Your “It’s Here! It’s Finally Here!” Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

Is anyone else horny, er, excited? It’s been such a wait and by golly, the scheduler-makers got this right by blasting a potential Superb Owl matchup directly into our eyeballs. (I, for one, will completely forget about this feather in their cap while being forced to watch a turgid early morning offering from London later on this year) Seems a bit odd that one of these powerhouses will exit this tilt sporting a big “L” on their permanent record.

Many, many kudos to all the folks on the site that provided content and who commented all through the dog days. It’s quite the accomplishment that all that combined effort kept this “football-specific” site alive and thriving through yet another offseason. But hey, it’s not really about the football anymore now is it? Sure, we lean that way but the talent on board has taught us all kinds of disparate things and kept commenters engaged when they might have hoofed it elsewhere. Huzzah!

To The Motherfucking Game!

Bills/Rams:

-There’s so much damn star power featured here!

-I’ve mentioned it in the past but I do give a nod of the head to any team that’s this close to a championship going out and getting more ammo. The Bills grabbed Von Miller so that they have extra firepower on D and the Rams likewise grabbed Bobby Wagner and A-Rob. That’s the way you do it.

-The news broke a while ago regarding Stafford’s elbow/arm issue but I swear I’ve read about this in the past. It just didn’t strike me as that big a deal. Perhaps it was because the news was coming out of (eww!) Detroit in the past and folks forgot or didn’t care in the first place?

-We’ve got some official Pomp and Circumstance happening afore the game in the form of a Rams Superb Owl Banner Unveiling! Will there be fireworks? Will the smoke from those fireworks create a haze over the field during kickoff? I’m only asking questions.

-If the Bills win this it will be the very first time that the Rams will be under .500 at any time during McVay’s tenure with the club. Yup, they’ve won every opener and haven’t stumbled from there.

-The Bills have slightly rebuilt their o-line and should be tested by the Rams formidable front. (by that I mean Aaron Donald-who the hell knows the other guys that play on that unit?) I do think that if Donald does get a paw on Josh Allen the latter won’t go down as easily as that namby-pamby Joe Burrow did at the end of that last pertinent game that we all saw.

-Van Jefferson is out so we’ll be treated to the likes of Tutu Atwell and Ben Skrowneck(?)

-The Bills have a bit of a dilemma in that cb Tre’Davious White was sent off for PUP training and so will be gone for 4 weeks. Rook cb’s Elam and Benford-who have impressed in camp, but hey, they’re rooks-might see a wee bit more field time than they might be ready for. Advantage: Rams.

Well, I came here to drink some Genesee Cream Ale and bust some tables and I’m all out of beer. Gotta go-your turn.

 

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Doktor Zymm

Oooh! My Napa Valley Distillery subscription box is ready for pickup and it has both a cinnamon syrup and a pink grapefruit flavored brandy. There MUST be something I can make that has both of those, and it’ll probably be on one of the recipe cards!
Also in there – Old Hollywood Cocktail, cocktail olives, and Summer Sequel gin

Doktor Zymm

Question: Would that Kupp TD have been a catch if it was Megatron?

SonOfSpam

No, I don’t think he could’ve caught Megatron and kept his feet in.

clint greasewood

Thank God the queen died earlier today so there wasn’t a cutaway during the game. Good on the old lizard.

King Hippo

I can still recall them interrupting SNL for dead Princess Diana

jjfozz

Justin Tucker, whiter than Miracle Whip on Wonder Bread.

Oddly enough that’s Flacco’s favorite sandwich.

Doktor Zymm

Cut down the middle into rectangles, none of that fancy diagonal triangle stuff

Horatio Cornblower

My wife just referred to Camilla as “that fucking whore” if you’re wondering how the Cornblower household is reacting to stories about the English monarchy.

jjfozz

Tell your wife to have one on Fozz

Horatio Cornblower

She doesn’t drink, but she’s probably high af

Spur

Live look at Camilla
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SonOfSpam

/prepares Elton John cassingle “Candle In The Wind (Di’s Auto Adventure)” for overnight delivery to Cornblower domicile

Doktor Zymm

She wouldn’t be a very good whore if she didn’t fuck

Horatio Cornblower

Tough, but fair.

SonOfSpam

(Jerry Garcia voice)

WHAT A LOOOOONG GAY KICK IT’S BEEN

Duchess

Dungy looks more and more like a puppet with every passing year

King Hippo

Between him and Ozzy, quite the crypt feels.

SonOfSpam

He needs a new real boy

jjfozz

I always am reminded of an orc or something

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Horatio Cornblower

Christ, don’t say that. You know how the Dungys get around objects suspended by strings!

SonOfSpam

There it is. I couldn’t make words fit goodly.

Redshirt

Ozzy? Haven’t we suffered enough?!

jjfozz

“I can’t take America any more so sod off. “Wait, you’re paying me how much to haul my decrepit, wasted, moldering body onto a football field so i can blather an old song? Guess I’ll stay for a few more days.”

Horatio Cornblower

I’m primarily watching the Yankees game right now, (I’ll pay attention to football when they start taking sexual assault seriou….HAHAHA, no, that’d never happen. When it’s a little colder anyway), but I have to point out the latest commercial that pisses me off to the point that I change the channel immediately.

It’s for some medical outfit that focuses on a woman who lost a child to cancer, then was diagnosed with cancer herself but beat it. And now she has another child and the sun shall, and indeed in this commercial does, rise again.

She had her latest kid when she was 57.

To paraphrase Screamin’ Stephen A. Smith, ma’am I am very sympathetic to your situation, truly. No one should ever have to bury a child, (make shooing motion at JonBenet Ramsay’s parents), and your battle with cancer is something that I cannot imagine. BUT, you are 57. When you child reaches the hellish years of 13-16 you are going to 70-73, and that’s assuming you have moved away from whatever Love Canal waste dump you’ve been living near. This is a terrible decision, and while given your circumstances I am not going to call it a selfish decision I am also not going to argue with anyone who does, and I am going to change the goddamn channel the second I hear that fucking music.

/hurls soap box against wall

SonOfSpam

On the plus side, 57 year old gash can easily allow an infant to schuss out.

jjfozz

Followed by a cloud of dust

Horatio Cornblower

/uterus slithers out the door, smoking a cigarette

“my work here is done”

LemonJello

“OH! OH,THAT’S SOME QUALITY HATING THERE. THAT’S GREAT HUSTLE!”

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slaps Horatio on the ass. HARD.

Doktor Zymm

That kid is gonna have some great medicine chest pickin’s

Senor Weaselo

Cancer won’t be her last… wait, wrong one.

Also, fuck Correa.

Horatio Cornblower

As soon as they brought Weissert in I knew that would happen. He’s got great potential with the movement on his pitches, but he’s just not ready for the majors at this point.

But yes, fuck Correa.

fleshwound_NPG

SHOW OZZY, YOU FUCKS

SonOfSpam

“YEAH. SLOW PONZI, TWO DUCKS!”
-commentist TrentVerde

Horatio Cornblower

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-Trent Green

Last edited 2 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
Redshirt

Now the Gay person is being celebrated for going straight? Oh, my God. MAGA is taking over sports!

Last edited 2 years ago by Redshirt
Horatio Cornblower

Brings “he converts it” to a whole new level, doesn’t it?

King Hippo

Lookit that Gay kicker!

Doktor Zymm

Do they have the stadium covered and are air conditioning the whole place?

The Maestro

Lady Maestro has been out picking in our neighboUrhood trash for the last two hours. She’s brought home some really good shit. I will admit though that I am a little worried that the house is soon going to be overrun with knickknacks, as opposed to cool stuff, soon if I don’t set a limit.

WCS

Keep picking the garbage, and you’re liable for Scothy to mistake you for someone else…

LemonJello

Not to mention encroaching on Jim Tomsula’s turf…

Doktor Zymm

I would be more worried about bedbugs, but I think that might not be as rampant now as it was a few years back. Those fuckers can survive anywhere, even in books.

Spur

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My mother is a hoarder, you need to keep that shit in check.

LemonJello

Worst. Zillow. Listing. Ever.

Horatio Cornblower

Nothing some rum and a carelessly disposed of match won’t fix.

fleshwound_NPG

there are a million funkos and a zillion r.l. stine books on the shelves all around the house

it will get worse

Horatio Cornblower

The Maestro, doing his own trash-picking:

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Doktor Zymm

Oh hey, SF just decrimmed shrooms!

King Hippo

You should get a 15-yard BLEERGH for having “Choose Love” on your helmet.

Mr. Ayo

Does he think he’s the Green Bay GM?

Horatio Cornblower

Folks, I regret to inform you that the Irish are…well, here:

https://twitter.com/dublincelticfan/status/1567967099368411137

blaxabbath

I mean, as Republican *leaders* die off, I’ll be partying.

Of course it’ll be worth more class than the Irish but that isn’t saying much.

The Maestro

26+6=1!!!

Horatio Cornblower

No, it’s a sandwich.

Corned beef, of course, and washed down with a Guinness.

Redshirt

This is the first I’ve seen Josh Allen play. Is he always this gunslinger-y with the football?

LemonJello

“He’s like a kid out there, just throwing with abandon. Brady! Manning! Blarglesmarfle!”
-Tirico and Collinsworth, around a mouthful of QB testicles

fleshwound_NPG

i see that the hilarious version of josh allen we saw in a playoff game against houston a few years ago is back

Gatoraids

Passing it to someone on the Jets last year , Allen shoulda known better

Doktor Zymm

Checking out the scoring recap on nfl.com – someone is not proofreading

Screenshot 2022-09-08 183032.png
Mr. Ayo

In their defense, I can’t read that either.

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, not sure why it’s so blurry, but I’m far too lazy to retake the screen shot and swap out the upload

Horatio Cornblower

“Me either”-Lea Michele

Duchess

I say if you get caught with too many players on the field the next play you only get 10

King Hippo

Ramsey having a mare.

Doktor Zymm

Maybe his first name is Bill

Duchess

New FF team name Michael Jordan’s Jaundice

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Debating calling my guys the Prison Queen Bannons

King Hippo

fortunately his flop sweat can double as lube!

WCS

That’s horrifyingly hysterical.

King Hippo

quite the visual, no?

jjfozz

This is the face of adolescence

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jjfozz

A curse upon you Oliver Cromwell, you who raped our Motherland
I hope you’re rotting down in hell for the horrors that you sent
To our misfortunate forefathers whom you robbed of their birthright
“To hell or Connaught” may you burn in hell tonight

  • Young Ned of the Hill, The Pogues.
  • I don’t think they were big fans.
blaxabbath

Lotta action going down in England right now.

I like the way none of it effects me.

ThePirateSloth

WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY JORDAN WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY

fleshwound_NPG

bad week of gambling, need some cash

Redshirt

Black Adam from DC, who remind you their Cinematic Universe were listless and directionless long before Marvel was.

Spur

He’s doesn’t look black.
Wait, am I allowed to say that aloud?

Recovery Whiskey

Congratulations to anyone with Kupp on their fantasy team

King Hippo

oh thank God, someone finally made another awful superhero movie

Redshirt

I’m a Quantum Leap fan, but I have reservations about this series. Part of what made it good was its two lead actors, who since the setting will be changing, is the only thing constant in the show.

I’ll give it a shot, but I’m not holding my breath.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Ernie Hudson is The Man though…

Doktor Zymm

It’s not unreasonable to be suspicious of any ‘Reboot’, especially one that tries to use the improvised finale of the original as a major plot point like this one

Redshirt

They’re using “Mirror Image”?! Fuck that shit!

blaxabbath

I always liked the idea of quantum leap.

Just didn’t get into the show. I might just be too dumb to be perfectly honest.

SonOfSpam

RAMMMMMMKUPPPPPPPPP

jjfozz

CUPDOWN

Doktor Zymm

Just woke up from my 4 hour covid booster nap and am trying to watch with NFL+ this year. They showed me an ad before cutting to an ad, but now I have the game! Yay!

WCS

Welcome back to network TV reminding you how horrid everything else they broadcast is.

makeitsnowondem

So excited for KnIIves IIn.

fleshwound_NPG

2 knives 2 out

ThePirateSloth

Knives Out II: The ReKnifening

WCS

Knives Out 2: Knifeaboogaloo

jjfozz

The Knifefather 2

Redshirt

Knifes Out 2: Knifes Outer

ThePirateSloth

This guy Cooper… Cup? Never heard of him, but wow does he seem good at the foosball.

Duchess

He’s Every Patriots fan new favorite player

Duchess

Let’s try and explain away a blown call

jjfozz

“Did someone just say ‘spread look’?” – Deshaun Watson

Gatoraids

More Incognito? was he making random slurs

LemonJello

Shitting on the neighbors lawns to establish dominance.

Spur

Fatty Sack

fleshwound_NPG

credit to nbc for replacing lowkey maga michele tafoya with one of the few goddesses to even come close to the matron saint, melissa stark

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jjfozz

Too skinny. More curves. Curves are good.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, Jesus woman, consider a milkshake or 4.

King Hippo

PERFECT!!!!

fleshwound_NPG

bills are intentionally making this a game

Spur

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Duchess

As a Bears fan I am less upset about the move to Arlington Hights as I am the Queen dying… and I really don’t give a shit that the Queen died.

Doktor Zymm

But how will you feel in 10 years when they declare the new stadium complete even though they haven’t actually built more than 1 access ramp from the highway and the traffic backs up to Indiana?

Spur

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Recovery Whiskey

“There are two halves to the field” — Collinsworth, taking stock of his remaining years on this earth.

Duchess

Did they try to play that off as the defense out playing Stafford and not Stafford throwing the ball behind the receiver?