Howdy Folks! The Good Reverend is unavailable today, so I’m filling in.
Regular readers of the AFL Beat will read this and be all, “WTF, mate! You’ve got time to write this but you ditched The Beat last week and you STILL haven’t published it this week??”
To that, I say, “Guilty as charged”.
There are no excuses. All I can say is that I’ll try to get it up tomorrow morning but no promises.
If I had a nickel…
***
Okay, so let’s get the Sprots on TV out of the way:
CONCACAF CHAMPIONS LEAGUE SEMIFINAL
Cruz Azul (aka Blues Cruise) v Pumas UNAM
7:00 PM Pacific, 10:00 PM Puerto Rico (Unimás, TUDN)
NHL
ESPN+
Kings v Blackhawks
Kraken v Flames
Vegas v Vancouver
Devils v Coyotes
ESPN
Tampa v Dallas
BASEBALL
Don’t care. It’s April, FFS!
***
So, let’s chat! What’s new with you?
Uh-huh. Right. Yeah, that sucks. Totally. I get it! Been there myself. Just don’t get any frosting on the sheets. You will NEVER get the stain out.
What’s up with me, you say?
Do you want the Canadian answer, the American answer or the Mexican answer?
Ok, here goes:
Canadian: Good n you?
American: Great!
Mexican: Pues mira. ¿Qué te puedo decir? La chamba está super ocupadísima y hay tanto idiota que mejor no te cuento. La Señorita se me fue de vacaciones y aquí estoy agarrándonme los huevos cómo un ímbecil. ¡Anoche me levanté a ir al baño y cuando acabé, ya era hora de levantarme! Ya no puedo tomar café porque más me vale que esté cerca de un baño o si no, ni te cuento. Este fin de semana, vi el juego del Barça y va bien pero no van a ganar La Liga. El Toluca va a calificar a la Liguilla pero no va hacer nada ya que entre. ¡Kyle Busch no está ganando ni en las trocas! El Geelong va bien pero están viejitos y la temporada es muy larga. Y atropellaron a un QB de los Steelers en la Florida como si fuera ardilla. ¡Fíjate!
¡Pero fuera de eso, ninguna novedad, todo bien!
***
How’s your mimsy this fine evening? Please share all your mimsy care tips in the comments.
Also, please share your favourite Taco Bell Tuesday menu items. I myself prefer the Power Bowl with chicken and a Large Baja Blast Zero
That’s the good stuff!
Yours in the comments.
One more thing:
High school Taco Bell for me was a combo burrito and refried beans. IIRC, that and a coke was $3. Livin’ large!
Burrito Supremo. Followed by Regreto Supremo.
Nah, the combo burrito is the Platonic ideal of a burrito. Meatlike substance, refried beans, cheese, Taco sauce and onions. Keep your vegetables and sour cream.
A gordita Supreme… but not before bedtime… or a run… public appearance… close social interactions… chick watching at the mall… i. e. most human activities…
The CONCHCOALCALF game on FS1 is pretty fun; Pumas are hanging on, but are down a man and a Blue Cross goal would be enough.
And Pumas advance to KHANCOCKHALF shempions league final.
There was much rejoicing.
Tonight’s cocktail: Bloodhound (prototype)
Muddle 1/4 blood orange and 1/4 Valencia orange in glass. Remove rinds but save juice. Add 2 oz. bourbon (Wild Turkey 101). Add 1 tsp sweet tea syrup* and a fancy large ice cube. Garnish with a slice of orange peel wrapped around a maraschino cherry speared on a cocktail pick (see image).
*Boil 1/2 cup of water. Add teabag, allow to steep until fully cooled. Mix with 1/6 cup brown sugar, reheat to dissolve. Refrigerate in a cool little flask you saved from some vinegar you bought in Paso Robles.
This was very much a success. I’m really thrilled given the troubles I had with this the other night.
Pls fax one to me, you have the #
Does this mean you and the Dr. Mrs. will be doing it like they do on the Discovery Channel?
Ah yes, their one clean song.
Last funny;
Hollywood Squares was wild
Gilbert Gottfried was a Legend
https://mobile.twitter.com/mannyfidel/status/1513966261469863939
He was awesome.
Windows are finally in! Going back to Chicago next weekend to get some serious work done now that the windows are installed.
ooooh. do one with Bubbles (PHRASING)
I heard he was dead.
Las ventanas!
Wait til you see Windows 98 – gonna be lit AF
I didn’t think they could do better than Windows 98 but then BAM, 1900 and 2 more windows get thrown in there.
Definitely gonna try to watch the
Man city vs AthLet Madrid game tomorrow
Cause RMadrid gets to work play either one of them next.
Hopefully it’s Rocking!!!
Hockey talkin guys: Detroit not afraid to pull their goalie early.
5 minutes later
Hockey talkin guys: Detroit sure has given up a lot of empty net goals this year.
Hmmmm
Little Known Secret:
If a supporter of a team can’t his eyes open any longer and he goes to bed, the score at the time of his snooziness stands.
Then why the hell didn’t you do that in Super Bowls against the Seahawks and Falcons?!
The Red Wings are having as much trouble breaking out of their zone as the original Cosmonauts had breaking out of the ozone!
Found a funny;
“there’s no word that contains all the vowels in order”, I said facetiously
Even y! Impressive!
Sometimes
Dude
Finally watched the highlights…
That Chelsea vs RMadrid match was Rockingggg 💯
That Modric pass @ 79th min for a goal was LEGIT. Totally flipped the feeling of the game.
Also Benzima with a dagger of a header @ 95min for a goal was 😮
That dude is killin it.
You could one of these things:
I hate it when my pineal gland does that!
Sens currently destroying the Wings desire to live 2-1. It’s not pretty. Wings fans in the stands are cutting their wrists. Probably has nothing to do with the game.
Three signs that the Senators are stuck in the Nineties:
They have a Tkahcuk on their team.
They have a Forsberg on their team.
Their Unadjusted Team Gross Revenue.
Net Positive Stat: The Red Wings are closing the gap on “Shots On Goal”.
Net Negative Stat: The “Shots On Goal” stat refers to shots on their own goal.
I would like MOAR Full Heel Turns in ice footy, where the keeper gets pissed off and slap shots into his own net.
I got most of that Spanish rant but don’t really want to know what happened between vacation lady and your nuts.
(I got “like an idiot”, heard that one before)
I think we all got that part!
Un poco de soledad y los percances usuales de ponerse viejo. Comoquiera se goza. La mente sucia no madura.
No one has accused anyone around here of having either a clean or a mature mind.
So do I do Sunday with Litre in fucked up Quebecois?
You absolutely should.
Merde ya
I thought he said he was going on vacation with a lady, but he couldn’t get out of the bathroom?
I love that a bunch of fat, cigarette smoking drunks are positive they can conquer the American people by the force of their hatred and ignorance because they drive pickup trucks and have long beards. We will rise up and destroy like the Viet Cong. Can’t fucking wait. Come at us, Jethro!
Changing the channel on this game with 5 seconds left in the period, surely won’t miss anything back breaking in that time.
“You and me both, baby-high five! Oh shit….”
-Ryan Shazier
So much Sud Americano futbol tonight!
“How are the Detroitio Net Alas doing?”
-a very desperate/pathetic/reaching Herodotus
“Drake Batherson” sounds like the rich prep school villain from a Roald Dahl novel.
Apparently Greiss is not the word in Germany.
https://www.hockeyfeed.com/nhl-news/team-germany-officially-cuts-ties-with-thomas-greiss-over-his-political-beliefs
Pretty Eye-ronic that the German government is punishing a guy for his political beliefs.
/also very convenient that he’s probably only the fourth best German goalie these days, and so wouldn’t have made the team anyway.
The mind boggles-thinking of what his punishment would be if he was the 3rd-best goalie.
Yeah, I’m gonna go out on a limb and saying that the ‘SS’ design on his mask was not, in fact, a coincidence.
That would make his comments comparing Hillary to Hitler quite amusing.
Nazi punk, fuck off!
Once a sprots franchise is mathematically eliminated from playoff contention, they should forfeit their remaining revenue share for the rest of these season, to incentivize winning. And the rich will get richer!
I get headlines from the Pittsburgh Post Gazette, but I don’t click on anything because fuck their paywall. Today there was one that said their payroll is paid solely from ticket sales and concessions, and they pocket all of the tv money. That’s why they are permanently mathematically eliminated from playoff contention by the end of May or so. Not even trying to get better.
The Pirates, I mean. Probably should have clarified who I was ranting about.
So that “Dem” Manchin is here today with our fuckwit of a provincial leader. You guys can take both of them back. He is a more incompetent Ted Cruz. You could have the whole set!
I have personally seen a veeeerrryyyy inebriated Joe Manchin dancing shirtless on a table while wearing a pink clown wig. This was in 2003 or so, just after he secured the WV’s governor race. If only cell phone cameras existed then…
Was he also wearing whatever the hell Jake had on in his teakettle selfie?
NAWT FAYUH that the Senatours have a guy named Norris on the roster, the pea-brained voters will probably give him a Norris Trophy or two before the decade is out.
Flyers goalie Carter Hart has faced allowed three goals on six shots faced.
That doesn’t seem like a successful formula.
Thoughts and prayers for your septic system.
By coincidence today I got some junk mail offering to sell me septic system insurance.
We had to pay $16K a few years ago to have a scale model of Serpent Mound built in our yard, to replace the older leach bed that failed. Septic system insurance sounds like a scam, though. Unless you like arguing on the phone with some guy who’s paid to deny claims.
It’s A Scotchy/Herodotus Darby-I’ve always felt that when Ottawa is the home team they have a distinct advantage because the Wings are flying into a city that isn’t littered with corpses and that is really jarring. Must throw them off a bit.
All the Daniel Alfredsson jerseys must have confused you, because the game is actually in Detroit today.
I knew that. I just desperately needed to make that joke.
It’s been almost two games since the Wings gave up a hat trick (to the blue jackets I think), so you better get ready for a tough defensive battle.
Zerosberg gonna win this battle of the goalies. It’s right there in the name.
…and so being the Cincinnati Opening Day Exodus.
Rot in Hell, Redlegs!
https://mobile.twitter.com/ctrent/status/1514021892247674880?cxt=HHwWgICz2fW48YIqAAAA
This may be worse than the January Insurrection/Peaceful Capital Tour.
She looks familiar. Let me see if I can place her. Give me a minute…
Got it!
4/10: Talks in her sleep.
1/10, will also bang your Dad.
I recently watched “Biden and AOC Dance On The Grave Of Your Freedom”, directed by Roger Stone. The scene where they did the Samba on the skulls of late-term aborted baby children girls with names like FreeDom, Bunndy and Hero-McVeigh made me sick to my belly!
Why would you watch it?! I’m closer to him politically and I would watch that if you paid me!
It’s FreeDumb, smgdh!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMgMr0JcYJ4
There’s gonna be North Korea-style funerals in red states when Trump dies
Can you guys/gals/variations-thereupon bail me out for pissing on his grave?
You were in California the whole time.
I’ll drive you to and fro.
Perhaps more like this?
In the “scuffles” that followed, the body almost fell out of the coffin. Several people were crushed to death
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2k7mpnPJWDo&ab_channel=hijazna
Gonna be a hell of a party at my house.
You’re all invited to Rikki’s.
Sean Spicer saying more people showed up than to see Lincoln’ train.