“I’ve been around St. Louis and Missouri a major portion of my life, I’ve never had any desire to lead the charge out of St. Louis. That’s not why we’re here. We’re here to work very hard and be successful in St. Louis.”
E. Stanley Kroenke, August, 2010
As I’m sure you’ve heard, Enos Kroenke has applied to move the Rams to Los Angeles. In a particularly ugly sequence, apparently encouraged and rewarded by the NFL, Stanley has burned every possible bridge he has ever crossed in his home state, after pledging to keep the Rams in St. Louis while trying to get approval for his ownership of the team. Stan has, after several dogged attempts by local St. Louis reporters, finally released the full application to move that he is, by NFL bylaws, required to “publish the notice in newspapers of general circulation” in the team’s community and “provide copies of the notice to governmental and business representatives”, neither of which he bothered to do. He also didn’t deign to engage with local politicians until late November, most definitely not fulfilling his end of the “make every effort to stay” part of the bylaws. As he’s decided to move, come hell or high water, we can just stand at the docks and wave as the great ship Gurley makes its voyage.
As a fan (until the move) of the Rams, I have been put through the wringer. 2007-2011 was, literally, the worst five-year stretch in the history of the NFL. That’s not hyperbole, guys. It was the worst. Via facts. Yet, the team continued to draw 50,000 people a week, to watch garbage football in a dreary building. After the Greatest Show on Turf era ended, the Rams have devolved into the least-entertaining team in the league, a team guaranteed to disappoint and annoy. The surprising wins would always be followed by the befuddling losses. Since Marc Bulger left, we have been “treated” to a succession of Sam Badford, Kellen Clemens, AJ Feeley, Austin Davis, Shaun Hill, Nick Foles, and Case Keenum. Let that sink in. Does anyone wonder why Rams fans stopped going? Well, to the tune of 57,000 fans per game.
Stan’s love letter didn’t stop at “Nobody came to my terrible party so I’m leaving”. Oh, hell no. He elected to trash St. Louis as a dying city, with sections titled “Compared to all other U.S. Cities, St. Louis is struggling,” and “St. Louis Is Not a Three Professional Team Market.” Now, let’s just take a look at these claims, hopefully just as objectively as ‘ol Stanny did. OK, St. Louis does rank 61st on a list of economic growth among large cities, out of 64 ranked. Some other notables? Cleveland was 63rd, and Detroit 64th. So, I guess that may not be the only criteria to move? Hell, Jacksonville is 58, Milwaukee is 57 (Somehow, Green Bay doesn’t make the large cities ranking) Baltimore is 56, Phoenix is 55 and Chicago is 51. So, compared to a bunch of cities, a bunch of NFL cities aren’t experiencing a ton of economic growth. I guess that’s not as good of a headline, though. (It hurt my soul to use Detroit and Cleveland as my examples, btw.)
As for “St. Louis Is Not a Three Professional Team Market”? I guess sellouts from 1995-2006 indicate that? The Rams have averaged 57,000 fans in the TransWorld/Edward Jones Dome since arriving in 1995, which has been rewarded with an overall 142-193-1 record, with four winning seasons, five playoff appearances, a 6-4 playoff record, 2 conference championship banners, and a Super Bowl (YAY I STILL LOVE YOU KURT AND MARSHALL AND ISAAC AND TORRY AND ORLANDO AND LONDON AND GRANT)
Where was I, I was reminiscing. Oh yeah, the generally bad football. Look, we had some awesome years, but they ended 11 years ago. Losing support when your product is terrible is an expected business trend, and we weren’t going to reward garbage and low effort with our cash. You know, just like LA did when they stopped going to games in the early 90’s, precipitating this move in the first place. If the team is competitive, or at least competent, suddenly we’re a 3-sport town. Enos Stanley has spent his entire ownership slowly telling us that he was leaving, in the slowest fadeout of all time.
Stan’s scorched earth campaign, while the right thing for him to do according to the NFL, is disingenuous garbage, and shows him to be a hypocrite of the highest order. So enjoy your garbage team and Stan’s dessicated corpse of a moustache, LA. I hope the 47,000 of you that show up to watch the most boring team in football ruin Todd Gurley’s health have a great time. I’ll be watching the 1999 Super Bowl on VHS and crying, and then picking a new team. I’m taking suggestions, btw.
but they ended 11 years ago
11 whole years ago huh. Its amazing you found the desire to make it out of bed this morning.
The struggle is REAL
As an Anaheimian (Anaheimite? Anaheimlich?), I empathize with your Rams-abandoning. Just hate all teams, and their fans, and focus on gambling/fantasy. And beer.
Besides, you’re still the Best Fans In Baseball (whatever that is).
It won’t happen, but I’m really hoping that the Rams become just a toxic team and the face of NFL greed. Send in Michael Moore to talk about how the Rams’ behavior devastated St Louis and raped the LA area of a fine toxic waste site or whatever. Then, in the all the backlash, see all-around good guy and Christian Kurt Warner shun the franchise and go into the Hall* as a Cardinal (or Giant).
*Do we know anyone who votes for the HOF, btw (MAYBE)?
You could of added three paragraphs of anger, for your own benefit…… let it out, man.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/8bad89bdcd3164f4df26f66fef3e6315/tumblr_nzr759orbx1tlb56zo1_400.gif
Not sure why the kid tried to push Dad away after the third hit. Might as well go out and get ice cream kid, that game console’s not coming back.
It was an emotional time, not a rational time. Time to cry, time to pout. So yeah, ice cream sounds good.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/6b4fe5ce1a86ad5c420f46b241b818e1/tumblr_no3k30vH4U1u4p3qfo1_500.gif
Don’t think that kid will ever work in the movies like dad did.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/879da5f958ed6f90d39870aaa5775860/tumblr_nzu1lmZoIN1u8qr43o2_1280.jpg
Look at that fucking clean pocket for Warner; everybody on their assignment, holding just enough, but not too much. Fucking beautiful.
Don’t be a Broncos fan; those guys are ASSHOLES!!
http://45.media.tumblr.com/0fe160be9a88a499a1c5870f7cd641f3/tumblr_nzppv9Tnau1v2nysro1_500.gif
Let’s see. The Rams came from elsewhere and got you to fall in love with them. They put an entertaining championship level product on the field to deepen your passion. And then they ripped your heart out and shat all over you. Time to be a Bears fan and repeat that cycle every 35 years or so.
Note: the elsewhere in the Bears’ origin story is Decatur, so…grain of salt?
I can’t do it – I hate the Cubs so much, and they’re just little Bears. Guilt by association, unfortunately.
Just do what I do and allegedly root for the Cowboys but with an unhealthy dose of cynicism because if you go full Dallas you may as well just kill yourself and go straight to hell. Then just hang around here for the beer and dick jokes.
Oh dear Jebus, not ol’ Double J! Although, if they bring in Johnny Fuckin’ Football or RG3 or BOTH I reserve the right to change my mind.
You’ve been dumped by two teams for hotter, younger cities. It’s time you went out and played the NFL field. Pick a new team to root for every year, hell pick a new team each week. Make those Rams jealous with you going off to exotic locations like Green Bay, with your new team.
Just don’t root for the P**s, they’ll sleep with your Mom and get DTKK pregnant and dump her for some supermodel.
Oh and I forgot to mention, I was born 20 years after the Dodgers and Giants moved out West. I still dream about digging up the body of Walter O’Malley and putting two into his head, just to make sure the Bastard is dead. My father has the same fantasies about Horace Stoneham, he is a Mays/McCovey man.
Never the Pats. NEVER YOU HEAR ME I’m seriously considering just rooting for my fantasy team full-time, even if they stay.
Come be a Fat Hump! We’re close by and like your neighbors (overly friendly and all about the food)
I merely love gravy…am I qualified?
I prefer cheese myself tbh
Join us, DTZM, the Buffalo Bills Regional Municipality!*
We’ve got incredible food, bitchin’ tailgates, and Rex! Every success is a delightfully unexpected surprise, every defeat a legitimate excuse to drink more! No one ever accuses you of being a bandwagon fan, and I have gotten several free Sympathy Beers.
Also, you get two chances a year to rewhet the edge of your seething hatred for Darth Hoodie and Tawm Terrific!
*We’re too small to be a Nation.
Do I get tailgate access? If so, I could DEFINITELY be swayed.
Of course! I went to last year’s season opener in Chicago and was immediately adopted by a pocket of tailgating Bills fans. Free beer, free beef on REAL WECK.
Come over to the Mayhem Cathedral- I’ll introduce you to Gennessee Cream Ale (they sell it at Dierbergs) and give you a detailed geometric analysis of why The Immaculate Deception (as you will come to call Frank Wycheck’s play in the 1999 playoffs) was a forward pass.
I do hear the tailgates are fun:
http://i3.ytimg.com/vi/d9Tr46fuFgU/mqdefault.jpg
They keep the party going inside the stadium, too.
http://dailysnark.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Screen-Shot-2015-10-06-at-1.21.27-PM.png
True
http://i.imgur.com/AWKuPPl.jpg
That is the guy who would get the next beer, then bring it back holding the cup with his brown finger in the beer.
How’d you get a picture of m.. i mean, how’d you get a picture JFF?
With advertising like this, you’d be a fool not to!
Hello! And welcome to THE SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 12TH MAN. You shall be receiving your SEAHAWKS 12TH MAN CARE PACKAGE on your doorstep any day now. Please verify the following contents were received:
– 1 Tin Foil Tri-corner Hat (perfect for SeaFair!)
– 1 lb Starbucks coffee (ground, brewed, put in the compost, and rebagged by homeless vets)
– 8 lbs Salmon (freshly caught, freshly thrown across a counter, freshly smacked in a tourists face)
– 1 pack of black socks (6 -pack)
– 1 FREE pair of jeans from Costco
– 1 pair Tiva sandals (to wear with the socks and jeans)
– 25% off your next Suburu Outback purchase at participating SEAHAWKS 12TH MAN dealers (while supplies last)
– 1 case of Skittles (regular flavor pack only)
– 10 lbs Dungeness crab (as seen on the award winning Deadliest Catch from a locally owned boat!)
– 1 20’x30′ 12TH MAN FLAG to humbly fly at your residence
– 1 umbrella
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This is so perfect in every way, I wish it could fit in the banner.
If you can’t fit that on the 20’x30′ banner they’re giving away you aren’t trying very hard.
Do I get a copy of 9/11 Truther: The Fight for Peace, Justice and Accountability?
http://nesncom.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/pete-carroll.gif
After your 12th #12THMANPRIDE display of 12TH MAN PRIDE on your favorite SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 12TH MAN social media outlet, you will receive a personally addressed and signed copy of 9/11 Truther: The Fight for Peace, Justice and Accountability, as well as a complimentary FREE MEMBERSHIP to the … whatever group it is currently occupying the Federal Building in that hippie commune state of Oregon, those dirty hippies with their free healthcare and legal devil weed gateway drug.
/looks at Washington state
//oh shit really? Thanks Obama
How about a free membership to the Pacific Northwest IPA of The Month Club? No one brews IPA’s like the Pacific Northwest! (no one denies this)
[fills out Starbucks application form]
– Jim Tomsula
oh goddamnit. this is brilliant. You left off the legal weed and craft distilled whiskey though. Payable on first visit.
No no! Those are the GOOD things we don’t want everyone else knowing about!
Hey man, I am pretty sure Kroenke’s problem is he never learned how to properly RAM IT.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxkKlzInR4Y
I hear Houston’s going to get an NFL team someday; you should get the first seat on that bandwagon.
Never forget the good times:
http://uproxx.com/ksk/you-are-not-welcome-at-our-luncheons-an-open-letter-from-penelope-tinsley-darlington-of-pasadena-to-the-nfl/
http://uproxx.com/ksk/he-betrayed-that-pledge-and-supports-an-nfl-plan-an-open-letter-from-penelope-tinsley-darlington-of-pasadena/
http://uproxx.com/ksk/bring-super-bowl-xlix-to-politically-correct-pasadena-an-open-letter-from-penelope-tinsley-darlington-of-pasadena/
Sarah got those exactly right. I mean, it was uncanny.
All the more reason to alienate staff and blow up the site. Why respect quality?
See, this is why I’m so nice to you guys.
BRING BACK SARAH
– audiences after watching Terminator: Salvation
You must be in DTZM’s former timeline… No one here has even heard of Terminator: Salvation.
Much nicer than everyone at my last unpaid internship, at least.
I WANT MY $12
I WILL NEVER PAY UP
Holy shit I forgot how astonishingly bad the Rams were during those years. Fifteen wins in five years. Even during the Raiders’ absolute worst span these last thirteen years, the fewest victories they had in a similar time span was nineteen.
So…go Raiders?
When I said in history, I wasn’t kidding.
St. Louis is going to bitch and moan about Kroenke for a while and then go right back to consuming everything NFL as soon as mini-camps get started. The NFL knows this, which is why they don’t give a shit. The NFL/Fan relationship is a lot more Pimp/Ho than Business/Customer.
On the plus side, we won’t be giving him any more of our money. (Except in the form of what we give the whole league in tax breaks and ad revenue from watching the games.) But should we be forced to abandon the sport entirely because we had a shithead owner? NO, because we deserve to be able to watch the sport. After getting jerked around for the last five years, we deserve to root how we want, when we want, for who we want. And I will NEVER stop bitching and moaning about Stan. I still bitch and moan about the Bidwells and I was a kid when they left.
You’re making my point. What is the downside for Kroenke and the NFL for shitting all over its St. Louis fans? If the move gets approved, Kroenke gets what he wants. If the move gets denied, all will be forgiven as soon as the Rams beat Arizona or Seattle or go on a four game winning streak (which will immediately be followed by a four game losing streak because Jeff Fisher).
Oh, no, I’m done with Stan. Did you read that report? He’s gone come hell or high water. My point is – I still like football. I’m not letting Stan or Roger Goodell or whoever dictate to me how i should consume it, or who I should root for, because fuck them. If he sells the team and they stay, we can work things out. If they leave, I’ll still watch football. If that makes me a rube or a sucker to you, I really don’t care. The NFL would buttfuck each and every one of us to make one extra dollar. If I’m a moron for watching football after this, then so are we all.
Except in LA!
Seattle got this done to us by Fuckface Stern and the NBA’s merry band of lying assholes, so I empathize completely with St. Louis on this. There needs to be some kind of national fan-based union or protest or something that requires owners to fund their own buildings, and requires leagues not to move teams without town fanbase approval.
It’s called actually voting in elections and voting dipshit city councilmembers out of office if they support using public money to fund stadiums. The City of Los Angeles has done it. Note that the stadiums being proposed for LA are all in little cities surrounding LA, not in LA proper.
Fuck the Seattle Supersonics of Oklahoma City.
Isn’t that what the Oregon protest is about? The Sonics leaving?
Stan might be avoiding the LA market altogether, and simply just moving the team there to bail as quickly as possible. One of the rumors I heard a while back before we got to this 3 team play was that with Pat Bowlen suffering from dementia, and the rest of the family wanting to sell the team, Kroenke would move to LA, sell the team and effectively double his money, only to turn around and buy the Broncos. Since he owns the Pepsi Center (and I believe the Nuggets and Avalanche as well?) it would be a “natural” fit. If memory serves, there’s also some guideline/rule the league has overlooked about owning sports franchises in different markets, which would correct that as well. So basically, he gives no fucks to what happens to the Rams or LA, period.
And I’d say come be a Chargers fan, but uh, well, uh… Nevermind…
That is super interesting. I had not heard that before. An LA team with new ownership is actually something that would be appealing to the LA market…
Kronks own the Pepsi Center, the Avalanche, the Nuggets, and the Denver Mammoth of the National Lacrosse League, which apparently is an actual thing.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ll1sVshCiCA/US-kdrHdJ7I/AAAAAAAAArU/uwto9WZHQKM/s640/archer-lacrosse-grenade.gif
Don’t forget Arsenal! That Wal-mart money runs deep!
Hey there, everyone. It’s been a while. I just stopped by to ask DID SOMEONE SAY RAMS!!!???
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxkKlzInR4Y
There are a lot of Stan/Denver rumors here due to Bowlen’s failing health and his cross-ownership…um…I can’t say troubles because the NFL doesn’t give a crap, so I guess rule-breakeriness? I can’t imagine him building that kind of palace out there and laying out his own money to bail, but it would be his kind of move.
He’s building a shopping mall/residential/multi-entertainment complex. The stadium can be easily replaced by parking. Don’t worry about ole Enos. He’s going to make his money no matter what.
Heh, that’s true. He never misses an opportunity to make a buck.
He “transferred” ownership of the Denver teams to his kid to get around cross-ownership rules and dared the other owners to call him on it.
I would be really interested to see E. Stanley’s taxable-gifts form from that year…
Oh, jeez, I missed this one, from Stan’s application:
“The Rams share a market with the Cardinals, which are one of the most successful teams in MLB, play in a new ballpark, and are viewed by respondents as the most important sports team in St. Louis.”
If you can’t beat ’em, just leave, I guess? Why would they think that they would displace a team that wins at a historic rate, is always in contention despite economic disadvantages, and engages the community? With a team that constantly disappoints and is incredibly boring to watch. The Cardinals also funded 90% of that new stadium, guys.
The NFL seems determined to give a giant middle finger to any and all long-term fans of any particular team, by allowing shit like this, “PSL” schemes for already outrageous season tickets, the bullshit and arbitrary rule enforcement dependent largely upon name recognition of the players involved, and any number of other truly disheartening criteria that would make any sane person stop following this sport.
entropy, not sane, will continue to watch and even root for the Jets until they move (I’m figuring sometime around 2025, because that has a nice ring to it), but it’s getting harder by the minute. I think maybe I’ll start following Irish rugby teams, if I can find them on TV, and if not, I’ll just stream the shit.
And for fuck’s sake, NFL, STOP TRYING TO MAKE LA HAPPEN. They have proven, repeatedly, they don’t fucking care for the NFL. So we’re gonna get at least two, possibly three, fully disheartened fanbases, and then in 8 years all three teams will end up moving to Omaha, Nebraska or some shit because no one else wants them. If I didn’t have friends in St Louis and San Diego who rooted for these teams, I’d find this shit funny.
As for a team to root for, well, I can’t help you, because my team is awful and usually ends up being a laughstock in a league that somehow has both the Browns and Jaguars in it, which is saying something. Fuck it, why not root for Seattle? They got hosed in the Sonics departure, throw ’em some love.
My only fear on going full TRUTHER and picking the Seahawks is that then I will be, by definition, a front-runner. HOWEVAH, since I’ll be doing this for the second time before my 40th birthday, I think I can catch a little slack.
If Washington Huskies fans can make peace with Pete the Cheat and what he did while coaching the University of Spoiled Children, I would think a little derptitude politically would be simple to overlook.
Its a damn fun team to root for. Kind of the Old Raiders scrapheap mentality, plus spreadsheet-dork-wannabe-metalhead John Schneider running the drafts and cap. We have Mike Ermantraut as our O-Line coach and a crazy 62 year old head coach. Big brains cornerback who talks too much, and a RB who successfully trademarks not talking enough. We got a QB who sets records for passing efficiency while being labeled a game manager by the wrong coasts’ media. All the while filling one of the loudest stadiums in the league for 10 years and counting.
We’ll never hopefully get to Patriot level insufferability, but it’s a damn fun party if you live here, and shows no signs of stopping any time soon. Almost over The Longest Yard *twitch* from last year, and about to go play Ice Bowl III this sunday.
Bandwagons always open. Could do a lot worse.
Also, I am super duper in love with Kevin Lockett. Like, embarrassingly so.
Tyler Lockett?
Yeah, Arizona decided he didn’t have enough on his highlight reel last week.
I want to put him in my pocket and keep him forever. He’s so fun.
Become a fan of the train wreck. I quit the Jaguars completely when Wayne Weaver started cutting costs to maximize his profits when he ultimately sold it and Jack del Rio started mailing it in. And now I just want to see the league burn.
My favorite moments of the season have been Deflategate, Cam Newton ruining football for a bunch of crusty old fucks, and Peyton Manning getting JACKED on HGH.
See, now you’re speaking my language. Maybe I just root for C.H.A.O.S.
This I can support.
You need to start following the AFL. Season starts right after the Super Bowl!
Will it work in Wichita?
League Cup semifinal, Leg One. Everton vs. City on BeIn Sports. RIGHT FUCKING NOW!! Come on, you Blues!!!!
WHY AM I SO NERVOUS?!
NEVER MIND; FEELING GREAT!
Enos? If you name a kid Enos, you might as well call him Assholehead, because that’s what he’s gonna be.
worked for the Dukes of Hazard deputy, sure ’nuff
Enos Slaughter would have been a great metal name. Seems almost wasted on a right fielder.
How many thousands of times did that kid get called Anus in school? Those private school kids are little savages.
I think it should be an AFC team that feels right after watching a few years.
The Seahawks would be a pick out of hate. I do enjoy hate-rooting, though.
makes you a de facto Truther, though. FACT!
JET FUEL CAN’T MELT MY RAMS HATE FACT!!!1!!!1!!!!1!!!
Cleanse your palette and follow college football for a couple of years. Then, from that/those teams you’ve followed, pick the team a favourite player goes to.
Or, abandon all hope and hitch your wagon to the Blues.
I may just root specifically for my fantasy team. It would be fun to just root for good players, or whatever I pick.
If the Chiefs are too close for comfort, may I suggest hopping onto the Steelers bandwagon? I mean, it’s not like you’d be alone. The team wins plenty. It’s on TV a LOT, so you wouldn’t have to spring for the Sunday Ticket package. Finally, to those that say that hopping on a bandwagon is a horrible heinous act that only people with low self-esteem would do, please remember DTZM is currently a Rams fan.
I do love Antonio Brown. Like, an unhealthy love. I’m also thinking Seahawks, because then I get my mancrush Tyler Lockett AND I get to root against the Rams AND Cardinals four times a year.
I think Seattle is the answer then. Plus, the Pacific Northwest is beautiful. That might make a nice road trip for you and DTKK.
We went there during our honeymoon (our cruise ported out of there) and it’s a great city.
47,000?
Well, it was the average the last season in LA, soooooooo…….
Dude, that was…. a long time ago. Pre-Staples Center. Pre-the Kings and Ducks winning Stanley Cups and contending each year. Pre-USC winning National Championships and then having to return the trophies. Pre-RED ZONE!
Nobody in LA turns up to watch shitty teams unless the ticket prices are dirt cheap (see Clippers during the Sterling era). It’s going to be fun watching these idiots try to find somewhere else to go when they realize they can’t make money here if they don’t win.
All true. I may have gone a little high, but honestly, I’m not mad at the city of LA or the fans at all. I hope that they do come out and support the players – it’s not their fault either. It’s entirely the fault of Kroenke and the NFL.