Your friendly Northern Ontario neighborhood hobo enthusiast is not able to take care of tonight’s Open Thread as he has some pressing business to attend to.
Trust me, I don’t ask questions I don’t want to know the answer to. That’s a good life lesson right there.
Seriously, there are some things you don’t wanna know or think about. If you doubt me, Google “Lemon party”.
I am talking about this because there is a strict 200 word count that all writers need to adhere to and I’ll be damned if I’m labeled a slacker.
The other reason is because tonight’s game features the New England Patriots visiting the Arizona Cardinals and I have no idea how to make it interesting or appealing. If you have Patriots or Cardinals on your Fantasy Football team, your season is over this week. I cannot think of anything that would make me want to watch that game.
Wait! Is there a Manningcast tonight?
/ checks listings.
OH THANK GOD THERE IS!!
The guests are not listed on the ESPN website but at this point, it doesn’t matter.
I just need Eli to be his goofy lovable self and continue to shit on Peyton every chance he gets. That warms my soul and keeps me happy.
In closing, I want to say 3 things:
- Perineal massage is wonderful for both men and women. It is commonly used to prevent tearing during childbirth and it helps blood flow to the genitals.
- Always use water-based lube with your sex toys unless they specifically state that they can handle silicone-based or oil. You do NOT want those surfaces to wear down and deteriorate.
- When introducing a third party into your sex play, make sure you go over any parameters or limitations ahead of time so everyone is on the same page. The time to establish boundaries is not when you’re balls-deep in someone.
This song is dedicated to Horatio:
Have at it!
If I win I get a 1st round bye. The Quards offense needs to put another score on the Pats D
Colt McCoy: We absolutely will not.
That kid is a spirit animal
♪ Anything you can derp, I can derp better ♪
EDIT: I didn’t see the overturn because I was trying to copy the music note.
Yo…. wtf….
Sing it hippo!!!!!
Damnit why couldnt the D give up that score?
I could put on the game for a bit as I drink my pre run coffee. But why do that when this is on?
I love Italian TV.
An over air local station. You are correct, I am blessed.
USA TV: “Don’t show indecent stuff on TV! Think of the children.”
Foreign TV: “When the kids go to bed, so do the censors.”
We get full frontal 24-7, I kid you not. And kids in Europe are much less messed up sexually than many Merican young uns.
PBS used to have that attitude back in the 70’s. I remember changing the channel to it, looking for Monty Python, and a nude girl on some European show was walking out of the water, right on my TV!
Jim Harbaugh Pulls All-Time Recruiting Move (msn.com)
I hate Michigan more and I hate Jim Harbaugh even more than that, but even I have to give the son of a bitch credit for this move.
Hey did Harbaugh ever adopt all those unwanted babies like he promised he would?
So who has two thumbs and has had the best week of his fantasy year despite being mathematically eliminated from the playoffs!?!?!?!
Eli – yeah we know who’s fault it is
Eli’s surprisingly dry delivery will never not be funny
And Hopkins is the star. The proven “elite WR” superstar on the roster. He gets limited targets by scheme and when he’s got the chance to do something……
You’d never have seen Jerry Rice doing that.
settle down tucson
OK. New England’s D can’t score any more points now please and thank you.
………….
Well this comment didn’t age well.
Sudden Change is More Than Gradual
Great lead in Balls. And you are correct Sir. A three way stalling for ad hoc boundary discussion is a special kind of hell. With or without water based lubricants.
The entirety of the dialogue in the Avatar 2 commercial.
BLUE GUY 1: “Let’s do it.”
BLUE GUY 2: “Let’s get it done.”
/I am not joking this is factually accurate.
Never saw the first one, don’t care to see the second one.
I saw the first one. I spent the five days or however long the movie was trying to cause my soul to escape my body. Yes, being doomed to be a wondering spirit in the world isn’t that good, but I figured it was better that watching the entire movie.
The first one was a Dances With Wolves ripoff but with blue people until it became every other James Cameron movie but with blue people although it briefly became Apocalypse Now but with blue people.
Here’s the abridged version.
South Park – Dances with Smurfs – YouTube
Like how Debbie Does Dallas was a bunch of blew people.
Cameron’s height of dramaturgy is that the hero and heroine get jiggy with it, then the Bad Shit happens.
We have the DVD. It’s still in the wrapper. If I never see it, I’ll be okay. And if I happen to watch it, that’s fine too
By now its an investment. You can’t open it!
Like trading cards?
Eli with the Mark Kelso tribute
Hey, Peyton finally got a hat that fits his head!
Any survivors from Bill Simmons’s segment?
Barely but yes.
I only needed Hopkins, Stevenson and Folk to outscore James Conner by 8 points tonight to lock up the #4 seed in my booze league. If not, I gotta win a points tiebreaker to back into the playoffs.
Not going very well.
I left Conner on the bench cause I’m a frickin’ idiot who apparently thinks that byes last for two weeks.
“Bi means two, right?”
Senator Sinema, trying to be a Democrat and a Republican
“That’s what I read!”
– Lea Michele
I posted it late. Sorry.
You know I’m not familiar with how things tick around here anymore.
It wouldn’t have been your fault anyways – but I realized that what actually happened was I played Akers because I expected the Rams to run a lot and the Raiders to fail to stop them (and he actually had a touchdown, so it wasn’t *that* stupid) and sat Conner because the Cardinals suck.
Is the matron saint wearing leather pantz?
She sure is!
So, she’s with leather
D’oh. And there goes a fantasy loss to close out my birthday week extravaganza.
Impressive that someone can put out a video like this so quickly.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wiJrtaC3bYU
Wow, listening to Bill Simmons talking about old movies while rewatching them sounds like the 4th Circle of Hell.
But good for the Mannings for making him watch The Helmet Catch again off that lead-in.
Wiki says sinners who have committed violence against Art are in Seventh Circle, Third Level.
That seems awfully specific.
Oh they have something for everybody there.
I assume Mike Mayock will end up on some level where the punishment is starving?
/this joke is actually a puzzle, see if you can figure it out!
That wasn’t the intro I thought that it would be. Well done Ballsy
Do you think the Kraft family gets daily deliveries of virgin blood to drink, or do they just raise and slaughter them in the basement?
Yes.
Progressive Insurance commercials are horrible.
Just awful. Nationwide for life.
Flo got the nice milks tho.
Here you go; https://youtu.be/2s8Os_32qQY
The “turning into your parents” ones are good
My son went as one of the characters from that commercial. Khakis, wind breaker, shirt, and white New Balance shoes
(he was going as you)
My New Balance sneakers are blue, thank you very much
As soon as Decilitre came, I was all in on Asics dad shoes extra wide. No crispy white NBs for me! I also do not have a hip holster for my phone.
Bill Simmons sure has a voice made for blogging.
Don’t generally watch the Manningcast, but I’ll not watch it even more now.
Bill Simmons still butt hurt that “his” Patriots lost a buncha times to the Mannings in the Superb Owl. What a loser
He also just finished saying that Boston is a Celtics town now.
Yeah, no shit, Boston fans cheer for whichever team is doing well and pretend they’ve never heard of the others. Tawmmy from Quinzee was only slight parody.
Big hockey town right now. HUGE.
Bill Simmons should be dragged naked through a nest of cobras
Poor cobras.
Now he wants Brady to come back for one more season with the Pats. Lol
Tell me you don’t follow football anymore without saying it
Settle down Marion.
https://youtu.be/42wKnBF7bEk
I need two points out of Nick Folk tonight and it seems like that may be a bridge too far.
We’ve secretly replaced the turf in Phoenix with FedEx Field, let’s see how many ligaments asplode!
At some point I am going to have to actually hire a dwarf, aren’t it?
I am soooooooo dead.
Instead of just ethering and kidnapping?
I TOLD YOU THAT IN CONFIDENCE!!!
I want to hear the conversation with Mrs HC about WHY you HAVE to hire a sex dwarf
Here’s a good place to start:
https://youtu.be/MAU_Ez84l4c
The Amazon commerial where the guy makes it snow in his kid’s greenhouse makes me seethe with hate.
Waiting for confirmation via PCR, but it’s looking likely that I finally lost my COVID virginity.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8klIHNzpzk
THIS GUY RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY I CALL HIM A SEX DWARF GETTING SOMETHING OFF THE KITCHEN COUNTER IN HORATIO’S HOUSE BECAUSE HE IS BOOSTED.
Things are very mild so far and I’m as confident that they’ll stay that way as I am in a seventeen-point Raiders lead.
Jesus Christ.
As long as you’re fully vaxxed it should just be a bad cold, or so I’m told.
The “up the ass” COVID is a hell of a variant.
Worst. Birthday. Trimester. Ever!
Hope it’s a mild case
“Sex Dwarf” is both a great song and a great gift idea.
That’s got to be a song by Spinal Tap. If not, it should be.
just remember to drill a few holes in the gift box
Make sure you get the girth of those holes right, or there might be chaffing.
“I approve!”
— Horatio C, CT
Dinner: cut up a buncha potatoes, threw them in the air fryer, doused them with malt vinegar.
Look at me mom! I’m Irish. Now have to go get drunk and beat the dog.
How Irish you are is determined by whether “beat the dog” really refers to the wife.
Well, she’s away, so the dog is the next best target.
HEY-O
(Stephen Stills voice) If you can’t beat the one you love, beat the one you’re with
No self-respecting Irishman would beat a dog.
/reads Boston Globe
Unfortunately…
christmas eve at my mother in law’s house
i’m debating on wrapping the Pride flag around me, with the biden 2024 shirt underneath, then insisting that I be called Mohamed X.
Salam allaikum, Fozz.
Wa-Alaikum-Salaam
Two guys in my big money fantasy having the battle for the last playoff spot. One of them is down by 37 with Kyler Maurry, Nick Folks, Devante Parker, and Remadre Stevenson. He is fucked.
so many clothes on the bathroom floor, you can’t even see the tile underneath
mrs fozz has been away on a business trip for less than a day and this house is a fucking wreck
also, i am the new starting qb for the ravens, won a radio call in contest
I started Huntley in a “do or die” and somehow still won. Still….yikes.
I mean this with all sincerity; fuck all y’all, especially Engram.
Good evening, my saucy little monkeys
Colt McCoy could 100% pass for a McPoyle
Another Starting QB went down?! Damn.
Who remains standing tall? The Legend of White Mac.
Xbox Jr ded
I hope they remembered to hit save before the game
Time switch over to the Playstation!
McCoy isn’t what they wanted at the respawn point
In lieu of the MNF disasterpiece, live Always Sunny podcast instead.
I’m not saying Blax is gonna show up and streak during this game…but he ain’t say he would NOT be doing so
Wait, the minimum is 200 words? Fuck I put even more effort into that Bears bye week post than I had intended.
“OH, OH! THAT’S JUST GOOD HUSTLE!”
/slaps BFC on the ass. Hard.
“NOW LET’S GO GET A GODDAMMED SNACK!”
Fuck Sakes! I use 250 as a guideline.
My comments post all together have 200 new words of mine. Copy paste for the win
What are they gonna do if I stop at 173? Not pay me?
*casually puts that first Turkey preview post I did behind me*
You should have cut the post to 199 words and then posted a middle finger. Stick it to the man!
TRUE HIPPO ANECDOTE- the system warns of word count, but it will publish anyway if ignored.
Ya’ll hear about Mike Leach?
I heard critical condition- anything new?
I heard he likes sharks.
Cardiac episode.