We just finished the NCAA Tournament. I bet you’re asking yourself, “Where can I get more Jim Nantz? I can’t wait all the way to the start of the NFL season to hear his velvety voice!” This is you, right? No?
Yes, it’s The Masters. Golf’s biggest event, and it’s most self-serving. Hosted at Augusta National Golf Club in Augusta, Georgia, golf’s (for now) first major of the year goes out of it’s way to remind you of how important the Green Jackets think it is.
I love golf, even I’m horrible at it. Would I like to play at Augusta? Of course.
On the pro side: It looks absolutely gorgeous. Everyone who’s ever been there says it feels like hallowed ground. The course is absolutely a blast to play.
On the con side: The “minorities aren’t welcome here” policy. (Ask Lee Trevino about that.) It’s “You’re-Not-Allowed Here” policy rivals only the original goal of Cartmanland. Tournament founder Bobby Jones was astoundingly racist. The club went out of their way to refuse women as members for decades. All of these are part of the reason I really hate everything AGNC stands for, and yet, can’t help but be drawn to The Masters. Like a junkie to a needle, and Andy Reid to a buffet, I know it’s not good, but, I can’t stop myself.
This year’s edition comes as one of the most-hyped in decades, and that’s not hyperbole. Tiger is back! Phil is playing the best golf in years! The younger guys (Justin Thomas, Jason Day, Dustin Johnson) are all playing at high levels! Rory can complete the career grand slam! Bubba has won twice this year already! It is exciting to see so many brand names coming in as favorites, and not just in the Vegas sense, though Hippo would back that latter part up.
We’ll see how this thing plays itself out, and perhaps you’ll get a Hippo-ish series for each day. Probably not, but, who knows?! That’s really up to my kids, and how much I want to do anything outside of getting drunk, taking the dog for a walk, and sleeping. Anyway, we’ve been done this before. I got that one right. So, I’ll say it’s either Rory finishing the Career Grand Slam, or, some nobody, like See-Woo Kim.
Skip work and watch some golf. At any rate, fuck Jim Nantz, and have it, dickholes.
meh
My kind of girl.
Wife material
If something is squirting and her first instinct is to put it in her mouth….you betcha.
Republican high school students went out and protested for the 2nd Amendment and Gun Rights. Its a nice thought, if all the pictures of the kids skin color weren’t so monochrome.
(sacrifices another lamb for a viable Third Party Alternative)
Losers.
They said they were upset that the narrative was “all students are against guns”, but to their credit they did say they are for better background checks. So the New Age Hitler Youth wasn’t completely bad.
They’re Republicans. They are entirely bad.
(holds back tears)
…am I bad in a good way or bad in a bad way?
Fuck it. I don’t want to have this conversation.
Its my delusion and I’ll deluse if I want to.
Crowd reaction is the best part here, IMHO.
What was the point of that anyway?
Break the glass; win a kewpie?
It’s an instructional thing on the golf channel. I’m not sure what the exact point on this one was, but the plate is clear for lining up to the green. Not for hilarious nut shots.
Its was an object teaching lesson about vectors and angles using a pair of testes to make it memorable without having to get the cops involved.
Sooooo…Spieth has decided to kick the shit out of ANGC, huh?
Again.
Where did Reed finish?
Yes, I could search it. But I’m lazy and I suspect you’ll know off the top of your head.
-3 T4
Nice
Every President, once they leave the office, is granted membership at Augusta National, even Nixon. What are the chances Trump ran just so he would get a green jacket?
He’ll want it colored gold though.
“Colored”…?
Producer: [to cameraman] “Get me shot #16!”
Cameraman: “”Pink flower in the foreground, golfer walking up the fairway in the background? Done.”
Producer: “Excellent!”
Cameraman: “When are we doing #27?*”.
Producer: “Shortly after #11**. Just be patient.”
*slow pan from majestic tree to a ball lying on the green
**overhead shot of all the pretty sand traps on holes 15, 16 and 17
With such a terrible drive, it’s amazing that…
/removes sunglasses
…he got a birdie.
This is what it sounds like…when doves die…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PyCpG06138
Well the birds got their revenge on the Mariners…
https://www.sbnation.com/mlb/2018/4/5/17203812/seattle-mariners-james-paxton-eagle-eagleeeeeeeee
Thanks Obama!!!!!!
Fun Fact:
Whenever jordan Spieth approaches the tee at the 18th hole he says to himself, “Spieth, the final frontier” and giggles quietly to himself.
Has anyone led the Masters from beginning to end? I mean, aside from Rembrandt of course.
Yes. Spieth was the most recent.
How often does it occur?
/show your work
5 times. Although the Masters doesn’t count it as wire to wire if the leader is T1, which happened another 6 times.
Who thinks Pruitt will try to take one last ride on the taxpayer dime and blow $20k on a jaunt down to Augusta for the weekend?
Don’t know if she pulled her head, but I just did.
Shoulda yelled “two”
That is one outrageous dog.
He’s proactive. A totally new paradigm.
Partial credit. The correct answer is “he’s totally in my face!”
Yeah, I rushed it.
I’m fired, aren’t I?
“Can I get a ruling?”
12/10. Very good boy.
Are you sure it is the Masters? According to the coverage I was seeing it is just Tiger playing a round at Augusta with a bunch of no-names. I swear Tiger could be shooting a +20 and they would still be focusing on him, instead of another player who was shooting a -20.
I’m curious what excuses they are going to make for him when he’s at +11 by tomorrow and fails to make the cut.
Sweet! We just had an earthquake. Can’t tell if it’s a small one real close by or a big one farther away but it was a decent shake. I should use this as an excuse to close up work early.
Time to break out the earthquake booze!
That was actually a pretty damn good one. It was a 5.0 and basically centered around the Channel Islands. If that shit hit under us you would be reading a whole lot more about it.
https://earthquaketrack.com/v/la/recent
Did not make its way down to the OC…or it did, and I assumed it was gas.
earthquake herb dude
Herbquake?
I WAS TRAUMATIZED
It felt like what I would imagine getting tackled by (current status) Ryan Shazier feels like.
That was my first LA earthquake. It left me…
/puts on sunglasses
Shook.
YEEEEEEAAAAHH
A live look at Sergio’s chances of repeating this year:
So, I thought I’d stop in and see what’s happening at the ol’clubhouse…
No futbol today? If I were wearing pearls, I’d clutch them.
Wait? What’s that noise? Bah gawd! That’s…that’s The Masters theme!
https://giphy.com/gifs/season-14-the-simpsons-14×10-3orieVWjuvjLoOiPuw
I like that the ads for the Masters are trying to reach the “likes to see cars get destroyed” demographic.
Have I ever mentioned how much I absolutely loathe websites which automatically load and play videos? When I’m relaxed and perusing news/sports, with music kinda blasting….and then I start hearing the shrill voice of some jackhole overtop of my music, especially if he’s just saying the same shit I’ve already started reading?
IF I WANT TO WATCH YOUR FUCKING VIDEO I’LL CLICK ON THE SUMBITCH!!!!!!
grumble grumble
Disable HTML5 Autoplay extension (Chrome) — https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/disable-html5-autoplay/efdhoaajjjgckpbkoglidkeendpkolai?hl=en-US
Disable HTML5 Autoplay extension (Firefox) — https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/disable-autoplay/?src=api
Safari has an option you can click on in Debug mode. Debug > Media Flags > Disable Inline Video
I walked into an empty elevator and was hit by the STANK of either cheap perfume or gin. In that vein, best mixed drinks of all time (YMMV):
1. Cuba Libre
2. [intentionally left blank]
3. gin + tonic + lotta lime
4. Long Island Iced Tea*
5. Vodka martini
6. Gin or vodka + passion fruit juice
* Only LSD provides more bang for your buck.
Agreed about #4. Those things go down way too smoothly. I once way overdid it with those.
Yikes.
1 or 2: Margarita (rocks, blanco tequila, lime juice, Cointreau or Grand Marinier, salt)
This guy gets it.
2. Vodka and vodka.
Rory or Spieth for the win. Or John Daly. Yeah, John Daly.
So how tough would it be to rig up a drone so that it can spray herbicide? I was thinking a fun prank to do would be to fly one out over a Trump golf course late one night and tag up the greens to read “FUCK TRUMP” in dead grass.
rock salt works well for this….not that i know
Actually…I wonder if a remote control car rigged up to look like a furry animal might be better. Easier to control, cheaper…
This bunch of jackasses needs to have Sherman march through the middle of it.
Sherman…. tank?
If this jackass had made it a little further, you might have gotten at least part of that I guess.
http://www.wral.com/driver-charged-with-dui-after-bus-bound-for-the-masters-overturns/17466375/
This truly is Hellworld.
A few years back, I got my brother, a big golfer, a round at the Scottsdale TPC (home of the Waste Management Open). It was probably one of the better gifts I’ve given him.
Love that course.
Hey Judge!!! While we’re young, huh?
Ah, that’s better. Much better, actually. Thank you, Paige.
something something my balls were between her boobs something something but then she whacked ’em with an 8 iron something something
something something worth every penny something something