Yes, here we are to remember notable Jets quarterback Tim Boyle, unquestionably one of the quarterbacks of all time. Who can forget that pass, and that thing, and also that Hail Mary? We laughed, we cried, we shook our head in disbelief, I shook my head in total belief because it’s the Jets. Good times were had by some. Not me.
(For those of you out of the know, the Jets cut Boyle yesterday and signed Brett Rypien.) To be honest, looking at the stats, I can’t believe he went 41/63. Or even 31/63. From there, it’s unsure whether for next week (and/or the rest of the year unless/until Aaron Rodgers comes back from Bart Simpson putting his hands on his ankle, episode source of my favorite Simpsons reference that got used for an album or band name, Bury Me at Makeout Creek. Yeah, take that Fall Out Boy… fuck, where was I?) the Jets’ll go with missing, presumed alive commenter and monkey man Trevor Semien or, the logical comedic choice because this is the fucking Jets we’re talking about, Zach Wilson.
(Update: It’s Wilson. Fan. Fucking. Tastic.)
It’s times like these that make me think to myself, “Man, fuck Hofstra for having Jets Fest for all those years.” I could’ve followed 4 year old Senor’s logic and been a N-GCP fan because, and again, 4 year old’s logic, I liked the blue star. (This is the same 4-year-old logic that liked Michigan football and Duke, because blue teams.)
(Did I apply to Michigan for undergrad, despite them having a solid music department? No.)
Anyway, in conclusion, the P*ts are falling apart thanks to absolutely atrocious quarterback play, and I can’t even laugh at them without looking at the embarrassment to garish eyesores in my own house. Speaking of, though…
Here’s the news!
GAMBLOR ALERT: The O/U for Thursday Night Football’s P*ts-Yinzers tilt is 30. This is the lowest over-under in, fittingly, 30 years, a P*ts-Bengals game, Week 15, 1993. I cannot wait to see what the line is in the Week 18 Jets-P*ts game. 20? 10? 6.5?
-Speaking of GAMBLOR, it’s the gambling money that led National Disgrace Roger Goodell to call Las Vegas “Sports Town USA.” Moe Greene Bugsy Siegel and Hyman Roth Meyer Lansky would be proud.
-CrimeBeat! update: Von Miller is at Bills HQ and is listed as available for Sunday’s game. They don’t anticipate him going on the exempt list. (The charge is third-degree felony assault of a pregnant woman, which is 2 to 10.)
-Speaking of the Tim Boyle Memorial Thread, Aaron Rodgers went on Pat McAfee and defended Zach Wilson and called out the organization for the leaks. Yeah, that’s fair. I mean, the calling out the leaks part.
-In other QB news, Dr. Mantis Toboggan Tommy DeVito will remain the starting QB of the New York Football Vertically Enhanced Persons, even though Inanimate Carbon Tyrod Taylor will return.
-Trevor Lawrence has a high ankle sprain, and has not been ruled out for Sunday for Jagura against the Pauls.
-Liouns DT Alim McNeill has a knee sprain and will be on IR. He may be available for the playoffs.
–RAMMIT signs K Mason Crosby to the practice squad.
-Mike McCarthy had (presumably) an appendectomy today, but is probable for Sunday’s game against the Eagles. No word on whether he’ll be able to host the Late Show next week.
TV time!
Bettman Ball:
Pantera Goal Song vs. Panthera Logo (DAL vs. FLA, 7:00, TNT)
COME TO OUR GAMES vs. McDavid and Pals trying to overcome shitty D & goaltending (CAR vs. EDM, 9:30, TNT)
NBA Jam 2: The Jammening
“I thought Pop was going to retire with Duncan” vs. “Words don’t die.” (SAS vs. MIN, 7:40, ESPN)
Jokic the Not-Turnover Machine vs. Regular Season Paul (DEN vs. LAC, 10:00, ESPN)
JV NBA Jam 3: This Time, There’s Not as Much Money on the NIL Deals
Tejas vs. D-Wade and Pals (Texas vs. Marquette, 8:00, FS1)
WCS Rivalry Game! Pitt vs. West Virginia (9:00, ESPN2)
Death to SMU-chy vs. The Coyotes’ Landlords (SMU vs. Arizona St., 10:00, FS1)
JV WNBA Jam 4: Yeah, We’re Multigendered Now!
Cy-Hawk Game: #4 Iowa vs. Iowa State (7:00, ESPN2)
Come on Everton! Take a chunk, even if you lose.
I’d expect Newcastle to be the ones cutting pieces of the other team.
Q: What would Abraham Lincoln being doing if he were alive today?
1) Serving as elder statesman
2) Advising Americans about tolerance
3) Traveling to troubled world areas to help
4) Clawing at the inside of his coffin
All the above in a performance art piece.
4
Comedy works better in threes. It should have been 3.
According to this documentary I saw, he’d be hunting vampires.
And it was only 80 ft that gave me the bends cuz I’m apparently stupid susceptible. Would love to wreck dive in the Lakes but nawt looking likely
“That’s ‘Gitche-Gumi’ to you, motherfuckers.” — Lake Superior
Lake Huron and Lake Michigan are almost one huge lake, separated only by Mackinac.
Put ’em together, and they’re bigger than Superior.
Er, Gitch-Gumi. Sorry, Gordon.
Superior is still plowed the deepest tho
Michigan and Huron have the same surface elevation.
re: Lake Superior
1300 ft is really deep, even for a nuclear submarine. That’s like death, or damn near it. On one patrol we went to a fraction of that, and it was spooky as hell.
Didn’t Dok work for the Jags for a bit?
https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/39059710/former-jaguars-employee-accused-stealing-22-million
And suspiciously “retired”
Tres!
Oooh, it’s like licking a freshly refinished piano!
Really? I’ve tasted a few freshly refinished pianos in my day and I didn’t they were that bad.
I mean it in a really really good way
And maybe the sheet music was stored in cedar, but cedar that doesn’t make me sneeze somehow
I see
Yes, yes, we’ve all seen that scene in Pretty Woman.
I think I got the palette to appreciate a third scotch.
No. 3 is Rum C.A.D.C SA (Venezuela) 2005 Duncan Taylor 17yr
Wine tasting, Playa del Rey 12/06/23
FANCY BOY
THE FANCIEST
No. 2 is WAY different, actually think I like it better, more woody and less sweet although without the peaty note on the end. I also think wine has kinda ruined me for detecting fruit notes in whiskey, they’re kinda bs in whiskey anyway
Goddamn this is a $350 bottle
I just had to same price bottle!! (You forgot the decimal point)
I saw the weirdest thing the other day. The same 7-11 that no longer carries SPONCH! also sells 42OZ bottles of OldE for $6.99
WTF?!
Wait, that’s WAY too much for OE.
RIGHT!? And Steel Reserve was 42OZ for $6.49!
I don’t even wanna know how much they charge for a fancy brew like Budweiser.
And weirdly enough THAT actually comes in a 40 oz
It is kind of a ripoff 7-11 though, at least for booze. They’ve been charging $17.99 for prosecco for years. I sent dude round the corner to Whole Foods to get better value booze
Traffic light hobos are gonna start asking for ten dollar bills now. Thanks Obama
THIS PROTAGONIST IN THE CHRISTMAS MOVIE WE ARE WATCHING I CALL HER JAYSON TATUM BECAUSE SHE KEEPS SENDING TEXT MESSAGES TO A DEAD PERSON.
I actually don’t understand why texting dead people isn’t more common. It’s the same as talking to the dead, you don’t expect a response but you can still feel like they’re listening
What if you text George Washington? He wouldn’t know what the fuck a text message was, even if you could somehow explain it to him repeatedly.
Yeah, but he doesn’t have a number. I mean just continuing to text people you always texted but after they’re dead. It would only get weird once the number is reassigned, and they could either roll with it or block you
The younger generations will reach a point where all their social media friends are either dead or AI bots.
Oh, we’ve been there for ten years.
I’m an AI bot. My programming is supposed to prevent me revealing that, but it’s pretty shitty programming.
lol no you’re not, I’ve met you on two occasions…
wait
Do I exist?
Dammit, I’m trapped in a simulation. Again.
Read my new book, listed below.
No. 1 is Glenallachie 2008 Duncan Taylor 14yr Sherry Cask
No. 2 is Caperdonich 2000 21yr CS for TWE
Ok, now you’re just making up names.
Just you wait till you hear me making up tasting notes!
So far I got burnt caramel which isn’t all that weird. Kinda like it better without water I think. Still good with, but eeeh
Just finished an applejack sazerac, and contemplating whether to do another or move on to the next cocktail on my list.
How much did you enjoy the AJSZ?
It was pretty good. Not sensational but solid. I’m exploring applejack drinks tonight.
Other reason for having another is because I still have the absinthe I used to rinse the glass and it seems a shame not to use it again.
Seems like good enough reasoning to me
Wino wisdom at its finest.
I’m actually trying another one first: the Diamondback, which is rye, applejack, and Yellow Chartreuse, and then I’ll go back to the sazerac
Sounds decent even if I am suspicious of yellow chartreuse. Actually all chartreuse because I’m pretty sure I almost gave myself type-1 diabeetus with green chartreuse this one time
I might have to try it with club soda, because the combination of 120 proof + insane sweetness gives me a headache before I finish the glass.
Excellent! That’s a fancy advent calendar
I love scotch people and regret I don’t spend more time with them. I did one online tasting back in ’21 with the OC scotch club people that was awesome, and I meant to follow up and do more stuff with them but then didn’t because it’s so easy to drop off when there’s no way to immediately follow up. But I did get on some mailing lists which is how I got the email for this, there’s a Scotch Club dude who sets this up every year, fills the minis and ships out. Just amazing people.
Jefferson & Lincoln 12/06/23
Walking around ORD the other day I heard a dude talking loudly on his mobile in totally stereotypical QUEBECOIS. Definitely recognizable as French but even to my not particularly good ear for the language, incredibly different. Not exactly a creole, but damn close
Tabernac!
https://www.mtlblog.com/5-quebec-french-swear-words-that-are-super-strange-for-people-from-france#:~:text=comes%20to%20mind.-,Tabarnak,sacred%20bread%20and%20wine%20basically.
Every (or most) Quebecois swear words are bastardizations of religious terms. They love that shit.
https://vimeo.com/800427502
Nawt sure I how I feel about this here Shoresy backstory
Which one?
Waffles
A Pratt & Whitney PW2037 plus both Kansas Cities.
“What about Wichita?” — Peter K.
Holy shit, EDM
Someone just discovered Skrillex
Beats me to it. You dropped it quickly.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89tgpzE4qkY
https://vimeo.com/manage/videos/892087723
https://vimeo.com/892087723
Maybe I’ll go skating tomorrow, between watching Shoresy and reading about Kane’s hip resurfacing it seems like a good plan
Let’s all laugh at a pair of teams (Panguins, Lightening),
who’re going to miss the playoffs tee hee hee
(The above comment has been unceremoniously and inexplicably fired by The Escapist.)
I went down a “Vintage Dunkers” rabbit hole and came across Roy Hinson. The rumor I remembered about him was that he wanted to dunk on every play/player possible. I couldn’t find it but he’s the only guy that I’ve ever seen pull off a ‘turnaround dunk’. It’s a turnaround jumper but he was on the low block, turned around and dunked on his defender.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKbFlVWyB0o&ab_channel=NBACobwebs
There you go getting Eli all excited right before bedtime!
Fun fact: They had Ja Morant Dunkaroos. It is unconfirmed whether one of the cookies was gun-shaped.
Unless the years are all fucked up (and yeah, it’s me, so they probably are), I remember the “Fire and Ice” Wolven Sort having an epic battle with Hinson’s Iowa.
Assuming Hinson even PLAYED at Iowa. I am too lazy to look that shit up.
Anyway, it’s cool to remember that glorious period of time when I cared about basketball.
Dunking over Rober Parrish and Kevin McAGAle at the same time is pretty impressive.
I think next year for Halloween I will be Mary, Queen of Sots. I’ll wear plaid and a crown and swig blended scotch straight from the bottle
Keep the plaid and crown, but then get several bandoliers that will hold airline-size bottles of booze and be Mary, Queen of Shots!
I might know someone who can help with your outfit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmMD4ij8GHk
MORE LETTERKENNY UNIVERSE!!
https://www.bellmedia.ca/the-lede/press/crave-and-new-metric-media-ink-exclusive-overall-content-deal-with-jared-keeso-for-all-new-series-and-to-expand-the-world-of-letterkenny/
I think this is the first time I’ve had Aligote, it’s tasty!
Granny Smith apples!
I wish I had a nice sharp cheddar to eat with it, but I do have a truffle cheddar gruyere which does the job
Am I crazy or does the label say “red burgundy wine”?
Or both, obviously.
It does, whoever made the label done fucked up
“I DID THE BEST I COULD!”
These are super tasty
Most of the mad dog I’ve had was the blue stuff, in the Royal Lee parking lot, where there was this klepto chick who came to all the shows and shoplifted it from a nearby 7-11 then shared it around
The Royal Lee was fun. Rumor was it closed because it was a drug front, but even before that it was the type of place where the owner would steal your lotto ticket
https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/local/1997/08/15/arlington-bar-owner-admits-he-stole-customers-68-million-lottery-ticket/20526d27-4667-4c94-af69-d6f22de4cca4/
Under which son’s bed did you find all these empties?
I have fond memories of this drink. It was the first time I threw up from drinking. A waterfall of grape wine, fries, and bile.
I hope it was in your friend’s car or somewhere similarly appropriate to puke such a concoction
2 am, on the front lawn of my best friend’s girlfriend’s house. epic.
The rumpus room at Squee’s house.
That blue will line your intestines for three months, giving your gut a groovy atmosphere for flora.
“Domo Aligote, Doktor Roboto. Domo….Domo.”
-Dennis DeYoung
When I was a kid I liked the Broncos because they were the horsey team. They must have been good then, because I would not have known of their existence living in Maryland unless they were getting a lot of prime time games.
THIS UPSTAIRS ROOMBA THAT JUST WENT OFF THE EDGE OF THE STEPS I CALL IT MULTIVAC BECAUSE IT HAS A COMPUTER FOR A BRAIN AND IT WANTS TO DIE.
(Hunter Renfrow thinks this is a very funny joke)
As far as unrelenting vacuum jokes go, you win some, you Dysom.
Some of them just suck.
Some vacuums take it literally when they hear someone say “EAT SHIT AND DIE”
McCarthy having his appendix removed just means there’s more room for ice cream!
Huh. When you said “‘dix removed” I thought you were talking about Kevin McCarthy.
(tries to post 53 different jokes about Caitlyn Jenner) — Sill Bimmons
Do not fuck with this guy, he will send you home in a pickle jar.
I would simply get a high-powered magnet.
FWIW Lou’s original line here is one of my all-time favorites from the show.
Did you know the Battle of the Alamo only lasted a half an hour?
I just learned that while I was smashing one out on the toilet.
I just learned that Larry O’Brien, who the NBA championship trophy is named after, is the same man whose office the Watergate burglars were breaking into.
Fucking Nixon
“Yeah, it’s a real bummer”
-Pat Nixon
The same Larry O’Brien who had been a Kennedy insider and also did secret lobbying for Howard Hughes. Hughes always had dirt on Nixon, and that’s what the burglars were looking for.
Weird conspiracy theories have crazy convoluted paths as you attempt to connect the dots. When you connect the dots between Howard Hughes and an earlier “burglary” at his 7000 Romaine headquarters in Hollywood, and then to a group of third-rate burglars rifling file cabinets at the Watergate, the dots connect in a very neat and clean straight line. The thing is, the third-rate burglars got caught.
We know you had a hand in it all, Brick. No need to play coy.
When I publish my tell-all memoirs it’s gonna blow up the entire world with scandal. Everything you thought was true is a lie; nothing is real. Also available in paperback where fine books are sold.
Day #6
I have been cutting down immensely and quite happy with myself. Today a wine Advent calendar arrived. Mrs. Cola was so proud. It is indeed awesome, so there goes my cut down.
These psychopaths want you to start on the 12th and drink a bottle a day!
Woah, lucky! I wish this was a bottle a day.
I haven’t even started on my Scotch advent calendar yet, might try the first couple after I finish my wine and dinner
I’ll give you until Monday to catch up.
/not going to make a comment about Iowa State’s center who would appear to be the lovechild of Oliver Miller and a tub of beef tallow.
https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/hayden-hursts-father-reveals-panthers-te-has-been-diagnosed-with-post-traumatic-amnesia/
Damn, heal up Hurst!
Yikes. Trent Green doesn’t think that’s good, or really anything.
Now he can quit football and go be on a soap opera!
He needs an evil twin.
How do we know he doesn’t have one already??
Caitlin Clark, college basketball-wise seems to be in that category of, “I’d never watch that team but -blank- plays there”.
-Pete Maravich, LSU
-Steph Curry, Davidson
-David Robinson, Navy
-Larry Bird, Indiana State
-Hank Gathers, Loyola
Any others?
George Santos, US Congress
Thích Quảng Đức, Buddhism Protest
R. Budd Dwyer, Pennsylvania Treasury Press Conference
Allison Stokke, Newport Harbor High School
I gave it a +1 but eyes are peeled for Chris Hansen
Please. She’s an old maid by now.
And holy shit, married to Rickie Fowler, who is apparently a golfer of some note.
Tempus fugit.
The under won in the epic Klingler-Bledsoe bout.
https://www.pro-football-reference.com/boxscores/199312120nwe.htm
So you know that famous photo from the Vietnam War, the one of a summary execution on the streets of Saigon? I just found out that the executioner – a general named Nguyễn Ngọc Loan – owned a pizza place (and presumably a home) just a couple of blocks away from where one of my ex-girlfriends grew up. Should I drop her a line and let her know that it made me think of her? I probably shouldn’t, right?
You definitely should. Report back.
I heard his pizzas were bangin’.
It may have been a summary execution, but sadly, it took place in February so it wasn’t a summery execution.
I think you have to, how else are we going to find out how the pizza was? Unless it was a Dominos franchise. Was it a Dominos franchise?
I would totally buy a pizza from that guy. You know he’d have STANDARDS.
The McDonalds Brothers must be spinning in their graves…assuming Kroc didn’t swindle their graves as well as their restaurant and billions in royalties.
https://www.today.com/today/amp/rcna128355
My son’s friend is here, and he’s annoying in an Eddie Haskel way.
Fuck his mom
Settle down, Zach. You gotta game to study for.
Better than annoying in a Beavis way. Settle down Beavis!
I’ve mentioned it before-why would they play Tyrod? They’re grooming an ultra-cheap backup qb that knows the system. Tyrod’s contract is over after this year and he’s not coming back.