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Wumbo Wednesday With Weaselo: RAINPOCALYPSE ’23

Senor Weaselo

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If you hadn’t heard, it rained last weekend in the city. And the entire East Coast. I guess Project Arcturus is finally up and running, though the Queensboro Bridge is still upright. (Nobody calls it by its current official name, the Ed Koch Bridge. You know who else wouldn’t call it that? Ed Koch.)

Meanwhile, Senorita Weaselo braved the elements (of which there were plenty since we had rain pretty much for two weeks straight and the drains finally noped out)

In the meantime, fuck YouTube for their “You can’t whitelist us.”

and waited on line for three hours to get mooncakes (because it was the Mid-Autumn Festival).

(Please do not ask me what the Mid-Autumn Festival entails, other than rabbits are the symbolic animal, it’s customary to observe and admire the moon, if it’s out, and consume mass quantities as it’s a harvest festival). In conclusion, here are the mooncakes, and thank goodness she doesn’t read this to see me use her efforts and photos to chase my own clout.

Clockwise from top-left: Rose lychee; pandan lotus seed paste with salted duck egg yolk (more traditional); butterfly pea flower with cream cheese and kumquat; pandan with salted egg yolk; savory vegan pork floss in center (mooncakes via)

If we had stopped there that would have been plenty, but she had previously gotten from another place a few days before, plus her dad’s… we counted a solid two dozen mooncakes (even if some were doubles). We have gone through a chunk of them. Including the Oreo cheesecake mochi-like one she made since Hermana Weaselo came over yesterday. And the other ones made.

Okay, food brag over. News now, I’m already late.

-Jamal Adams got concussed Monday night, and may get disciplined about getting pissed off about what the doctors found. I mean, first game back, totally okay to be frustrated. Jets still won that trade.

-Evan Neal said some really stupid shit. I would use the Chuck Dressen quote to say “The Giants is dead.” (If they come back like the ’51 Baseball Giants and win the conference, I’ll be impressed.)

Sports!

ME EAT YOU WHOLE! (aka Wild Card Series Game 2s)

-In progress: SNL’s Not Ready For Primetime Players vs. Buddy Cole’s Favorite Baseball Team (TOR vs. MIN, Twins lead series 1-0; currently 2-0 Twins, bottom 7) (ESPN)

-Starting shortly: Jake’s Snakes (Jake Sucks) vs. Milwaukee Beers (ARI vs. MIL, Brewers lead 1-0) (ESPN2)

-In an hour: Fishdom vs. Nick Castellanos’s Not-Bird Flipping (MIA vs. PHI, Phillies lead 1-0) (8:00, ESPN)

Okay, okay, it’s in, now go!

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WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIxkveUJEKU&ab_channel=JesusArba%C3%B1ilGarcia

I was at this show. If you look close, you’ll see me.

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I need to get up early but also kinda want another Red Hook…

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SonOfSpam

I’m getting up early but still drinking.

So I don’t wanna call you a pussy but get a beer pussy.

1
Brick Meathook

I’ve been drinking since 7 AM. Never felt better.

1
SonOfSpam

There really is no better health regimen.

2
Brick Meathook

I’m imagining myself doing sit-ups right now.

2
Dunstan

That’s funny, I was imaging you doing sit-ups, too!

5
Dunstan

They said if Hillary won in 2016, we’d have taco trucks on every corner. We’ll never know I guess. But Biden won in 2020, and now there’s a taco truck on my corner, so I say Let’s Go Brandon!

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SonOfSpam

Yes, like the Hilary thing was bad! Fuck off racists, don’t threaten me with a good time.

3
WCS

Ben Gazzi is still on the loose. Thanks, Nobummer.

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Brick Meathook

The target icon there is Cantalini’s Salerno Beach Italian restaurant in Playa Del Rey, which is Jungle-adjacent. Attached to and part of Cantalini’s is the Harbor Room. This was the first DFO meet-up site I ever went to. BFC was the first DFOer I met (actually the first internet person I ever met) so we were both wary at first. It turned out okay. Then The Wee Baby Seamus showed up, after he had just met the love of his life at a pot store in Venice, the full saga of which became legendary around here. I had to leave to catch a flight but it was a pretty good time. A few days later when I returned we had a bigger summit meeting at Mo’s right across the street (BFC, Seamus, Balls, RTD, yeah right, Brick)

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ballsofsteelandfury

And I believe I showed up right after you left.

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Brick Meathook

I believe so!

1
Dunstan

So you two have never been in the same place at the same time? Hmmmm….

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Brick Meathook

No, but BFC and I had the same ball-waxer in West Hollywood, but we were never there at the same time.

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WCS

Which one of you is Robert Kraft?

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Brick Meathook

I tried to look you up when I was out Pittsburgh way! (I got a lot of nice photos out there)

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WCS

Per’haps next time.

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Brick Meathook

We’re due for another SoCal DFO summit, post-pandemic. Hollywood is a logical spot due to its central location. If so, I can get you all into Hollywood Post #43, right next to the Hollywood Bowl, of which I am a member. Bring a ten dollar bill and you can get hammered on top-shelf with a nice tip in the best speak-easy in Hollywood. It’s also a registered historic landmark and fully restored.

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WCS

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Phillies advance. Personally, I welcome our new Fail In the Championship Round Philadelphia Overlords. The taste of utter, total disappointment is delicious.

1
2Pack

This one is making the rounds. Tay Tay is here for us ppl…

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening. If anyone wants to pray with a Lyft driver, feel free to do a body switch with me right now.

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fleshwound_NPG

if hes praying for safe travels to his destination https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/53890360-2973-4274-b9b6-bd979261f1c7

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scotchnaut

Sorry buddy, I only believe in the religions of Uber drivers.

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scotchnaut

/makes “Blow up the Moon” reference
//decides to watch skit yet again knowing that it probably won’t age well this time
///is completely mistaken, again

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTJ3LIA5LmA&ab_channel=LaserTime

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Brick Meathook

This is great. I loved Mr Show.

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WCS

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fleshwound_NPG

THESE FLORIDA BASEBALL TEAMS TODAY LEMME TELL YA I CALL THEM RON DESANTIS IN AN ELTON JOHN SHOW THEY WANT THE FUCK OUTTA THERE

5
SonOfSpam

Aw, but Lindsey Graham got backdoorstage passes.

2
ArmedandHammered

Those Moon Cakes look fantastic.

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scotchnaut

“Let’s Blow Up The Moon Cakes!”

-title of the first draft of a Mr. Show skit

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fleshwound_NPG

hes stoked baby

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WCS

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WCS

Danger Ehren always tries.

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Brick Meathook

More cheap laffs:

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Brick Meathook

You see, “The Jungle” is an actual neighborhood near me. I guess this is more conceptual digital art than cheap laffs, per se, but still a valid expression within the context of the medium as presented, within this paradigm. They used to do a lot of partying in that neighborhood.

2
scotchnaut

“Buddy, can you spare a paradigms?”

-J. Tomsula, outside the doors of the Thomas Kuhn Appreciation dinner

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scotchnaut

No Word of a Lie: I checked in here on one hour’s sleep last night on the open thread to make some jokes and read what all you guys were saying just so I could sorta decompress. It did the trick and I was able to get a few hours more of very much-needed snoozy time.

/thank you.

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WCS

Hang in there, buuddy. Quadropoly for Son of Scotch and wifeynaut.

/at least a half dozen homeless drifters found with severed, sharpened ATV handlebars impaled in their torsos Sunday morning

4
Senor Weaselo

“Good, good…” -Vlad T., Wallachia, Romania

2
King Hippo

We are always here, whether you need a laugh or an alibi.

5
herodotus450

You saying our jokes are so boring they put you to sleep?

2
scotchnaut

Not everyone’s, just the ones from Red Wings fans.

3
herodotus450

Good thing I prefer Timbalands then

0
Don T

Christ man, I’m so sorry. I hope your son gets better and recovers fully.

My mother in the back of my mind: Yes, to berate him constantly, told you so, told you so, I told you so but you don’t listen. Why must you–etc. etc. Remember to do this, because it’s part of the natural healing process for his own good!

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scotchnaut

Wear Your Helmet Folks: Otherwise your parents might get a phone call at midnight on Monday night from the hospital asking you to wander down and see your kid’s face/head covered in blood. He’s out of the woods (literally and figuratively) now but he’s got as souvenirs:

  1. 14 staples in his head
  2. a concussion
  3. a skull fracture
  4. two separate brain bleeds

/third time in six years he’s ended up at the hospital in a scary situation. Fuck.

14
LemonJello

Hopefully the Scotchnaut Spawn heals quickly and fully.

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WCS

Crimeny. Glad he’s okay-ish?

Is this the one you wake up at hours that shouldn’t exist? What’s the prognosis? What hell happened? Are you alright?

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scotchnaut

Yeah, he’s the driver’s helper on Fridays. The big worry was that the brain bleeds would expand and surgery would be needed but they’ve stabilized. He came back to camp at high speed, his front tire hit a rock as he was turning, he went over the handlebars and hit a tree with his noggin. No cell service where they were so it was an hour’s drive back into town. Wifey is on four (maybe) hours sleep.

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WCS

Jeez.

Well, we’re all here for cheap laffs and dick jokes to help what it can.

4
SonOfSpam

Oh man, sure glad he’s (kinda) okay. That’s terrifying.

Bike or motorcycle? Gotta assume the non-motorized kind.

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scotchnaut

ATV. (All Terrain Vehicle-not sure you know the acronym-but they’re insanely popular here) It was the last run of the day, of course.

3
SonOfSpam

Yeah, those things look fun as hell but statistically they’re pretty dangerous.

Again, very glad it wasn’t worse.

4
WCS

Someone I grew up with crashed one when we in middle school or something. He almost bought it, but thankfully didn’t.

I’ve somehow managed to avoid sitting one since then.

1
scotchnaut

Between ATV’s and snowmobiles, my wife’s extended family (which is large) has lost three members in the last ten years. Each one was driving back home or to camp after sunset.

1
King Hippo

Probably wait until tomorrow before telling Mrs. Scotchy that it’s a pity he inherited the dummy stuff from her branch of the family tree. But you can THINK it right now.

5
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What your comment says:

Between ATV’s and snowmobiles, my wife’s extended family (which is large) has lost three members in the last ten years. Each one was driving back home or to camp after sunset.

What Deanna Favre sees:

………………………………………………………….extended……….. …………..large……………………members………………………….. ……………………………………………………………………………

/sorry, just making sure our stock of dick jokes doesn’t run low.

8
Senor Weaselo

He wasn’t doing wheelies, was he? Those guys do them on the streets (where they’re illegal) and I always hope they eat it.

2
scotchnaut

No, he wasn’t showing off. He’s spent 100’s of hours on sleds, bikes and ATV’s and is tremendously skilled.* He just needed to be wearing a goddamn helmet.

*Last year during Xmas holidays I went out with him on a 3 hour jaunt and came home and went directly to bed because it was so exhausting. He met up with buddies and was out for another two hours afterwards.

2
Brick Meathook

Best thoughts for your son (and you)

4
scotchnaut

Thanks.

2
fleshwound_NPG

like i tell everybody, the day i got my license is the day i graduated to cars and cars ONLY. no bikes. no quads. i like having a roof over my head.

if i want my fill of silly stunts done by people that should be wearing helmets, i’ll watch the bears on sundays

7
scotchnaut

The first time he was in the hospital was because he wasn’t wearing a helmet so I’m sure he’ll learn the lesson this time.

3
LemonJello

If he doesn’t, beat him with the helmet.

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King Hippo

OY. That’s a tough nut to crack.

1
SonOfSpam

Given the number of staples, apparently not.

5
King Hippo

My dad wanted to get ATVs for all of us, when we kids were in the 10-15 age range. My mom, who wasn’t one of those helicopter types by any means – absolutely put her foot down. Threats, insults, the whole nine yards.

I will tell her she was right when I see her next.

3
SonOfSpam

Yes, she was right.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Fuck! Hope he heals quickly.

1
Senor Weaselo

Shit. Glad he’s not, you know, dead.

4
Mr. Ayo

That’s rough. Glad to hear he’s going to be okay.

2
litre_cola

ATVs frighten me. Snow machines not so much but I even wear my helmet 100 percent of the time on my bicycle.

Glad he is alright. That is scary.

1
SonOfSpam

Rode a snowmobile once, weirdly at a company event on a trip to Lake Tahoe. They are faster than I thought and I was very tense the entire ride. Glad I did it once, but that’s enough.

0
BugEyedBoo

Spent an hour riding a snowmobile a long time ago. Muscles were hurting for three or four days that I didn’t even know I had.

1
SonOfSpam

YES EXACTLY

0
2Pack

I trust he will make a full and quick recovery. Every parents nightmare, my best wishes to you and your family Buddy.

3
fleshwound_NPG

lol. lmao.

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Mr. Ayo

Concerning

1
SonOfSpam

Trying to find sympathy for the bankers, can’t.

2
LemonJello

I didn’t even look for sympathy.

4
fleshwound_NPG

i’m lookin into it

2
Wakezilla

Man, why did AEW have to move to Tuesday night? There’s nothing worth watching tonight

1
King Hippo

I meant to hate watch SurvivoUr, but forgot.

0
Brick Meathook

My DoorDash lunch order today:

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SonOfSpam

Welcome! They got fun n games.

5
Brick Meathook

Some say that place is what the song was written about; others say not.

1
Doktor Zymm

Vegan pork floss is intriguing, the full pork version is tasty, although don’t try to floss with it

2
BeefReeferLives

“rabbits are the symbolic animal”

-A moment of remembrance & contemplation for LLL’s wee bun. We hardly knew ye, lil feller…

4
Gumbygirl

That was so sad!

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

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WCS

“The tall thing is watching us again. What should we do?”
“Just stand still and look cute. He’ll leave eventually, and then we’ll piss on his shoes.”

3
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Naw, that thing gives us the Banana and apple, so to show our appreciation, we’ll poop on the floor

5
Gumbygirl

Awwwwww!

0
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okPgKHMDxIQ

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