Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Axeman of New Orleans

The Maestro - March 22, 2018March 21, 2018

Sean Payton invited me out for drinks the other night. Normally, I'd turn him down, but he mentioned to me that he had some ideas on what to do to revitalize my running game, so I said fuck it and headed to the Bayou to catch up. Somewhere along the

Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Kentucky Meat Shower

The Maestro - March 15, 2018March 14, 2018

With free agency kicking off this week, seems like a lot of teams are hungry for winners - I've sent my staff criss-crossing the country to do some scouting research as we sort out our roster for the coming year, which is great because it frees up my time to

Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Hoia Baciu Forest

The Maestro - March 8, 2018March 6, 2018

Spring is just around the corner! Seems like a fine time to dust off some of the camping gear and get prepped for when the nukes start raining down on us again. As a well-prepared conspiracy theorist, it's essential to have a bug-out bag packed at all times in order

Have Your Say: Results From Our 3rd Annual Commentist Survey

The Maestro - March 5, 2018March 1, 2018

After many hours of number-crunching, with the finest analytical minds the world has to offer working tirelessly for weeks on end to interpret the findings... we have our results from the [DFO] Commentist Survey once again, folks! Be sure to check out our top-of-the-line, A1-caliber interactive pie charts for further info

Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Mary Celeste

The Maestro - March 1, 2018March 1, 2018

I need to start looking for new team-building activities this off-season; as coach of the Seahawks, we've done a lot of paintball, capture the flag, man-tracking, and other survival games in recent years, but I'm thinking I need to up the difficulty level... we need to take to the open

Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Reincarnation of Omm Sety

The Maestro - February 22, 2018February 19, 2018

Oh, men. MEN. I took a trip with Coach Ryan this past week; he seemed intent on going somewhere where he could walk barefoot without having to worry about stepping on anything, so we ended up in Egypt. And hot DAMN, did I ever find a strange one this past

Take this year’s Commentist Survey, folks.

Updates

The Maestro - February 21, 2018

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Have Your Say: The 3rd Annual [DFO] Commentist Survey

The Maestro - February 15, 2018February 13, 2018

It's about that time of year, folks... Once again, we'd like to get some input from you on what to do with this here website! Hopefully your input can lead to some good updates and changes for the positive at the [DFO] clubhouse - maybe some new wallpaper and carpeting

Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Somerton Man

The Maestro - February 15, 2018February 15, 2018

Olympics, Olympics, Olympics. Looks like it's cold as shit in Korea right now. After months of cloud and fog and dampness in the Pacific Northwest, I'm not about to go gallivanting over to Asia right now to ask the Chinese what they know about 9/11. I need to warm up

Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Stone Balls of Costa Rica

The Maestro - February 8, 2018February 15, 2018

Hi folks - I know a lot of you plan on watching the Super Bowl this weekend (well, perhaps maybe not a number of the denizens of this website) - I know it may sound sacrilegious to say this, especially as a highly regarded NFL coach, but instead of crunching

Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Chinese Village of Dwarfs

The Maestro - February 1, 2018February 15, 2018

This is Coach Carroll, checking in. Oh man, have I got a weird one for you this week. So, to give this some context - the Seahawks, being a team from the Pacific Northwest, have a large number of fans who are of the Asian persuasion... so the team figured

Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Hessdalen Lights

The Maestro - January 25, 2018February 15, 2018

Hi all - Coach Carroll, reporting in. Gotta say, I was pretty cheesed, just like many of you were, about the President's comments on immigration the other week. Pretty awful stuff to say, you know. And why Norway? Why there, of all places? It's a pretty cool spot, from what