AFL Beat 2024 – Round 21 and we continue with the Olympics!

We are still getting surprises! It’s been one heck of a season. Let’s see what happened.

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The Ladder

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The Results

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The Highlights

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Next Round’s Schedule

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Footy Tipping Contest

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Notes and Comments

Something has clicked at Western. They are on a ROLL. They’re not just winning, they’re smashing their opponents. I think they end up in the top four and get a second chance. If they keep this up, they’re your Premiership favourites.

The biggest WTF this week was Port’s destruction of Sydney. It wasn’t too long ago that I wrote that I would be surprised if Sydney lost another game. I believe they’ve lost three since then and it doesn’t look any better with red-hot Collingwood coming into town.

Collingwood is very much still alive after a HUGE win against Carlton. They are within sniffing distance of the Eight and this win against a top Eight side is sure to boost their confidence against Sydney.

Never mind what I said about St. Kilda. Whooboy that was an embarrassment! That, I believe, is the end of their season. Mathematically, they’re still alive, but no. Same with Adelaide.

BC Dick had a tremendous week to get right into the thick of things! Both Spam and Litre have up some ground and now we have four tippers within 6 points of first! Plenty of time left!

If you haven’t become a member of a club or signed up for the Watch AFL app, you can still watch the games in the USA on either FS1 or FS2 and in Canada on TSN. Showtimes can be found here on the Australian Football Association of North America website.

Don’t forget to put the Footy Tips in!

***

The Olympics!

So much stuff to watch! All coverage is through Peacock and various NBC networks in the US. I highly recommend you watch Peacock and the world feed of random events. There are no stupid special interest stories, no fluff pieces, and no dumbass hosts that don’t know shit about sports.

See you next week!

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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Horatio Cornblower

Logan Ryan is auctioning off the ball from the last pass Tom Brady threw for the Patriots which, I feel like reminding everyone, was a pick 6, to aid a rescue animal operation.

https://x.com/RealLoganRyan/status/1821313516684411006

Who wants to loan me $100K, which I will never pay back?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This guy really does have a unique talent for dunking on himself.

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SonOfSpam

Didn’t wanna reply to him but

https://x.com/SonOfSpam5/status/1821301287431905578

Horatio Cornblower

I have him blocked, but someone retweeted it into my feed with the caption “On their way to review a 15-year-old’s OB/GYN report”

SonOfSpam

Oh, that’s good.

Horatio Cornblower

Someone on social media just described JD Vance as “if a roofie could wear a skin suit.”

ArmedandHammered

Damn, that’s a good one.

Horatio Cornblower

Pretty jealous, not gonna lie.

Horatio Cornblower

A lot of artists are, in my opinion, unjustifiably called sellouts just because they became successful and made some money off of their skills.

And then there’s Gwen Stefani.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Snoop has been AWESOME this Olympics

Horatio Cornblower

I’m pretty sure he either killed a guy or had a guy killed, so he can do whatever the fuck he wants and he won’t hear a peep out of me.

SonOfSpam

Yes, he’s easy going and laid back, and if I ever meet him, it will be “Yes sir, whatever you say sir.”

scotchnaut

J.D. Vance: “Sir, this ‘Spaghetti Against The Wall’ approach at hurting the candidates isn’t working!”

Trump: [looking around frantically] “What other pastas do we have?”

Vance: “Macaroni, sir.”

Trump: “Macaroni? That’ll never stick against the wall. It’s too thick and there’s not enough surface area!”

Vance: “It’s all we’ve got left, sir.”

Trump: “GODDAMN IT! Bring in the macaroni reserves!”

/this absurd scenario has been brought to you by my good friends at “Day Drinking”

Horatio Cornblower

Am I to take from the commercial that Uber cures depression and social anxiety? Because I don’t think that’s true.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Found a funny re “Tampon Tim” which is the GOP’s new attempt at a nickname for Walz because his admin provided free sanitary products in schools:

Definitely sounds like something 90s high school kids call the popular dude. “That’s Tampon Tim. He’s been in all the girls.”

Doktor Zymm

Tampon Tim gonna stop the red wave

Gumbygirl

He won’t cramp our style, period.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

President Biden when asked about potential attacks on Israel: “This better not fuck up my shows, Netanyahu and Ayayollah know I can’t miss Golden Girls. Did you know I had to miss a Law and Order marathon last year because of Hezbollah? And it was Season goddamn 6 too, fuckin’ Lebanese making me miss Briscoe and Curtis.”

Horatio Cornblower

Biden has basically dropped out of sight for the last couple of weeks. And yet the country keeps on ticking.

Speaking of ticking, JD Vance is curious as to what your couch is stuffed with, and can it also be him.

Don T

I’m sure an aide made Biden a video of all the Adam Schiff scenes.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

And at the moment JD Vance gazed into Tim Walz’s eyes, saying, “Your Midwestern high school football coach charm has made me respect you and be turned on.”

At that moment the debate grew silent and Walz replied, “I think need to make public degeneracy great again,” and they awkwardly kissed.

“I bet Kamala couldn’t kiss like that,” Vance hissed.

“I bet you can’t fuck me into oblivion like your La-Z-Boy,” Walz challenged.

It was at this moment that Buddy realized maybe vice president fan fiction can be his side hustle and sent copies to both candidates. The FBI made an excursion to my house and said the VPs each found them disturbing only because it didn’t end with one of them blowing the other.

Senor Weaselo

Are you telling me that Rule 34 wasn’t immediately at work?

WCS

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Apparently Couchfucker has been trying to hit Walz about some “stolen valor” bullshit but refuses to answer questions about his own “stolen velour” allegations.

Don T

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Don T

Bonus: la Srta. Meloni 😛

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Chief Kamala wrongfully convicted me of making firewater, sentencing me to 5 years in the tee-pee with the gassy elder

scotchnaut

I see that Italian AI is graduating last in their class.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

INT. BAR – EVENING

JD Vance approaches and hands a beer to the camera’s POV.

CUT TO: Title Card

Horatio Cornblower

What am I missing with these latest, non-couch, jokes about JD? I don’t want to look him up, lest I get put on the same lists he’s on.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, this was was in response to a reporter asking why anyone should want to have a beer with him. I believe his response was “because I drink a lot” and no I am not making that up.

blaxabbath

Stay on point! No one wants new bits!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No one wants new bits!

Ugh, don’t tell me you’ve been seduced by all the anti-trans rhetoric too.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

When your own words are all the opposing candidate needs to dunk on you….you’re gonna have a bad time

https://x.com/KamalaHQ/status/1821260444054519986

Horatio Cornblower

I have noticed that at least two of the competitors in this weight-lifting competition have scars on their necks, (one of them has one on each side), that my experience has a litigation attorney tells me are from cervical spine surgeries.

Time to reconsider your hobbies, fellas.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

A “litigation attorney” (artist’s conception):

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Horatio Cornblower

I drove by a tractor-trailer fire this morning and nearly died from the explosive erection.

Don T

/reflex speed dial mercenary engineering expert witness

Horatio Cornblower

This guy gets it.

Horatio Cornblower

Announcer: “All he has to do now is wipe his mind clear and do what he does best, which is clean and jerk.”

Me: comment image

SonOfSpam

The announcers:

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Senor Weaselo

Meanwhile, at the pole vault: “She needs more penetration there.”

Yeah, phrasing’s long gone.

SonOfSpam

“Fucking tell me about it”

-D. Favre

Horatio Cornblower

Announcers in the weightlifting just asked, without a trace of sarcasm, “can he jerk it” and I’m like, well, not with all that resin on his hands.

SonOfSpam

That would feel like being with Mrs Shapiro

Horatio Cornblower

Can you blame her?

SonOfSpam

Yes, she married the little queef, hope his inflated salary was worth it.

Horatio Cornblower

Watching Olympic weightlifting always brings me back to this, Cha-cha.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAdG-iTilWU

blaxabbath

Flying to Burbank then to the hotel by Universal Studios.

Where do I do lunch when we land?

And dinner later/tomorrow?

SonOfSpam

CityWalk has lots of overpriced crowded places!

blaxabbath

The thing I hope to avoid.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Q: What’s the difference between a three ring circus and a women’s team syncronized swimming routine?

A: One features a cunning array of stunts, the other…actually, they both feature a pretty impressive array of stunts.

SonOfSpam

Also, what’s the difference between a group of thieving Lowratios and a women’s marathon?

One is a bunch of cunning runts, and the other, well, are very fine people.

Horatio Cornblower

Lowratio got a good chuckle out of this.

Then I made him return your silverware. Look for a package in the mail soon.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

USHA VANCE: Honey, were you using my laptop?

JD VANCE: Not that I remember, why do you ask?

USHA VANCE: Because I typed in the letters “gu” and Google autocompleted it into a search for “guy drinking horse semen.”

JD VANCE: Oh, yeah, that. [thinking fast] Yeah, that was, uh, just some campaign stuff. New attack line we’re testing out.

SonOfSpam

Starting to see a few media people getting scoldy on Twitter about the couch jokes, and lemme tell ya, they ain’t stopping.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They’ll peter out, but not because we’re responding to media scolds. It’ll be because we find newer fun things to riff on.

SonOfSpam

You mean we’re not gonna say “Let’s Go Brandon” for ten years?

Horatio Cornblower

You will take my couch-fucking jokes when you pry them from my cold, dead laptop.

Last edited 2 months ago by Horatio Cornblower
yeah right

The Essendon Fremantle game was the game of the year. Back and forth, decided at the last second and it fucking sucked to lose it.

Hell of a game though.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It was very strange to see Essendon come into a game with their playoff hopes on the line and not get blown out by 56 points.

blaxabbath

WOOOOOOOOO!! HANG THEM HIGH!!!!

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WCS

LOCK HER UP LOCK HER UP LOCK HER UP

Horatio Cornblower

Fuck it, shoot her.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Heads on pikes

Gumbygirl

As a warning to the others!

King Hippo

This really was an act of treason. I’m all for it. Especially since Jenna Ellis would shit her pants about being VERY true to her cooperation agreement.

Sharkbait

I reflexively do this every time I hear Max Holt during the volleyball game:

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Last edited 2 months ago by Sharkbait
TheRevanchist

Pee-cock really does have some excellent coverage. Kind of surprised how good it has been.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Volleyball is fucked up right now for me; I can’t watch it on anything other than the multi-view.