year i did a space theme and a Simpson’s one. The Simpson’s one was a huge PITA to do, due to having to find every piece when needed and not being able to group like coloUrs together.

As a reminder, this post will cover comments made up to and through the Saturday Night Open Thread. Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post. Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

---

Chiefs HC Andy Reid: I love how the team works together like I love a big piece of prime rib. #chiefskingdom

— Rob Collins (@RobCollinsTV) December 27, 2021

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

At least he didn’t say liked he loved his kids.
Horatio Cornblower

“…like my kids love intoxicants”
SonOfSpam

---

Found a funny;

My thoughts going into 2022

rockingdog

Sharkbait

---

This is the NFL’s fault for taking away a week of Preseason. The Football Gods are punishing them by randomly replacing roster spots with Preseason Week 4/5 roster placeholders.
Redshirt

---

These goat cheese and red pepper potato chips are delicious.

And no, I haven’t made any progress on work, why do you ask?

/opens another beer
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Work? What’s that?
Doktor Zymm

It’s what your identically-clad minions perform within your tropical island/volcano lair, Dok.
LemonJello

AH, but zat ist ein labour of love!
Doktor Zymm

---

That series of Pooh images is terrific [ from last week’s comments post].

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Poo images? Do only the Admins get the German [DFO] content?
LemonJello

---

Greetings, gentlepersons.
Dunstan

fuck you

oh wait, you were not addressing me
SonOfSpam

After that night we spent together, I would never call you gentle.
Dunstan

---

Miss St taking a beating from Texas Tech like they were married.
LemonJello

---

Old Man Rant Alert:

When I developed shin splints my senior year of high school I felt I let the entire basketball team down. (I wasn’t a star or anything, I was a goober that could hit a long-range jumper when left open) The stakes are so much higher for shitheads like Wentz. Not bothering to get a couple of pricks has compromised the team’s playoff chances. There’s a shit-ton of money on the table for special teams/practice squad guys. WHY IS THIS NOT BEING DISCUSSED?
scotchnaut

---

When I was 16, I read Madden’s “Hey Wait a Minute, I Wrote a Book!”. His three rules as a coach, mostly of miscreants, were:

1. Be on time
2. Pay attention
3. Play as hell when it’s time to

Works for everything. Rest in Peace
Don T

Tom Coughlin’s three rules in his autobiography, “I’m An Arbitrary Son Of A Bitch” are as follows-

Get to the meeting 15, maybe 20 minutes before the announced time-depends on how I’m feeling. I’m going to fine you.
Don’t be a rookie. You suck and I’ll never trust you.
Play as hard as you can but if you get injured you’re a distant memory.
Late? That’s a fine.
Fumbled during practice? That’s a fine.
Socks were not the right height? That’s a fine.
Rolled your eyes at me while I was explaining all the fines? That’s a fine.
scotchnaut

---

Sources say John Madden will be cremated and his ashes stuffed in an urn, which is then stuffed into a casket, which is then stuffed into a mausoleum.
herodotus450

---

“I went ‘zip’ and then ‘zap’ and then ‘Pow!’ I busted through the Golden Gates, right into the hereafter!”

-Madden, describing his death
scotchnaut

---

“YOU ARE WORSE THAN BAKER MAYFIELD!”

Fozz, I love you (not in a gay way, of course; we’re all manly men here), but I have to call the ASPCA for that one. There are some things you simply cannot say to a dog.
Horatio Cornblower

---

BrettFavresColonoscopy(@brettfavrescolonoscopy)
Editor
December 29, 2021 6:17 pm
And in the sprit of open threads, we currently have been asked not to run the water or flush any toilets in our apartment until the neighbors below get a plumber to figure out why their utility closet is leaking. Awesome.

And we still don’t indoor dine and it’s twenty something degrees outside, so I’m making us go have dinner in a bubble tent at a restaurant around the corner so I can at least access their shitter.

Seems like you should get to use their toilet for now.
blaxabbath

“Shit in their yard to establish dominance.”
-R. Incognito
LemonJello

It’s an apartment building….
BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Did I fucking stutter?”
-R. Incognito, again
LemonJello

---

Well played [ from the Eli Manning And How To Select Your Horcrux post]. Is this Peyton’s horcrux?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

---

This Duke’s Mayo Bowl, I call it the money shot because its going to end with someone being showered in a semi-thick white liquidly substance.
Redshirt

FUCK, now I want a bunch of college dudes to spunk into my hair.

oh shit did I say that out loud smh
King Hippo

---

(@game-time-decision)
Editor
December 30, 2021 12:21 pm
If that’s an Original flavour Wiggles lunch box it might have some value as most of the original group has changed/got old/died
Game Time Decision

“No, they didn’t die, they just moved to a nice farm somewhere upstate.” – Olivia Manning, glaring at you icily
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

---

We’re all agreed that Roger Goodell is Dolores Umbridge, right? A petty tyrant who ignores the evil perpetrated by those in charge in favor of lording it over the younger and less powerful?
Dunstan

---

Last funny;

Boss: the guys in IT have some questions for you

Me: ah yes you see I thought hentai was garfield’s last name
rockingdog

---

I like to imagine that Lily from AT&T gets to cast her own commercials and gives the roles to old friends from improv classes.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve started a sentence with “I like to imagine” that included “Lily from AT&T” and it went a very different direction from yours.
SonOfSpam

---

/talking to my support group*

Me: “I’m Scotchy and I have problem.”

Crowd: “Hi Scotchy!”

Me: “Thanks so much! SHE DID IT AGAIN YESTERDAY!”

Crowd: [looks at one another, whispers]

Me: “I’ve told her so, so many times-don’t walk away from pasta if it’s on a rolling boil. DON’T EVEN SUBJECT IT TO A ROLLING BOIL!.”

Crowd: [gasps]

Me: “It was pappardelle this time! She was sitting on the couch scrolling through her phone the entire time!”

Crowd Member: “Son of a Bitch!”

Me: “I know, I know-light simmering is the way to go as always-you’ll never over-cook it! I MARRIED AN ANIMAL!

*this may not have happened
scotchnaut

---

Speaking of insanity, found this flow chart on Bears Twitter debating who will replace Nagy:

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Bears fans are insane? Got it.
scotchnaut

---

Dingleberry pops positive for COVID. Hate to see it.
https://twitter.com/ChadGraff/status/1476944864558387232

On the eve of a game the Vikings need to win to keep their playoff hopes alive, Kirk Cousins, who is unvaccinated, tested positive for COVID-19, per a source. He won’t be able to play in Green Bay tomorrow night.

— Chad Graff (@ChadGraff) December 31, 2021

Mr. Ayo

“Our sympathies. We, too, know what it’s like to be fucked by cousins.” — West Virginia
Dunstan

Yes, Kirk, I do. I like that very much you stupid, stupid asshole.
Horatio Cornblower

---

I just want Michigan to lose, preferably very badly. Harbaughs butt hurt face propels me. His anger nourishes me. I want minute by minute sideline shots of his anguish. For this I pray. Its the reason I will watch.

---

I want The Rapist to retire after getting sacked 17 times on Monday Night Football, and on his way out, trip, fall, and land on Rudolph the Racist Reindeer in the tunnel, crushing him to death. For the HOF, Johnson, Mills, Holt, Wayne, and Boselli.
Gumbygirl

---

The NFL Hall of Fame has the dumbest set up. First, it’s a popularity contest to a greater degree than any other HoF, with the nominees, (except for former commissioner’s who all get in with a nice hand job from the writers), having to be vouched for by one writer. Second, they apparently limit it to 8 guys a year, but also say that at least 4 have to get in, which is bizarre.

Secondly, and this is more important, because there’s a cap on how many can be admitted each year, guys who played less glamorous positions, (think the lines) (no, different lines Mr. Irvin, now put that down), get screwed every year while the press rushes to admit the likes of Eli Manning, (NAWT a HoFer!) (but will get in anyway), while the likes of Joe Jacoby or Tony Boselli get shuffled off for another year.

I’d submit that they should do something like have a cycle, where each year the votes focus on a different position. One year, QBs and RBs. Next year, OL and DL/LB, next year WR and Secondary. You’d have to figure out where to put punters and kickers. They don’t deserve an entire year to themselves, even if someone like Ray Guy absolutely deserves to be in.

Anyway, that’s my soapbox for the day.
Horatio Cornblower

---

Anyone else noticed that Dick Clark’s name was the smallest thing on the New Year’s Rocking Eve logo?
Redshirt

“There’s no shame in being the smallest thing on a screen!”

– Brett Favre
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

---

Aw. Seeing that Katy Perry has a video to debut at the National Championship game makes me think of tWBS and miss him.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Don’t worry, he’s fapping in heaven!
King Hippo

No. I’m certain he has a harem of angels…

…that he spies on from a nearby bush or tree.
Redshirt

---

Found a funny;

opening up a glass coffin company called Remains To Be Seen. do not steal this idea it’s all i have.
rockingdog

---

I was going to do it anyway, but masturbating to topless women on playing cards from the 1940’s will take on special meaning today now that I’ve learned of Betty White’s passing.
scotchnaut

---

Makes me feel better about how badly I’m aging. I’m pretty sure I’m older than Axl.

Gumbygirl

---

I’m going to end 2021 the same way I’ve ended every year for the last 40 years — listening to 80s music.
Dunstan

---

Good night and happy new year people.

You wonderful, wonderful people.
yeah right

---

My new years resolution is to find a job where I can be blasted on national TV.

As is mine.
Sharkbait

J.J. Delhomme/Sharkbait 2024
Redshirt

---

Happy New Year!!!

As I am an hour ahead of DFO Time, here’s a preview of things to come:

Redshirt

---

Happy New Year from Atlantic time!
/drinks, projectile spitting
WHO PUT WATER IN MY GLA—oh. Darling! Heh. I was just overcome with emotion gazing at your beauty.
Don T

---

/writes “game over” in notebook [ not even sure which game]
//sprinkles nutmeg into Allagash White
///sniffs own farts, becomes erect
SonOfSpam

---

Last funny;

Every year on NYE I think “no way they can turn this number into glasses” and every year I am wrong
rockingdog

---

Michigan getting both their Upper and Lower peninsulas pushed in so hard-gonna have to start calling them The Inlets.
scotchnaut

---

Call me Sol, ‘cause yesterday I drank so much beer and bubbly that I’m a ball of gas today.
Don T

---

Finished up with the budgeting for 2021 – our spending is pretty much in line with our target. I downloaded a set of talking points from Chiefs.com to use when lobbying the Dr. Mrs. to increase our cheeseburger budget.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

---

[door slowly swings open]
[staggers into clubhouse]
[slumps onto couch]
[takes giant slug of ice water]
[wipes chin]
[squints. frowning]
Why do spurs look like grape popsicles?
Fronkenshteen

I should buy a truckload of Pedialyte to sell on the morning of January 1st. I’d probably make enough profit to get me through the rest of the year.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[extends ten dollar bill with trembling fingers]
Fronkenshteen

---

Another solid write up boris. Your GIF game was on point in this one!
PaulyDunks

My burner acct is so complimentary
borisnow

---

Herbstreit: Players who don’t play in bowl games are the worst.

Matt Corral’s ankle: (breaks in two places)
SonOfSpam

---

(@litre_cola)
Editor
January 1, 2022 8:10 pm
Lane Kiffin is the coach of the fightin Eli’s????
litre_cola

WTF do they even teach in Canadia???
SonOfSpam

Metric system, types of snow, how to dispose of hoboes from the railyards, superflUos U’s.
litre_cola

---

“Oh, I’m sure he’s just cold. It’s a chilly night in Pasadena.” – Joe Buck
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

---

RTD: [sees that the last four possessions have resulted in touchdowns]

RTD: [turns on television set]

RTD: “Man, I hope there are enough bananacakes left for me to enjoy some!”

UTAH: [scores a 60 yard touchdown on a 4th and 1 QB sneak]
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

---

Found a funny;

cdc 2020: boil your hands

cdc now: what if we kissed inside the chuck e. cheese ball pit
rockingdog

---

Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

NOTE banner image from here