Your “Random Thoughts with BFC, Volume 19” Thursday Night Open Thread

Remember that old SNL sketch “Fecal Matter with your Host, Doug Fecal”? No? Yeah I figured it was just me. It was a solid (heh) talk show format with a specialized host and topic. Well, we ain’t exactly doing Pod Flies Open around here, but what about in written form, maybe say like a mix between Doug Fecal, Jack Handey, Balls’ 25 questions, Rev’s take on Larry King, and I don’t know, my own fucked up mind? With that backdrop I present to you the nineteenth edition of a potentially sporadically recurring irregularly scheduled Random Thoughts with BFC! Now also (occasionally) in open thread form! If you want to make this interactive, drop a note/question/bon mot in the comments ala my old Mouth Flies Open attempt at an advice column.

• I’m going on a few trips and planning on going offline for a bit, so I’m taking Litre’s spot tonight, then he’ll do next Thursday night, and then it’s a question of how hobo season is looking. Either way, remember that time is relative and or fake.
• My sister and her family came to visit recently, so Lady BFC and I stocked the cupboard and fridge with stuff the kids like.  If anyone is in need of some CheezIts, please let me know.
• Having only just had chocolate milk for the first time in at least a decade, let me just say holy shit. No wonder kids like it, that Fairlife chocolate milk tastes almost exactly like melted chocolate ice cream.
• Speaking of, what kind of American full fatted bullshit is the need to put toppings ON ice cream?  Let’s take this thing that is wonderfully delicious and already unhealthy and throw sprinkles and chocolate sauce on top. Disgusting.
• Obviously I’m a giant hypocrite since I absolutely ate the pants off of chocolate ice cream with magic shell and sprinkles.  What, we bought them for the kids, can’t let them go to waste…
• The other thing I learned while my niece and nephew were in town is that I am absolute shit at cutting mango. Maybe the ones I bought were weird or something, but I ended up carving it up like a sloppy wet rotisserie chicken or something.  Damn you, mango!
• Anyone else fucking outraged that they remade White Men Can’t Jump?

• That movie was perfect and needed no remaking. (NOTE: I haven’t watched it in years and have no idea if it holds up, but it was 1992, get some new ideas, Hollywood)
• Yes, I recognize the irony in asking for new movie ideas when all the writers are on strike. Fuck the studios. And double fuck Bob Iger.
• This is an example of a potentially temporally challenged observation given that I started drafting this post a while ago. SAG-AFTRA joined the strike recently, maybe one or both will be resolved before this runs. Regardless, double fuck Bob Iger stands.
• You know who can suck it?  FedEx.  Every time I get a notification that there’s a shipment coming from FedEx, it says it will arrive between 8am and 1pm.  And virtually without fail, it arrives between 4pm and 8pm.  This week, I had something coming overnight that I had to sign for, and unlike the last half dozen times the tracking number said it would arrive by 1pm, this one had actually shipped and was out for delivery by 8 am, so I thought there was a chance.  After rearranging my schedule 3 times…nope.  As of this writing, still waiting past 3:15pm.  First world problems, but like, expectations management, dudes.

• I meandered into the MGM Grand down at National Harbor the other day since I hadn’t been there since well before COVID. Some complaints:
  • Layout is a little odd. I actually had to ask someone where the craps tables were because they weren’t really by the other table games and not like in an intuitive location at all.
  • No free drinks. Why the fuck am I paying you $4 for a Corona when I’m betting $25 minimum each hand of craps, with hundreds out there if I’m getting frisky? Don’t you want me buzzed and making bad decisions? I suppose they must have done a study and decided the demographics favor lower dollar slots or something to make this decision, but seems absolutely asinine (and pennywise/pound foolish) to me.
  • Small sample size, but not as many helpful/happy/amusing dealers as I’m used to. When I’m getting lit up, I want to at least laugh.
  • The sports book does not have betting on Aussie rules football. I have bet ok Aussie footy in Vegas, why the fuck can’t MGM Grand handle it in DC?
  • Overall vibe is kind of dour. Like closer to Charlestown Races and Slots than a fun night at the Cosmo or something. Yeah, it was like 3pm so this is probably my fault.
  • Overall, it wasn’t bad. Parking was great, no smoke, it was clean, yada yada.
  • In conclusion, eat snacky s’mores.

• In other personal anecdote news, I went to the bank the other day and there was a bit of a line. They guy three people in front of me asked the teller (in Spanish) where the bank employee who speaks Spanish was/when s/he would return. That failed to connect, so he tried to use what he described as his limited English. It was NOT going well, so I figured fuck it and interceded.  I ended up translating the whole transaction, and the woman in front of me in line made some comment to me (in Spanish) about it being lucky I was there. Which I found confusing, so I told her I guess she could have been doing the translating. But all was revealed when she stepped up for her turn and made it clear she spoke virtually no English either. So I ended up translating for her.  I felt pretty good about it, but also it was stupid stressful. And that wasn’t my usual branch either, but apparently they quite like me there now.
• We are exactly two weeks from the NFL preseason kicking off, and if you were excited for FITBAW to come back, just remember, it’s the fucking Browns with their sexual predator QB vs the fucking Jets and their generally awful humanoid QB. So yeah, I won’t be watching.
• If you need me, just wait til I’m back.
• In the meantime, this week’s fill in the blank is, “obviously, the worst human being in the NFL (other than national disgrace Roger Goodell) is _____________.”

What’s on TV tonight?

Os @ Rays (allegedly underway)
Cubs host the Cardinals at 7:05pm DFO time on ESPN+
Astros @ A’s, 8:40pm DFO time

Ooooh, Canuck Football if you have access to TSN 3 or 5, whatever those are.  Winnipeg Blue Bombers vs Edmonton Elks at 7:30pm DFO time

Chicago Sky vs Phoenix Mercury on NBA TV at 9pm DFO time

I’m sure other things will present themselves, but once again, you COULD be watching Aussie footy in the wee hours…Essendon vs Western at 4:50AM DFO time could be the ticket.  Until next time, keep on keeping on.