Your “Finally!” And “It’s All Over After This?!” Super Bowl Open Thread

Well, somehow we made it. I’m so glad that we didn’t have to turn the car around due to bad behavior. Does everyone know which teams are playing? That’s what I thought. Between that and Hippo’s excellent breakdown of the game I’ve nothing to say about that end of things but I would like to share with you some “behind the scenes” tidbits about this very site that I think you might be interested in. I’m not going to name names…just yet.

Way back in 2007 the founder of this site, a grizzled, PTSD-wracked veteran of 3 tours of the second invasion of Iraq (anyone that has a beef with this version of events can take it up with me in the boardroom tomorrow morning) decided that there should be a new-ish football site. With a ton of moxy and just one good arm he created “Abandon Hope All Ye Football Fans That Enter”. That site was a disaster. I mean, it was right there in the title. Who the hell would want to join? Years later, after his extended recuperation at the St. Tunison Sanitarium For The Hopeless he decided to give it one more go.

It was a super-tough haul, putting this site together with nothing more than used scotch tape and pigeon feathers but he got the damn thing to work. But would Door Flies Open fly? A number of lawyers flocked to the site but it was immediately apparent that as a result, the site lacked “any sense of a moral compass”, according to internet pundits. At that point the site was opened up to almost everyone. Normal people came to the site in the dozens-including yours truly.

What followed was a ton of hard work. Night after night, huddled together in a dumpster underneath a single street lamp, we batted around the questions. “How can we take this site to the next level?” and “Is no one going to throw some pizza crusts in here?-I’m hungry!” and “Could you please not urinate on my pizza crust?”. We learned a lot about each other. Who knew that someone could be triggered by two exclamation marks but not one or three? And the hygiene, OH, THE PERSONAL HYGIENE!

So here we are now. We’ve morphed into a mid-major behemoth of a football-specific website that is bound to knock off a #2 or #3 ranked site as soon as we’re allowed back into the tourney. “Ongoing Pattern of Irregular Prescriptions”, my ass. The Internet is clearly out to get “The Little Site That Could”. We’ll survive and thrive…and maybe, just maybe, I can finally get that $12 Toys R Us coupon I was promised at the outset…

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Old School Zero

DAGNABBIT!

Recovery Whiskey

Erhmaghrrd

Gratliff

Peypey gonna get his n

The Maestro

Yup, Von Miller just got hisself an MVP, ah reckon.

JustStopDude

I hate the world…

King Hippo

VON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Senor Weaselo

So, Von Miller for MVP?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Looking like

ThursdaySkyGoddess

CAMDERP! Von Miller MVP.

Romonobyl

Wow…

Sill Bimmons

COME ON CAM DON’T VALIDATE SHITHEADS LIKE BRIAN ANDERSON

Sill Bimmons

fuck

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

This only validates that Von Miller is a God

the Alpha and the Amoeba

How do you draw the line between a really good defensive performance and a really bad offensive performance?

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Von:Cam::Darkseid:Supeeman

Old School Zero

At least my pie was delicious. COME ON, GIVE ME ONE MORE GOOD FOOTBALL PLAY!

Unsurprised

Is your pie both warm and moist?

Doktor Zymm

Hehe, my awesome former coworker doesn’t like Carolina cause they pick up old Bears players and make them less sucky.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dunno if it’s an omen but my (mostly) black cat just walked in the room and started talking. She knows something’s up.

Romonobyl

This game actually has me looking forward to loading the clothes dryer.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I like that Denver tied an older Denver Super Bowl record for sucking on offense

blaxabbath

PUT IT IN THE HANDS OF YOUR DEFENSE?!

This some good ESE-EEE-CEE Fawtball, Pawl

King Hippo

Well, that’s a statement of intent.

Brick Meathook

Jesus Denver, you’re only up by 6 you know

WhyEaglesWhy

Wow. Running on 3rd and 9 there. What am I even watching?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

What is “Why Gary Kubiak Got Fired In Houston”?

ThePirateSloth

“Put up a fight to get every inch” perfectly describes my sex life.

Horatio Cornblower

Are you my wife?

blaxabbath

Tell her #nomore saying #nomore.

Gratliff

Stupid donkeys are stupid

makeitsnowondem

Gary Kubiak is going to give me a mini-stroke.

King Hippo

Me too. But I think he’s right.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow…those stats.
That shitheap of a performance and still within one score.
Wow.

ballsofsteelandfury

Peyton Pick Six? Seems about the right time…

Senor Weaselo

I did call that happening.

Bortleback

Kubes won’t let him throw it again – the offence now exists solely to run the balls three times before they punt and let the D hold the Panthers

King Hippo

This is getting fucking tense now.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Definitely entering the pucker zone.

Horatio Cornblower

Not for me; I’m so hammered Helen Mirren would call me a cunt if I went near a car!

Sill Bimmons

So what are some things people would like to see in the offseason?

Senor Weaselo

Definition on what a catch is.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Ginger Hammer’s head on a plate.

WCS

August

blaxabbath

Brady indictment.

Horatio Cornblower

Peyton Manning get busted for HGH.

God the chaos.

ballsofsteelandfury

My ex naked

Shogun Marcus

An extreme streamlining of the rulebook. It’s gone past blackwatch plaid.

blaxabbath

Listen, Helen Miren, I don’t take advice from fucking anyone who drinks Budweiser. Now give my fucking keys while I take a few shots for the road and tear out of here like a badass motherfucker! WHOOO!!!!!!!!

WCS

BOSS TODD STYLE MUTHAFUCKERS

Horatio Cornblower

For half a second there I thought Helen Mirren was going to let fly with “cunt”, in which case I’dve purchased a case of Bud out of sheer glee.

Unsurprised

Let’s not go too far.

Senor Weaselo

I would have gone with “tosspot,” but “pillock” works too, Helen Mirren.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Pillock is one of my favorites

ThursdaySkyGoddess

“Berkshire hunt” is my favorite. Or “berk” for short.

Sill Bimmons

C U Next Tuesday

Brick Meathook

THAT MADE NO SENSE ON SO MANY LEVELS

Romonobyl

Watch Helen Mirren get busted for twice the limit next weekend.

blaxabbath

I hope someone goes on IMDB and picks out all her costars and directors who have been pegged for DUI.

Gratliff

She should have just said cunt there.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Take the fine. Live forever in advertising history

Recovery Whiskey

Dont be a Pillock

Doktor Zymm

People who drive like assholes while sober though, they’re totally okay.

Sill Bimmons

No matter how much of a drunk I was I never drove that way.

blaxabbath

Attacking drunk drivers? Why is Budweiser attacking their main customer base?

Bortleback

The real MVPs of this game are the punters

theeWeeBabySeamus

THERE!!!! That’s how you take the hit to get the yards.

Romonobyl

If I paid good money to attend this game, I’d seriously consider finding the manager to demand a refund.

theeWeeBabySeamus

And a voucher for free popcorn next year.

The Maestro

Gonna miss you, Beef Moe.

Sill Bimmons

This is an absolute shitpile of a game.

Horatio Cornblower

“Corey Brown is out for the rest of the game with a concussion.”

“Pussy”-last year’s true Super Bowl MVP Julian Edelman

“I like Oreos!”-Trent Green.

blaxabbath

What are these silver squares on the bottom of the backs of DENs jerseys?

Unsurprised

USB ports?

Sill Bimmons

People who name their kid Sylvester are not risk-averse.

Mother Puncher

3rd and long. Repeat until you die .

blaxabbath

Jerry Richardson won’t admit it publicly, but he appreciates seeing white old Wade Phillips really whipping that smile off of Cam.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

“Who says I won’t admit that publicly?”

– Jerry Richardson

Unsurprised

If Ginn somehow makes the game winning catch it will prove Satan is real.

King Hippo

The collective play of these offensive lines…I just can’t even…

theeWeeBabySeamus

A sight to behold.

ThePirateSloth

….. it’s offensive?

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