Wumbo Wednesday With Weaselo: Romania Euro ’24 Edition

Reminders of stuff from 2020:

Country: Romania
Footy team colloquials: Tricolorii (The Tricolors)
DFO (probable) colloquials: Draculs, Impalers, please not the Ceausescus because fuck that guy, and the Securitate, and Gheorgiu-Dej.
Kits: Home and away
FIFA Ranking: 46 (23rd in UEFA)
Best World Cup result: Quarterfinals (1994) (including a win in the Round of 16 over a Maradona-less Argentina… who was kicked out for drug use)
Best Euro result: Quarterfinals (2000)
Home stadium: Arena Națională, Bucharest
How did they do in qualifiers? Topped Group I without a loss (6-4-0), notably over Switzerland, keyed by a 1-0 win over the Neutrals in Bucharest.

Anyone I know if I casually-at-best follow footy? Probably not. Horațiu Moldovan is the backup keeper at Atlético Madrid, and Radu Drăgușin has gotten some work in the sub rotation at Tottenham, but… casually, no. No one you’d know, unless you follow Turkish, Romanian, or Saudi leagues.

Who’s in their group? (FIFA ranking/UEFA ranking) The Fightin’ For Their Literal Countries Survival (Slava Ukraini, 22/12), The Evil Wafels (Belgium, 3/2), and “I Open My Own Hotel” (Slovakia, 48/25).

So, a very obvious not-top 2.… Is there a chance in hell to not get sent out in the group stages? Yes, because 4 of the 6 third-place finishers make the round of 16. They’d likely need to steal a point, if not all three, in the opener against Ukraine to keep it interesting for the match against Slovakia, but a close loss to the Belgians would still be a surprise result. This would put them checking on likely teams such as Scotland/Switzerland, the Group B Group of Death turnout, Denmark, Poland, and the Genocide Deniers.

Best-case scenario: Third-place in Group E, draw up against England, which proceeds to England, and somehow make the quarters?

Worst-case scenario: 0-0-3, no points, 23rd in the field above Albania, which unfortunately is the already dead team in the aforementioned Group B of Death (Spain, Croatia, and Italy? Have fun Adil and Friends! Yes, that was the exchange kid’s name in “The Crepes of Wrath.”)

Realistic-case scenario: Third place, somewhere between 2-4 points. Coin flip of whether they make it into the knockouts or not, so let’s say… no.

Okay, onto America!

News:

-QAARON’S QAMPAIGN WATQH? Aaron Rodgers, to the surprise of someone, probably in Florham Park, is doing Aaron Rodgers things, and is an unexcused absence from OTAs. Is he doing RFK, Jr. campaigning? MAYBE! Did I laugh at a dude’s face when he handed me a petition to put RFK, Jr. on the ballot? You bet I did! Have I seen Kennedy ’24 banners in Senorita Weaselo’s wing of south Brooklyn? Yes I have, as she’s right on the border with the district that used to be Nadler’s and the one that also encompasses Staten Island. (I think the border is the southern edge of the park that is across the street from her.) Regardless, Robert Salah said he is on the “exact same page” with Rodgers.

-I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA: (checks notes) 16-time Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest champion and competitive eating GOAT Joey Chestnut has been banned from this year’s competition on July 4th due to his sponsorship with Impossible Foods, which, on account of having a hot dog brand, counts as a rival hot dog company. Chestnut, who according to Wikipedia is in the process of changing to a vegan diet, which I have to imagine is otherwise difficult in competitive eating, had been on his second straight 8-peat.

With Chestnut barred, and with Takeru Kobayashi retired due to health reasons, the field for the mustard belt seems as wide open as it’s been in a long time. How many could I eat in 12 minutes? I don’t know, if I pushed myself for the love of sport… 4? 5? Probably not 6, that seems pushing it. Definitely nowhere close to Chestnut’s record, 76. Fuck, you’d need to probably give me a week of nothing but hot dogs, and that sounds abysmal.

-RIP to The Logo, Jerry West.

Okay, what’s on tonight?

Not watching from a lounge in the Prudential Center
NBA Finals Game 3: The Departed Tingis Pingis vs. Uncle Drew’s Flat-Earth Society (BOS vs. DAL, Celtics lead 2-0, 8:30, ABC)

PRIIIIIIIIIME! (and I guess other baseball)
Aaron Judge’s Roaring Destruction Tour, Redux vs. Pine Tar Rage (NYY vs. KC, 8:00, Amazon Prime)
Pray for Spam vs. Sneks (LAA vs. AZ, 9:40, MLBN)
The Slog to 120 vs. Deep Thoughts with The Deep (CWS vs. SEA, 9:40, MLBN)

Watching Americans get their lesser shit kicked in
United States vs. Brazil (7:00, Telemundo/Peacock/TNT)

LAST SECOND THING I LEARNED GOING ON
Congressional Baseball Game (FS1)

Page editing sucks, and why did I think a string quartet arrangement of Rhapsody in Blue was a good idea?

Some of you may know it best as the music for United Airlines commercials!
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Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn't doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn't happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.
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Brick Meathook

Do you know what sucks about being a night owl? I’m at my peak creativity, but everyone else is asleep.

Brick Meathook

I guess I’ll have to go over and read The Wall Street Journal. At least they’re up.

TheRevanchist

That’ll put you to sleep, for sure.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Ed Wood, Jr.

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WCS

Did he just realize that fart had a little extra?

Brick Meathook

Johnny Depp portraying Ed Wood, Jr.

Ed Wood (1994, d. Tim Burton) is one of my all-time favorite films and thus it is naturally one of the greatest films of all times.

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

This is a pedestrian tunnel under I-395 in Arlington VA.

The light at the end of the tunnel is the Pentagon parking lot.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Someone should write up lyrics for a song called “I Will Follow You into the Pac-12 After Dark”.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Props to Jerry West to noping on out before the Celtics are able to put up another banner. What a competitor.

fleshwound_NPG

he enters yet another hall of fame: all time hater

haters-in-time.jpeg
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

His classmates voted him King.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MDoQyedR6E

Doktor Zymm

I mean, you only have to keep the hot dogs down until the end of the contest. Still sounds awful, but i get the impression it’s more about not choking and supressing the gag reflex more than anything else

Brick Meathook

Joey Chestnut has always been a slim guy and I just don’t get it.

You cram 72 hotdogs into anything and it’s going to at least the size of a basketball (probably bigger), and as I understand it he didn’t even bother chewing them.

Doktor Zymm

Stomach, abdominal muscles, and skin all stretch. Won’t feel nice, but they’ll stretch. There was a theory that skinny dudes made better competitive eaters because fat doesn’t stretch that well, so despite a larger initial capacity, fat dudes maxed out lower due to restriction by their ‘belt of fat’

Brick Meathook

I can understand that, but Joey Chestnut should have looked nine months pregnant with triplets at the end of each contest, and I’ve never seen that.

72 hot dogs had to go somewhere.

Mr. Ayo

No no, it’s called a reversal of fortune

fleshwound_NPG

five whole years between insufferable boston sports championships was a good, good run

let us shoot for ten next time

fleshwound_NPG

if there was a positive in all of this (besides the mavs’ co-owner being a trump mega-donor) is that holy shit what a terrible week for the lakers

fleshwound_NPG

last two times the celtics won:

1986: there was a major stock market collapse the next year
2008: …and one that very year

hey, that dow been riding pretty high lately…

ballsofsteelandfury

There will be some intense vacuuming in LA tonight!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fun fact: She actually was using the broom tonight.

ballsofsteelandfury

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WCS

Something something Lowratio

TheRevanchist

Fun way to say “sweep”!

Brocky

I swear it’s like the mavericks don’t even want to win

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Mavericks new ownership (artist’s conception):

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Mr. Ayo

Game. Set. Match.

Enjoy the view from the bench Luca.

SonOfSpam
Brocky

I’m sure some stat nerd out there can find this out, but of the three major sports that use a best of seven format, what is percentage of championships won at home I front of a home crowd? Because I swear 90% of championship celebrations happen seem to happen on the road

Mr. Ayo

Wait, which 3? There’s 4!

Brocky

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Mr. Ayo

Yeah, but Tampa just did that. Although I guess it wasn’t an actual home crowd.

WCS

The Ice Stillers have never won a Stanley Cup in Yinzburgh. Actually, 1960 was the last time any pro champeenchip was clenched here. I know everyone here really aches for Gumbygirl and me.

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Dunstan

Of the last 10 Stanley Cup finals, four were won on home ice, five on the road, and one in the neutral site during the bubble playoffs.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What about a best of 7 Super Bowl played in Wichita?

2Pack

A Black Sea beach in Romania is not as sad as a Saudi Beach, but it comes very close. Draculas castle was cool and creepy. A must see if you are stuck, I mean, visiting there.

litre_cola

Of all the countries I have visited, I dislike Romania the most.

ballsofsteelandfury

Why?

Not that you’re wrong. My Romanian buddy got the fuck out first chance he got.

2Pack

As did many attractive women. The clubs have been filled with them.
/ as has the PX

2Pack

There was a really awkward vibe to the place. Former communist state meets western democracy… and sorta sputters along.

SonOfSpam

Also, didn’t watch the Congressional Baseball Game. Did the Scalise speedhole guy show up?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Scalise speedhole guy

/dying
//not Scalise I mean he survived

SonOfSpam

I appreciate your name for the Angels. They are not good.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I could easily eat 6 hot dogs in 12 minutes.

I would prefer not to be challenged further on this point.

Sharkbait

There’s a meat joke in there somewhere…

Dunstan

Last night I had one of those frustrating experiences where you wake up from a dream just before the really really good part.

It’s a shame, that burrito looked really delicious.

WCS

You’re better off. It may have been full of loads.
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Sharkbait

Have a night Matt Turner

rockingdog

Whoa
USA first ever draw vs Brazil

I guess that’s Rocking!

litre_cola

Canadia drew with France, soon people will wear hats on their feet, and hamburgers will eat people.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Andy Reid sweating buckets rn

rockingdog

Also USA vs Brazil is kinda rocking

⚽️

litre_cola

Tim Reaaaammmmmm MOTM? At 36 years old!

Last edited 4 months ago by litre_cola
rockingdog

Found a funny:

🧘‍♂️

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The Maestro

I LOVE this recording of Rhapsody in Blue. One of my all time faves.

King Hippo

Better than the Germanic Rhapsidy Is Poo

WCS

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herodotus450

You can FEEL the sexual tension between the flute and 2nd chair Viola

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My commentary (unpublished) on the Dr. Mrs. attempt to park the car straight in the garage this evening.

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Gumbygirl

We have a one car garage that seems super extry narrow. I could move some of the flotsam we’re too lazy to sort, declutter, and organize. But I really don’t want to be the one who rams into the wall. I would never hear the end of it!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

To her credit, she’s never scraped the wall – despite having come within centimeters multiple times.

Redshirt

.

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Redshirt

The one of the best moments of my life was a chess game I played where I was down to just my king and then proceeded to John Wick My Royal Highness all over the board picking off the opponent’s pieces to force a stalemate.

Redshirt

EDIT: To be fair, it was an amateur. When I face someone who knows what they’re doing, I’m Daisy.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

There used to be a PC game – Battlechess? – where there were little animations when you took an opponent’s piece. I remember spending way too much time setting up a pawn mate so I could see how it all went down.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FchWto7TQJc

Mr. Ayo

I spent way too much time playing that game.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

There was so much delight in seeing a capture you hadn’t seen before.

fleshwound_NPG

was never good at that game. didnt care, enjoyed watching some of beautiful deaths

and 10 year old me seeing the queen’s tits n ass sway every time she moved

Col. Duke LaCross

That game ruled!

Mr. Ayo

USA! USA! USA!

Also, TNT, fix your score bug dumbasses

scotchnaut

[waits patiently for investigative journalists to write articles documenting the high rates of stomach and esophageal cancer in retired competitive eaters]

herodotus450

They all die too young from gonorrhea before they can get those things. From all the sex they’re having, you see.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m on the phone with my Romanian buddy now!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

(artist’s conception)

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litre_cola

Say hello to Mr. Tate and his brother for us.