Lesser Weekend, Lesser Insight

Rule Britannia starts to play and the camera shifts over to focus on David Jones

David Jones: Hello everyone! Welcome to a special edition of Saturday night football! I’m your host, David Jones. Today, we say goodbye to our beloved father, the Prince of Edinburgh, Prince Philip.

David Jones: Prince Philip always looked dashing in his red military outfit. . . Folks, because we are number one for your football watching needs, we have the proposed formation for Prince Philip’s funeral, which will begin in an hour. Here it is:

David Jones: As you can see, the Royal family is going with a bit of a head scrathcher, a 2-3-2-2 formation. Joining me now to analyze this peculiar formation is former Liverpool defender, Jamie Carragher. Jamie.

Jamie: Thanks David. This 2-2-3-2 formation as absolutely abysmal. A poor choice. I mean, where’s the width? Personally, I would’ve put Harry and William upfront. I’ve seen a few videos of them in the army and they both seem pretty fast. What says you, Nevs?

Nevs: A 2-5-2 formation means they will be lacking in attack and defence. Sir Tim Laurence and The Earl of Snowdon will need to be sharp. Princess Anne up front? Do me a favour.

David Jones: It appears that they’ll be going experience over youth. Lets hope it doesn’t backfire. Roy Keane, what are your thoughts about this formation?

Keano: . . .. Interesting change of formation. Strange decision to move Andrew from striker. We’ve seen he’s an ice-cold predator. However, he’s very familiar with a 6 and 8. He can struggle with the 10s because that’s a number too old for him. Ultimately, I don’t see him having too many issues. Especially since Andrew is on the right side, which reminds me of a certain ex Man City footballer from the past. I. .

/Micah Richards interrupts

Micah: Keano, I’ll tell you why you’re wrong. The 2-3-2-2 formation is a wonderful thing because there will be times where we will see Peter Phillips drop in between the centre halves to give himself as an option for them when in possession. This will allow the Royal family to give Andrew lots of protection, which is something they like to do. Perhaps more importantly, this also makes Charles a false 9.

Keano: That will play to the advantage of Andrew. If there’s one thing we know is that Andrew likes a false 9. It makes him very scrappy in the box.

Graeme Souness: For the Royal family’s sake, you hope Prince Andrew is up against a young wing back because you know he’ll stretch that youngster out. But you have to ask yourself, what exactly was Paul Pogba thinking calling out Jose Mourinho just 24 hours before this event? Parasitic if you ask me.

David Jones: Excellent analysis as always. I’m afraid we’re out of time. Until next tomorrow, goodbye every body.
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Everton have not done the double over Spurs since Hippo was 12 years old.  Fuck me, that is almost Wolven Sort-calibre futility.  In order to stay in the race FOAR Europe (a necessary predicate to strengthening the squad this summer), Everton needed to change that yesterday.

They didn’t.  Hey, at least I had Harry Fuckface Kane as first scorer in Prediction League.  I won’t win that, neither.

Only two fixtures today, only two on Sunday.  I suppose I could pay attention to the FA Cup…but why?  Crown City’s arse, already.

Wakezilla: Speaking of City possibly winning a quadruple, thereby beating United’s treble: me and my sniper rifle might be paying a visit to Manchester, England over the next week or two. Why, you ask? No reason. No reason at all. . ..

Wake up early for the only teevee match, Hammers and Barcodes (7:30, NBCSN).  Seriously, Davey Moyes is taking West Ham on a Shempions League adventure.  I am happy for him, and Fronk…but yeah, it chaps my Bitter Blue ass a little.  Newcastle have shown just enough pulse to likely survive the drop.  This makes very few people (real or imaginary) happy.

Wanna see Team Knifey die their final death?  You’ll need Peacock (and a point from Newcastle earlier in the day) with Wolves the opponent (3:15).  I’m thinking nap.

MOAR traditional NBCSN double dip on Sunday, with Arsenal putting the near-final shiv into Mighty Whitey (8:30), followed by Ole’s United hosting Boo-urnley (11:00).  Try to contain your excite.