Half-Schedule Weekend – Lesser Footy Open Thread

This is the part of the Lesser schedule when the cup ties start flying fast and furious, and with MOAR at stake.  You saw a truly heroic effort by rockingdog’s Chelski squadron mid-week, but the Real Cuntfaces got off the mat and advanced.  Kings of Shithousery Atleti (meant mostly as a compliment) gave us a fun mini-riot.  Barca got smacked around – at home – by Eintracht Frankfurt to fall out of “Beneath Our Dignity” Europa play, and then had the stones to bitch about how many Krauts were able to get tickets.

Spain could use a course in self-awareness.  Coming from an American, that’s really saying something.

Leicester and West Ham each survived to their semi-final rounds, with the outside chance (the rules get SUPER complex, I read the article in The Athletic and still no get it) that England could end up with as many as NINE sides in European competition next season.  I really like outliers.

That also means we get FA Cup raging semis on Saturday/Sunday, which fucks up the Prem schedule quite a bit.  I guess we are lucky to get in as many fixtures as we get, starting with a pretty solid Early Bird Special (Spurs/Brighton, 7:30, USA).  Mad Italian Antonio Conte finally has the Yid Army untracked, which is quite on brand for Jeebus Killin’ season.  Trashbirds have been…well, TRASH of late – but might just be the inevitable reversion to the mean.  Still safe from relegation, which this Bitter Blue can attest is no small beer (speaking of, we no play until Wednesday, if you want a chance to laugh along with my agony LIVE).

You get three in the 10:00 window, with Men Untied/Ded Norwich on USA, and Ded Moose Hornets/Praise Beesus on CNBC. YMMV, but laughing at Petulant Ronaldo (something so obvious that even HIPPO saw it coming) is always fun.

Streaming only for Saints/King’s Afrikan Water Pistols, which is possibly unfortunate.  Arsenal getting pipped by Spurs for 4th position won’t sit very well in whatever corner of London they’s in (is it North London?  I wanna say North, Damn Yankees.)

Mancs and the Shite Redux invades Wembley come tea time (10:30, ESPN+) in a matchup that will sell some premium subscriptions, no doubt.  One of the permeations that can cause Europa/Europa NIT chaos would be Palace winning the FA Cup.  They get emotionally drained Chelsea on Sunday (11:00, ESPN+).  Pretty fun stuff.

Pour one out for Walking Penis Sean Dyche (above, no doubt catching wind of his own flatulence), surprisingly sacked ahead of this weekend’s crucial fixture.  Must have insulted someone’s wife or some shit like that.  Odd timing is odd, especially after extending his contract earlier in the season.  White Lives Matter, with centre-half Ben Mee assisting their U-23 guy, take on Fronk’s Hammers on Sunday (9:15, Peacock).  USA gets Bonesaws and Foxes instead (also 9:15, because the TV gods hate us).

USFL is also kicking off this weekend, but Ryan (“Big Fin”) Finley isn’t part of things, so I lack a reason to care.  See y’all in the comments, and again tonight (lucky you).

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

NEW THREAD! NEW THREAD!

WCS

It’s a bit troublesome that www dot usfl dot com goes to a closed Japanese website…

Redshirt

(grabs the Intervention Chair; sits down next to Hippo)

As a member of the Bengals faction of the site, I saw Ryan Finley play up close. He’s just not good. I know what I’m talking about, and I done exactly what you’re trying to do. I’ve tried to see good in questionable QBs. Neil O’Donnell. Paul Justin. Gus Frerotte. Pre-Crisis Ryan Fitzpatrick. My God, I even tried to see good in late career Scott Mitchell for BLEERGH’s sake

When he replaced a faltering Andy Dalton as starting QB in 2019, the offense somehow got worse. When you are less aggressive at running an offense than Andy Dalton, that’s remarkable. When he came off the bench to replace a freshly maimed Joe Burrow in 2020, the offense just completely shut down entirely. I know part of it was watching the franchise’s sides of his upper and lower leg touch, but most of it is who’s behind QB.

His one shining moment was Monday night against the Steelers, and the gameplan was to keep Finley from throwing the ball! They played the Broncos’ Tebow Offense and hoped the Steelers would implode. That’s how much faith the Bengals had in Ryan Finley. They were betting that Ben Roethlisberger, who spent a whole career treating the Bengals and Browns stadium like a bar restroom, would mess up rather than tell Ryan Finley to win the game.

I’m the biggest homer in lost football causes, but for the good of your soul and your liver, Hippo, give it up!

Mean Girls – Stop Trying to Make Fetch Happen – YouTube

rockingdog

TWolves vs Grizz is kinda rocking
Goooo basketball!! 🏀

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So many points!

yeah right

Four mile walk done, three loads of laundry done, house cleaned, swept and vacuumed and the 2 day mother sauce is on the simmer. Here in a bit I’m making the first batch of pasta and I’ll make the bread and the 2nd batch of pasta tomorrow.

Fucking beautiful day out too. Let’s have some beers!

SonOfSpam

heh “loads”

Very nice day.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m drinking a Coton de Tulear, which is, eh, too drunk to write it out. It has allspice dram and passion fruit. I do not expect to make it past 7 a.m. tonight, courtesy of the 5 lbs of rib roast that is currently cooking in the sous vide.

rockingdog

That’s kinda rocking!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They had audio problems in the current NBA game and switched to the LA crew which includes Stephen A. Smith. None of those jackoffs can call a play-by-play. All they can do is spout opinions. It’s fucking pathetic.

WCS

How and why is Screamin A. Smith a thing that exists?

borisnow

For anyone who would be playing the USFL DFS slate, there are definitely a few traps out there…like for instance many players who have been moved to their team’s practice squads, which fantasy sites will not report. Hit me up here if you need to know anything.

litre_cola

And people look at Hippo and I like we have a problem betting on Burundi 2nd Div futbol!

Brick Meathook

Q: What did Jesus say to the desk clerk at the Holiday Inn?

A: “Hey, can you put me up for the night?”

_ _ _

Q: Why did Jesus flunk out of medical school?

A: He got nailed on his boards

SonOfSpam

Q: What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

A: Only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus.

rockingdog

Found a funny;

And the Michelin Man removed the tire from his waist and gave it to them, saying, “Take this and drive; for this is my body.”

scotchnaut

What’s a Zack Steffen and why was he playing goal for Man City?

Last edited 2 years ago by scotchnaut
Sharkbait

Either him or Matt Turner will start for the USMNT in Qatar.

Non League game so I imagine they’re resting their normal keeper for the PL title.

BeefReeferLives

Was listening to tunes (& variations thereof) from yesterday’s request line. Found this. From Sterling Illinois 2013. Still getting out & throwing it down…. Damn.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RIid22_D7c

yeah right

Head East is the house band of the Quad Cities and yes I saw them live at Palmer Auditorium. Gonna say 1981 or 82.

Brick Meathook

Last night in downtown L.A.

(outside of frame right was a car buying gas)

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Game Time Decision

Full tank of gas or mortgage

herodotus450

Ppl forget that gas goes bad when it’s closer to an ocean, so they have to charge more.

Brick Meathook

Chevron has a giant refinery near LAX that produces over 1300 gallons of gasoline per second. All of the crude oil feedstock comes from California; Chevron owns most of its oil fields and sells crude to itself at spot market prices. All of the refinery’s gasoline output goes to Southern California markets.

The refinery makes 87 octane generic gasoline and it goes to a giant terminal near downtown where the tanker trucks fill up. Any retailer can contract gasoline from this terminal. It is only here when gasoline becomes “branded” such as Chevron fuel or Exxon fuel etc. These are proprietary additives mixed into the tanker containing special detergents and octane boosters and so forth. Premium gasoline is made here during the mix, not at the refinery. So Chevron trucks are loaded here, but so can Exxon trucks and Costco trucks and any other retailer.

Retailer’s have to “move product” because gasoline does indeed go stale; they also have fixed delivery contracts so there has to be room in the underground tanks for the next delivery. The fuel has to be priced high enough for a profit but low enough to actually sell it. Costco gasoline is currently going for $5.19/gal and it may very well have come from the same Chevron terminal.

So why is this gasoline $7.23/gallon and who the fuck is buying it?

BeefReeferLives

A friendly message from BIG OIL:

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ballsofsteelandfury

If I am correct, that is the gas station on the corner of Alameda and Sunset/Cesar Chavez. That one is notorious for having outrageous gas prices. There is another one in Chinatown (a Shell) which is equally bad. I’m not sure if it’s a racist thing, but I also wonder who fills up at these places given there are multiple cheaper options within a one mile radius.

Brick Meathook

You are correct (it’s a block from Philippe). Calling it racist is a big stretch; if you have a car you can drive another mile and you’re not a captive market. The Chevron El Segundo refinery is surrounded by Chevron retail stations and they always have the highest gas prices even though there are competitors very nearby. Conversely, Paramount and East Compton always have the lowest gas prices, and that’s a ten minute drive from El Segundo.

yeah right

If you drive east on El Segundo Blvd drive under the 405 and enter Hawthorne there’s a Thrifty gas station with some of the cheapest gas in town. You just have to leave El Segundo.

It’s my regular gas station on the way into work.

Horatio Cornblower

https://twitter.com/puckact/status/1515358968519938051

Arsenal Twitter is doing great, you guys.

TheRevanchist

Womens college gymnastics doesn’t start for another hour. Guess I have some time to kill.

Mr. Ayo

Bees > Hornets

SonOfSpam

It was a lovely couple months for my Hornets, but back to the shithole they go.

Senor Weaselo

Confirmed by Jelle’s Marble Runs,

Cecil Rhodes

Boy, Eddie Nketiah sure is a dynamic offensive threat. He’ll look great playing for Scunthorpe United next season.

litre_cola

Didnt I read that they are relegated to non league for the 1st time in 50 years?

Cecil Rhodes

Indeed. And Nketiah would look great in non-league football — that’s about it.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s apparently a “fitness” issue, and getting a tattoo with 13 o’clock on it also raises some questions about his decision-making ability.

https://www.sportsjoe.ie/football/emile-smith-rowe-tattoo-256887

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s not terrible decision-making ability, it’s his seasonal affective disorder that inspires such bad choices. And the lousy Smarch weather this year really exacerbated it.

Horatio Cornblower

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Horatio Cornblower

“Having to take the long way around the Polish international” because I guess the screen door was stuck.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

All right, gonna give this rib roast another 45 minutes or so to season and then put it in the sous vide. Nobody touch it! Coach Andy, this means you.

litre_cola

Good morning. No wife and kid this weekend but 2 shifts at the resto. You take the good and the bad! Oh Imma gunna get day drunk tomorrow.

Horatio Cornblower

Man didn’t turn water into wine because he didn’t like a drink.

Horatio Cornblower

I just signed up for Peacock to see if I could watch the Arsenal game, but it turns out I’d have to pay for the privilege of watching them trip over their own dicks, and I see no reason to do that.

Cecil Rhodes

Good god, Mikel — does Xhaka have upskirt photos of your wife? Take him off!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Yes, send him straight to the locker room.” – Mikel’s wife, who coincidentally also happens to be headed into the locker room

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t give a shit what his kinks are, but I do care that he can’t motivate his team to show some life against a Southhampton squad that lost 6-0 last week, in a game that wasn’t that close.

Horatio Cornblower

What’s behind him that’s so horrible that they keep running his cement head self out there?

Horatio Cornblower

That’s a great song

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Did that make it onto the “Friend” Request Line? I meant to post it myself; can’t remember if I did.

TheRevanchist

Gave head and scored. That’s not a fake Madrid.

Mr. Ayo

Wait, we’re PLAYING today?

— Shitty Men

Mr. Ayo

Wait, we have to play DEFENSE today?

— Manure

Cecil Rhodes

Can’t these imbeciles figure out that aerial crosses don’t work if you don’t have a single player over six feet playing up front?!? The crosses need to be along the ground!

Horatio Cornblower

I think this weekend the crosses need to be upright and arranged in threes.

Gumbygirl

I knew what this was before I clicked. I’m practically a psychic. Or a psycho. Whatevs!

Mr. Ayo

How is that domain still available?

BeefReeferLives
Horatio Cornblower

Norwich thinks they’re people!

Mr. Ayo

Sexy Friday has no boundaries

Horatio Cornblower

‘Shit in one hand, keep a game in the other, and see which one fills up first”

Arsenal’s apparent motto

Cecil Rhodes

Granit Xhaka is like COVID-19. No matter how hard you try, he will find a way into your starting 11, and hurt everyone around him.

Horatio Cornblower

Banner this.

Cecil Rhodes

Also, anyone named Cedric should not be allowed near any athletic field of any kind. Keep him in algebra class where he belongs.

Mr. Ayo

Man Shitty putting the Shitty in Man

Horatio Cornblower

Usually you have to go to Germany for that

Gumbygirl

It’s the Hilda signal!

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Cecil Rhodes

To be honest, this was probably the one day that I would have expected a divine entity to triumph over British military fortitude.

Horatio Cornblower

yeah, that’s…not good.

Horatio Cornblower

Tottenham drops one to the Trashbirds. Sure would be a golden opportunity for Arsenal to steal three points and make me feel good this week.

(Louder, and with increasing desperation): I SAID, THIS SURE WOULD BE A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY FOR ARSENAL TO STEAL THREE POINTS AND MAKE ME FEEL GOOD THIS WEEK.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh for fuck’s sake.

Cecil Rhodes

Give them credit, dear fellow! Most residents of Southampton do not have the ability to remember their own name, let alone the words to an entire song!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Just finished watching the Melbourne – GWS match replay and if anyone needs me I’ll be sticking my hand in a blender.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Only good thing in that game from my perspective was Eleni Glouftsis

ballsofsteelandfury

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Mr. Ayo

She can send me off.

Horatio Cornblower

She’s a right fit bird.

Am I doing this right? I’m not doing this right.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“No! That hand had one day left until retirement!” – the Amazon worker who is currently boxing up the fleshlight you ordered

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Time for a spot of tea. Then half a banana. Then walk the dog. Then feed the neighbor’s cat. Then eat a bowl of oatmeal. Then hang some laundry. Then fire up the sous vide and get that rib roast started. Then lift weights while watching the NBA playoffs. Then I guess is free play time.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What do you do with the other half of the banana (he asks suspiciously)?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Put it in the fridge and have it later.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Why? What do you do with your leftover banana halves?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, seriously.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

BFC: [whispers into Rikki’s ear]

RTD: EEEEEWWWWWW! OH MY GOD! GROSS! YOU SICK LITTLE PUPPY!

Cecil Rhodes

What a beautiful sight! (be sure to click on the photograph for maximum viewing pleasure!)

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Last edited 2 years ago by Cecil Rhodes
2Pack

I was hoping for an attractive lady in a bikini to enter into the frame. When will I learn.

Fronkenshteen

Trashbirds!!!!!WOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Fronkenshteen

Absolutely bursting from Hammers throttling of those cheese-eating surrender monkeys from Lyon Thursday eve. Especially since we looked so toothless and exhausted last weekend v Brentford. Glad we don’t go up against Leipzig in the semis. Those boys run like a pack of antelope.

Cecil Rhodes

My word! This “Emerson Royal” fellow is truly dreadful (along with all of the other Spurs players, for that matter!). Anything named “Emerson Royal” should be sitting in one of the liquor cabinets in my parlour, NOT taking up space on my moving-picture-box!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, that reminds me, I need to check my neighbor’s liquor collection and see if he has any Canadian whiskey. I need some for a cocktail variation I want to try.

(I’m watching his cats; it’s not like I’m gonna break in or anything).

Gumbygirl

He trusts you to feed his cats and you’re going to steal from him? You are a true son of DFO, we’re all very proud!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I wanna fall back asleep

Mr. Ayo

I can’t believe I woke up this early to watch a Seamus.

Do something Spurs!

Mr. Ayo

Or do that. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

2Pack

Home team and B Series taking a break today. Fiorentina plays Venezia this afternoon. Happy Easter Everyone.

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